Chapter 39.

*****

I rushed into the emergency ward's waiting room with Sergio, Clyde and Ben in tow and found Jordan on the floor, he was covered in blood. His parents were on the seats looking broken. Oliver was on the floor beside Jordan. He looked at me glossy-eyed and distraught.

"Oli." I knelt down. He shut his eyes leaning his head back against the wall.

"Ezra." It was muffled because his head was hidden in his arms. I felt my heart stop, a sick feeling rising into my chest.

"What happened – What happened to him?" I asked looking at Jordan.

"He - he got -" he sobbed, "I-It's my fault - I - we were at the park and he - he wanted ice cream, but he wanted to p-play with the other kids so I told him to stay put, it - it was just across the road, I th - I thought I was close by... I was in the store and - and there – there were shots outside -" he broke down.

My blood turned to ice in my veins.

"He... He got... hit?" I whispered. He nodded.

I felt my body weaken and I slumped down beside him, Oliver on his other side. "There were cars firing – probably some fucking gang members. Everyone ran but Ezra was too scared and I- I wasn't there. I - I left him the-there - I -" he sobbed. I opened my mouth but my voice was stuck in my throat.

It was us... it was me... I cleared my throat as I looked down.

I wanted to tell him Ezra would be okay, I wanted to tell myself that but it could be a lie. I opened my mouth and settled for, "It... It's not your fault."

He didn't reply.

I looked down. What have I done?

My throat felt dry, I probably wouldn't have been able to speak even if I wanted to. He had to be okay. He had to.

We waited for hours. We had all gone silent, save from some snivelling from Amy. Sergio had stayed, seated beside me while Clyde and the others waited outside and I felt sicker with every passing second, my head getting light and beginning to hurt. Why was it taking so fucking long?! Why was no one telling us how he was?!

"Ezra Brutes' family?" Jordan and I shot to our feet as his father did when a doctor spoke after he walked in.

"Where is my son? Can I - can I see him?" Mr Brutes stuttered desperately.

"Sir -" the doctor began.

"Where is he?" Jordan cut him off.

"Sir... I need you all to calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down! Where is he?! Where's my baby?!" Jordan's mom yelled.

The doctor let out a sigh and smiled. "He's stable." Amy let out a breath of relief and Greg pulled her into his arms as she began crying again. "His lung collapsed and we've had to remove the bullet lodged in his shoulder. He's also lost quite a bit of blood. We need to keep monitoring him so we're going to have to keep him here for a couple of weeks, but I'm positive he will make a full recovery."

"Is he awake?" Jordan's dad smiled.

"He won't be for a while." The doctor replied.

I looked at Jordan, he had not moved his head. Oliver gave me a worn out smile.

I reached out and patted his hair softly before I let my arm fall onto Jordan's shoulder.

"J, he's okay." I said. Jordan replied with a shake of his head, but didn't look up.

"Can we see him?" Amy asked.

"Not all at once."

Amy came over to us and knelt in front of us smiling.

"He's okay." She said cupping Oliver's tear-stained face before she kissed his forehead.

She ran her fingers through Jordan's hair and gave me a smile that completely contrasted with the fear in her eyes. I looked away from her before I pushed myself off the ground before I attempted to walk out but she grabbed my wrist. I didn't look at her. I couldn't look at her, not when I knew this was my fault.

"You guys go home, alright? Get cleaned up, I'll call when he wakes up."

"But Ma –"

"Oliver, you need to get some rest."

"It's six, I don't need to sleep." He replied. "I want to wait here." he added.

"Oliver, your mother's right. You should all get some rest, we'll stay here. You all need to –" Greg tried.

"We're not leaving." Jordan muttered. He had yet to look up since I walked in.

His parents sighted, there would be no convincing either of them to leave. I looked at Sergio hearing his phone go off. He gave me an apologetic glance before he frowned as he looked at the message. He looked back at me and I nodded. I pulled my wrist from Jordan's mother's hand and walked out with Sergio following me.

"I have to go." he said once we were outside. I nodded. "Hey," he pulling me into a hug, "He's okay. It's okay."

"No, it's not." I muttered leaning my head onto his shoulder as I sighed. I felt like crying but I wasn't going to. I wouldn't let myself. I didn't deserve to feel better.

"I know what you're doing." Sergio pulled back and frowned at me, "You're pinning this on you, aren't you? Alexander, this –"

"Is my fault." I said through grit teeth.

"They were aiming at us – at me, not you. And when you let them leave, you didn't know this would happen. He got hurt and it's my fault, Alexander, not yours. They wanted me. The bottom line is Ezra's going to be okay,"

"Barely." I said, "I knew – I knew this would happen. I knew something would happen." I hissed covering my face.

