Suvarna's POV

*From fifteen minutes before Shishir walks into the room.*

Side cupboard he said but which one? I start opening the ones nearest to the door and come up with stationaries. Next has various electronic stuff. Why does he have so many laptops I wonder to myself.

I opened the next one and see it has some piles of papers, soft toys and various other colourful looking things. Though I cannot see at one go what they are I do realise this cupboard cannot hold Shishir's belongings. The things are too colourful to be his,

Out of curiosity I peered inside. I let out a small gasp at what I saw. Not just soft toys, it was full of things which seemed not just brand new but also more suitable for a girl's use. A sudden jab hit my chest. Am I jealous? Maybe I am.

For almost ten years we had been out of touch. Besides we had parted unexpectedly and had been best friends, not girlfriend boyfriend.

During those years he must have met so many people and made so many friends and surely many must have been girls. Did he buy gifts for one such or some of them?

I shook my head berating myself for such thoughts. It is quite normal for buying gifts for friends whatever may be the gender. However what was not normal was to have a cupboard full of gifts, brand new things as was obvious from their condition.

Maybe they belonged to Varsha bhabhi? She loved to shop. But then why would she shop and leave unused stuff behind in London?

Suvi! Stop overthinking, I told myself firmly and shut the door of the cupboard. I will ask Shishir about it.

But then, why should I ask? Will it be proper to ask? Will it not seem I am being nosey? He may have asked me to be his girlfriend but that does not mean I can stamp all over his private space.

Of course I can ask! It is just a simple question. After all he asked me to look into his cupboard and that is when I saw these things. Even if I had not been his girlfriend still I could ask why he has so many unused things of girly interest.

I closed my eyes and will these dual thoughts to calm down. I opened the door of another cupboard with more force than required and a bunch of papers slipped out and started falling.

"Oh no!" I muttered and tried to stop them from falling by placing my hand on the side of the shelf. I picked up the few that had already fallen on the floor to put back when a single word caught my attention. 'Suvi'

I frowned confused to read my name on a scrap of paper and looked at it closely and felt my heart sink when the entire sentence came into view.

'I hate you Suvi.' It was in Shishir's handwriting. I could not mistake his handwriting.

Maybe this was something he had scribbled years ago, when he had just come to London? He had mentioned he had written many angry letters to me that he had never posted.

But he had hated me? I know he had been angry and rightly so but what had made him hate me?

I looked at the small bunch in my hand and my curiosity getting the better of me started glancing at another paper. 'I hope you are never happy in your life' I gasped stunned. It had no name but it was obvious it was directed towards me.

I slumped to the floor clutching the bunch in my hand.

'You are the most selfish being who deserves no happiness.'

'I hope you get separated from all your loved ones.'

'You don't deserve any happiness you selfish girl.'

"Your dreams will never come true.'

The words started to get hazy as tears spilled over from my eyes to my cheeks. I felt my shoulders heave as a sob raked through me.

Did he really wish me bad? The words were angry rants, all just single sentence scribbled over scraps of paper but each of them wishing me ill.

I took a deep breath and ventured into the shelf in front of me. I picked up another pile of paper. These looked like letters.

I read the first one. Rather tried to read. It was all filed with hate words that I did not have heart to even read.

I had never realised his level of anger towards me. I flipped to the next sheet, then next and next. Barely reading more than a few words. I felt my heart squeeze tightly in my chest.

I felt a movement and looked up and met Shishir's eyes. He had a stunned expression on his face as he looked at the sheets around me obviously knowing what they were.

"Suvi-" He said his voice barely audible as he moved towards me. I could not move my eyes away from him as he approached closer.

He fell on his knees and reached a hand towards me. I pulled back almost instantly as soon as his hand touched me. I could not help it. His bitter words lay heavy in the air almost as if he had actually uttered them to me.

I saw his face take a desperate look as I pulled away but right now I could not care.

"I knew you had been angry but did not realise you hated me." I said feeling a fresh wave of hurt take over me.

