Jamie

I walk off stage to the thunderous applause and whistling coming from the crowd, which I am starting to get used to. I still love it, and it does still feel a little surreal, but this seems to happen every time we perform now, so yeah, I am starting to get used to it. A little.

I look over at Jay and Joel as they haul their guitars off of their shoulders. They're smiling and talking happily, no doubt because they're on the high we always feel after a performance at the Grill. I'm on that high too, it's just a little clouded over by the other thing that's preoccupying my thoughts right now. 

He wants me. I know he does. It isn't one-sided, not at all. But on his part, I guess it's purely sexual, and he really is just trying to do the right thing by distancing himself from me. On my part? I like him, sure, I can't help that. But after that stunt he pulled in my living room the other night, I'm not so sure. I feel like I hate him, but deep down, I know I don't. Not by a long shot. It would be easier if I did hate him though, that way, I could just fuck him and move on. 

I sigh, just as Patrick joins us at the side of stage, beaming at us. My boys are all really happy right now, so I smile too, because I haven't told them about what happened with Noah the other night. I told them he came over, we studied (yeah, studied. Watched a movie, but they don't need to know that) then he went home. I don't know why I don't wanna tell them all the ins and outs of this thing between Noah and me. It's my own secret for now, and I'm keeping it that way. 

"That was awesome, as always." Patrick beams. "But what did you do to piss Noah off, Jame? He was glaring daggers at you through the entire song." 

For god sake, Patrick. I'm trying to keep this thing to myself, and I am well aware that Noah was glaring at me through our performance just now. I'm trying to ignore that, though...

"Nothing, that's just his face." I reply to Patrick flippantly with a shrug. "Come on, lets go sit down before John's performance."

I got Jay to ask Reggie if we could perform early this week (he wanted to put us on second to last again) because I really just wanted to get our own 5 minutes of fame out of the way so that I could focus on John's performance. He came by the house last night when I was rehearsing with the guys, and he gave us his full performance of I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing. It was good, really good, and I'm confident he's gonna kick ass. Aubrey is certainly gonna see him in a new light, anyway. 

We pass Aubrey on the stage steps, as she's on now. I wish her luck and she gives me a quick hug (christ) before me and the guys resume our seats at our usual table with Kim and Nikki. We all clap politely (or in my case, enthusiastically) as Aubrey takes the stage, but as the music starts playing over the stereo, my heart sinks and I feel my breath catch in my throat. Fuck. No. 

"Jame..." Jay is looking at me with concern, as he realises which song Aubrey is about to sing. Patrick and Joel clock on after a few more beats of the intro too, and as soon as Aubrey begins singing, I'm on my feet and heading back towards the upper level, because I need to find John.

"I could stay awake, just to hear you breathin."

Shit! He's gonna be having a panic attack right now. Because he is directly after Aubrey on the line-up, and he can't go out there and sing the exact same song as her. That's lame, for starters, and he is no where near as good a singer as Aubrey. He'll make a total fool of himself, he can't do this. 

"Jamie!" I hear his voice and see his panicked expression and I know he's on the same wavelength as me. 

I make my way through the crowds of people towards him, ignoring the usual compliments about The Middle (rude, I know, but John needs me right now) until I reach him where he's standing by the bar with Zach and Noah. I don't even acknowledge the boys, even though I can feel Noah's intense gaze burning into me. I have more important matters than that asshole. 

"You need to do a different song." I tell him briskly. No point beating around the bush. 

He nods his head quickly in agreement, but he looks like he's about to be sick or pass out or something, so I grab his shoulders and give him a light shake. 

"John, focus. We don't have much time. Gimme another song, one you know like the back of your hand. Now!" I stare into his eyes, searching them for an answer to my question, because he can't seem to string two words together, he's stuttering and pulling at his hair in distress. 

"Come on, dude! I have a plan!" I encourage him. 

"You listen to Crazy all the time, what about that one?" Zach offers from beside John, and I look over at him for the first time, my hands still firmly attached to John's shoulders in case he tries to make a run for it. 

