(Unedited, 2nd draft)

Chapter 12: Feeling

I lay here in the guest bedroom of Chance's mom's house with Ayanna sound asleep next to me. I haven't been able to stop pounding on what his mother told me earlier on how Chance always having a soft spot for me. What I couldn't understand if he felt this way, why he doesn't tell me. I looked around the moonlit room knowing I wasn't going to get any sleep tonight as long as I dwell on this unanswered question.

Getting up I walked out the door to Chance's bedroom door to talk to him but contemplate against it. Apparently that every time we try talking we ended up fighting. Walking out into the low light hallway, I took in the quietness of the house. How everyone was having a peaceful night when my mind was running a mile' a minute. Going past Chance's room, I couldn't see any lights on telling me that most likely he was asleep.

Going down stairs thinking a glass of warm milk would help ease my mind and help me sleep. I turn on the kitchen light and went to the fridge to get the milk and heating it up on the stove before pouring it into a mug. Once it was all done, I walked outside to enjoy the crisped cool March air.

At first I didn't see him sitting by the pool till I walked closer to the pool and saw him sitting there, in some basketball shorts and a white shirt. The closer I got I could see how he was soaking his feet in the water while drinking out a bottle of liquor.

"Chance," I let myself be known, so he didn't think I was spying on him. "What are you doing out here?"

He turned to look behind him at me, before turning back into the pool "Just go back to bed Milly. We don't need Ayanna scared if she wakes up and see you missing, in an unknown place." He commanded, taking yet another drink.

"Believe me that girl is dead to the world at the moment. I haven't had a problem with her waking up in the middle of the night since she was a baby," I try to make light on the situation while sitting cross-legged next to him. "So why aren't you asleep like everyone else?"

He looked over at me, I took in his glossy green eyes, telling me that he was undeniably drunk at the moment. With the dark circle that had appeared under his eyes from the lack of sleep, I could sense that I needed to get him to bed and stop drinking. "I could ask you the same thing."

I let out a deep sigh knowing this wasn't the time to talk about what his mother told me, with him being drunk. "Just thinking about things."

"Same here." he answered, looking away from me and back at the water under us.

"You want to talk about it?" I asked, bring my mug down next to me.

"What's the point? We'll just start fighting again. That's all we do is argue with one another, which gets us nowhere from solving our problems." He replies taking yet another drink from the bottle. "I know you hate me, Milly. You think I'm just this player who got you pregnant and didn't care a rat's ass about you, but that's not it at all. When you left I felt as if my soul dead, putting me into a deep depression. Then I saw you walk out of the elevator that day at the hospital and I felt alive again. The selfish part of this all was when I was holding you after your father passing. I was over the moon, knowing I had you back into my life. Milly, you're like a drug to me that I can't live without. That's why I fight with us so much, because no matter how hard you push me away, I'm only going to fight that much harder. Then hopefully one day you will see that we're meant for one another."

I was baffled by his statement that I was unsure on what to say that, wouldn't lead to us fighting either. I was just as tired of it as he was. We need to learn to get along, for Ayanna sack and not hold the way he was when we were younger against him anymore. "Chance..."

"Don't Milly I told you, I don't want to fight anymore. Let's just sit here and enjoy the quietness of the night," he interrupted, bring the bottle to his lips.

"Can I ask you one thing though? I promise it's nothing bad leading to us getting into a fight." I question feeling nervous about his answer about what his mother told me. He just shook his head without looking at me. "Are you in love with me?"

That's when he snapped his head over at me and started running his hands through his already tangled hair, "Yes, Milly, I am. God, I thought you would have already known, without me having to say it. Why else would I be fighting with you at every corner hoping that one day you'll see that we're meant for one another?"

I was speechless with how easy it was for him to amend how he felt, but yet to say the words themselves. "I don't know Chance I just figured you were trying to push your way in because of Ayanna." I commend back.

"Yes, our daughter does have a little to do with it. Even if she wasn't around though I would fight just as much as I am now. Why do you think I always sent you those emails, I wanted you to know that I cared about you and wanted us to work out." He replies back picking up the bottle. "Now you know the truth about how I feel and why I've been so pushy can we please not fight and just enjoy the rest of this peaceful night?"

"Okay, Chance." I said, picking up the mug and started leaving him to his own thoughts, "Goodnight."

I went to turn around when he got my leg, "Please don't go. Stay with me."

I was finally starting to feel tired as a yawn slipped out, "I'm sorry, but it's getting late and I'm starting to feel sleepy." I explain looking down at his pleading eyes, for me to stay.

He released my leg and stood up swaying back and forth. "Then let's go to bed." He said walking over to me swing his arm over my shoulder, turning us around to walk back into the house. After walking up to the stairs to his bedroom door, he pulled me away and continue walking down the hall. "No, I'm taking you back to yours and Ayanna room."

Once inside I could see Ayanna was still in the same spot she was in when I had left. I walked over to the bed with Chance still hanging on me. "We made one beautiful daughter. Maybe one day we'll have a son just as perfect." He said sitting down on the bed looking down at her. He combed his fingers through her blond hair, before letting out a deep sigh. "I know it wasn't right to get you drunk that night and sleep with you, but it brought this beautiful little girl into the world. The only thing I regret was not letting you know how I truly felt. Maybe if you had known then you wouldn't have left and I could have helped you raise Ayanna." He made light on. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol going through his system to make him open up, but I was glad to know how he was truly feeling.

