Jamie

I walk into Social Studies class and see that Will is sitting at his usual seat, smiling and typing away at his phone. I already know things went well between him and his mystery girl last night, so I guess he's texting her. What I don't know, is whether or not Noah has talked to him much today. Specifically, I don't know if Noah will have told Will everything he got up to last night... I really fucking hope not. I take a deep breath before walking over and taking my usual seat at the desk next to Will.

"Howdy, Hawkins." Will greets me without looking up from his phone. This is good. He would be all excited if he knew anything.

"Hey, Will." I dump my bag down under my desk and pull out my own phone. This class is fucking pointless. It should be called 'Social Media Studies' instead of Social Studies. Everyone just sits on their phones the entire time.

"So, how'd the final study session go with our boy last night?" Will asks me, putting his phone down and giving me his undivided attention. Our boy? What the hell does he mean by that?

"Um, fine." I reply carefully. "We finished our assignment. Didn't Noah tell you that?"

"He may have mentioned it, yeah. But we had more exciting things to talk about this morning." Will smiles at me and waits for me to respond. Exciting things? Shit.

"Um, like what?" I ask.

"My new status as a taken man!" He beams at me. Okay, this is fine. He asked his girl out, that's all he's thinking about. Phew.

"Awesome. So, you officially have a girlfriend now?" I ask, relieved that this is just about him.

"I do indeed. It went really well last night, I'm excited about it." He smiles to himself and checks his phone. No new messages, I note.

"So, are you gonna give me a name now?" I ask. I still don't know who this mystery girl is. I don't really care, but anything to keep the conversation off of me and Noah.

"Not today, no." He replies coolly. "She wants to talk to her friends and her parents first before we go around telling people. And I'm taking her to the Halloween Dance tomorrow night. We'll make our debut as an official couple then."

He looks a little sheepish now, which is actually really cute. He's nervous about parading his new girlfriend around at a college dance? He really must have it bad for this girl.

"That's cool." I tell him. "Have you told you parents?" I raise an eyebrow at him. His parents are assholes, and they're utter snobs. He's gotta be nervous about bringing this girl around to meet them.

"No, I haven't." His face falls. Yeah, he is dreading telling his parents about his new girlfriend, as I suspected. "That's another thing I wanna deal with before I go around telling people."

He takes a deep breath before shaking it off and smiling at me again. "But, I don't care what my mom and dad think about her. I'll deal with that later today. If they're not happy, they can fuck off."

He laughs, and I find myself smiling. I'm glad he isn't letting his parents dictate his actions anymore. Good for him.

"So what about you?" He asks me. "Do you have an actual date to the dance? Or are you going with one of the guys?"

"I'm not going with one of the guys, I'm going with all three of them." I inform him, and he laughs.

"So the four of you are going stag then?"

"Hmm, not really. I'll call Jay my date, and Patrick and Joel always have each other." We both laugh. "We don't need dates, Will. This isn't High School anymore. We are allowed to attend events such as dances on our own."

"I know, I was just curious." He says, eyeing me with a wicked grin. What is he getting at here...?

"Aubrey's going with John, Kim's going with Zach, and I'm going with my girl. That leaves Noah..." He trails off, and his smile spreads. Shit. What the hell is he saying?

"What about Noah?" I ask nervously. Has Noah said something to him? About me?

"Nothing. I just thought he might have asked you to the dance last night, you know? Considering how well you guys are getting along now."

Okay, I'm just being paranoid. That was a totally innocent comment. He knows nothing.

"I told Noah to ask you to the dance this morning. He talked to me about you. Thought I'd give him a little encouragement."

Fuck. He knows!

"Will...whatever he said about me..." I start, panicking because Will knows I slept with Noah last night. This is a disaster! I don't know how to handle this! He cuts me off, though.

"He didn't say much, to be honest." Will says with a shrug, and I relax a little. "Just that you guys got along well last night. He likes you, I know he does. Like I said, he just needs some encouragement."

Okay, maybe he doesn't know we had sex. Thank God. I breathe a sigh of relief, before shutting this down. I don't wanna talk about Noah anymore. Not today.

"Thanks Will. Noah and I are cool. That's it." I straighten up in my seat and turn to fully face him. "So, tell me about your new girlfriend. What's she like? Did she die of shock when she saw your enormous penis?"

