Noah

Jamie, 13:06pm: Sure, any time after 7.

I put my phone back into my pocket and start running back in the direction of the dorms. I went for a run with Stefan and some other guys from the Track Team this morning, then I decided to go for a run on my own after lunch too. It’s just what I do. Maybe it’s an avoidance tactic or something, I don’t know. I just know that it’s a great way of clearing my head and zoning out of things for a while.

When I got back to my dorm early this morning, feeling like shit after going home with some random girl again, I wasn’t expecting to find Will up and about. It was barely 6.30am and he was scrambling around the kitchen making coffee and frying bacon. It was extremely weird, and I just wanted to go to my room and get a couple more hours of sleep before meeting Stefan and the guys.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked him as soon as I got in.

“Making breakfast, what does it look like?” He didn’t even pause to look up from the frying pan at me, much less ask me where the hell I’d been all night.

“Okay… a little early, isn’t it?” I asked him dubiously.

He took a deep breath, moved the frying pan off of the heat, and looked at me at last. It was just then that I realised the shower was running. I could hear it. I turned my attention in the direction of the bathroom, and Will sprang over to the hallway, blocking me from going through.

“Did you leave the shower on?” I asked him, although I already knew the answer.

He looked a little panicked, then he realised he wasn’t gonna get away with whatever he was trying to cover up, and he came clean.

“I didn’t think you’d be back so early.” He said, looking down and rubbing his forehead.

“Will, who are you making breakfast for? Who’s in the shower?” I already knew it was Madison, but my stomach lurched at the thought that it might have been Jamie. Now that I know they’ve slept together once before, and in spite of how much she seems to hate him. You never know, right?

“Don’t freak out, but it’s Maddie.” He said, watching me carefully for a reaction. He didn’t get one.

“Figures.” I said, before walking through to my room and passing out for a couple of hours.

My run with Stefan and the guys was okay, and my run just now on my own was good. But, neither have done anything to ease the horrible feeling I have in my gut about sleeping with that girl last night. I don’t know why I did it. After Jamie left the beach with her friends, I was not in a good mood to say the least. I didn’t wanna sleep with any other girl; I only wanted Jamie. But, that wasn’t gonna happen, not last night anyway. So when girls came up to me, I didn’t discourage them, and I ended up leaving the beach with this one girl, and well, you know. I’m not proud of it, but I did drink quite a lot, if that even excuses my actions. I’m supposed to be keeping my fucking libido under control, and so far, that’s just not happening.

But last night, I wasn’t even looking to hook up with anyone. Well, anyone besides Jamie. I don’t know what possessed me to go through with it with that girl. I just, did it. I was drunk, and it was a bad decision. Maybe that’s why I feel this way right now. Is this guilt? I think it is.

I’m going over to Jamie’s house tonight though, sometime after 7. That makes me feel better. The thought of seeing Jamie today makes me feel good, even with my slight hangover. Not because I like her. I don’t. But because I feel bad about what went down at the beach last night, and I feel bad about what I did to her at the Grill the other night now too. I feel bad for all the back and forth between us since I met her, so I wanna apologise for all of that. I have absolutely no intention of trying to sleep with her anymore, not after all of this crap with Will. But, I am looking forward to seeing her. It’s a weird feeling. I’m not sure if I like it or not. Whatever. I’ll see her tonight, everything will be good.

I step into the dorm, and there's no sign of Will. I haven't seen him since I caught him making breakfast for Maddie this morning. He followed me into my room and said some shit about how he didn't sleep with her, he was talking to her about stuff at the beach and apologising for how he treated her in High School and she ended up coming home with him and they just fell asleep together bla bla bla. I don't know if I believe any of the shit that comes out of Will's mouth anymore. One thing's for sure, it's a good thing he bailed on Harvard Law, because he's a terrible liar, so he would have made one lousy lawyer.

I take off my pedometer and sneakers, preparing to go take a shower, and when I lay my phone down I see I have a new text from an unknown number.

