Fake a smile

a laugh

pretending to be

everything I'm not that is

until a certain

blue eyed boy

swoops me off my feet

with a charming smile.

***

 All day long Mom has been rushing around, agonizing over every detail of the house to make sure there is not a speck of dirt. I don't know why she cares so much when everyone will be outside anyway.

The backyard is decorated in lights, some hanging from the trees, some pitched into the ground. There is a stained wooden deck on the lawn, which looks like a stage but has been set up for tables and chairs. It looks fancy, most of the credit going to my brothers and Dad.

"Where's Daniel?" Dad asks again, wiping his forehead of sweat.

"Picking up his guest, remember?" I say, not bothering to tell him he's asked twice already.

Daniel left a few hours ago, going to pick up his mysterious guest that no one knows anything about, nor will Daniel give any hint to whom he or she is. Aidan and Ben have a twenty dollar bet going on whether if it is a girlfriend or not. My guess is that it's a girl, but not a girlfriend. 

My brothers are not players, our mom taught them to have more respect than that. They don't have sex with a girl and dump her before the sun comes up.

The summer air is warm, humid. I sit out in the chair on the deck, watching my brothers lug extra tables and chairs from the shed.

"Why aren't you helping? Too good for that or what?" Quinn asks and I shrug as he slams down the chair he is carrying beside me. 

"I'm lazy, remember asshole?" I snap back. Quinn glares at the name, but before he can get a word in, Jude comes onto the deck, placing down a table. He narrows his eyes at the two of us.

"Quinn, Dad wants you to go inside and help Mom," he says, coming to stand beside Quinn. Quinn gives me one last glare and sprints towards the house, just as Mom comes out the back door, calling for Quinn.

I chuckle, shaking my head.

"What's up?" Jude asks and sits down in the chair Quinn just put there, stretching out his legs. After the accident at the first of the summer, I've become distant, not talking for the first week after the accident, barely coming out of my room. Jude and Aidan came and made me get out of bed, forcing me down the stairs to eat and then outside for fresh air.

The sirens, the screaming, and the cries of my family are still fresh in my head as I lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. It is almost one in the afternoon, and I still haven't moved from my bed. My mom has tried to get me to come out of my room, though I had refused.

Its been a month after the accident, and today is a bad day. It had been a sleepless night, and my face is tight from the tears that had been shed.

"Em? Open the door," Jude shouts from outside the locked door, rattling it. I ignore him and wait for him to give up and leave, like most of them do. I hear Jude say something to someone, and then it goes quiet until there is a small click and my door pops open, revealing my two older brothers Aidan and Jude.

They both have dark bags under their eyes, looking sad. I watch them as Jude walks over to my window and opens the blinds while Aidan comes over and kneels beside me. He gives me a sad smile before throwing the covers off me and taking my arm.

"You can't be like this. Mom's worried, Dad's worried, we are all worried," Aidan says, pulling me up out of bed even though I try to be limp but Jude helps Aidan by taking my other arm and the two of them place me between them, forcing me to walk.

"I just want to be left alone," I say, pleading for them to leave me alone, but Jude shakes his head and sighs.

"I know but you can't lay in bed all day. I won't let you."

So we go down the stairs and into the kitchen, where a bowl of cereal and toast are waiting. Aidan and Jude watch me eat, talking about something that happened this morning. After I'm finished, I turn and start up to my room again but Aidan grabs my arm tightly and pulls me outside.

"Oh no you don't," He says, dragging me to the backdoor. "Let's get some fresh air."

Outside, our parents are sitting on the side of the lake, watching the rest of the boys in the water. Quinn is playing with Joey and when he sees me, he glares. Daniel, Logan, and Ben grin when they see me and get out of the water.

"Emma, baby, It's good to see you," my mom says, as if I had just gotten back from a year long trip. I try to smile, though I just end up frowning. Even though my family tries their hardest, eventually I end up back in my room.

Days like those are hard ones and all I want to do is stay in my room with my blankets over my head.

"I'm back!" Daniel yells, coming around the house holding a girls hand. Jude and I share a glance with each other and look back to Daniel. I guess this is the moment of truth if Daniel has a secret girlfriend or not.

"Beatrice, this is Jude and Emma. Jude, Emma, this is Bea, my girlfriend," Daniel says, looking over at Beatrice with a slight smile.

Aiden won the bet. Bea had long blond hair that was pulled into a tight bun and blue eyes.

