One, two, three, four. Pause.

He had started to count.

Tap, tap, tap, tap. Pause.

It helped a tiny little bit. A number. Each beat a different one.

One, two, three, four.

And there always was a small pause in between the next set, making it impossible to count further. It just didn't feel right. Because the next one wasn't a five or a six or a seven or an eight. It was always the exact same. So he stayed with the four.

And with the numbers there now was also a word in his head with every single beat. Not only a sound, but also a word. That helped. It was distracting. And it was a different word for each number, whilst the sounds always stayed the same.

"Master... do you listen at all?"

The voice joined the drumbeat, not drowning it out, only existing next to it. Such an annoying voice, simply because it belonged to the person he hated most in life.

No. That wasn't even true. No, no, no... it wasn't true. He didn't hate the Doctor. Not like that. It was much joy to see this overly merciful and friendly face suffer for a bit, to hit a good dent in that ego, to show him, what a weak and poor creature he was. Very much like he himself. But no, this wasn't hate.

It was simply the game they were playing since so long ago.

The Master blinked a few times when a hand waved in front of his face. Only now did he realize that the other Time Lord still stood right in front of him, his face covered in concern.

"Yes, I'm listening," he growled. "It's not as if anyone could overhear your squeaky voice."

"Alright, I will start the tests then. Tell me if something feels... err... funny. I'm not sure those machines work properly. Got them during the rebellion of the ljorkars. Year 384 of the reign of..."

"If you get as much a scratch on me, I'll tear you to pieces," the Muster grumbled and lay on his back, ignoring the Doctor's ramblings.

They were inside the same research room he had used to find out more about Roka's glitch. It felt as if that had been ages ago. The memories came back, reminding him that he had never found an answer as to why he had let her back inside the TARDIS that day, why he had agreed to help. Why he had agreed, when she had asked to travel with him of all people. And that with such a wide grin on her face as if that were the greatest thing that could have ever happened.

After all he had done to her.

She had felt so familiar. As if he knew her from somewhere, even though it was impossible. But each time he had wanted to kill that human, it had felt so... wrong. Yes... wrong. Finally he could put a word to it. Now that his mind was slipping away more and more.

One, two, three, four.

His fingers tapped on the plastic of the hard and cold bed-thing he was lying on.

One, two, three, four.

Pause.

The young woman sat on another of the plastic beds not too far away and watched everything the Doctor did, as if to make sure he wouldn't harm him. That made the Master smirk a little. As if the Doctor could harm anyone.

Well, of course he could. And he had. It was astonishing to how much violence the oh so friendly Doctor was capable. When his moral codex allowed it. Or rather... when he got an excuse for it.

Or when he had burned their entire race.

Some noises started to buzz through the air and a blue light bow appeared above the Master, sliding up and down over his head. Sometimes it stayed still, other times it moved rapidly. He tried to focus on it, to find a pattern to the movement, tried to let the buzzing noise inside his head, although it was annoying. But it was still better... tap, tap, tap, tap... than the never ending drums.

How long did he have left?

"Alright," the Doctor's voice appeared again, sounding happy and enthusiastic. Annoying. "Time distortion test done. Let me get some blood samples."

"Some?" The Master arched a brow as he sat up. "Sounds like you want to drain me, you damn vampire."

The Doctor only grinned though and came back with a device that held a needle inside. It would draw the exact right amount of blood, without leaving a wound behind or causing any pain. Not like those primitive things his beloved humans used.

"You sound as if you read too much fantasy novels lately," the Doctor chuckled.

The Master threw a quick glance at Roka and saw her smiling innocently.

"Yes, a bird fluttered in and handed me quite an impressive list of those." He watched as the Doctor filled the third device. "Have to keep my mind busy somehow... you know... since I'm a little trapped in here."

It was always a delight to see this confident face drop a bit. Stupid Doctor. One kept a prisoner and adhered to it, or it was useless. Especially when he didn't even have a clue what to do with said prisoner. And it was obvious that the Doctor had no clue. Dragging him around to places, but only to those which were safe. Giving him a room, but otherwise locking him out from everywhere else. Deactivating the shocks to take the samples, but not taking the handcuffs off.

Sure, in any other case the Master would have found ways to stir trouble a long time ago. And he had so many ideas what pranks to play inside a TARDIS. The possibilities were endless.

"Good," the Doctor pulled away the fifth device, filled with precious blood. "Don't want you to faint, so this will do for now."

"I don't like how that sounds," he grumbled and pulled down his sleeve again. "Any more ideas how to weaken me?" A mean grin wandered over to the other Time Lord. "Wouldn't it be quicker to just knock me out?"

The Doctor sighed. "I'm really just trying to help, Master. Can we forget about everything else for a while? It would make this a lot easier. For the both of us."

"No, I don't think that's possible," he sneered. "In case you find something, I don't even want to know what humiliating thing you'll demand as payment from me." His fingers started to tap again. It got louder. "Translation: I'll have my fun beforehand. Just in case."

"I wasn't going to demand anything from you!" the other Time Lord protested.

"Are we done?"

One, two, three, four.

Pause.