Unknown, 13:22pm: Hey, it's Zoe - Madison's friend. Sorry to ask this of you, but my girlfriend Zara is freaking out in case you're gonna go around telling people that she's my girlfriend. She wants me to make sure that you'll keep it to yourself. I know you will, and I'm sorry for even asking this. Most people know about us, it's really just her parents she actively tries to hide it from. But she doesn't know you, so she's a little worried. And on that note - do you wanna hang with us some night, go for a few beers at the Grill or something? She'll feel much better if she gets to know you better. Totally up to you dude. I got your number through Maddie btw, I assume she got it from Will, hope that's cool.

Wow, Zoe's girlfriend really is insecure about her sexuality. I like Zoe though, so this is no problem. A little annoyed that Will handed my number out to Madison, but whatever.

Me, 13:24pm: Tell Zara not to worry, I don't go around talking about other people's business. A few drinks some night would be good, just let me know when.

Zoe, 13:25pm: Awesome, thanks Noah. How about Wednesday this week? The Grill's usually pretty quiet then, but Zara's brother will be playing with his band this Wednesday and she loves watching him perform, it'll make her feel more comfortable at least.

Me, 13:25pm: Wednesday's good, see you both then, if not sooner.

***

Homework, a nap, a lot of fluids, some pain killers, and now's it 7:30pm and I'm walking over to Jamie's house. I'm not nervous, but I still have that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that I think might be guilt. I know I haven't done anything wrong, so this is strange and unwelcome. Besides actually getting started with our paper, I have clear goals in my mind for what I wanna achieve tonight. First, I wanna assure her that I do not give a fuck about whatever went on between her and Will. I wasn't here, it doesn't concern me, end of story. As much as I hate knowing that she's slept with my roommate, that's a separate issue. Second, I'm gonna apologize to her for pretty much everything that's went on between us since we met, and I'm gonna ask if she wants to just wipe the slate clean and start again as friends. I don't wanna be her friend, but again, that's a separate issue. Third, I'm gonna tell her that I have been sleeping around a little since I moved here. I don't why, I just feel like she needs to know that. I have absolutely no loyalties towards her of course, it's just... I can't explain it at all. I feel like telling her about that is the only way I'll get rid of this weird guilty feeling that I have. I don't like it at all, and I need it gone.

None of the above is happening because I like her. It's not. It's just the right thing to do.

I walk up her porch steps, ring the bell, and here goes. I'm reminded of the last time I was here, when she was wearing that fucking vest top and looking so damn good and I couldn't get out of her house fast enough. I know I pissed her off that night. So I need to be careful tonight. No lingering glances, no close proximity. Strictly business. And she better be wearing a fucking sweater or something.

She opens the door, and I breath a sigh of relief because she is wearing an oversized pink jersey, and ripped jeans. She is totally casual, and her baggy sweater doesn't make me think about how she would look without a bra. Well, not as much as those vest tops make my mind wonder anyway.

"Hey." She smiles at me a little awkwardly, before opening the door fully and gesturing for me to enter her home. Benji pounces on me, which I'm happy about. Fussing over her dog is a good ice breaker. Or tension breaker. I feel more at ease now anyway. Hopefully she does too.

"My laptop's ready in the kitchen, you want a soda or water or anything?" She asks as we walk down the hall.

"Water would be good." I reply, and my voice sounds rough. Shit.

"You feeling as shit as I am today?" She asks as we enter the kitchen and she heads for the fridge. I sit down at the table.

"I've been better. I drank more than I'd planned to last night." I admit, and she pauses before opening the fridge to retrieve two bottles of water.

"Same." She says, handing me a bottle of water and sitting down at the table opposite me. Not in front of her open laptop I notice, it's like she wants to keep her distance from me. She opens her mouth to say something else, but I stop her. I should go first.

"Before you say anything, I wanna say that I'm sorry about last night. I didn't think Will would ambush you the way he did, that wasn't cool. After he told me about you guys yesterday, and I realized you probably had no idea I even knew Will, let alone the fact that I share a dorm with him, John convinced him he had to come clean with you. I'm glad he actually did it, he just could have gone about it better. Did it totally ruin your night?"

