Alexis

"Hi," Fred greeted, "sorry, traffic was terrible."

I smiled up at him, accepting his kiss. "It's okay, I just got brought back."

"You feel okay?" He asked, gently rubbing my face.

I nodded, a soft smile on my face. "A bit better than last night."

"Good," he said, pressing a kiss to my forehead. He shrugged out of his jacket and sat on the stool next to me.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. King," the nurse greeted, shooting us a warm smile, "are we ready for an ultrasound?"

"Absolutely," Fred answered, grinning as he grabbed my hand.

I clenched his hand when I felt the cold gel being spread across my stomach, giggling. "Kinda tickles."

The nurse smiled and turned off the lights, and the screen popped up in front of us.

There was a silence, an unusual one. The three of us looked a bit confused at the sight before us. An empty screen.

The nurse tilted her head over in obvious confusion. "I'm not picking up a heartbeat."

I felt it- I knew I did. It seemed like in that very moment, everything made sense. I'd felt empty for the past two days, but I didn't want to even think that this was a possibility.

Fred looked over at the nurse. "W-what does that mean?"

I looked over at him, biting down on my lip.

"No," he said, shaking his head, "maybe he's hiding. Maybe he's already a prankster."

The nurse sighed and turned off the machine, making me blink back tears.

"Right?" Fred asked, his voice breaking.

"I'll give you two some time," she said, gently rubbing my arm. She wiped the gel off of my stomach and walked out of the room, leaving Fred and I.

"It's not real," he said, shaking his head, "it can't be."

"It is," I whispered, dropping my head.

We sat in the silent room, only the sound of my heart pounding through my chest. He stood up, gripping his hips.

"We almost had it, didn't we?" He asked, looking over at me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, letting out a silent sob. "What did I do wrong?"

"Baby," he said, rushing over to me, "this is not your fault."

He knelt down and placed his hands on my face, looking up at me as he wiped my tears. "It's not your fault."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, sobbing into him. He rubbed my hair, pressing a kiss to my temple.

I sniffled, pulling away from him. "I'm so sorry."

He flexed his jaw, pulling me into his arms. He held me close, his jaw pressed against my temple.

"We need to leave," I said, pulling away from him, "I can't even look at it, God."

I wiped my tears, looking down at the ultrasound machine.

Fred pressed a kiss to the back of my head. "Come on."

He led me out of the room and the nurse shot me a weak smile. "I'm sorry."

I bit down on my bottom lip. "Is that what it's going to be?"

I looked back at Fred, making him look down at me.

"Is that the reaction I'm going to get from now on?" I asked.

He sighed. "I'm not going back to work."

We walked out of the building, making me turn around and wrap my arms around his neck. I held him close, realizing his arms were the only place that felt safe right now.

"You should go back to work," I whispered, burying my face in his neck.

"There's absolutely no way. I don't want you to be alone right now."

He pulled away from me and brushed my hair away from my face, nodding down at me. "I'm staying with you."

~*~

Jo

I rang the doorbell of Fred's penthouse, waiting patiently on him to open the door.

He hadn't returned my texts or calls, and he hadn't come back to work. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

The door opened and I looked towards it, seeing him standing there.

"Hey," he greeted.

"You didn't come back to work," I said.

He stared at me. Like he was staring into my soul, but like he was empty. He looked drained.

"And you didn't return my calls or texts, I was just making sure you're okay."

"We lost the baby," he responded, his eyes still glued to mine.

I, now, felt selfish. I let out a sigh, raking my hand through my hair. "I'm so sorry, man."

He closed the door behind him, chewing on his bottom lip. "I'm hurting."

I embraced him in a hug, patting his back. "I know you are."

Fred King hadn't sobbed, in front of me, in about twenty years now.

"And I can't break down in front of her," he said, pulling away as he rubbed his eyes, "because she needs me. She needs me to be strong for her."

"Hey," I said, placing my hands on his shoulders, "I'm not going to tell you that it's okay, because you've got every right to be an absolute fucking mess right now."

He stood against the wall, sniffling.

"Fred, I am so sorry," I said, standing next to him.