"No! No Suvi- Please- I-" he stopped as though looking for correct words, He leaned forwards and took my hand in his and I snatched it back as though he had burnt me.

Shishir's POV.

I felt like my heart lurched down to the pit of my stomach. She is cringing away from my touch.

I flopped down sitting in front of her as my heart continued to sink in a dismaying manner. I looked at the pile of papers in front. I don't know why I never threw these angry rants of mine. Maybe because anything related to Suvi, good or not good I could never disconnect myself from it.

I gulped in an attempt to calm myself only to realise my mouth had gone completely dry and I had nothing to gulp down to my very parched throat.

"Why Shishir? Why? Just because I tricked you into taking that flight to London? Because I let you believe I would be accompanying you as well to a holiday along with our families?" Suvi asked her eyes now more angry than hurt.

I sighed and shook my head. I saw her frown in confusion at my denial. "I had been more hurt than angry for that." I said quietly. I remembered the feeling of being betrayed and tricked all those years ago. "I had wanted to ask you, call you and ask you why did you do it?"

"Then why didn't you?" she challenged.

"I did. But you were away- on picnic." I said remembering.

"Picnic? Shishir I have not been to any- since you left." She looked at me as though doubtful of my call.

"Suvi I really had called- one month after reaching here. I got the first chance then." I said softly.

"First chance?" she asked confused.

"I had no money Suvi. " I said beginning to see through the fabricated tales woven around us. "After I reached here for first couple of days I was sure you would be coming even if you were not in the flight with me. Then as days went by I realised that I was not here on holiday, but had been shifted here. I immediately threw a tantrum and created a huge issue about it. Papa was furious and cut off all my allowances. The home phones were locked and I had no mobile then."

I looked at her and saw her looking at me with a blank expression, not giving away what she was thinking. All those years ago Papa's actions had seemed like punishment for my conduct. Now it was becoming more and more evident that he had not wanted me to cnnect with anyone back home, not even with Suvi.

"When I finally got some money, borrowed it from Ben, the owner of the house I first lived in," I explained " I sneaked out early morning and called your home number. Someone answered and said the entire family had gone for a picnic and you had organised and planned the whole thing."

For a brief second her eyes showed surprise before her expression went blank again.

She got up and turned her back to me. I felt she had shut me off and immediately sprang to my feet and went near her. I longed to pull her to me and tell her to forget all these words she had read but somehow felt she would push me away and this thought was killing me.

"So you believed whatever was told to you and started hating me?"

"No!" I said then stopped. She was not wrong. But fact was I was told a lot more that that one picnic.

"I was angry Suvi and felt betrayed- by my best friend and reacted accordingly." I said though my actions seemed unpardonable to even myself now.

"Angry enough to wish I live a unhappy life Shishir? To hope my dreams are never fulfilled?" she spun around to face me tears freely rolling down her cheeks and hurt in her eyes.

I closed my eyes knowing she was referring to the one liners I had scribbled all over the place the first year I was here.

"Suvi if I say that was a teenaged Shishir it would sound like an excuse. But Suvi believe me no matter what I wrote, what I told myself I could never hate you."

"Then Shishir why did you so easily shut me off from your life?" She said shaking her head. I felt anger right then even though I was feeling guilty for ever being so hurtful in mu=y thoughts for her. "Shut you off? Never really." I said and grabbed her hand

She tried to pull it away and that made me angrier. I dragged her along with me to the adjoining cupboards and flung them open one by one, pulling her along with me as I did so with one hand.

"Shishir leave me!"

"Never." I gritted

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Break time!

Pause guys if you want. Then read on! This confrontation was much needed if they want to come clean with each other so this is slightly intense in emotions.

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Suvarna's POV.

He took me by surprise and pulled me along with him. He forcefully flung open the door panels of various cupboards including the one I had opened, full of unused things.

I ran my eyes through the four - five cupboards in front of me and my eyes widened at the contents. There seemed enough to open a store. I turned my head from left to right looking at whatever was visible a trying to figure out what was the meaning of all this?

