Jamie

"Shit, you guys need to leave." I look up from my phone at Jay, Joel and Patrick. We've been rehearsing in my garage. Rehearsal is now over.

"Why?" Jay asks as he stops playing his guitar.

"Noah's on his way over here. I told him I met Sarah, he's probably freaking out." I explain.

"Why would he be freaking out though?" Patrick asks casually as he pulls his headband off of his head and tosses it at me, getting up from the stool behind his drums. "There's apparently nothing going on between the two of you, so why would he care that you've met his old girlfriend?"

"She's not an old girlfriend. She's a friend." Joel clarifies.

"Right. I don't know, stuff has happened between me and Noah. And Sarah told me things about him. Private things. He's gonna be panicking."

Sarah has already messaged me to let me know that Noah just called her. She played it totally cool and told him we barely talked about him. I really do like Sarah.

"Okay, we'll leave." Jay says, putting his guitar down. "You sure you can handle him on your own?"

"Of course I can!" I frown at Jay. "He's a boy, not a dragon."

"He may not be a dragon, but that doesn't mean you aren't playing with fire." Joel says. Damn, I walked right into that one. "You told us you wanna keep your distance from him and try to get over how you feel about him. Him coming over here right now is the complete opposite of that."

"I know, he just wants to talk to me about Sarah. That's it. Now can you please leave? He'll be here any minute!"

"Christ, how fast does this guy walk?" Patrick says, grinning at me.

"I don't know, but he's on the Track Team, so go!" I usher them out the garage door and close it behind them. Jay drove them over here, they won't run into Noah.

Fuck. Joel has a point though. This isn't a good idea. But I knew he'd wanna talk to me about Sarah. Did I think he would march straight over here as soon as he found out? No way. But it's happening.

As soon as the doorbell rings, I rush to answer the door. He didn't run, he would have been here sooner if he had. But he looks dishevelled. This Sarah thing must really be bothering him. He marches past me, briefly stroking Benji on the head, and makes directly for the kitchen. I swallow, hard. He looks great, as always. 

"So, you met Sarah." He says, turning on me as soon as I enter the kitchen behind him.

"Yeah, I did. I went to New York yesterday to visit my friend Erin, turns out they're roommates at NYU. Small world, huh?"

"Yeah." I pause, thinking he'll say something else. But nothing more comes out of his mouth. I watch him carefully, because I'm unsure how he's feeling right now. He seems pissed. But he also seems....

He's looking me up and down, and instantly I feel an awareness sweep over me. I'm wearing cotton pyjama shorts and a black vest top. I should have thrown something else on before he got here. The way his eyes are sliding up and down my legs is making me feel extremely exposed right now.

"We're cool though, right?" I ask tentatively, because I don't know what else to say right now.

He takes a step towards me, and then another, effectively closing the distance between us. I feel my breathing hitch as I look up at him. He's so tall, and standing this close, I need to tilt my head up to meet his eyes. They aren't meeting mine though, they're still surveying my body, from head to toe. I don't know what to do, so I don't do anything. I wait.

He reaches out and takes me by the hand. "We both know that this thing between us isn't just gonna go away."

I can't breathe. What does he mean? This thing between us? This crazy sexual tension? What do I say?

"Um, it might." Awesome.

"Yeah, it might. If we do something about it." He pulls me towards him by the hand, still not meeting my eyes. I allow him to completely close the space between us. I should be stopping this. But I'm not. The heat between my thighs is not allowing me to act rationally. I shouldn't have kicked the guys out, this would not be happening right now if they were still here. I'm glad I made them leave.

"You know what we need to do, don't you?" He says, making absolutely no move to kiss me. His voice is low though, and I know he wants me. I want him. But I can't. I need to fight this.

I take a step back from him and drop his hand from mine. "Yeah, we need to finish our assignment for English Lit."

I clear my throat and turn away, but the devilish smile on his face tells me that he knows how much he's effecting me. And he's not gonna give up so easily.

"The first time I came back here, when we ended up in your guest bedroom together. You wanted to have sex with me, didn't you?" 

I turn back to face him and blink a few times. He knows I did. I told him. And I was not happy when he left me hanging. Why is he bringing that up now?

"Yeah, I did...You were the one that put a stop to it. What does that have to-" He cuts me off.

"Right, I put a stop to it." He takes a step towards me, invading my personal space again. "I was trying to be decent, because I barely knew you. And I hadn't been clear about my intentions." 

He hadn't told me that it would have just been meaningless sex for him. He was worried that I would end up falling in love with him after fucking him once, like that's how it works. He needed to know that I was up for a one-time, casual thing. 

"Well, you know what I want now." He says, his eyes on my lips. I do know what he wants. I want it to. But I can't. Not now. 

"Noah, I can't give you what you want." My voice is small, but my words have the effect I expected them to. This startles him, and he steps back from me. So, I go on. "I can't have sex with you, as much as I want to. Not anymore." 

He frowns, confused. "What's changed? After that first night, you told me you would have been cool about it?"

"I know, and I would have been." I sigh and look away from him, "I can't promise that now."

His frown deepens. He doesn't understand what I'm getting at at all. I don't wanna admit that I have feelings for him, because I know he doesn't feel that way about me. But, as usual, my mouth opens and I say exactly what I'm thinking. 

"I like you now, Noah. So I can't allow anything else to happen with you." I meet his eyes, and he still looks confused, so I clarify. "As in, I like you. As in, I am attracted you in more ways than one. And I know you're not about that, and you don't like me, and I've probably just ruined whatever type of friendship we had before now, but, there it is. I don't want to, but I can't help it. You're against relationships, you're Will's roommate, you've slept with god knows how many girls. There's nothing about you that's screaming take him home to meet the family, as if I would ever even be able to do that. But, you can't help how you feel."

Well, Sarah thought I should be honest with him about how I feel. She's his friend, she's known him for years. And the look on his face right now tells me that she could not have been more wrong about this. Terrible advice, Sarah. I'll let her know later. He looks like he wants nothing more than to run out of my house and never look back, which was to be expected. He's a relationship-phobe. And I'm a crazy girl that's standing here telling him that I like him. I wish I was a better liar sometimes. 

"You don't need to say anything." I take a step back from him, because he looks like he needs some breathing space. "You can leave if you want."

His eyes dart over to the kitchen door, before returning to me. His inner asshole is having an internal battle with his desire to be a decent guy. So, I give him another out.

"Noah, just go. I'm fine."

He opens his mouth, like he's about to say something. But he doesn't. He walks out of the kitchen, and seconds later I hear my front door open and close. I sit down at the kitchen table, put my head in my hands, and take a shaky breath. I give myself a moment to come to terms with what just happened, before picking up my phone and sending a message. 

Me @ The Middle, 21:38pm: I'll love you all forever if we can skip the Open Mic this Thursday. We could play tomorrow night instead maybe? And just jam at my place on Thurs? Pretty please. 

Patrick @The Middle, 21:39pm: You'll love us all forever regardless. I'm good with that. We haven't done a Wednesday at the Grill in months. 

Joel @ The Middle, 21:39pm: Whatever you need, you know we love you.

Jay @ The Middle: 21:39pm: What did he do?

I sigh, typical Jay. No reason for me to keep anything from them now, so, I relive the past ten minutes of my life as I type out a message telling the guys what just happened. After, I head straight up to bed. I play Mayday Parade through my speakers once I get into bed. I'm not gonna cry myself to sleep, I'm stronger than that. But, I do feel like complete shit.