Chapter 19

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Just so you guys can understand a bit better why Carson did what he did. Also, my prayers are with those victims of hurricanes. It most definitely is something devastating that is destroying many homes, so I feel for those.


Carson's P.O.V.

I watched as Ayva's small body was hugged by Silvano, anger coiling through me, but the way her delicate shoulders shook with her cries reminded me that I had driven her to that state. 

They finally pulled away and I saw Silvano say something to her before she nodded and got inside the Escalade. I felt my heart constrict knowing that she was actually leaving, and then I remembered her precious words. 

"I love you, Carson."

I could replay those words over and over, but I couldn't bear hearing them while remembering her tears. I wanted to pull her against me and stop her crying, but I had already made a deal with myself. 

My world was far too dangerous for her. I had almost lost her once, and I wasn't planning on it happening again. I had seen what happened to her, and I was one to blame. She was losing herself, she was far too precious for me to keep her locked up in my dark world. She was destroyed, and I had seen the physical damage that those bastards did to her, but it was the emotional one that was destroying her, and while I wanted to blame the men that kept her there, I also knew that if was my fault for keeping her, and for letting her become something so special to me. Now, anyone who wanted to bring me down or hurt me, they could do so easily by taking my sweet Ayva. 

It hurt to have to take her in my arms after she'd been put through so much, and for her to have gone through all of that just to protect me because she loved me, it was dangerous. It was dangerous for her to love me just like it was dangerous for me to love her. If I had truly lost her, if those fucking bastards ended her life, I would never forgive myself for losing something so valuable. 

That's why I sent her away. If she left and started a new life away from me, away from this cruel world that would take away her light, I could feel better knowing that she was safer without me. Although it pained me greatly to see her shed tears for a monster like myself, I felt better knowing that it would be easier for her to move on if she hated me than if she loved me. I didn't want any other male to look at her with love and lust, and for her to do the same with him, but any man who could keep her away from this darkness was already better than me.

"What the fuck did you do to her?!" Silvano stormed in, slamming the door shut behind him. 

I looked at him, his eyes raging and his hands fisted. "Why the hell do you care?" I narrowed my eyes at him, curious for the amount of concern he had for her. 

"Carson," he used used my first name, his hands removed the fists and he ran one down his face. "She's broken, she's devastated and needs someone to hold her and com-"

"You were doing a pretty good job at that, don't you think?" I spat at him, letting the anger I had against myself and directing it towards him. "I saw you out there." I walked over to my alcohol cabinet and pulled out a whiskey bottle and a glass, pouring myself a drink.

"Yeah, well, I decided to be the man that you weren't." He challenged and I raised my eyes towards him,  feeling a hatred spread through me, only thing was that I didn't hate him, I hated myself because what he said was true. While I will never admit it, it was true. I could never be the man that she needed. I gulped down the drink before nearing him, my eyes shooting glares at him as he stood in front of me. 

"Don't you fucking talk abou-"

"Don't you fucking lecture me!" Silvano growled back and I didn't hold my fist anymore. 

I swung my fist down to his face, fighting the shot of pain that went through my hand from how hard my knuckles had collided directly with his jaw. Silvano turned to the side from the impact, but didn't miss a beat as his body tackled my own back, making us both crash down to the floor. I grunted as Silvano sat above and threw a fist down, landing a punch against my own jaw. I pushed my legs to the side, throwing Silvano off guard and making him fall to the side, crashing into the side of my desk and pushing it back, a few items flying off of it. Taking the opportunity, I pushed him farther back until my desk was completely pushed up against the wall. 

Silvano raised his knee and kneed my stomach, making me bend down from the impact as he shoved me off of him and down to my knees. I reached down to grab at his legs and pull him down, not missing the couple of books that fell down from the bookshelf from how heavy Silvano's landing was. Moving towards him, I climbed over and swung my fist towards him again, landing another punch at the opposite side of his jaw. I withdrew my fist again to land another punch, and I saw blood oozing out of his mouth, coating his teeth. Silvano's hands came around my neck, pushing me off as he swung a fist and managed to hit me in the brow, for sure creating a bruise. I could feel the sting from above pound threw my head as a trickle of warmth came down. 

