"I knew it!" Seth exclaimed. "I knew there was something weird going on with you and Jack. From the beginning, I knew it."

Nothing could match the mortified expression on Eli's face then. "There's nothing going on, Seth." 

"But there was. And you didn't tell me."

And with that, Eli quickly snapped out of his embarrassment. "Why would I tell you if you would've used it as leverage to bully Jack and call him gay? That was the last thing he needed. And I was actually afraid you would turn on me." He paused to take a breath. "Do you know how afraid I was to tell you I'm pansexual? It made me nauseous. I only did it because I hoped it would give you some fucking sympathy and leave Jack alone."

Seth put his face in his hands. "God damn it. I'm not drunk enough for this. I'm really not, bro."

Jack appeared to think the same, because he started taking long swigs of his beer. Anika watched the scene unfold with a silent calm, not looking any more awkward for being the outsider in these boys' drama.

But also... why hadn't Jack told me? Were we not close enough for that? Was he afraid I'd tell Seth? Additionally, Jack definitely knew that Eli and I were... involved before. It was impossible not to. The whole school practically knew we were hooking up. Was Jack embarrassed to admit that he'd been the first to board the Eli train?

I couldn't believe it. Had we all been transported into a harem anime with Jack as the main love interest? This "love square" between me, Jack, Eli, and Seth was getting weirder and weirder. Only Anika had the luck not to be involved.

Everyone was quiet. Nearby, a group of kids held bright sparklers as they splashed their feet in the shallow waves and laughed.

"So, uh, you like boys, too?" Seth asked Jack.

Jack let out a long breath and finished the rest of his beer. "Sometimes," he admitted, his voice quieter than before. More hesitant like he was having a harder time pushing the words out. "And you were the reason I didn't admit it to anyone. Not even myself. Because you can't admit it to yourself. Instead you decided to keep bothering me for two years." He looked at Eli. Then at me. "While you two watched."

I raised an eyebrow. Huh. He'd waited for just the right moment to reveal the thing with Eli, hadn't he? He must've been practicing for weeks. Jack the mastermind? Who would've thought...

"I'm really, really sorry, Jack," Eli said, tipsy, his tone bordering on begging. "I don't know how to come back from that. I'm a total fool. I didn't want to... I didn't want Seth to turn against me. Why I cared, I have no idea."

Jack gave him an unimpressed look.

Seth did the same. "So what you're saying is you pretended to be my friend so I wouldn't treat you like Jack?

"I wasn't pretending," Eli said. "To be honest, I don't even remember how we got to be friends."

Seth scoffed, "Yeah, right. You remember everything." Then, sighing, he told Jack, "Listen. I'm sorry too, okay?"

Jack put up his hood, a gesture I'd seen many times on this trip. He rarely ever took that blue hoodie off. "I'm not angry about it anymore. But it was nice giving you bruises and bloody noses."

"Uh, okay? We cool, then?"

Eli interjected: "First, how about you admit that you had a crush on him? You couldn't handle it, so you started bullying him instead. Do you know how easily that could've been me?"

"You don't need to speak for me, Eli," Jack muttered, his voice soft and hoarse, like the strength to speak was slowly fading.

"Yeah," Seth agreed. His face went bright red—something I'd rarely seen. "Let him stand up for himself if he wants. And don't even get me started with the questions."

Eli smiled bitterly. "Alright then. I won't force you to answer. But you feel that pressure? That's exactly the pressure you put on Jack with your invasive questions. And now you're backing down like a coward."

Seth stood up. "I just kissed you in a motherfucking public beach, and you're calling me a coward?"

"Kissing me during spin the bottle isn't the bravery you think it is, Seth."

"Fuck you. I'm trying my best. I'm trying to be nice to all of you motherfuckers, and you keep spitting in my face. What do you want me to say? That I had a thing for Jack? Fine. I'll admit it."

"Had?" Jack asked challengingly.

