Chapter 24

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"Natty, baby..."

"Hmm?"

Bless her. She answered to her name in her sleep. It was fun when he had first discovered it, but it was short-lived, since she didn't make a lick of sense.

"Nat." He tried to shake her awake.

"Do you mind if I go meet a buddy for a drink? He's only in town for tonight."

God, he was whipped. He couldn't believe that he was asking for permission to leave, but the words were out of his mouth before he could have stopped them.

His phone was lit up in the dark. The text from his old team-mate has just come in, someone he wasn't expecting to hear from at all, someone that was closer than a friend, more like a brother. With their schedules, it was hard to find time to talk let alone meeting up face to face.

Natalia blinked slowly at him in the semi-darkness, waking up from the light cycle sleep she had been in. "Of course not. Text me if you want a lift back."

Why did he think she was going to make a fuss?He was pleasantly surprised that she hadn't. Would he had even stay if she expressed her displeasure? Gabe cast his mind back to what the old Gabe would have done. The old Gabe wouldn't even have asked. He would have just slipped out, maybe left a note if the spirit moved him to.

He had been a jerk of a husband. Away for most of the year and not physically there when he was back from deployment, prioritising his team over his wife. He didn't want to slip back into that mentality, where the Marine Corps owned him, body and soul, everyone else including him just  getting scraps.

He pressed a kiss to her temple, breathing in the coconut scent of her hair. She rolled over and snuggled into the spot he had vacated, hugging his pillow. Her breathing evening out, and settling into a content slumber. 'It must be nice, having a healthy relationship with sleep,' he thought. Just watching her sleep relaxed him.

He slipped on his previously discarded clothes and went to his car, parked outside her house. It was a short drive to the bar he was meeting his buddy, Ty.

"Damn you're old and ugly," Gabe laughed as Ty came into his line of vision at the bar.

"What's that pretty boy? This is what a real man looks like," Ty retorted with equal mirth. He was big, tattooed and hairy. Both beard and head sporting hair of equal length.

They hugged and the testosterone levels in the bar rose incrementally from their macho back slaps.

"What you doing in town, brother?"

"Just some personal business. How you been?"

"Good, man. Never better." It wasn't a lie, he hadn't been this good for years.

"I'm sorry I couldn't..."

"Nah, it's fine brother. I know how it is."

Handling training, workups and deployment, along with your personal life left you little time to look out for anyone else. Gabe got it, he didn't always get it, the bitterness at being left out to dry on his own had consumed him. But time did its thing and he could now look fondly back at his time in the service. Ty was one of the few of his team mates that he had been able to keep in touch with after he'd left; exchanging emails or quick texts. It wasn't often but he still appreciated it.

"How's contracting?" Gabe asked, taking a sip of his IPA.

"Just got back from a stint in the Yemen."

"Shit that was you?" Gabe asked, referring to a news article he had read recently, where some US State department employees had to be evacuated. The US didn't have an official diplomatic mission in Yemen, he guessed they were running some sort of off-book operation that required a quick response.

Ty leaned his head to the side in the classic, 'I can't confirm nor deny' tilt. Gabe whistled low.

"Things are hotting up over there, money to be made."

"Yeah, where to next?"

"Mali for Christmas."

Gabe made a face, taking in the irony in his words. He had been to Mali before, it wasn't any type of place to spend Christmas.

"Are you looking for a gig? I could do with a man like you."

"Just for Christmas?"

"10 days tops. You'll be back coaching high school football before you know it."

The offer was tempting. He missed operating with every fibre of his being. He missed the sense of purpose he had on missions taking out bad people who did even worse things. He missed the brotherhood and the adrenaline. Only having to live in the moment and operate at the speed of war. Living in increments of hours instead of days or weeks. It would be so easy to slip back into that routine. He knew if he got a taste of it, he'd be back operating with whoever would have him.

But he had worked hard to integrate back into civilian life. To find a different purpose, to find a new sense of identity and get to know himself again as Gabe, the man and not a Marine Raider that the US government had spent thousands of dollars turning into a lethally trained killer.