"Aerosmith?" I ask Zach. There are a shit tone of songs called Crazy. Zach nods his head. 

"Okay, this is what we're gonna do." I zone in on John again as Aubrey starts singing the second verse. "I'm gonna play Crazy by Aerosmith on guitar from the side of stage. You go out there and just sing it. If anyone questions why you weren't playing an instrument, tell them you wanted to focus on your vocals or some shit." 

I nod at him encouragingly, my eyes wide, but he's looking at me like I'm crazy. We don't have fucking time for his uncertainty! 

"You're a decent singer, John. This could work." A cold, low voice speaks. Fucking Noah. I'm not acknowledging his comment, as helpful as it was. I'm still looking at John, waiting for him to get on board with my plan. 

"Or, you go out there and play the same song that everyone's just heard and make a complete ass of yourself. What's it gonna be?" I remove my hands from his shoulders and step back, studying him. This is on him, after all. It's not gonna effect my life. 

"Okay, lets do it." He's nodding frantically, finally snapping himself out of it. 

"Lets go." I pull him by the forearm without waiting for another word from him, Zach or Noah. We need to get shit organised, and fast. As soon as we're up at the side of stage, I am surprised to see Jay and Joel standing tuning their guitars and getting plugged in, and Patrick sitting at his assembled drum kit, tapping at the symbols quietly and re-positioning the headband he just used in our performance on to his head.  

"What are you guys doing?" I ask them, taking in the scene before me with surprise, love and pride. I know exactly what they're doing, and I actually wanna hug them all. But, we can do that after. No fucking time for that shit. 

"What's the song?" Jay asks John. I can't believe these guys. We are so fucking in tune, and I love them all for it. 

"Um, Crazy?" John says tentatively, looking at me.

"Aerosmith." I say sharply to my boys, getting my own electric guitar plugged into one of these amps. I know they can play the song. This is gonna work. 

"Are you guys..?" John starts, but he trails off when he looks out on to the stage and realises that Aubrey has just sung the last note of I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, so she's about to join us over here. The crowd are going wild for her, and we have some explaining to do. 

She skips off of the stage as Reggie begins to announce the next act, John, and she looks happy but confused when she sees John, then me and my guys ready and poised with our instruments. 

"We're playing the music for John, he's had a slight last minute change of song choice tonight." I say to Aubrey with a smile, and she raises an eyebrow at John. 

"Yeah, I was gonna play the same song that you just sang." He's rubbing the back of his neck nervously and not meeting her eyes, but I'm glad he's being honest with her about this at least. 

"Exactly, and he can't sing it like you did, so we're gonna play something a little more technical for him." I laugh casually, letting her know that this isn't a big deal. It's not, she needs to be cool about it, and John needs to fucking get out there because Reggie has already called his name twice now. 

"Okay, well, good luck, John!" She beams at him, before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. I watch as the colour completely drains from his face, and Aubrey rushes off towards the stairs so that she can watch John's performance from the crowd like everyone else. 

"Dude, go!" Jay whisper-shouts at John as Reggie calls his name again. John's hand is on his cheek, and he's smiling to himself like a lunatic. Well, at least one good thing came from this. Aubrey kissed him on the cheek, and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he just came in his pants. But whatever, let's do this. 

Patrick plays the opening beat of the song (I'm glad he didn't wait to see if John would follow Steve Tyler's lead and say come here baby before the drums kicked in, cringe), and I come in with the guitar, Joel with the bass. Jay does nothing, he doesn't need to yet. When John starts singing into the microphone on stage, I look over and smile, because this song suits his voice much better than I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing. I prefer Crazy, actually. I didn't bother saying anything to John, because there was no time, but Crazy is actually one of my favourite songs. There are many of course, I can never settle on one. I have like 20 favourite songs, and I'm always thinking of more. I just love music so much, and my taste is pretty eclectic. But, whatever, I love Crazy and before long I find myself silently singing along. Jay laughs at me, because he knows how much I love this song and he's probably aware of how much I'd like to perform it on stage too. But we're past performing covers now. 