Seth groaned. His face flushed redder. "Yeah, had. Past tense. Who cares? Why does it matter? It was nothing anyway. Why are we talking about this gay shit now? That's not how I need to start the new motherfucking year."

"Gay shit?" Eli laughed. "To be honest, Seth, Jack and I have a lot more straightness in us than you."

He glared down at Eli. "I'm so done, bro. I'm really wanting to fight your ass right now."

Eli got up to look at Seth face to face. "Be my guest."

"Shall we start placing bets?" Anika asked.

But Seth only sat back down. "I hate this. You're just trying to get me to admit that I'm a fucking fag."

And then he burst into tears. It didn't seem like a thing Seth could physically do, but he was doing it, crying into his hands. As for me, I was still tipsy and trying to process how fast things had escalated. The alcohol had really brought some unresolved tension to the surface, it seemed.

And Eli started laughing. He clutched his stomach and rolled around on the sand and laughed and laughed and laughed.

"What's your problem?!" Seth snapped at Eli.

"You admitted it!" Eli wheezed. "About time, Seth. Oh my God. It all makes sense. Your gross homophobia. Your weird jokes."

Seth's crying ceased immediately. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"You're such a sadistic little shit, you know that? I take back that kiss. Asshole."

Eli sat up. For a second, his face fell. Did he feel bad about how harsh he'd been? A common thing with him—he'd take it too far and regret it later. One thing he and Seth had in common. And maybe Seth liked that Eli challenged him so much. Not everyone had the patience for it.

Anika glanced around as more and more people stepped onto the beach. Without checking the time, she said, "It's almost twelve."

We all stood up. I looked at my phone. "11:58, to be exact."

Seth sniffled. My head was a mess of half-formed thoughts. Any conflict between the boys paused as we waited the two minutes until midnight. Five of us and then dozens more lined up on the beach. Some held up their phones to record the incoming fireworks. All sorts of different music blasted from speakers.

Maybe that was my favorite thing about New Year's. The world went on pause, holding its breath for the single moment a year turned into the next. Even though the concepts of years and dates were all made-up anyway. Which only made it cooler. Billions of people linked together under an illusion.

Jack's hand brushed mine. I looked up at him as the crowd started counting down.

"FIVE!"

With all the spin the bottle, it didn't look like anyone here needed a New Year's kiss.

"FOUR!"

Seth wiped his eyes. Eli stood back, arms crossed over his chest, lost in his own head despite the excited energy in the air. Anika watched the sky with a hopeful twinkle in her eyes. And I realized... I'd never seen her look happier.

"THREE!"

"Ich liebe dich, Blüme girl," Jack said, grabbing my hand for real this time.

"TWO!"

"What's that?" I asked.

"ONE!"

Fireworks, one after the other, lit up the night. Red. Gold. Green. Blue. They dissipated into glittering mist, only to be replaced by an even more colorful blast. But my gaze went to Jack. He took out a blue stone from his pocket.

"Blue kyanite, I remember," I said, raising my voice over the cheering all around us, hazy and unreal compared to how vivid his hand felt in mine. "Wasn't that one about speaking your truth?"

He nodded.

"You really did that tonight, huh?"

He pulled me close, pressing his lips against my forehead—my New Year's kiss.

"Danke for being my blue kyanite," he whispered.

"Danke for being my rose quartz," I said, smiling.

Jack pulled back, his eyes wide. And, as I let him process what I said, I turned to glance at the others. I'd felt so detached from them before. Detached from the juvie days with Anika. Detached from the meaningless partying with Seth and Eli. Detached from everything. And, in the last few days, although I still felt some degree of detachment and indifference to most things, it wasn't this overwhelming emptiness.

My friends were growing, evolving, shedding old skin. Just like I was. The versions of Romy who first met them weren't quite gone. And there was still something linking me to them. Something beyond the alcohol and dumb jokes and drama. Something beyond the superficial recklessness.