"Huh? Oh, yes. For now. I'll check the scan results and do some blood tests. Then we'll see."

---------------------------------------------

Never before in his long life had the Master slept that much. It was only possible through tricking his body into a certain state. But sleep was the only time when the drums didn't bother him. Even the nightmares were more bearable than them by now.

But even with tricking himself, the Master could only gain a few hours more peace than usually; awaking sweaty and shaking, the drums hammering into his mind from the very first second the last haunting image faded. Sometimes they washed over him so brutally, he felt physically sick, sometimes they plainly wiped away his consciousness for hours.

On good days they only scraped at the verge of physical pain.

And still it continued to worsen with a threatening speed. Subtly, barely noticeable in itself, but the changes accumulated fast.

Roka, that stupid girl, she always came to him, brought some food when he hadn't left the room for too long, tried to distract him. On most days he shooed her away, on others, when it was slightly more bearable, he let her, but made her promise to go away as soon as she noticed anything weird.

"Weirder than usual?" Roka had asked with poked out tongue and a sarcastic smirk.

Daft human. He smiled against his will, it just happened, he couldn't help it.

---------------------------------------------

Someone took his hand. In a daze the Master looked down and saw it was Roka again, dragging him along to somewhere. Where had he been? How had he gotten there? This room was strange, like a planetarium, but instead of stars it was filled with tiny floating bubbles, each filled with an image.

"How did you even get there?" her voice tore him out of the thought. "I thought you can't enter any other rooms."

"I... No idea," he muttered, glaring at her hand that held his. Small, fragile.

"Mhm, that happened to me too. You know, when you put them in my head. I constantly ended up being places."

She knew. Everything. The very worst things at least. Not all of them. Not even a fraction. But still enough. Enough to run away from him, as far as possible.

Why didn't this human run from him? Everyone else did. He had made sure of that.

He found out why he was able to end up places without knowing it. His access wasn't as restricted as he had thought. For a few days the Master wandered the TARDIS. Of course, the Doctor had lifted some restrictions so the Master could find a room for himself. Seemed as if that scattered brain of his had forgotten to set those restrictions back in place.

Not that there was anything helpful. Those rooms were fun to investigate, but useless in the long run. Or so he thought. There was one... the inside looked as if cut out from some kind of spaceship he couldn't recognize. Various gadgets lay strewn around and... The Master crouched down and picked up a thing that suspiciously looked like a small handgun. He fired it and saw that it was filled with sharp, thick metal bolts instead of bullets. More like a tool than an actual weapon, but still...

It didn't matter. He took it with him.

---------------------------------------------

Drums and dreams and tests. Empty words and bright lights, whirring noises, eyes filled with confidence, hope, fire.

Dwindling.

Du... du... du... du......... Du... du... du... du......... Tap... tap... tap... tap......... One... two... three... four...

One

It was dark.

Two

And cold

Three

He was alone

Four

And blood covered his hands.

The Master shot up, panic filling his mind, the drums hammering in on him so suddenly and loud he almost threw up. For a while he just sat there, drenched in cold sweat, glaring at his hands. There was no blood. Not visible at least. There was so much of it, hidden away in his past. It didn't bother him... usually. Most of it. Some... some of those did.

Du... du... du... du......... Du... du... du... du.........

"Just be quiet," he begged muttering and buried his hurting head under his arms as if that would help anything. "Give me more time. Just a little... a few years. Not now... please."

It got worse.

He slept.

He dreamed, fell, drowned in images of long gone times...

"Lord Oakdown has been found dead," a man told him. "That makes you the youngest member of your house, Sir."

His father... dead... It was hard not to smile, to look devastated. Would they believe that he had nothing to do with it? They had to. There were no traces leading back to him, there never would be any.

"This also means," the man continued, "you'll be given a loom to continue the heritage of the house."

"Of course..." Well, there was nothing to be done about that. "Just give me one that isn't too small. Don't have time for that."

"Yes, Sir."

They tried to link his father's death back to him. Of course they did. Never trust a womb-born, as they loved to say. Maybe they were right. The Doctor came, told his condolence and they spent the evening together, chatting about old days.

Time passed. They brought him a three year old. A girl. Dark brown hair, grey eyes. She smiled at him, showing intelligence in her young face.

"Father," she cheeped and smiled even brighter.

He didn't like this thing.

The girl was four, already learning Gallifreyan script. At least he didn't need to have an eye on this nuisance all the time. The child was rather intelligent and didn't make much trouble.

Five. She was gone. Just vanished one day. He looked everywhere for the dumb brat, didn't want her to ruin his reputation by doing something idiotic. Eventually he found her. There she was, sitting under a tree on Mount Perdition, together with... that was one of the Doctor's boys... Both were reading, comfortably leaned against each other.

Further back. So much further. Two boys, sitting in the exact same spot, watching as one of the suns set over the hills, making them glow like fire. It was beautiful, peaceful. They promised each other to stay friends forever, to escape Gallifrey and all those stiff rules one day and travel the stars. To visit each and every single one of them.

"Oh, Father! You came all the way for me?!" the girl squeaked, tore him out of the memory and came running towards him. She bumped against him with enthusiasm and such a wide smile.