Slamming my elbow down onto Silvano's stomach to make him loosen his hold on me, I felt his fist collide for the third time down to my jaw, the taste of iron filling up my mouth instantly. I got off him from the ache in my jaw and gasped for a breath as he grunted and sat up. 

"What the hell is going on in here?" Linia thundered, the door slamming behind him as he stood in between, looking down at our bloodied and bruised faces. "Have you guys lost your damn minds?!" 

I ignored his glare and brought myself up, Silvano doing the same. "It's nothing, Linia." Silvano muttered, wiping his mouth with the back of his arm, blood sinking into his suit jacket.

"The hell it is." Linia scoffed as I spitted out blood that was accumulating inside my mouth. "What the hell would Ayva say about this?" Linia continued, watching as I walked over to my desk that was shoved against the wall, I could already see the indent it made. 

"Yeah, Vescovi, what would Ayva say about this?" Silvano snarled at me, waiting for my response.

"What is this about?" Linia questioned, looking between us as Silvano gruffly breathed out.

"Why don't you ask Boss here." Silvano mocked before leaving, slamming the door behind him. 

I ignored the look that Linia was giving me and focused on pushing the desk back to it's original place. I shoved the seat roughly back against the desk before sitting down and running a hand down my battered face. That damn Silvano knew how to put up a good fight. 

"She's gone." I finally spoke, reaching to grab the bottle of whiskey that fortunately had not spilled and took a massive gulp, trying to forget about the emptiness I felt when I spoke about Ayva. I didn't want to remember her and know that she was no longer tucked into bed, our bed. 

"What do you mean she's gone?" Linia scowled, nearing the desk as I looked at him, daring him to start another fight like Silvano. 

"I mean, she's gone. Ayva's out of this building, no longer here, nor will she ever return." I growled out, trying to end the conversation that was hurting my head, or perhaps it was the punch that Silvano had placed on my brow. 

"What? Why?" Linia sputtered, taking a seat in front of me and I huffed out a breath of annoyance at his persistence. "Carson, I thought..." he trailed off and stared at me as I took another large gulp from the whiskey bottle. "You were going to marry her, she was supposed to become your wife, wha-"

"I know what was supposed to fucking happen, Linia, but just accept it and get over it, besides, it's not like you you were the one engaged to her." I snapped, looking down at the piece of paper that just so happened to be the contract of our marriage. I stared down at the stupid rules that were marked with ink on the white paper, just like I had almost marked her pureness with my dark world. I snatched the piece of paper in my hand and crumbled it up. "She can't be put in danger, she's too," I paused and sighed, looking down at the crumpled sheet.

"Innocent," Linia finished and I nodded in agreement. 

"She's too beautiful for my world." I stated, refusing to look up at the scolding eyes of Linia. 

"Tell me when you realized that you committed a mistake." Linia grumbled out, pushing himself out of the seat. 

I frowned, looking at his retreating back. "Was it, Linia?" I wanted to know his answer, I wanted for someone to tell me what I wanted to hear, not because I was going to change my mind, but simply because I needed to know that it wasn't a crazy idea that a monster like myself could fall in love with a magnificent beauty like Ayva, or the other way around. 

Linia turned to me, his eyes scouring my face, his arms crossed over his chest and I knew a lecture was about to come. 

"If you think that distancing her from you is going to keep her safer, or make your feelings or hers go away, you are mistaken. I know, as a husband, that there is no one else that would do the things that I would do for my wife. Perhaps there is a better man that could offer her a better life, but she loves me, and I love her, and I know that there is no one out there that will ever love her as much as I will. I know it's crazy, and that you wonder how is it possible to keep her safe in your world, but as long as I know that there's not a thing I wouldn't do for her, I know she's as safe as can be." 

I felt my eyes prick as Linia left and I groaned out, knowing that he said exactly what I wanted to hear, what I had thought, but I had also promised myself that I would stay away from my sweet Ayva, I wouldn't fail her her safety.

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