What if Jack wasn't the only one I was capable of caring about? In a way, I cared about all of them. Even Eli's stuck-up self. It didn't need to last. Nothing did. But my friendship with everyone here—even Jack—had lasted so much longer than I thought possible.

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After witnessing the New Year's excitement at the beach—cheering and fireworks and people jumping into the ocean—we walked back to the Airbnb. I expected Seth to try and convince us to stay longer, but he'd been quiet since the spin the bottle game. He and Eli slumped onto the couch. Jack made himself another drink.

I texted Talia. Everything good? She sent back a thumbs up. At 1:00 a.m. on New Year's, most people were still in the early stages of partying, including her.

While us at the Airbnb seemed to be in the early stages of an existential crisis.

"I'm sorry I wasn't honest earlier," Eli said.

Jack, throwing back another shot of vodka, laughed a little and muttered, "I'm not."

Seth crossed his arms. "I don't blame you two for not telling me. It's fine; I know I was homophobic or whatever. Just fucks with my head."

"Why were you homophobic anyway?" I asked. "Seattle's probably one of the most gay-friendly cities."

Seth rubbed his eyes. "My family, uh. They're not... I don't know. Explaining would make it sound like an excuse. But I don't have an excuse. I just like to get a rise out of people." He leaned back, raising his arms over his head. "Are we done talking about this? You all know now, but I don't need anyone going around telling people I might be into dick. Got it?"

"I won't tell," Anika said sleepily, laying her head against the armrest.

"It's not you I'm worried about," Seth reassured. "I trust you." He looked at Eli and Jack. "It's those two little shits I don't trust."

"Seth, I would never out you," Eli said. "I just wanted you to admit it to yourself so you can move forward."

"I won't tell anyone," Jack said. "I'm mute."

Seth burst into laughter. "Like hell you are! You're talking right now."

Jack poured more vodka into a cup. "Because... I am intoxicated."

That made two of us. Even though it'd been a while since my last drink, my thoughts were still slow, lagging behind themselves.

I went out to the deck for fresh air. The stars greeted me again. Loud pop pop pops sounded nearby—fireworks. People must've been illegally setting them off, and with the next pop, I saw a little ember of light rising in the sky before shattering into blue.

Behind me, the sliding glass door opened, and Jack stepped out. He stood next to me, looking up at the same stars I'd been watching.

"So, you and Eli," I began. "Forgive my nosiness, but what was that all about?"

Jack took a long sip of his cup before answering. "We were... friends. We both thought we were straight. Until things became complicated."

"How complicated?"

Under the influence of alcohol, he easily spilled the story out: "It was still a secret when we started high school. He didn't want that. He wanted to be open. He wanted me to meet his family. I was afraid." A pause as Jack's breaths grew shaky. "I used to talk to him in eighth grade. But my anxiety got worse. I became more quiet. I isolated myself. We started drifting away. Then..." He sighed. "Eli became friends with you and Seth. And Seth started bothering me. I still cared about Eli until he did what he did. Pretended not to know me. Acted like I was a stranger."

Huh, a little shit indeed. Then again, we were all like, fifteen.

"Now you tell me what happened with Eli," Jack said, clasping a hand over the wooden rail lining the deck. "Were you dating him?"

I chuckled. "Oh, right. He wanted to. I didn't. I'm more of a no-strings-attached type of girl. But I guess I liked him?"

"You... guess?"

"It's hard to tell," I said. "Except with you. With you, it's obvious."

Jack pulled at the collar of his hoodie, smiling cheekily to himself.

"Are you pansexual, too?" I asked.

He shrugged, words starting to slur. "Bi is probably fine... I didn't have a problem accepting it until Seth." He frowned. "Does it... change how you think of me?"

"Why would it?"