"Hi, Emma. I've heard a lot about you," Beatrice says and she tucks her blonde hair behind her ear. I'm at loss for words for a second before smiling and shaking her hand. It's not like I could say the same thing, is it? I give Daniel an evil eye while she hugs Jude politely. My oldest brother shrugs as to say 'sorry'.

Daniel whisks Beatrice away to introduce her to our Mom, and Jude is scolded by Dad for sitting around when he should be helping. I stick my tongue out at my older brother.

"Andrea is coming over soon, your Mom wants you meet her at the front door." Dad says, and Jude smirks as he walks beside Dad and sticks his tongue out, mocking me. Andrea and I have been best friends since we were little, when our parents met each other and set up a play date. We have been inseparable since.

Tonight will be the first time seeing her this summer since the funeral. I shut everyone out and that counts my best friend too. don't get me wrong, she did try her hardest to get me to go out with her, but she eventually just left me alone.

I stand up and walk to the front door, sitting on the front step and wait for Andrea to come with her parents and older sister Cassie. Cassie is the same age as Logan, so they are good friends. Andrea and I always thought that they would make a cute couple. We even tried to set them up once but they just wanted to be friends.

"Emma!" My head snaps up at my name and I see my best friend running toward me, pulling a wagon behind her. Andrea has long red hair and green eyes with freckles. When she reaches me, she wraps her arms around me and squeezed.

"Ugh! You're smothering me!" I let out a laugh, and Andrea lets go. Tracey and Philip, Andrea's parents, stand behind her and smile.

"Everyone is around back," I say, pointing around to the back of the house. Tracey gives me a hug and takes the handle of the wagon before and she and Philip go to find my parents. Andrea and I walk out into the back yard silently, not saying anything.

"I'm sorry for being such a shitty best friend," I say, breaking the silence.

"It's fine, Em. Besides, I still love my shitty best friend," Andrea says, grinning.

I laugh, giving her a side hug.

"Oh, thanks,"I say, rolling my eyes. We sit down in one of the chairs by the deck. It feels good to know that I still have a best friend, that she accepted it isn't exactly an easy time. My brothers friends and their families start to show up, meaning some people will be here from school. Well at least Aidan's and Ben's friends from their senior class.

"So are you ready for school tomorrow?" I groan at the question but shake my head. Who is ever ready to go back to school? Not me. Andrea loves school though, for reasons I will never understand why.

"I wonder if one of us will get Mr. Newt. I swear he gets hotter every year," I say, curling my nose up and look at my best friend. Andrea is no doubt imagining of Mr, Newts body, with a questioning look.

"Can't you day dream and stalk guys our own age, not thirty somethings? Sometimes I worry about you." I laugh, shaking my head pretending to be exasperated. Andrea makes a face.

"Come on, just admit it, Em. Mr. Newt has a rockin' body."

"Maybe if I was a thirty year old woman, then yeah maybe."

"You're missing out," Andrea says, sighing. She grins, nodding with her head to the where people are coming in. I look and see that it's Austin Moore and his Mom. He's dressed in a dark polo shirt and black cargo shorts. Behind them, Jude and Logan's friends walk in.

Austin looks around, catching my eye and flashes me a smile. I smile back before he starts talking to my brothers and his other friends. Andrea nudges me, and when I turn to face her, by the look in her eyes, I know she just seen what had happened.

"Austin Moore just smiled at you...are you hiding something?" I narrow my eyes at her.

"No. Of course not. We just ran into each other at the park yesterday and talked for like a minute. Like literally ran into each other,"I say, scoffing.

Andrea grins.

"That's just the beginning." She mutters. "Did you hear that Carla Dean has a new boyfriend?" Andrea asks before I can ask her what she means.

"Really? Who?"

"Adam Pratt. He's from the neighboring town. I heard that he street fights."

"Boyfriend or not, she'll still try and get in all the boys pants," I say, laughing. We scrunch our nose simultaneously, knowing it's true. Andrea continues to tell me all the gossip that I missed during the summer when I was holed up in my room until eventually my Dad announces that the hamburgers are cooked.

As I eat, I look around and see my Mom talking to Tracey and Diana, laughing loudly at something Tracey whispers as she motioned with her hands. I notice Aidan and Ben laughing with a bunch of their friends, fist bumping them. I see Daniel smiling as he talks with Bea on his lap. Jude and Logan are chatting with my Dad and Philip, Quinn twisting around them as he and his friends chase Joey.

