Kingston Hines

"My hands..." I looked down as they dripped with blood, before me was the table; his body laying there lifeless as the pool of blood formed beneath it. "My hands..." I whispered again, "I did this..." my eyes welled with tears, my chest began to tighten. I looked around the room, I looked for someone, anyone but no one was there to be found; it was just me... and my bloody hands at the end of the day. I stood there, alone... "My hands!" I shook with tears streaming down my face. "THERE'S BLOOD ON MY HANDS!"

I gasped while sitting up in the couch, my chest rising as I tried to catch my breath, the cold sweat dripping from my body, my throat dry. I felt an instant headache that caused me to groan aloud. My vision took a while to focus.

I looked around at the room once I was able to calm down just a bit, reaching over for the water bottle on my coffee table; I chugged it down, making sure to swallow every last drop. Once I was done, it was as if I finally had made it back to reality.

The volume of the television caused my head to pound, the giggles from my kitchen made me alert. I glanced across the room to see Julissa alongside one of her other friends from the club, both of them stood in my kitchen cooking something that caused me to gag. Covering my mouth, I quickly jumped up from the seat and ran into the closest bathroom; leaning over and emptying out the contents in my stomach.

I stood over it for a while until I felt like I had had enough. Flushing it down, I stood upright, turned to my mirror and washed both my mouth along with my face. I felt like trash, looked just like it as well. The bags under my eyes were telling, the paleness of my skin was hard to ignore, my nostrils still red and now that I thought about it; they burned from irritation.

I took a moment to just stare at the man in the mirror, disappointed at what I had brought myself down to. A place where I had seen before and vowed to never return. I, now stared at a moment in history that I knew only genuine pain could bring me to and I hated every single minute of it. My fist balled and without a moment of thought, I reached across; punching at the image before me, causing the glass to shatter.

"What the hell?!" I heard Julissa exclaim, walking into the bathroom right on time. "What the hell did you do that for?!" She reached over to see my hand, checking for splinters. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." I looked down at the blood on my hand and immediately felt my stomach drop to the ground. The sight of it, bringing me right back to the nightmare I had.

I aggressively pulled my hand out of her grip and turned on the faucet, washing my hand off until all the blood went away. I raised it up so that I could pick out whatever glass was left and once I did, I washed my hands some more. I washed it and washed it until Julissa shut off the sink. "Kingston, are you okay?!"

"I just told you that I will be fine." I snapped, turning the water back on. "Go back to doing what you were doing!" I said, just before I continued to wash my hands. It took her a while but eventually, Julissa got the message.

I did this for a while, until I felt my finger tips prune. This time I shut the water off my self and stared back up into the shattered mirror, still being able to make out a bit of an image. "Who let you in?" I said before turning to look at my mother in the doorframe.

"You should know by now that I don't need anyone to let me in."

"Yeah well if you're here to check on me, I'm fine."

"That." She pointed at the mirror, "says differently."

"Mom, what is it that you want?"

"I want to understand why two ignorant little girls are out there in your kitchen, I want to know why this place is a wreck, I want to know why there is a big crater in the middle of mirror. As your mother, I want to know what is going on inside that head of yours because I've witnessed this Kingston before and I am worried!"

"There's no need. I am fine." I stepped past my mother and walked back into the living room. I turned off the tv and my jaw clenched as I gazed up to see Julissa and her friend who were now both very quiet and seemingly uncomfortable. "Did you let her in?" I asked Julissa, using the remote to point in my mother's direction.

"Tried to stop her at the door." She began.

"Well you didn't try hard enough." I shook my head. "And are you done cooking? I'm hungry." I plopped down into my couch and waited for my mother to make her way into the living room. Realizing how long it took her, I leaned over to look down the hall and as if on cue; she marched over holding up a small plastic baggy. "Oh goodness, here we go." I groaned, throwing myself back into the couch.

"You have got to be kidding me!" She said loudly, grasping the attention of the two girls; Julissa in particular. "Did you give this to my son?!"

