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"Lacey." My dad says warningly, raising his eyebrows at me as I climb the stairs of the bleachers to where they were sitting.

"I know dad I know." I say with a small sigh as Leroy and Jacob ruffle my hair.

I sling myself into an empty seat between Bea and Leroy. Looking down the aisle. There's an empty seat between Jacob and Dad.

"Where's mom?" I ask dad.

"Not here." Jacob says drawing his lips into a thin line.

"Molly?" I ask confused as to her whereabouts.

"Her boyfriend." Leroy says jokingly pointing to Molly who's chatting to a junior reaching for his bag.

"Right. Don't give her the big brother, dad talk please." I say with a small chuckle as all three of the males give me a look. "That was bad enough for me with Tommy."

"How was hanging out with your boyfriend?" Leroy asks me.

"I don't have a boyfriend." I remind him with a roll of my eyes as I scan the players on the team in search of Seth.

"So you weren't sitting on Seth's legs and him holding your hands?" Jacob asks with a chuckle. I look past them at my dad who only chuckles, still looking forwards to the warm-up.

"I was fidgeting and angry, he was making sure I was alright." I say with a roll of my eyes, returning my eyes to Seth on the field. "You guys are so set on us but it's really not like that." 

Seth's hands rest on his hips as he points and shouts things at his team authoritatively. His hair messily across his eyes as he runs his hand through it.

Wow.

His eyes move up and search the bleachers like he's looking for someone. He spots me and gives me a nod. Well maybe it's to Bea, but she's looking at her phone.

I give him a wave back anyway. He grins and returns his attention to the game.

After a while, the whistle blows and the players make their way to the field to begin their game. I watch as the ball flies back and forth, like a tug of war. The opponent school boy's team is a lot better than their girls. Much like ours to say.

"I'm going to grab some food would you like some?" Bea asks standing up and grabbing her wallet not long after the second half commences.

"No thanks." I reply with an appreciative smile. She offers to the others before taking her leave. As she starts up the stands Molly comes up from the bottom. Wearing a boys hoodie. She goes to push past me towards her seat but I grab her hand and pull her down into the seat where Bea was sitting.

"Spill." I say looking at her expectingly with a grin. She immediately blushes.

"Chase Saunders." She says trying to hide a smile.

"No shit!" I say excitedly. I had heard only good things about this boy. I'd talked to him a few times in passing.

"I know." Molly says with a grin.

"Aww Molls that's so good I'm so happy for you." I say pulling her into a hug.

"Now Bea and Luke finally have to finally get together, and don't even get me started on you and Seth." Molly says with a roll of her eyes.

"Me and Seth aren't going to happen. He doesn't like me like that, I don't like him like that. Bea would never that happen." I say with a small sigh and look to the field. Shouts fill my ears as there's some pushing and shoving on the field.

I spot the number of our teams and immediately I stand up. Suddenly I spot the broad figure I've come to look for so often, his arm pulls back and my heart rises in my throat. A loud thwack meets my ears as his fist connects to his opponents.

"Seth." I gasp out and start rushing down the stairs towards the field.

They're in a full blown fight now.

I climb over the metal barrier and jog onto the field towards the field. Guys are trying to pull them apart but both the boys are shoving others away. Seth's tackled to the ground but quickly rolls onto the guy, pulling back his arm to bring it down.

The fight is broken up, pulled apart by refs and team mates. I wait on the side of the field, near to the boys coach who's face that is riddled with annoyance. 

Everyone is yelling, shouting. Seth is heaving in heavy breaths. I can feel myself becoming more and more overwhelmed with each breath he takes.

The ref blows a loud whistle and pulls a red card on Seth. He throws his hands up in distress, arguing about the other guy who gets off scot free. Eventually, the ref begins leading him towards the penalty bench.

Wasn't this familiar?

"You want to go calm down Seth over there?" Coach asks with a sigh handing me Seth's water bottle.

"Sure." I say with a nod.

"Grab something for him to keep warm." He replies as I begin to jog to his bag to do just that. I pull out his hoodie and jog down the sidelines as the whistle blows and the game recommences.

"We are not having the best day are we." I say as I slide onto the bench beside Seth.

"No, we aren't." He says breathing out through his nose. I offer him his hoodie but he shakes his head, he accepts the water.

"You okay?" I ask him, surveying the bruises forming on his cheekbone.

"Yeah." He says blandly, keeping his eyes directed towards the game.

The woman who stitched me up comes half running half walking down the sideline and to where Seth and I are sitting.