He frowns at me in alarm, before laughing and launching into an explanation of how amazing his girlfriend is. Good. I successfully managed to get the topic of conversation off of me and Noah, and that's all that matters. I barely listen to him as he goes on and on about how awesome this girl is, without actually telling me who she is. Whatever. I'm not interested, to be perfectly honest. All I can seem to think about is Noah Adams. And annoyingly, Madison Hudson. And what might be going on between those two...

***

Friday night, after successfully purchasing my costume for the dance at the mall with Aubrey and Kim this afternoon (I'm going as Cinderella) and I'm waiting for the guys to show up for band practice. I'm sitting on the sofa in my garage, holding my guitar and singing. My fingers are doing their job, and my voice sounds like it usually does, but my heart's not in it. The reason? I just can't stop thinking about my hook up with Noah. It's fucking consuming me. And I've came to the decision that I need to talk to someone about it. I need to try and deal with whatever the fuck I'm feeling. I need to vent. The only question is - who do I tell?

I consider telling Aubrey, but there's too much risk. She might tell John, or Kim. There's also Erin, of course. But, she might tell Sarah. And then there's Jay. I know he won't tell anyone, besides maybe Patrick and Joel. I always talk to the guys about this kind of thing. It'll be fine. When they get over here, I'll tell them I had sex with Noah last night. I just need to rip the band aid off and tell them. Then, they can help me work through the confusion flooding my brain cells about it. Male perspective is always good on this type of thing. Well, maybe not Patrick's perspective. But Joel and Jay may be able to offer some good advice. It's decided, I'll talk to them about it as soon as they get here. Where the hell are they, anyway?

I put down my guitar and pick up my phone to check the time, and Jesus Christ I have a new message from Noah. My heart races as I open the message and read it.

Noah, 19:36pm: Hey, is everything okay? Kinda got the feeling you didn't wanna talk to me this morning.

He got the feeling I didn't wanna talk to him? Well, no shit. I practically ran away from him in the hallway this morning. And now he's texting me asking if everything's okay. Why am I so surprised by this? I mean - we slept together. The decent thing to do is talk to me afterwards, rather than run for the hills like most guys would do after a hook up. He literally hasn't done anything wrong here. He told me he liked me, he tried to talk to me this morning, and he's texting me now. He's trying.

But, I'm not. You'd think I'd be happy. The boy I like told me he likes me too, then we had amazing sex, and now he's putting in an effort to talk to me. I'm the one being weird about this. But, I mean, he also told me he can't be my boyfriend. So how does he expect me to feel today? Happy? Happy that we hooked up, but that's it? I don't get to date him, or call him mine, or anything else? I don't know what he's thinking, or what he wants from me. There's only one thing I know for sure; he can't be my boyfriend.

I sigh and put my phone down. I don't wanna reply to him. Because there's something else that's bothering me. Madison Hudson. She wants him, I know she does, and as far as I know, she's maybe already had him. Just like I have. She was laughing with him outside college this morning, tossing her hair and parading herself like the exhibitionist she is. And he was smiling right back at her, and laughing along with her. And it's pissing me off.

I do not like Madison. Not one bit. She's ruthless, and cunning, and above all else, she's a complete bitch. I'll never forget that day in High School when she marched right up to me and Erin and told me she'd been making out with Will under the bleachers the entire time he'd been dating me. She swore she didn't know he was dating me at the time, but I don't know. I wouldn't put it past her. She was so obsessed with Will back then, I know she would have fooled around with him if the opportunity presented itself, whether he was available or not.

And now she has her sights set on Noah, Will's roommate. Typical behaviour for her. That bitch. She probably doesn't even like Noah. She's probably just trying to flaunt herself around Will. Fuck if I know. I just know it's bothering me.

"What's up, J2?" Patrick says, as he, Jay and Joel walk into my garage from my front yard through the open door.

Time for band practice. And I'm not telling them shit about Noah. I just decided.