"Mother..." I muttered, "let's not cause a scene here. I have a headache as is."

"You have a headache because you got this shit in your system!" She shot back, then quickly returned to Julissa. "I asked, did you give this to my son?!"

"Your son is a grown man, Mrs. Hines." Julissa smirked, "and he wanted it..." I shot her a dirty look and she rolled her eyes. "Am I lying?"

"You don't have to explain anything to her." I replied.

"Like hell she does!" My mother yelled causing my head to ache the more. "Julissa, I spoke to you about this before... yet here you are again!"

"Like I said, your son is grown." Julissa folded her arms across her chest, getting smarter than she usually was. Assessing her body language, I could tell that she clearly was smacked still. "I have no control over his action... mom."

My mother's head tilted ever so slightly and I watched her brow twitch. Sucking in some air, I used my strength to rise to my feet. "Alright that's enough." I took the baggy from her hand and walked over to the garbage to toss it out. "Julissa and company, you guys can go."

"What do you mean, we can go?!" Julissa slurred. "Are you really going to make your mommy ruin the fun, yet again?!" She pointed. "We were just getting started, we were going to have fun like we did last night." She walked over and placed her hand on my chest, "personally, I think it's clear who should be leaving right about now."

"Julissa." My mother said.

"No, mom. It's okay, I got this." I raised my hand and said, before looking down at Ju. "Look, right now I gotta talk to my moms. You guys can come back later tonight."

"No the hell they cannot!" My mother let out causing Julissa and I to both turn our heads in her direction.

"Look, do you have business? Cause you seem to be too fucking deep in ours." Julissa spoke.

"Julissa!" I grabbed her arms and shook her, causing her to look up at me. "Nah, that ain't cool. You know I don't play that shit."

"I'm just saying Kingston... she was the reason behind our good thing being ruined in the past... are you really going to sit here and let her ruin it again?"

"No." I shook my head, "my mother didn't ruin anything. Your lack of readiness was the reason. Regardless of the fact, I don't play when it comes to disrespect and my mother. So, what you're going to do is gather your shit and leave."

Julissa pouted, "but... I'm sorry baby. Clearly I'm still a little high." She smiled, "forgive me."

"You need to go."

"So, you want me to come back later? Right? Dream and I can just wait in the bedroom while you and your mom have your talk. We'll be really quiet." She placed her finger against her lip.

"No, I need you to go... I will call you both an uber, but you need to go."

"Kingston, don't do that! We were just having the time of our lives. I just finished making you some chicken alfred-."

"He said that you need to leave!" My mother spoke up one last time causing me to roll my eyes. I let go of Julissa and stepped away, knowing my mom well enough; I knew what would come next. "I'm sure you are sober enough to understand that."

"Lady, what part of mind your business don't you understand?" Julissa asked, getting closer to my mom. I put my hand out to stop her but my mom stopped me instead. With a grin on her face she stepped forward until it was her and Julissa, face to face.

"Mom... I can handle this."

"No need." She said, peering deeply into Julissa's eyes. Dream, who was Julissa's friend stood up from where she sat and my mom gazed over in her direction giving her a death glare that made her have no choice but to sit right back down. Once she was, my mom looked back at Julissa and raised her hand, placing it directly against Julissa's neck. "Would you like to repeat yourself, Ms. Julissa?"

"Mom..." I said, getting closer. I watched as her grip got tighter and Julissa's eyes began to widen, she raised her hands to try and pry my mother's fingers off. "Alright mom, that's enough. I think she gets the message."

"Let her go!" Dream stood up and said.

My mother holding up her other hand, she stared into Dream's direction and in a chilling tone she asked, "would you like to join her?"

"Mom!" I shouted, stepping in finally and pulling her hand away from Julissa neck.

Julissa dropped down to the ground and gasped for air, while she rubbed at her neck. Dream coming to her side quickly to held her up. I also assisted in getting her up on her feet meanwhile my mother cracked her knuckles.