I can't help but think of Tyler, who is the only person missing from this event. It suddenly makes me angry that they could be this happy without him. I stand up, dumping my food into the trash and begin to walk in the house.

Inside, as I begin to talk up the stairs and into my room, tears threaten to spill over. One picture catches my eye as I sit down on my bed. I reach over, picking it up and run my fingers over the photo. Its of Tyler and I when we were at the lake last summer. Tyler had the same dark hair as I do, but mom's hazel eyes.

"Shouldn't you be downstairs?" Startled, I look up and see Austin leaning on the door frame, a frown on his lips. He walks inside my room, surveying it.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" Austin shrugs, grinning when he picks up a stuffed black dog that is dressed up in coveralls. I stand up, and wonder why this boy is in my room. "Mr, Snuggles does not like to be touched."

"Oh, well sorry...Mr. Snuggles," Austin says , apologizing to the stuffed dog with a grin on his lips. He puts Mr. Snuggles back on the shelf and crosses his arms over his chest. "I need the bathroom. They are both in use. I noticed you were missing and decided to check on you."

"Well, here I am," I say. I hear the water running in the bathroom and then a door open. "I think the bathroom is free now."

Austin peeks around the corner. "Thanks," Austin says and leaves my room. I hear the door to the bathroom shut. Out of my window, I see people milling around, laughing. Its almost dark and my dad and Philip will soon set off the fireworks.

"So, are you coming down for the fireworks, or are you going to be anti-social?"

"I'm not anti-social, I just don't feel like being around people," I say to Austin, who is back in my bedroom. "I feel like I have to entertain them."

I turn and notice he's standing two inches away, grinning.

"What if you just entertain me? Come on, have a little fun." Austin pleads, and I know that he is trying to flirt with me.

Where are your brothers when you need them?

I roll my eyes. "Fine," I say, smiling and his green eyes light up. A shiver goes through my body, down my spine.

"Don't look so excited," Austin says, winking. He teases as we go down the stairs, "So, I barely seen you all summer. Did your Dad finally take his threat of locking you away seriously?"

I chuckle, and open the back door to see people gathering around the lake.

"No. It was quite the opposite actually," I say, but he knows that already.

Andrea is talking with a girl from school, her eyes widening when she sees Austin and I together and wiggles her eyebrows. Austin looks down at me from the corner of his eye.

"I'm sorry about Tyler. He bought the best out of anyone," Austin says, sadness in his eyes. At the mention of my little brother, my heart sinks a bit. What Austin says is true. Tyler had the ability to make anyone laugh.

I nod. "Yeah he did."

I look up into the sky and watch as it is lit up with fireworks, the loud popping making Joey cry in excitement. Austin wraps his arm around my shoulder and once they stop, he leans down in my ear.

"I'm sorry for this but-." 

Confused I glance up to see Austin with a mischievous grin but before I can ask what he means, I am picked up and thrown into the lake. Coming to the surface, everyone is beginning to jump in, laughing and yelling.

I search for the boy about to endure my wrath when I feet a tap on my shoulder. I turn and see Austin who is grinning from ear to ear. I narrow my eyes, then splash him with water, making him sputter.

"You shouldn't have done that," Austin says, smirking. He splashes back, oblivious to Jude and Daniel sneaking up behind him.

"You shouldn't have messed with our sister," Jude says, chuckling.

Austin doesn't have any time to react, before my brothers dunk him under the water. 

He comes back up and a war begins.

After night time has come, most people have left, so there are only a few people hanging around. That includes Austin, Andrea, her parents and my brothers friends. We sit around a fire my Dad made before the parents go inside. Austin sits beside me, wrapped in a towel, roasting a marshmallow.

Andrea sits beside me, but her attention is focused on Henry, Ben's best friend. Mr. Newt is undoubtedly long forgotten. I turn my own marshmallow in the fire, wanting it golden brown.

"You're on fire," Austin says, and I turn to him confused.

"Excuse me?"

Austin points and I follow his finger to see my marshmallow on fire, burnt black. I gasp and blow on it but it's lready burnt to a crisp. He pulls the marshmallow off his own stick, which is golden brown.

"Here. You can have this one," Austin says, sighing as he hands over his cooked marshmallow to me.

I smile and take it gratefully. "Thank you."

"Anything for you Emmie," he says, winking and smiles.

    ***

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