By the time we finished defacing the city with our pink flyers, Jack and I slumped into a park bench, exhausted. I'd probably inhaled a million and one germs after riding public transport all day, and Jack verged on sleep with his head thrown back, eyes shut. Then I noticed something glinting in the grass nearby. Some sort of... sparkle.

I bent down and picked it up.

Quartz.

Small, flecked with brown on the inside, and caked with dirt. I glanced at Jack and remembered when he'd pulled out a random quartz from his pocket while we were cleaning up the paint. Something he'd probably bought at some hippie spiritual store, but here I'd found one naturally, though this one wasn't totally transparent. 

Of course it reminded me of him. Any time I saw anything rock-related, even a pebble in the middle of the street, it'd remind me of him. Of his room I saw this morning, filled with the things.

I turned the quartz between my index finger and my thumb. What would I do with it? I wasn't the type to store a ton of little trinkets for no reason. Maybe Jack would like it. I could say it was his reward for doing a good job today. What was the worst that could happen? He'd glare at me? He'd reject it? Why did it matter anyway? It wasn't like I cared.

"Hey," I said, startling him. He sat up on the bench and blinked at me. I held out the quartz. "Surprise, I found this on the ground. Want it?"

He took it, careful not to let his hand brush mine. He held it up to the barely-there sunlight and examined it closely. And then he smiled. Small, barely noticeable, but bright nonetheless.

I looked away. "I... is that a yes?"

And then it started raining. Small raindrops plopped on my head and arms, blurring my vision and dampening my clothes.

"Ugh," I groaned, but Jack, still staring at the brown quartz a.k.a. his new best friend, didn't seem to mind.

"We need to get out of here," I told him. "Why does it only rain when I do my hair? Better hope this isn't like the storm last time."

Though he probably wouldn't mind getting soaked, he followed me through the park until we found an empty playground. Not the best temporary shelter, but we ended up sitting under a small plastic roof covering the entryway to one of the slides. 

Unfortunately, with two grown teenagers in a space meant for small children, there was no way to sit without touching each other in some way.

"I doubt it'll rain for more than fifteen minutes," I mumbled, trying to adjust my position. My shoulder was against Jack's shoulder, my right leg against his left. Somehow, he didn't tense at our unnaturally close proximity. And I had this bizarre urge to lean my head on his shoulder, so bizarre I willed the sky to empty itself faster, to eject its rain into the world so we could get out of here sooner rather than later.

"So," I said after several silent minutes, looking out at the pine trees. "I think now is a good time to explain why you're suddenly friends with Seth."

Jack's arm stiffened against mine.

"Really? You're not going to tell me? Fine... something else." I thought of the picture of him and the two little girls at his side. "Do you have any sisters?"

He nodded once.

The girls in the picture had brown skin and curly hair, bearing little resemblance to Jack. Could they be adopted? Kids from his dad's new marriage? Or maybe Danielle had a new husband I didn't know about.

"Why don't you tell me about your dad," I suggested. "Didn't you say you would?"

Putting away the quartz, Jack pulled his phone from his pocket. And moments later...

From Jackass:

only if you told me why you still hang out with the assholes you call friends

"More like assholes you're now calling friends," I scoffed. "What's your plan, Jack? It can't only be Seth with the little games."

He didn't move a muscle.

"You're such a hypocrite," I said.

From Jackass:

answer my question

And then, just because he was getting a little too comfortable for my taste, I did it. Without thinking, I leaned my head against his shoulder. Reveled in how his breath went from steady to sharp, but he didn't shrug me away like expected. Instead, he quickly typed out a text.

From Jackass:

stop trying to distract me

"Oh, now you're admitting I distract you?"

Almost like he knew I was trying to make him tense up, he did the opposite. He leaned into my touch, wrapped his left arm around my waist, and pulled me even closer to him.

This I hadn't expected. This, despite several boyfriends in the past having done way more, was entirely new territory, and I felt my breath halt. Felt myself surrounded by his faint, fruity shampoo scent.

I was too stubborn to move away. To let him see me as uncomfortable as I'd made him. Unfortunately, Jack was just as stubborn as me.

Then the rain, almost as soon as it started, stopped. The perfect excuse to pull myself away from him.

"Time to get out of here," I said, climbing back down using the ladder, but Jack decided to be cool and use the slide.

"To answer your question, though," I began with a sigh, eager for a distraction. "I still hang out with them because I'm bored. A lot. I actually read it was a sociopath thing. That it's not like they're inherently evil, more like inherently bored. And I guess I feel a little less bored with my friends. I don't really like to be alone."

Psychologist #5 had really done a number on me, because what was I doing opening up to him?

But Jack listened carefully. Still sitting at the bottom of the slide, he nodded. His dark green sweater contrasted against the colorful playground but matched all the greenery in the park.

"Now will you tell me about your dad?" I asked. I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't blurt out the phrase daddy issues instead.

He pulled his knees against his chest and frowned at his phone as if he wished it could come up with the words for him. This would be a hundred times easier if he just talked, sparing me from these long silences. They gave me way too much time with my own thoughts, unlike my friends who were always making jokes or insulting each other every two seconds.

Then, finally:

From Jackass:

my parents got divorced when i was 10. there were financial problems. i moved with my mom to the USA.

Financial problems? So maybe Jack wasn't the spoiled rich boy I thought he was.

"Were you always mute?"

i was always shy.

"That's cute."

He glared at me.

"Did you stop talking after you moved to the mainla—to the US?"

it made things worse.