"You two huh?" She asks raising her eyebrows. I just nod and Seth ignores her. 

I thank the woman as she finishes patching Seth up, after she takes her leave he grabs my hand, lifting it to his face. 

"You're cold hands come in handy." He mutters, his eyes directed at the field as the game unfolds. 

A steady tapping rattles on in the background and I notice Seth's leg tapping agitated. I place my hand on his leg to calm down his agitated tapping, he flicks me a knowing smile.

"Stealing my moves Lace?" Seth asks flicking me an award winning smile.

That fucking smile.

"I own your moves, Nixon," I reply.

I go to pull my hand away but Seth's leg immediately starts bouncing again. I place my hand on his leg again giving him a sideways glance. Where I see the corner of his lips tug into a little smile. I see your game, Seth Nixon.

The game finishes with a whistle and Seth makes his way onto the field while I go find Bea to go change. I had to shower before my therapy appointment, I didn't want to go reeking of sweat.

I take the bleachers two at a time to the row my family and Bea's are sitting.

"Shower?" I ask Bea as I reach it. She nods and slings her bag over her shoulder. I grab my bag from my abandoned seat.

"I'll see you at home later." I say waving to my family.

"We're going to the Nixons for dinner." My dad informs me from where he's chatting away to Bradley.

"I'll see you at the Nixon's later." I correct myself before making my way down the bleachers in stride with Bea.

***

I wait next to Seth's locked car. The carpark is full of cars, everyone was slowly trickling to change or parents were caught up chatting to friends. Anxiety and doubt were building up inside me like a skyscraper. I wasn't ready to open myself up again was I? I didn't need therapy did I? No I definitely did.

Thoughts were thundering through my mind like a hurricane. I barely noticed the car make an unlocking sound before movement catches my eye.

"Hey sorry I took a few." Seth says as he makes his way to the boot, grey sweatpants, school hoodie, bag slung over his shoulder.

"No worries, you were quick." I say with a shrug, climbing into the passenger seat after chuckling my gear bag into the boot.

"How are we feeling?" Seth asks me as he starts up the car engine.

"Scared. Very fucking scared." I say truthfully pulling a leg up on the seat and wrapping my arm around it, hugging it tight for comfort.

"It's going to be alright okay. She's amazing. And if your uncomfortable I can come in with you for a bit? Or you can come into mine to get used to her beforehand?" He suggests taking my hand and squeezing it gently before letting it go.

"Can I come into yours? I don't want to wait in the waiting room by myself." I ask timidly fidgeting my hands together.

"Of course." He says with a soft smile.

My heart absolutely melts inside. The amount of care in this boy is truly astounding. We drive, chatting about the game and the fight. Before I know it Seth's pulling into the carpark outside a large building.

We step into the elevator and make our way up to the thirty-fourth floor. In the elevator ride, I can feel my heart thudding, trying to push through my chest. My legs shake as if their life depends on it. My hands clench each other again and again, unclench, clench, unclench, clench.

"You okay?" Seth asks me, a worried crease appearing in-between his eyebrows. I nod at him, my mouth unable to form words.

He shakes his head and pulls me into a hug, rubbing a hand up my back gently.

"You forget I know when you lie." He says as he pulls back after the elevator dings. The doors tug open and we make our way into a hallway. Bordered with frosted glass walls.

"I know." I say with a grateful smile as Seth moves towards a large open, double door. I step through the glass and a calming smell sifts into my nose.

The room is decorated tastefully, splashes of soft blues, neutrals, plants scatter the room, but there is one large wall of plants, arranged perfectly on a rustic wood shelve spreading across the whole wall.

"Heya Seth." The receptionist says cheerfully, a young woman, intern maybe? Around 20, nicely groomed.

"Heya. Can I check in for two appointments today thanks?" He says as he walks up the front desk, I follow him cautiously looking around the room.

"Of course." The woman says with a smile.

"What name is the other appointment made under?" The woman asks tapping away on her computer.

"Lacey Carter." He says grabbing my hand and giving a tight squeeze and throwing me a small smile. I give him one back as he drops my hand again.

"Ok, no worries. She'll be out shortly." She says gesturing to the waiting room seats. Seth nods his head in the direction of the seats and follows him. Plonking myself down onto the couch.

I tap my knee nervously, fidgeting with my hands.

"You alright?" He asks me, his eyebrows drawing up in concern.

"Yeah." I say with an easy nod. He shakes his head at me and takes my hand in his. Holding it softly. Before it pulls out his phone and taps away with his other hand.