I pulled at my hand Shishir let go as he leaned and picked up what looked like a batch, a memento like batch. "I brought this just after that phone call. I saw it with a street side vendor." Shishir said softly a faraway look on his face as he thought back to the moment.

I peered at it "A cactus?" I asked in surprise when I saw the image on it. Suddenly I remembered. Years ago I had a sudden urge of collecting cactus plants. Shishir and I used to hunt for them in shops, in woods and would try to add to my collection.

My heartbeat picked up as I tried to understand what this meant. Shishir pulled out a blue soft toy and I saw what it was. A blue stuffed elephant. I reeled back as I remembered yet again how badly I had wanted one after seeing one in a magazine. We had hunted in shops but no one had what I was looking for.

Why does he have things that I had once wanted or had? Some words on the door of a Cupboard caught my eyes and I shifted it to read 'Suvi'

Feeling I was in a state of shock I looked at the door of another and that too had 'Suvi' written on it.

I looked at Shishir who was looking at me with a soft expression on his face. "Over the years if I bought something for me, I had to buy something for you. Even if I did not buy anything for myself I still had to buy for you. Sometimes on occasions, or many times just like that."

I ran my hand through what lay in the cupboard right in front of me. Pencils, pens, ribbons, dolls, photo frames, coffee mugs- I don't think he has left out anything.

He bought all this for me?

"Why Shishir why did you buy things for me when you hated me, wished me ill?"

I saw his expression fall at my words. I had to harden myself. This was not making sense. The harsh words of the chits and letters had cut a very deep wound whereas his gesture of buying things that were so evidently connected to me just did not go along together.

My mind was a confused place right now. I was hurt, very hurt and angry that he had been so bitter towards me no matter what and a warmth was fighting for dominance for his obvious sweet gestures.

No! I cannot! Will not let his words be forgiven so easily.

"You think it is okay to hurt someone, wish her ill and then buy material things for her so that all can be justified."

"Of course not!" He said his face going red.

"See? Even when I speak out your actions you get angry and yet you actually did those things." I picked up a bunch of the said scribbled words lying around. "These Shishir Mehrotra are your words, your thoughts for me. You wrote what you felt, believed about me. No matter what. Nothing changes that fact." I said flinging them at him.

I saw him flinch as he stared at the papers as they floated down. I avoided looking at the cupboards in front. I knew If I did my anger, my hurt would just melt away and I could not let that happen.

The look on his face almost broke me. He looked so broken that I wanted to just put all this aside and hug him and say 'Never do that again.' and push all this behind us. But I know that will not bury this issue. I have to believe he will never get so bitter towards me again, Words will not suffice.

"Tell me what can I do to correct it?" He said his voice trembling. His agony was my breaking point. I looked away. "Nothing Shishir. Nothing can fix this."

"Suvi!" He whispered his face going pale. "I - I will fix this. I promise you. I-" He lurched at me pulling me close.

"Shishir life is not perfect. I am not perfect. I will make mistakes. We will hurt each other in some time or other. That is normal in life, part of life." I said feeling my own voice shake. "I am not saying you had no right to be angry or hurt with me. You had been lied to. I can understand that." I stopped. It was difficult to speak when he was holding me so close, when his eyes begged me for forgiveness. I looked away and pulled myself out of his arms.

"Shishir every time you are angry with me you will lash out at me with bitterness, wish me bad and then go and do things which are close to my heart. You think that will fix the harsh thoughts against me?

"Suvi when I bought these things for you I was not trying to fix anything. Not at that time. I was acting on instinct. Doing what came naturally to me." He shouted his face gaining colour.

I came forward and held me by my arm. "Shishir let go!" I shouted.

"No!" He said pulling me with him again.

I hit out at him with my fists. "You are hurting me!" I shouted. He ignored and dragged me into his walk in closet. He let go of me with a force and I almost fell.

He slid the panels all around. "What are you doing?" I asked breathlessly.