As soon as Ju was standing, mother stepped forward yet again, causing the two girls to flinch. "Mom." I said, standing between the two.

"I'm not going to touch her!" She said, holding both hands up. "I promise. I just wanted to say one last thing." She stared directly at Julissa, "I spoke to you before and it's clear that you don't listen so I want you to be made aware of the fact that I know where your new home is and if you plan to live in it one day, you'll stay the fuck away from my son." The smile quickly dropped into a straight face and for a moment, even I was petrified. "And if you don't. I swear, I will make sure to bury your body right on that same lot!"

"Mom!"

"Now, leave!" She finished and immediately, Julissa and Dream did that. They gathered their things in a hurry and rushed out of my door.

"With a threat like that I wouldn't be surprised if they press charges!" I threw my hands up and said, I walked over to the stove and turned off the burned before returning back over to the couch.

"Julissa is smart enough to know better."

"Regardless, you didn't have to do all that."

"I did." My mother walked over to where I was, grabbing a seat right on the coffee table so that I had no choice but to look at her. It was hard at first, but she gave me no choice. "You have been in a rut for too long and I tried the compassionate mother route, but it clearly was getting me no where."

"I need my time to heal."

"There's a difference between healing and ruining your life. That same drug nearly ruined your dream before."

"It helps me."

"No it doesn't! It ruins you and it brings you back to this dark place that you once worked so hard to get out of."

"I only had a little."

"Well thank God I came when I did because I would hate to see what a lot could do to you again." She reached over and grabbed my face. "Kingston, look at what you're doing to yourself."

"What I'm doing to myself?!" My brows lowered and I pulled my face out of her grip, "or what your dishonesty has done to me?!"

"Kingston."

"No mom, I wouldn't be in this place if it weren't for you! You knew something and you withheld it from me. You watched me mourn someone for months and the entire time you knew she was alive! You didn't have to tell me the details, heck, you didn't even have to tell me she was alive if it wasn't what she wanted! But you stood there and watched me kill a guy because I thought she was dead! You watched me cut that man's chest open and wait until he bled to death!"

"You didn't kill him, Kira did."

"You're missing the point here! Whether she did it or not, I intended on it and all for no reason. She was ALIVE!"

"I told you that I would've handled it but you insisted Kingston."

"You could've stopped me you wanted to! Don't act like you aren't capable of getting things to happen in your favour." I said through gritted teeth, "you know how my morals are set up, yet you watched me plan to kill this man and did absolutely nothing about it. The nightmares I had about him before, used to be cured with the thought that I did it all in good faith... but seeing Shai, alive made the nightmares worsen. Realizing I did it all for no reason, makes it hard for me to close my eyes. You could have stopped me and you didn't!" I felt the tears begin to well, "YOU HAD THE POWER TO STOP ME, YOU ARE MY MOTHER... YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED THIS FROM HAPPENING!"

"I CAN'T STOP YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" She shouted back. "I won't always be here to pull you back from making mistakes, I won't always be there to cover your tracks ever time you have a minor or major hiccup. Yes I am your mother and yes, I have always been able to fix things but in doing so I have made you weak. I have made you unable to see life without me in the picture. I let my overprotection of you realistically stunt your growth as the man that you need to be."

"What you've done for me in the past and what you should've done for me in that moment is two different things."

"No it is not." She shook her head, "I didn't stop you back there because I needed you to be able to make a choice for yourself. Ray was an evil person that needed to go for what he had done so whether you did it or me, it was bound to happen. So yes, I used that moment to let you make a choice for yourself! And just as I had expected, you froze until Kira came to do the honours. As usual, in every single area in your life; you froze... you got ready to give up. Just as almost did before your entry exam, just as you almost did before your boards, just as you did in terms of relationships, just as you are doing with Shai, your job, you overall life; Kingston! Do you not see?! Every single step of the way, I was there to catch you before you fell completely, I was guiding your hands through everything, I was your backbone. For once, I saw you ready to do something on your own and I chose to step back and not stop you, but in the end you froze! Which is what made me realize that I have failed you as a mother..."