Such an honest smile.

For him and him alone.

He swallowed, squatted down. Had she always had such big eyes? Such a pretty face? Her hair tousled from the wind, making her look a bit wild. This happy little smile. It warmed something inside his hearts... and he took the girl into his arms. Maybe for the first time. He couldn't remember.

Six years old. He was proud of her. She understood so fast and was so eager to learn absolutely everything. There would be a great time at the academy waiting for her. Sometimes she was a real she-devil, and he knew it was the Doctor's son, who solicited her. He didn't mind, as long as it wasn't something too dangerous. And when some authority person brought her back, he made a serious face until they were gone, before he laughed with her about it.

"Read me a story, Father!" she often demanded, one day holding out a book to him he knew too well. It was full with Gallifreyan fairytales.

"Those are about the Toclafane. I thought they scare you," he mocked friendly.

She put on a pouting face and furrowed her brows so deep it made him laugh out loud.

"I'm not scared anymore," she decided and stomped her small foot onto the ground. "Please read to me!"

And he took her onto his lap, the book in front of them both and told her those stories he and the Doctor had loved so much as children. The girl's hands gripped his own, holding on to him to not let any fear be visible on her face, but her two little hearts were pounding fast.

A steady rhythm of four beats.

The drums were getting louder. They always did, that he had noticed long ago. It was annoying, distracting, sometimes made him more irritable than necessary. The girl somehow sensed his moods and stayed silent. But sometimes she came to him, lay one of her tiny hands into his and just smiled.

Seven. They got louder. She grew. Still so small and fragile, but with a proud look in her eyes, determination on her face when she learned something new, happiness when she finally understood. When had it happened, he wondered sometimes, when his hearts felt warm and proud at her sight. When had it happened that he had started to love this child? He didn't know anymore. Couldn't remember how it could ever have been any different.

Eight. Not long and she would be initiated. They got louder. She was looking forward to it, got antsy. He grew worried. They got much louder. They came from there. From the Untempered Schism. He didn't want her to look inside. The thought of her maybe going insane ripped his hearts apart. It was hard to find rest the closer the day came.

Something was wrong. The drums. The noise in his head. It usually was only annoying, but today... it was wrong. It was loud. It was everywhere. He felt dizzy, his thoughts all over the place. What was this? Why was it happening? It hurt. He sunk together, holding his head. But it only got louder and...

"Father? Father! Are you alright?!"

Who was that? Why where they screaming? Why was it so loud? It hurt, he couldn't bare it, drove him mad, washed away everything... Someone screamed, noises, nauseating noises. And the drums. The always repeating rhythm in his head, loud, loud, loud, loud... then darkness.

Then silence.

No, not silence. Just back to normal. It was over. Finally.

He opened his eyes, sat up.

Red... his hands... what was with his hands? Why was there blood?

"Oh by all of...! What have you done!" a voice screamed. The Doctor's voice.

He looked down, found more red, hair, a body. He felt sick. This wasn't real. This wasn't true. It couldn't be. No... no... it couldn't. She wasn't breathing. Why wasn't she breathing? Why was there so much blood? He wanted to shake her, wanted to hold her, wanted to hear her voice, see her smile. He knew... deep down he already knew...

Something broke. In his hearts, in his mind.

He looked up at the Doctor's devastated face.

And started to laugh.

The Master snapped awake, panting and shivering, for once embracing the drums hammering down on him, drowning out all thoughts and memories. It didn't help. The tears came anyways, held back for centuries, but now they had caught up. And for the first time in his life he wished for a second that he might just die.

He had no idea how long it lasted. The only thing he knew was this one thought, repeating over and over again, more painful than the drums could ever be.

It would happen again.

---------------------------------------------

The Master didn't let Roka anywhere near him from that on. Only when the Doctor was around as well. The risk was just too big, since he had lost so much control over himself.

One day she didn't show up in the research room and a small, hurting part in him hoped she would have given up. But when he returned to his quarters much later, she sat there, waiting.

"Don't even dare to say a word," she hissed and glared up at him with folded arms, but he could tell that she wasn't really angry. He knew this expression too well. Hurt.

The Master trod closer, wanted to chase her outside, but... instead he carefully cupped her face with both hands, stroked his thumbs along her cheeks. Even smiled. She was so much stronger than she knew.

"Listen," he said. "Don't get mad. Just listen." He waited until she nodded, now looking a bit perplex. He took her hands into his. "He won't find anything... those tests are useless..."

"You can't know that!" she protested.

But the Master shook his head and almost whispered, "Look at me. I'm a mere husk of myself." He smiled at her worried face and said determined, "Leave. Take the Vortex Manipulator and go."

"What? No! Not wi..."

"Go!" he demanded. Suddenly there was fear in her eyes. So long ago he had wanted to see her scared, now it hurt. He stepped a little closer, leaned down to her. "You can be what you want, go, wherever you like. Go out there and write your name across the stars, my little crow. Do something big. Make them all remember you."

Roka looked away for a moment. When she turned back, her eyes were shimmering wet and she swallowed. "I don't want to do this alone."

Stupid, stupid human. He smiled sadly. Precious human.

"Please, do that