"They were not aiming at them to get to you. Jordan and Ezra were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, it could have been anyone or no one, but it isn't because of you, okay? Listen to me, no one except Kyle knew your name. No one knows who your friends are, no one was intentionally trying to hurt Ezra or Jordan. Trust me. They were aiming at me." He said grabbing my wrist to pull my hands from my face, I looked at him before I stepped back pulling my wrist from his hands.

I stared at him for a few seconds; his face was laced with worry and confusion.

"You're right..."I mumbled, "Maybe it is you."

"It is." he mumbled slowly.

"Right. Wherever you go someone's bound to get hurt – even if you don't intend for it to happen. I thought we could do this – I thought I could, you know 'what's the worst that could happen?'" I gave a dry cough of laughter, "That – that's the worst that could happen." I motioned towards the hospital.

"Alexander, wait –" Sergio tried.

"I can't do this. I hate what I feel like I am when I'm around you. I can't stand the thought of liking someone like you, but I do – I can't help it, it's driving me insane." I said, "I'm supposed to be sensible. I've always been the sensible one, the one who stops Shiloh from jumping off cliffs because he thinks the water looks like a soft landing, the one who stops drunk Jordan from getting into fights and drives him home, the one who tells Claire to lay off the asshole, but here I am, and I'm with you. And – and you're everything I hate... but I can't hate you. You lie, you steal, hurt people, you kill people, you..." I drifted shaking my head as I looked away from him and watched some family walk over to their car, the mother had a cast around her arm and her child seemed really interested in it. Good thing they weren't at the park today... I grit my teeth clenching my fist to try and hold back my tears. "I can't risk this. What happened to Ezra... if he..." I sighed trying to push the thought from my mind. "I can't do this, Sergio. I'm sorry." I mumbled still not looking at him.

I focused on another couple of people in the parking lot while I waited for him to speak or myself to grow enough guts to walk away from him.

"I'll stop." His voice cracked in a whisper. I looked at him as he swallowed and looked away from me before he cleared his throat and looked back at me. "I'll end everything... I promise." He said.

"You say that, but we both know it's not that easy –"

"Nothing is easy, Alex. I can stop all of this. None of this ever mattered to me, the people I've brought into it do, the people I love do. I don't care... Please don't do this, I need you... I'll end it... I- I love you." He let out a shaky breath as he looked away from me and shut his eyes only to have a tear run down his cheek. I gave a low chuckle hearing him mutter a curse as he completely turned around so he could hide it and wipe it away.

I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms under his shoulders and held them and as I leaned my forehead against him.

"You promised."

"I will." I let him go as he turned around but he pulled me back against him, "I just... we're dealing with something big right now and I can't just abandon everyone. I'll help them finish it off, I'll find out who did this and that will be the end of it. I promise." he said. "I'll see you later." He gave me a quick kiss before he turned to leave but I grabbed his arm.

I wanted to say no to finding the people that did this, revenge was bad. But if that bullet was angled just a little differently or Ezra got here a little later...

I grit my teeth together clenching my fist.

"Don't get hurt." I mumbled. He gave me a smile and nodded.

I watched as he made his way to the car and said something to Clyde who nodded before they all got in and drove from the parking lot.

I turned to walk back into the hospital but stopped as my eyes fell on the door.

I had no doubt that in Jordan's mind all of this was his fault, but it wasn't. If I told him the truth he would hate me. Would it really be that selfish not to tell him?

Yes. This would eat him up.

He'll be fine. Ezra's okay, Jordan will forgive himself eventually.

Forgive himself for something he had no part in and could not have prevented.

I sighed trying to gain enough courage to walk back into the room and look them all in the face knowing it was partly my fault that Ezra could have died, that he got hurt. The war in my head wasn't making it any easier.

I shook my head trying to clear it.

I sighed. Ezra would recover, Jordan will realise he had done nothing wrong, I'll help him with that and he will be alright. He never has to know that I was part of it...

I walked back into the hospital silencing my thoughts and hoping Jordan couldn't read my face. I spotted Jordan's parents in the corner of the room muttering to two policemen before I walked up to Jordan cautiously, his face was still hidden in his arms.

I looked back at the police and frowned. They really had to do this right now? Did they not understand what was happening? They finished their conversation with Jordan's parents before they made their way over to us.

"Mr Brutes?"Jordan looked up, his face made him look completely drained.

He gave a sigh dropping his head back down.

*****

I was going to make the shots kill Ezra, but I thought that would be too much death... (Ahem)

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