After playing a few of our heavier songs (at my request, I wanted to blow off some steam, and it worked) we are now playing a slow, acoustic number. We're all sitting down now; Jay and I are playing our acoustic guitars, and Joel and Patrick are sitting on the sofa opposite us. Joel's listening intently, and Patrick's on his phone. My fingers and voice are doing what they need to do, but again, my heart's not in it. I put my guitar down as the song ends. Honestly, I've kinda had enough of this for one night. I sit back and sigh.

"Something on your mind, Jame?" Joel asks, eyeing me with concern.

"Nah, I'm all good. A little tired, that's all." I say dismissively, standing up and walking over to the mini fridge. I could use a beer.

"You sure?" Jay asks, putting his guitar down as I rejoin him on the sofa. "You do seem distracted."

"I'm fine, Jay." I snap at him before taking a sip of my beer.

I lower the bottle down from my lips slowly, realising what I've done. I shouldn't have snapped back at Jay. These guys know me better than anyone else in the world, and they know when something's bothering me. Patrick has put his phone down, and has commenced eyeing me suspiciously, just like Joel and Jay. For God sake, there's no getting away from this now. They won't let up about it until I come clean about what's bugging me. But, I don't wanna tell them about Noah. Not anymore. I'm too confused about the whole thing. I need more time to process. So, instead of admitting that I slept with Noah last night...

"I made out with Shaun Campbell." I blurt out.

Joel raises his eyebrows, startled by my admission. Jay frowns, and I can see the cogs turning in his brain; he's wondering when and where this happened, and why I didn't tell him about it already. And Patrick's face contorts into a look of sheer horror, because he hates Shaun. I roll my eyes and wait. Jay is the first to speak.

"When?" Is all he says.

"At the beach party, after I talked to Will and Noah. Shaun followed me to the caves and it just sort of happened." I shrug my shoulders and continue sipping my beer. Why didn't I come clean about this sooner? It doesn't mean a god damn thing to me. But, if this news will throw them off the scent of what's really occupying all of my thoughts tonight, that's fine by me. We can talk about Shaun as much as they want to.

"He followed you to the caves?! That is fucking creepy!" Patrick says in disgust.

"It wasn't like that. He knew I was upset, he wanted to make sure I was okay." I say.

"And shoving his tongue down your throat was the best way to do that?" Patrick says, still looking horrified. "I'm never touching you again."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, Patrick." I snap at him. "He's good looking, and yes, I made out with him. But I still think he's an ass."

"Preach it." Patrick says, finally relaxing about this.

"What's your problem with him, anyway?" Joel asks Patrick. "Have you ever even talked to him for more than 5 minutes? He's okay."

"He's not okay. He's an ass. Right, Jame?" Patrick says, sounding very smug. I ignore him.

"So, do you, like, like him?" Jay asks me awkwardly.

"Hell no." I reply quickly. "Didn't you hear what I just said?"

"She said he's an ass. Try to pay attention." Patrick says to Jay, and I laugh.

"Right..." Jay isn't buying it. "He's an ass, but you made out with him. And nothing more?"

"Nothing more. We made out at the caves, and that's it." Well, not entirely... "And then again the night of your house party."

"What!?" Jay practically explodes, and I almost drop my beer. Jesus, man.

"Oh, so it's not okay for me to hook up at your house, but it's okay for J2 to do it?" Patrick says, frowning at Jay. I honestly can't tell if he's kidding or not. "Fucking double standards."

"I didn't hook up with him! We just made out again. And it wasn't in your house Jay, it was here." I say quickly, because Jay looks furious. He relaxes a little.

"Here?!" Patrick sounds alarmed now. Christ, this conversation isn't going how I intended it to.

"Well, no, not right here on this fucking couch." I say. "Upstairs. He drove me home from Jay's house, we had a drink, we made out again, then he left. That's it."

"That's it?" Jay asks me dubiously.

"I swear!"

"So, you've made out with him twice." Joel states calmly. "Are you sure you don't like him?"

"Believe me, I do not have feelings for Shaun Campbell. He's been coming on to me since school started. I've given in twice, purely because he's hot. I do not like him." How could I, when I'm so consumed by my feelings for Noah? I don't tell them that, though.

"Why didn't you tell us about this sooner? The beach party was a while ago. It's not like you to hide stuff from us." Jay says, the accusation clear in his tone. I know what he's thinking.