"That was my boy," he said, looking over at me, "that was supposed to be my boy."

I bit down on my lip. "Listen, Fred. I'll tell you one thing, I think you were put on this earth to be a father. Maybe not now, but it'll come."

"I wanted it now," he snapped, looking over at me, "I mean, how fucking cruel is that? To dangle that shit in front of me and take it away, just like that?"

I dropped my head, folding my arms over my chest. "He knows what He's doing."

"Yeah, tell someone else that right now," he said, sniffling as he pushed himself off of the wall, "I've never seen her like this."

"Fred, I'm telling you," I said, "there's a reason for all of this."

He nodded, gripping his hips. I knew he didn't believe me, but he didn't have the energy to disagree or argue any longer.

"I'm gonna stay with her," he said, sniffling, "tomorrow. If that's okay."

I nodded. "Take all the time you need."

"Thank you for stopping by," he said, rubbing his eyes. I could see his bottom lip quivering, so I embraced him in a hug.

"Does anyone know?" I whispered.

He shook his head, sniffling into my shirt. "And it's gonna stay that way. Until we can figure out a way to tell everybody. Lex, she'll tell Lena. At some point."

I nodded, flexing my jaw. "Fred, you call me. If you need me, I'm always here."

He pulled away from me, clearing his throat as he nodded. "Yeah."

I gripped his shoulder before he could walk away, my jaw taut. "Are you okay?"

He shook his head, looking back at me. "No."

~*~

Fred

I woke up to the sound of sniffling. I jolted up, rubbing my eyes.

I could see Alexis curled up outside, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The door had been left cracked, so I felt the cool Chicago breeze rushing through.

I stood up, slipping into my sweatshirt. I walked outside and sighed, tilting my head over.

She looked back at me. "Did I wake you?"

I walked over to her, picking her up from the chair. I, instead, sat down and she curled up in my lap, silently crying into my chest.

I rubbed her hair, resting my chin on top of her head. "Shh."

"Why wasn't I good enough," she whispered, bunching up my sweatshirt.

I looked down at her, biting down on my lip. "Lex, don't say that."

She let out a shaky breath, wiping her eyes. "Please stay home tomorrow."

I pressed a kiss to her forehead, holding her close. "I was planning on it."

She leaned her head against my chest. "Did you tell Jo?"

I nodded, sniffling. "Yeah."

She looked up at me. "Are you okay?"

I rubbed her cheek with my thumb, nodding. "I'm okay. I think I've got a cold."

I'd been truthful earlier- Alexis needed me to be strong for her now more than ever. I didn't want her to see me break down.

"He would've been funny," she sighed, "and smart, and athletic."

I nodded, resting my chin on top of her head.

"And so beautiful," she said, her voice breaking, "and I never even got to see it."

I squeezed my eyes shut, blinking back tears. "Yeah, he would've been perfect."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, crying into my sweatshirt. "It just won't stop."

I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her as close as I possibly could. I never wanted to let her go, I could've stayed here for forever.

After a few minutes, I heard the soft purr that she made when she was asleep. I pressed a kiss to her cheek and decided I wasn't interrupting her sleep if I didn't have to.

I covered us up with the blanket she'd had wrapped around her, propping my feet up on the table in front of us. I leaned back, resting my head in the crook of her neck.

I looked up at the sky, counting the stars. One was shining a bit brighter than the others, making me smile.

"I love you, little man," I whispered, and soon enough, I fell asleep with Alexis.

~*~

hi guys. this chapter was extremely emotional for me.

i knew that this pregnancy was going to result in a miscarriage. i knew it was a shaky subject to touch, but i wanted to touch it. ive had people in my family, very, very close to me experience a miscarriage. the idea breaks my heart in half.

but miscarriage is nothing to be guilty or ashamed about. i want everyone to know that. i don't want to say too much about it, just because i don't want to touch on anything too delicate for anybody.

but i wanted you guys to see that it's not perfect. that it doesn't always work out the first time.

thank you guys so much for the constant support. i love you guys more than you'll ever know, and i hope you guys are staying well and safe.

all my love,
jay