Cluttered Thoughts

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Tobias' POV

   As the sun shined through my curtains, I couldn't help my thoughts drift off into a million things. Yet everytime my mind wandered, it always led to two people. Two people who've managed to do nothing but fill my mind with these thoughts that will push me over a cliff.

Michelle.

The girl I so desperately wanted to spend the rest of my life with, have kids, grow old and watch our kids grow so our bloodline would grow. The girl who made me better. . . Yet threw it all away for a guy who would never treat her with the amount of praise I gave her.

Ethan.

The new kid who's managed to make me second guess everything I do in my everyday life. I like him, I do. It's not the type of like I have towards Dylan and Cameron. No, it's more than that. I love it when he looks at me and asks me questions because he cares. When he kisses me, it's like I drift off into another dimension. The feelings he makes me feel is. . . dare I say. . . Better than Michelle has ever made me feel.

But life would be so much easier if it was Michelle. With Ethan, not jumping ahead of things, but with him there's a chance that I might lose everything I've built for myself and possible even my family if even an ounce of what we're doing comes out.

The crazy part is, when he looks at me and I mean really looks at me, a crazy part of me accepts the idea of being with a guy or at least being attracted to one.

Before my mind can drift off more, Ethan pops back in my room.

"You haven't moved an inch since I left, have you?" He said with a light laugh. His lips were plumped red but that's because he had just finished brushing his teeth.

"I'm too tired to move." I groaned, as I stretched my body in the most unattractive way humanly possible. Suddenly my bed dipped just a bit and I knew it was because Ethan came on. I opened my eyes and just saw him sitting on the end of my bed, in nothing but boxers, looking outside my window.

I didn't have the prettiest view but some would say it was nice. It was just trees and some bushes with flowers, yet he was looking at it like it was the most beautiful thing in the world. I got up, and scooted my way behind him, placing my hands on his thighs.

"Whatcha' doing?" I whispered in his ear. He smiled and leaned his head back into me, his eyes sealed shut.

"Just thinking. . . About all of this." He sounded hurt by it all, and it worried me sick.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. . . I just know that when Monday comes, we're going to have to pretend that none of this happened. So I want to enjoy ever. . . last. . . second, before I walk out that door."

"You're not leaving now are you?" I was planning on spending the morning with him, as crazy as that sounded.

"If you want me to." He turned his head to face me. I leaned in and kissed him before his thoughts wandered to a dark place. He placed his hand on my neck and pushed us both back down on my bed.

He began to kiss me all over, while I just laid there enjoying every second of it. With Michelle, I always have to do the work, it felt nice having to just lay back and enjoy the kisses for once.

Although, the more he began to kiss me down my chest, the more happier I go in other places.

"Ethan. . ." I was completely breathless. He sat up and looked me in the eyes. I've always admired how he gave me his full attention, "maybe we should. . ."

He looked down at my boxers and suddenly his face got red, "I. . . I didn't know, I'm sorry—"

"No!" I laughed as I sat up on the bed, "don't be. . . I just really liked your kisses." He seemed so, not used to the idea of turning guys on. I'm starting to believe he hasn't had that much experience. Then again, what inexperienced guy would jump to kiss a guy at a party, who they barely even knew.

"Oh."

"Maybe, I should go shower." I ruffled around my bed and grabbed my phone before kissing him on the forehead and making my way to the bathroom.

+

Ethan has managed to make us pancakes, eggs, and bacon, while seemingly cleaning every dish and is now currently kicking my ass at Naruto. Yes, I'm a junkie when it comes to Naruto. I watched all the shows and I'm currently still doing so, and waited second after second to pre-order the special edition game for my console when I had the chance.

"Huh, I'm starting to think you're just letting me win." He teased as the word "winner" shinned on top of his character and "loser" shined on mine.

"Shut up," maybe I'm taking it personal, but even Dylan hasn't beat me, and he was as hyped to get the game as me.

"Awe, is the big baby sad?" He cooed as he poked my face. As his finger went in to poke me again, I grabbed his hand before he could. Suddenly he gasped, yanking his hand away from me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's fine, don't worry." He was rubbing his hand, almost coddling the pain away. But what pain? I barely put force when I grabbed his hand.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to, I swear."

"No, it's fine, I just have these. . . These. . . I don't know, flashbacks. It's just weird."

"Flashbacks of what?"

"Nothing." He said weirdly quickly. He was hiding something from me. I can tell.

Out of nowhere, he grabbed my face and kissed me, something he's very used to doing by now. Then again, I knew it was his way of pretending nothing happened, which made it clear,

he's keeping something from me.

_____
A/N
HEYYY! Guys we're supper dupper close to 100k reads, like omgggggg!!!! I'd never imagine that a story like this one would be the story that reached the milestone of 100k. But we haven't reached it yet so let's not jump around yet

*even though I really want to*

And I say "we" because you guys are the ones that show me the love and support that gives me the energy to write! Although I am re-writing this story, people who've been there from the beginning, supported me when I said I was starting from scratch and redoing this story. It was you guys, so when we reach this milestone, just know you guys got it there, not me....

'Cause all I'm doing is writing the story, its you guys who are reading and voting and leaving beautiful comments :)

Ily guys <3

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