I watched closely as a tear streamed down the side of her cheek, something I hadn't seen in what felt like forever. "I am sorry for my dishonesty but I refuse to apologize for the one time, that I showed you how life would be without me holding your hand." She continued, "it breaks my heart to see you suffer but as an individual you have to learn how to rise up, dust yourself off and continue... you need to realize that a day's going to come where having me around will no longer be an option."

"What... what are you trying to tell me?" I asked as I searched her eyes. My mother let out a shaky sigh before holding her head down. This small, timid side of her worried me to my core. "Mom, what's wrong?"

"I wanted it to be you because I knew that I could control your actions. You trusted my instincts, you always followed my instructions, you looked up to me as the leader I was and I knew that through you; I would remain that person. I knew that your last name carried enough weight to keep you safe and out of harms way. I knew that if I chose you, I would be able to stay alive long enough to see you... get married and have children..."

"I... I don't understand... What are you saying to me right now?"

"No one, no one understand." She scoffed, looking back up at me as she spoke. "Everything I did, every step I took was for a reason. I was once battered, bruised and I meant nothing to no one. I was the outcast, the underdog. I was kicked and kicked until I couldn't be kicked anymore. That beam, the light eventually dimmed and I knew I had to do something about it. I read about this tradition..." she began and took her time to tell me all about who she truly was.

My mother told me what it took for her to get there, how she earned the respect of the people she led, she told me about the blood she had on her hands along with the many nightmares that she also had to endure. My mother told me about my father being the cure to those nightmares, being the light she needed after all the darkness experienced overtime. Something that sounded awfully close to what I saw in Shai. Speaking of Shai, to top a heavy story off, she ended it with the truth that I had been seeking all along. The truth between what went down with Oshane.

We sat there in silence for a while, I tried to internalize everything she had mentioned. The timelines and dated making sense of a lot more than it had seemed. The strange behaviour of the people back there, the fact that we were so cared for, so well respected. Everything made so much sense to me.

I took my time to really process it all, until it finally hit me. I sat up and looked her deeply in the eye. "So..." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You promised dad you'd give it up." I said slowly, "but there is only one way to do that." My mother nodded. "But... why would you tell him hat?! You know what it means... the only way you can step down is if so-."

"It's time." She reached over and placed her hand against my cheek. "Your father, he's tired and has been through a lot being by my side. This peace, is something he has had his eye on for a while now... it is something that Nasir Hines deserves."

My eyes watered, "if you just explain this to him, he will change his mind."

"I am aware, which is why I can't do that."

"Yes you can! I can take the position if it means keeping you."

"No," she shook her head. "It's far too late for that."

"No it's not. I can do it! Just tell dad the truth and let him know that I have volunteered to do it. I will willingly do it."

"I can't let you, nor can I sit back and watch him grow miserable. This isn't something that makes him happy, it worries him day in and day out and I can see the stress it has brought him over the years. Nasir stood by me the entire time, he knew what he was signing up for, he knew what I was and who I was yet still he never left me, he never gave up." Another tear streamed down her face causing her to shut her eyes. "Your father saw that I was a broken girl and he made it his job to fix me, he gave me all the things that I never once imagined for myself. He gave me the things that I didn't think I was worthy of obtaining... your father, he gave me the love that I deserved alongside anything else that I desired. There wasn't a time where he said no, even when he couldn't; he tried. It is time that I do the same. This is what your father needs, it's time I live up to that promise."

"No... mom." I shook my head, "dad will understand why you need to stay."

"He will and he will act as if he's okay with it but I know him well enough to know that deep down he won't be. He wants to be free from this."

"This end result, it isn't fair. Why do we have to lose you in order for that to be possible?"

"Because I knew that this moment would come one day. I have been ready since I took this position and have been counting down every moment until this one right here. I am mentally and emotionally