"Jay, I haven't told anyone. Anyone." I raise my eyebrows at him, so that he gets the message. He's worried in case I've confided in Erin about this. He's been my best friend since I was fucking born. It's not a competition between him and Erin, he shouldn't need any assurances about that.

"Okay then." He says, but he's still frowning. "I don't like this, though. You're always so open about this stuff. What was with the secrecy?"

"I don't know!" I say, throwing my hands up in irritation. "I didn't think it was a big deal, okay? I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner. But you know now, and that's the end of it. Conversation closed."

"You know what? No. Conversation not closed." Jay says to me, before turning his attention towards Joel and Patrick on the other couch. "No more secrets. We're The Middle. We're family. We're always open and honest with each other, so no more hiding secret beach cave kisses. That goes for all of us."

Joel turns his head to face Patrick and smirks at him. Patrick tries to suppress a laugh. Yeah, I don't need to hear about all of Patrick's secret beach cave kisses, I don't have all night.

"You know what I mean!" Jay says, rolling his eyes at Patrick and Joel. "Obviously, only significant stuff is important." That last part was just for Patrick.

"Good, because Shaun Campbell is insignificant to me." I say, smiling at Jay. "But like I said, I won't keep stuff from you in future. I promise."

Besides the fact that I fucked Noah last night...

"Thank you, Jamie." Jay nods his head at me, relaxing a little.

"Well, since we're sharing, I actually have something I wanted to tell you guys." Joel says, grabbing my complete attention.

"You have the floor." Jay says, gesturing towards Joel with unnecessary formality. Patrick laughs, and I chuckle.

"I've been seeing someone."

I immediately jump up from my seat and rush over to Joel, jumping on top of him and squealing like a piglet. I am extremely excited, and I wasn't expecting this at all!

"Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod! You like someone! You actually like someone! I can't believe it!" I exclaim, hugging Joel as he laughs and tries to push me off of him.

"Calm down, J2. I don't think his girlfriend would be too happy about that." Patrick says, because I'm sitting on Joel's lap with my arms around his neck. I don't give a fuck, I'm too excited!

"Shut up, P!" I do move though, because Jay is probably less than impressed by this. I shove Patrick over, making room for me between him and Joel on the couch. I need to be near Joel, I need to hear about this girl he's been seeing! "Tell us about her!"

Joel laughs at me. "I will, but it's still early days. I don't know how I feel about her yet, I wanna see how things progress first."

Hang on a second. Is he actually not gonna tell me who she is!? What the hell!? First Will, now Joel?! What is it with these boys and their respect for girls' privacy?! Okay, so that's not exactly a bad thing. But still! This is extremely frustrating.

"That's cool." Jay says casually. "You obviously feel good about it though, right?"

"I do." Joel smiles over at Jay.

"Happy for you, dude." Jay replies.

"Who is she!?" I practically yell into Joel's face. He just smiles at me and shakes his head.

"I will tell you, just let me figure it out for myself first, yeah?" He says to me kindly, and I pout in protest. I whip my head around to face Patrick.

"Did you know about this already?!" I demand. He raises an eyebrow at me and shakes his head.

"I haven't said anything to anyone." Joel assures me. "You know you guys would be the first to hear about anything like that."

He's right, I do know that. Okay, I'm calm now. But still, I need more details.

"Okay, fine. You're not gonna tell us who she is. But, you can tell us a little about her." I say, shoving Patrick over more. He protests as I lay my head down on his thigh, while swinging my legs up and resting them on Joel's lap. I'm comfy, I have a perfect view of Joel. Story time. "When did you meet? Where? What have you been doing with her?"

"These are actually good questions." Patrick contributes, whilst absentmindedly picking up handfuls of my hair and throwing it over my face. Asshole. "When exactly have you been seeing this girl? I would have noticed, right?"

"Would you?" Joel says, raising an eyebrow at Patrick. I laugh, and Patrick tosses more of my hair onto my face. I thump him on the leg in protest.

"Fair point." Patrick says. He's too busy fucking every girl in North Bridge to monitor all of Joel's movements in and out of their apartment.

"Well, you know we're here for you when you do wanna tell us about her. Congrats again, dude." Jay says from the other sofa.

"Okay, I guess it's my turn now." Patrick says, and I crane my neck to look up at