I need not have wasted my breath. The closets revealed clothes, shoes accessories- as normally closets do. But what was not normal here was there were more clothes for female than male.

I looked at him stunned. "Suvi you never went out of my life. Never!" He said quietly. "This room has never been mine. To me it had always been ours. You have been my driving force, in anger in happiness, in living every second of my life."

I did not know what to say. He came closer "Even when I was angry, bitter towards you, my first and natural instinct had always been to reach out to you."

He came and stood right in front of me. "I know Suvi you are right when you said nothing can fix my bitter hateful words."

I stared at him speechless. "Suvi, will you help me fix me? I know I am not perfect, just like you are not. But I need you. Will you be my guiding source in actual meaning? He asked his voice breaking.

I wanted to shout 'Yes' and just drown myself in his embrace. But a stubborn part of me made me hold back.

"I need time to think." I said and rushed out of the room but not before I saw his devastated look.

"What are you two-ouch!" Paresh's voice sounded as I ran into him on my way out of Shishir's room.

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Break time!

What do you all think about Suvi's reaction? Is she right? Or is he being harsh? Do you think Shishir's bitter words can be ignored now that he has shown he never really let go of her.

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Paresh's POV.

Suvi's tear starined face told me something was wrong. What could have possibly gone wrong now? I stepped inside Bhaiya's room. Hesitantly.

For some reasons he never encouraged anyone in his room. He used to make sure anybody entering did not stay here long. But right now I needed to find him and ask what was going on.

I looked at the papers lying around and the open cupboards. I picked up some papers. It did not take long to understand these ere my Bhaiya's anger filled words. Of course it ws an easy guess for whom the stuff in cupboards had been bought.

But where is he? I saw the closet door open and walked in and froze at the sight. Shishir Bhaiya was sitting leaning on one panel his eyes glazed.

"Bhaiya!" I rushed towards him and knelt down.

"She hates me." his voice sounded raspy.

"No Bhaiya! You know-"

"I lost her! Pushpi-I lost her!"

"Pushpi??" I blurted then mentally kicked myself.

"Oh sorry." Bhaiya said his tone monotonous. "Poppat I will never be able to win her back."

I tried to ignore the name he called me and stared at him closely. He seemed to be in a state of shock. God my bhaiya really cares about Suvi!

I touched his hand and almost gasped at how cold he felt. He will fall ill like this! "Bhaiya!" I shook his shoulder but he continued to stare in front.

Shit! What exactly happened to scare him like this? They had been in here not more than maybe twenty minutes and already things seemed totally messed up.

"Paplu what am I going to do?" He wishpered.

I closed my eyes. Paplu!! But the good thing was he spoke. I thought for a second, making up my mind.

"You are right, you can do nothing." I said sitting down beside him. His sharp intake of breath told me he had heard me.

I went on. "You have lost Suvi. She has gone out of your life. She hates you. She will probably marry Rahul or maybe become Adarsh's girl-" that's all I got to as I felt myself being flung on the floor.

I hid a smile "PARESH!" shouted bhaiya looking like he could kill someone right now.

He said my name correctly! Yay! Bhaiya is back!

"SHE IS MINE!" He shouted and charged out of the room.

I smiled as I raised myself from the floor. "Yes she is yours. You will not have it any other way." I told myself.

&&&

What do you think will happen now? Will Shravan be able to win Suvi's trust back? Is Suvi right to do what she is doing?

Please do vote and comment guys.

Love from me to you.:)

"Pre cap Chapter 31.

Suvarna's POV.

"Even when I was angry, bitter towards you, my first and natural instinct had always been to reach out to you."

Shishir's words kept ringing in my ears. What was I doing? Why am I being so stubborn? But I know I am not wrong.

I jump as the door of my room flings open and a furious looking Shishir strides in.

Before I can react he pulls me towards him and picks me up! "Shishir!" I shout. He ignores me as he flings me on his shoulder and strides out of the room.

Enjoy guys, Buh bye till next time.:)