I smile at Patrick, because he's nailing the drums as usual, and Joel is taking care of the bass perfectly. We get through the first chorus, and we can hear the crowd cheering John on from beyond the wall and curtain keeping us concealed. This is about John, not us. No one needs to know we played the music for him. 

But, going into the second verse, the unexpected happens. John fucks up. I'm still silently singing along 'you're packing up your stuff and talking like it's tough and trying to tell me that it's time to go' is what John should be singing right now, but he isn't. He's just drawn a complete blank, he's looking over at me, panic in his eyes again. Fuck. This is slow motion. I don't know how to help him. Do we keep playing? He's just totally frozen out there. Time stands still as I try to make a decision, but before I know it, Jay is shoving a microphone into my hand and pushing me out onto the stage. He starts playing guitar in my place, my hands are occupied with holding onto the mic now, and as soon as I set foot onto the stage, with John's eyes looking right into mine, pleading with me, I pick up for him. 

"But I know, you ain't wearing nothin underneath that overcoat! And it's all a show." I sing, and John gives me a small smile before raising his own mic back up to his lips and continuing "that kinda lovin, makes me wanna pull down the shades!"

We're singing together now, standing side by side smiling at each other, and the crowd have gone absolutely ballistic. Like I'm making a fucking cameo appearance or something. Whatever, I can't deny it feels good. I really didn't wanna steal, or even share, John's thunder just now, but he seems really happy that I'm here. Just as happy as the crowd. I meet Aubrey's eye and see that she's jumping up and down and yelling and clapping her hands together furiously. Kim (who now has Zach sitting beside her, I notice) looks thrilled too, and Zach is smiling up at John like a proud older brother. After his couple of seconds of brain freeze, and my (well, Jay's) split second decision to come out here and help him, this is shaping up to be the fucking performance of the night. 

Towards the end of the song, I'm thankful that John doesn't lose himself in the music and attempt to wail like Steve Tyler does. That would have been pretty embarrassing. But when John and I stop duetting, and my boys stop playing their instruments, I breathe a sigh of happy relief as the place erupts into applause. John is beaming out at the crowd, a little stunned. And I'm readjusting my guitar strap around my shoulder as I walk back over to the side of stage. I haul my guitar off and uncharacteristically hug the guys one by one, thanking them for what they just did for John. I have the best fucking friends in the world.  

"Thank you so much Jamie! You saved my ass back there!" John beams at me as he joins me off stage. "And thank you guys for doing that, I owe you all bigtime."

"No big deal." Patrick says casually from behind his snare.

"Happy to help." Joel smiles at John kindly.

"John!" I hear her before I see her, and I laugh as Aubrey runs over to us from the direction of the stairs and jumps on to John, wrapping her legs around him and kissing him, right on the lips.

John hesitates only for a moment before he wraps his arms around Aubrey, supporting her weight against his body, and kisses her back. It's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I catch Joel smiling at them, because he can see how real they are, and it's what he wants. I catch Jay blinking before quickly adverting his eyes, because this is what he wants too. With Erin, the girl he can't have. And I notice Patrick rolling his eyes before scrolling through his phone casually, because this isn't what he wants for himself at all, and he hates PDA's like this.

But what about me? I'm smiling as I watch them. Aubreys broken away from the kiss now, and she's gushing about how amazing John was just now (no mention of me, good) and he's grinning at her like he's drunk, and he hasn't put her down yet, and he's saying something and she's giggling and before I know it their lips are locked again. Too fucking cute.

The truth is, I want that too. I want this with a guy, true love. Or the beginnings of true love, at least. What was it Kim said about bulldozers or something? Love at first sight, it should hit you like a bulldozer. But Aubrey and John have known each other for years, and it's only just hitting them now. There most certainly hasn't been a bulldozer moment between those two, yet look at them now, here, like this. I can't pretend I'm not jealous. I'm insanely jealous. And the worst thing about it is, the guy that springs to mind is an asshole, and he doesn't want me (not like John wants Aubrey anyway) and I'm never gonna have this type of relationship with him. I need to get over Noah. I just need to. Starting tonight. I am hooking up with someone tonight, no matter what.