"I'm sorry man, I can't. One trip won't be enough."

"That's fine brother, I shouldn't have asked. You look like you're settling into civvie life."

"I am, it took a while. Some days are still hard." Some days he would rather be facing a barrage of enemy fire than the normal day to day civilian life.

Ty nodded, knowingly. He had done his 20 years in the military and now he had reupped for more, doing contracting, running away from his personal life. Between them were a slew of failed relationships; marriages and familial relationships.

It was no way to live and one of the traumatic aspects of war nobody warned you of in the recruitment office. It wasn't like they were going to preface signing up with: 'You're going to get the adventure you crave and world class training that pushes you physically and mentally and when we're done with you, we're going to leave you as a husk of a man that you once were. Oh and you're going to be alone because you don't have the mental capacity to retain healthy relationships.' Who the hell would sign up to that?

"I'm dreading retirement. I'm just trynna make bank so I could live in a cabin somewhere and not worry about any financial bullshit."

"And you're gonna get there, brother," Gabe reassured.

They chatted for a while, catching up on the rest of the team and what they were up to and reminisced about some of their old missions. It was nice. Gabe had missed this. The easy camaraderie with someone who knew exactly what he had experienced abroad. Where things could be left unspoken.

"Right, I gotta go, I've got an early start tomorrow. It's been real catching up. Don't be a stranger."

"Likewise, lemme know when you're free again."

"Lemme know when you wanna be downrange again." And there it was, that offer, tempting him.

But he thought back to the woman waiting for him in bed. She made his head spin just by walking into a room. She annoyed him to no end, testing his patience to its limits with her lack of awareness of how bad this world could be.

The things he had seen, the things he had done.  Things so terrible, they kept him awake at night. Hoping and praying, that if God even listened to the likes of him; that he would accept his repentance.

She soothed him. Her naivety and inherent belief in good was a soothing balm. Seeing her untouched by all the evils and going-ons in the world, told him that perhaps his time in the military had been worth something. Some days he didn't feel worthy of redemption at all but she made him want to try.

Gabe drove himself back home, he had barely touched his beer so he didn't need to take Natalia up on her very sweet offer. His girl was fond of her sleep, he'd feel awful if he woke her up just to drive his drunk ass home. Besides, at his age drinking and early mornings didn't mix. His weary body had been through far too much without that added stress.

He let himself in, with the keys he had swiped from its hook in the hallway on the way out. He'd need to talk to her about that too. It wasn't very secure.

Brushing his teeth as quietly as he could, he slid back into bed. Natalia was somewhat of a heavy sleeper, but the dip of his weight on the mattress alerted her to his presence.

"Oh, hey, Gabs," Nat whispered. She gave him a sleepy smile that absolutely wrecked him. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, baby I did." He pulled her closer till she was draped over him. It was their new normal.

"I'm glad. You need to have more fun. You're so serious all the time."

"I have fun with you."

"Yeah, monogamy made some points. I'll give her that."

Gabe chuckled, and Natalia let out a smaller feminine chuckle at her own quip and then yawned midway. Sleep catching up with her. It was 2 am after all.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Sleep." He kissed her on the forehead.

He wasn't going to be able to sleep much. Maybe he'd be able to drift off for a short nap before either his alarm or broken circadian rhythm woke him up. The past few days, with her in his arms every night he had gotten used to getting more sleep than usual.

Natalia reflexively snuggled deeper into his arms as she tried to get comfortable enough to fall back into sleep, burrowing herself into his arms, and his heart if he was being honest.

She was lodged there, in the caverns of his tatted organ, so deep that he couldn't fathom leaving her. His oblivious girl, that had no idea the depths of his feelings for her. It would derail
their relationship completely if he left for Mali and that wasn't something he was willing to risk. If this was the new chapter of his life, he was all in. He just needed to find the courage to tell her.

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Whew! This was a heavy chapter. I'm taking bets on who's going to say the L words first 🤣. Let me know your thoughts x

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