"Do you think the culture shock and all that was part of it?"

He shrugged.

"I had a hard time adjusting to this place too," I admitted. "I moved in... seventh grade? Like in O'ahu I was part of the Asian and hapa majority, but it's different here. I never know if I should tell people I'm from Hawai'i or Brazil, even though my dad moved from there, like, almost thirty years ago. He surfed a lot and wanted to do it professionally, so he came to Hawai'i for the waves. He didn't get famous for surfing, but he did meet Grace. Which probably screwed him up long-term, but hey, at least I'm here. And now I've been in Seattle for years, and I'm even less sure about where I'm from." 

Part of me hoped he'd understand because the last person I told, Psychologist #4, just gave me this blank look and jotted down a note on his clipboard, changing the subject to Grace's stint in prison instead.

From Jackass:

eli told me something similar

I looked at Jack. "When did Eli tell you that?"

Jack's ears turned pink. And after several minutes of me pushing him to answer...

From Jackass:

we used to be friends

"What?" Now this was the gossip of the year. "When!"

middle school

My jaw dropped. Eli had gone to a different middle school than Seth and I, so who knew what type of person he'd been then. Maybe he'd been a total dork like Jack.

"So he basically ditched you once he got to high school? Ditched you for us?"

Jack smirked bitterly.

Jack Michel and Eli Fuentes—who would've thought. Together they could cause a rip in the fabric of spacetime with the sheer force of their brattiness. Maybe for humanity's sake it was best their little friendship had crumbled.

"I can't believe I hooked up with your middle school bestie," I laughed, and Jack made a face. "It just makes it worse because he let Seth push you around. And he never mentioned he knew you before. Wow. This is just as bad as me not telling them about the juvie thing."

Maybe this had something to do with why Jack was now tolerating Seth's antics in the first place.

"Did you talk to Eli?" I then asked. "Did you ever tell him something more than just 'go to hell'?"

Jack stood, staring down at the wood chips surrounding the playground. 

I jogged to catch up with his brisk stride. "What about the people you dated? Did you talk to them?"

He waved me away, probably over my constant chatter, but I couldn't help it. I'd been in Jack mode all day with the flyers, trying to embrace the silence, but my nosiness and boredom got the better of me. 

"You get a kick out of it, don't you?" I asked. "Having people try to figure you out."

He only kept walking, shaking his head again and again.

I followed him. "Sure you do. If you didn't find it entertaining you wouldn't hold back so much information about yourself. You wouldn't put on this quiet persona, which I can tell isn't who you really are."

When he glared at me, it reminded me of the moments before he told me to go to hell. The thrill thrumming in my veins. If I could get him to tell me off, even yell at me, it'd be a victory for the day.

"If I'm wrong, just tell me," I said.

He clenched his hands into fists. Held them stiffly at his sides. Then he took something out from his pocket. In a matter of seconds, he'd walked over to me, grabbed my wrist, and pressed something against the palm of my hand.

The quartz.

I stared at it, suddenly thrown off, suddenly completely, absolutely blank. I'd wanted him to be mad, to tell me off, and this dumb rock was so small in comparison. I should've felt at least a bit pleased, smug, satisfied... I should've felt amusement instead of the nagging hollowness in my chest.

Jack turned his back on me..

"Have fun with Seth and Eli at their party," I called out, though I found my usual capacity for insults impaired. "Don't think it'll make you anything less than a fucking freak."

He ignored me. He simply walked away, leaving me with breaths heavy, white fog clouding my eyes.

I threw the quartz toward the playground. Maybe some kid would find it and stick it in their grubby little mouth. 

I'd told him more about me than I'd ever told anyone—and for what reason, I had no idea; maybe I needed a psychologist after all if I couldn't keep my mouth shut—and all he could do was walk away. I'd probably need to present him with a whole quartz mine just so he'd answer another question.

But why would I want him to anyway? What made him so fascinating in comparison to all the other socially anxious nerds out there?

The Romy from ten minutes ago had leaned her head on his shoulder. The thought of his hand on her waist almost made me scream.

And even now, all I could think about was chasing after him.

Only to be obnoxious? Give him another fake apology? Have him ignore me?

Someone tell me what the hell is wrong with me, I thought.

Not that it mattered. It shouldn't be my responsibility to water myself down. Make myself more appropriate, acceptable, the empathetic and kind Romy everyone wished I was. Shut my mouth, stay quiet, never step on anyone's toes—fuck that. If Jack didn't like it, he didn't need to talk to me. He didn't talk to me period!

Why did I ever think he would?

It doesn't matter, I reminded myself.

Because it was never my responsibility to care. Not about him, not about Grace.

I didn't need to prove anything to anyone.

Not a single thing.

❀     ❀     ❀ 

A/N: Romy being the one to get her feelings hurt—what a twist. Did she cross her boundaries with Jack? What do you think she and Jack are feeling? Hope you enjoyed this slower, introspective chapter. Outside of WP I've been writing a lot of thrillers, so working on something so character-driven without life-or-death stakes (for now 😏) is pretty refreshing. 

❀ rocks mentioned in this chapter ❀

✿ smoky quartz ✿

This chapter is dedicated to MatthewD_Writes! I had some of his poetry in my reading lists for a while, and then one day I noticed that he commented on THIS book back in 2015 😅  He has a story called "Godspeed", and the protagonist is also a boy with selective mutism. I read the whole thing and loved it, and I would recommend it if you like Jack's character 💚 💚