"Seth." A modern younger woman calls from where she opens a door.

"Hey, Astrid. Is it alright if Lacey comes in with me?" He asks gesturing to me.

"If you're comfortable with that I have no issue with that." She says giving me a generic smile.

"Great." He says pulling me up by my hand and not letting go as he leads me into the door that Astrid holds open.

He gestured for me to sit in an armchair next to the sofa which I perch into carefully.

"Ok let's get started shall we." Astrid says closing the door and rustling through a small file. She flicks through it carefully before nodding and taking out a notepad.

"So anything you would like to discuss first of all?" She asks carefully.

"Uhh yeah there's a few things. Um, I haven't been sleeping that well lately, I wondered if that's because I'm off the anxiety meds now or just my mind busier than normal with a bunch of conflicting feelings going on." He says running a hand through his hair. Before resting his hands on his knees.

"Ok. So going off the meds shouldn't have an effect on your sleep unless the psychiatrist's prognosis was incorrect which is very possible. Now, what are the conflicting emotions or feelings you are feeling?" She asks writing a small note down in her notebook.

"What we discussed last time still." He says vaguely raising his eyebrows.

"Ahhh. I see. Have you discussed these feelings like I suggested last time?" She asks, placing her hands one over another pen in the top hand, between two fingers.

"No, I have not. But I don't think that will be a possibility for a while." He says with a nod.

"Okay. Well, the best you can do for now is accept them and allow yourself to feel these things. Whatever your feeling I say accept that and don't try to disregard those feelings with logic." She says easily. My eyebrows shoot up at how much I actually needed to hear that.

"Ok, now questions. How are you finding school?" She asks flipping to a page in the file.

"The same. Well, it's almost finished so there's that. Which definitely isn't helping. I feel like there's not going to be many people I miss which I hate because obviously, you know graduating high school is a big part of your life and I don't feel those nostalgia moments or I don't feel anything except the usual. Which sucks like hell because I feel like I'm missing out." He answers quietly.

"Just know you are not missing out. Everyone's brain is wired differently. It's perfectly okay to feel this way. Missing your friends and high school in general, that stage might come a lot later on, like when you're in college. Also, it's good that you're not feeling too much about it as that means your anxiety isn't trying to overcompensate." She answers with a nod as she scribbles away on her notebook.

The appointment carries on as I listen in. Becoming comfortable that I am in good hands.

"Ok, that's us. Lacey would you like Seth to stay in?" She offers. I nod, while Seth gets up pointing to the couch. I switch seats with him and let out a sigh.

"So I have a few files here from past psychologists, therapists and councillors. But tell me a bit about yourself and your journey so far." She says kindly.

"Well. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 13, but it was an issue before then. I had my first attempt when I was 15. My dad signed for me to be put in a psych ward my mom hated that so she told everyone I was in Scotland on an exchange. Um yeah." I say fidgeting with my hands gently.

"So your mom doesn't accept your mental health?" She asks me taking a note. I shake my head.

"She believes it's just a phase, that I will grow out of it." I say with a small nod.

"And how often do you have thoughts about harming yourself." She asks carefully.

"A lot less now, but maybe like a couple times a week." I say truthfully with a nod.

"How often does suicide cross your mind as a serious option?" She asks again carefully.

"Once a week it feels like. It kind of comes in waves. I'll be numb for a while, which is better than feeling everything. And then all of a sudden everything comes crashing down around me and I can't do anything. I just down sleeping pills and sleep away until my family members intervene. It's fine when I'm at school or soccer, they kind of distract me. And I'm able to go about my day. But when it hits that makes everything 100 times harder." I say carefully, staring at my bitten nails.

Astrid talks me through my daily life and offers a few things for me to do daily in order to help me feel more at ease with myself. I find myself becoming very comfortable with her and opening up about a lot of things I haven't really told anyone.

"Ok, that's us for the evening. When best suits you to come in for another appointment? Right after Seths again?" She asks pulling up her diary.

"Yeah that works." I say giving Seth a small smile. To which he returns.

"Great. We can work out a payment plan next time but consider this a complimentary appointment." She says with a grin.

"Thank you so much. It was lovely meeting you." I say shaking her hand before following Seth out the door.

"You too." She replies, as I smile and click the door shut behind me.

"That wasn't too bad was it?" Seth asks me grinning as he presses the elevator button.

"That was. Needed." I say with a nod stepping inside the elevator. 

"I'm glad you enjoyed. Astrid really is great." Seth replies, giving me a genuine smile. 


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