She considers my question, before shaking her head. "No, it didn't. Well, it kinda did. I left the party pretty early, and I didn't exactly enjoy myself." She shifts in her seat uncomfortably. "I appreciate you saying that though, but I'm the one that owes you an apology. I shouldn't have freaked out about it like I did. It's just, a lot of shit went on with me and Will..." She pauses, like she's considering how much detail she wants to get into about her history with Will. "It's not important, the important thing is we're cool, right? This fucking assignment isn't gonna write itself."

She laughs and drags her laptop across the table so that it's in front of her. I guess she really doesn't wanna sit next to me. That's fine. Okay, one topic covered. On to the next one.

"I agree. I don't care about you and Will, it's none of my business. So it doesn't need to be a big deal, we can just avoid my dorm when we're getting together, it's not a problem." I pause to drink some water, I haven't talked this much all day and my throat is fucking killing me.

"I do wanna apologise to you about something else too, before we get started." I say, and she looks up at me from her laptop with interest. "I'm sorry that there's been this weird sort of...sexual vibe thing going on between us." She cocks her head at me like she has no clue what I'm talking about, and fuck, this might be harder than I thought it would be.

"You know, what happened on Freshman Friday, then that night we watched Pride and Prejudice, then at the Grill last week. I'm sorry about all of it. I can't deny I find you attractive, and, well." I run a hand through my hair and sigh, this is hard. I wanna be up front with her though, she's always so up front with me. But I don't exactly wanna blurt out I would love to fuck you senseless. I just don't know how else to explain it exactly.

"I get it." She says quietly, looking down at her laptop again. She can't meet my eyes while she says this? Interesting. "I wasn't exactly opposed to any of that, you know?" I do know. She wants me too. Or she did, anyway. Now that she knows I'm Will's roommate, I highly doubt she wants me anymore.

"Well, I'm sorry about all of that anyway. It won't happen again, I promise. We can work on this assignment together and keep things professional." I say, and she nods her agreement with a small smile. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

Do I still wanna go through with Part Three? Do I still wanna randomly inform her that I have had sex with a few girls since the start of the semester? It doesn't feel right. She isn't exactly saying much. Somehow, I don't think it's a good idea anymore. It'll sound completely out of the blue, and she won't say anything about it. I decide to keep my mouth shut about my hookups. What was I thinking, anyway? She's not my fucking girlfriend, what I do in my spare time is none of her concern.

"I can do that." She says, before turning her laptop around to face me. "I'm thinking we just go with the most obvious theme of the book - Pride and fucking Prejudice. We can analyse that. Thoughts?"

Pride and fucking Prejudice. She's so awesome. I find myself smiling for what feels like and probably is the first time today, as she watches me for a reaction. I don't know if I'm comforted by the fact that she just wants to dive straight into college work, or offended because she doesn't wanna talk more about the sexual vibe between us. God, get a grip, Noah.

She shrugs her shoulders at me, because I still haven't commented on what she's showing me on her laptop. She's typed up a Header and put both of our names below it. My socks aren't exactly knocked off, but it's a start.

"Sounds good." I say, just as her phone starts ringing from the kitchen counter, next to her kettle. She gets up.

"It's my friend Erin. I'm gonna take this." She says, sounding a little worried. Her friend Erin is at NYU. I wonder if she's talked to her about me. Why the fuck am I wondering that? What her and her friends talk about is none of my business.

She smiles at me awkwardly before briskly leaving the room. I can tell by the ringtone that it's not a normal phonecall, it's a Facetime call. I hope she won't be gone for too long. I pull out my own phone and proceed to mindlessly scroll through social media. I don't have Jamie on Facebook, and I don't follow her on Instagram or Twitter. I should. We're friends, right? Nothing wrong with that. I look her up, hoping my follow requests won't flash up while she's Facetiming with her friend...