He pulled his hood over his head. "My ex thought it was weird. She thought I was actually gay because of how I am. Isolated. Quiet. Not... open. I'm not sure what that has to do with being gay. I think she was worried I didn't feel... attracted to her. I told her I'm just autistic and very, very shy. I don't express feelings in the way others expect."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Not because of what he said, but the fact we were having an open, honest conversation. Romy from a month ago would've been shocked to her core. For him to be sharing this much... it meant he trusted me. A lot.

I leaned against the railing. "It doesn't change anything at all, Jack. I was raised in a pretty accepting family. Even Greta who's super Catholic never had any prejudice toward LGBTQ or anything."

He nodded.

"But just to confirm," I said. "The ex you're talking about is that nerdy girl who would sit next to you at lunch sometimes, right?"

"...how do you know that?"

"I could tell by the way she looked at you."

"You were... observing me?"

"Yeah," I admitted, a little hesitant. "Even though you didn't talk, you kind of command attention, you know that?"

"That's... both flattering and horrifying." He pulled the strings of his hoodie, making his hood shrink around his face. "Maybe you just had a crush on me from the start."

I scoffed, "A crush? Nah, I'm just nosey. But I'll admit that I subconsciously always thought you were attractive."

"How? You're so... outgoing. Like with the customers at the flower shop. And you're pretty. And alpha like Seth said. Confident without needing to force it. You... hold yourself like you know all the answers. No... you're okay with not knowing all the answers yet. Because you know you'll figure it out. The opposite of me." He pulled down his hood and looked at me. We could only faintly see each other because I hadn't turned on the porch light, hoping it'd help the stars appear brighter. "I really care about you, Romy. I always will."

My smile faded. Maybe he would find someone else to "care about" in Germany. Meanwhile, I wasn't sure I would—not that I wanted to. The idea of having feeeeelings for someone other than Jack was repulsive. But I doubted he thought the same.

"What was that you told me during the countdown?" I asked without meeting his gaze.

"Can I send it in a text? And you translate?"

"Sure."

After he sent the text, I said, "You did really good back there on the beach. With, you know, talking and all."

"I felt braver because I know I'm moving soon." He finished off the rest of his cup. "Okay, I'm only asking because I'm drunk. I... would you... ever... consider... coming with me?

Going to a foreign country where I didn't speak the language and had no business or education prospects?

"I'd visit," I said. "But I need to stay here for now. You know, college and all. And the flower shop."

He simply nodded. Silence came over us. We listened to the faint crashing of the waves. The occasional cheer or yell from the people still partying on the beach. Honking cars. The illegal fireworks going off every few minutes.

I'd accepted him moving to Germany by now. I couldn't change it. I didn't want to change it. I felt no urge to cry or anything, but even if I did, I wouldn't let myself. Not only would I look like a weak, foolish, lovesick bitch, but I didn't want to influence Jack in any way to change his mind. That wouldn't be exactly fair, would it?

His words played again in my head, laced with his tipsy German accent: You're okay with not knowing all the answers yet. Because you know you'll figure it out.

Yeah. Now I had to figure out how to keep it together. Now I had to figure out how not to fall apart the moment he was gone. 

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A/N: And that concludes the New Year's segment! What did you think??

If you were Romy, would you go to Germany with Jack? Why or why not?

Now I'd like to present this love square chart I made for Romy, Jack, Eli, and Seth. It's honestly hilarious to me; I love it. With so many connections I think the best option is to have them all just be together 😂 The potential for drama is limitless.

On a slightly more serious note, revealing Jack's past with Eli was a decision that I thought over for a while. In the first draft of this story, I assumed he was straight, but throughout this re-write, I found myself re-thinking that assumption. It does feel intimidating to reveal that the love interest in a straight romance is also into guys—mostly because of the prejudice and erasure pan/bisexual guys experience. I've found that readers on Wattpad are some of the most accepting, and I've rarely received any homophobic or biphobic comments. This is such a wonderful platform to share stories that defy traditional norms and tropes. And once again, I'd like to thank you all for reading ❤️❤️❤️