I sat down next to him looking at our daughter along with him. "It's not your fault you weren't around, it's mine. I was selfish and thinking the worst out of the situation when I found out. I never gave you the break you wanted to prove yourself. I just ran away from it all, not thinking about those I hurt in the process." I could feel the tears start to fall down my cheek, thinking about how I hurt my family and his when I found out I was pregnant.

"Milly, please don't cry. I'm not mad about this. You said you give me a chance to become a part of your life. Even at the end, we just stay friends, I'll take it." He responds, bring his hand up and wipe the tears away from my cheek. "I can only hope that one day you will accept me and let us be a family. Right now I would give my life to be that with you and Ayanna. I want to be able to lay down at night holding you, knowing our little girls next door fast asleep. But I know that too much to ask for you right now, so I'll take what I can get for now."

Trying not to fight with him and the things he was opening up about I just keep my mouth closed and laid down next to Ayanna, making Chance stand back up," Goodnight Chance, I'll see you in the morning and we can discuss this more when we're both well rested." I said, wrapping my arms around Ayanna pulling her to me, closing my eyes. Only for moments later to feel the bed, drop on the other side of her.

I opened my eyes to see Chance laying there looking back at me. "What are you doing?"

"Going to sleep next to the two most important people in my life." He replies, closing his eyes while wrapping his arms across Ayanna and me.

I could feel her being smoother into my chest and knew if we stay like this she would suffocate. "Chance, this is sweet, but you're smothering Ayanna. She might have problems breathing between the both of us."

"But I don't want to sleep alone in that cold bed." He replies back with, making a small whimper sound. Knowing it was probably the alcohol having an effect on him, I decided not to fight it. We had carried on a decent conversion outside and I didn't want to sour the night with us fighting.

"Then help me scout Ayanna over and you can sleep next to me." I said. He stood back up pulling Ayanna at the end of the bed before jumping over us making the bed bounce, cause our daughter to wake-up.

"Stop jumping on the bed Daddy, I'm trying to sleep." She whimpered before turning her back to us and snuggling her face into the pillow, falling back to sleep instantly.

I turn to look at Chance behind me and raised an eyebrow at his sheepish smile, "Sorry," he mouths while wrapping his arms around Ayanna and me, only for her to wiggle away. He brought his other under the pillow we were sharing. I watched has his fingers played with Ayanna hair, "Goodnight to my Lilly and my special little angel." He stated then kissing the back of my head while pulling me close to him to give Ayanna room to move in her sleep. Falling asleep once again in Chance's arms.

*****

The following day went by pretty quietly, beside Chance complaining about his head hurting. When we woke up, he had been clueless on how he had gotten to bed with Ayanna and me, which just made me laugh. I wasn't sure if he remembered our talk by the pool and how he confessed how he felt about me, but I hadn't asked him either. He never came right out and said he loved me and my small part of me was glad. I still trying to wrap my mind around that fact he had those keep of feelings.

Most of Sunday thought was just Ayanna playing with Chance's mom while I just sat back and watched. Chance at one point join us while watching a movie laying down on the couch, I was sitting at alone, using my lap as his personal pillow. Remembering that he was nursing a hangover, I just let him stay there. At one point, he grabbed ahold of my hand and entangled our fingers together before falling asleep. When I looked over at his mother who was holding a sleeping Ayanna I notice how she was watching us with a smile on her face. I guessed she like the fact I was showing some kind of affection to her son, but on the inside I was still scared of what would happen if I did let Chance in. That's when I decided to just let things happen on their own, thinking it would be best for all us in the end.

That night when we were all going to bed, Ayanna had asked her dad if he was sleeping with us again. Chance had looked up at me saying that it was up to me, but Ayanna had insisted. I didn't fight her and knew she was just wanting to spend time with her dad. We all crawled into bed this time with Chance between us. Ayanna was snuggled on one side of him, as I turn my back to him on his other side, with one arm wrapped around me still.

Monday morning finally arrived with Chance and I headed to my father's lawyer's office to talking about his last wishes. It still sadden me to know that I wouldn't ever be able to see him again, knowing I was the cause of missing out the last seven and half years of his life. The tears started flowing down once again, but the time Chance pulled up into the parking lot.

"Milly, it's going to be ok." he tried to comfort me. He grabs ahold of my hand as I watched him run his thumb against mine. "I'll be here with you every step of the way. I'm not going anywhere. No matter what the lawyer says about we will find a way to work it all out, I promise."

I shook my head in understanding not trusting my voice at the moment. I let go of his hand to step out of the car only for him a grab it once again. It took everything in me not to pull away, but I knew he was just trying to show me some support throw this part of my life. A part of me knew from that night at the pool that he was here to stay and the sooner I accept it the faster we can move on.

Walking in I hear a woman's voice break through the lobby "Chance?" Turning around I saw a blond hair girl about my height walking over to us. "Is that you. What are you doing here?" she questions him.

I looked over at Chance thinking how he knew this lady. "I'm here on business." He answered with unitary behind his voice. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

She laughed at his question, which I saw nothing funny about it. I wanted to know how this woman was just as much as he did. "I guess you won't remember me since it's been about two years and the last time you were pretty drunk. But I remember that night like it was last night." She walked right up to him about the time Chance had a death grip on my hand. She ran a perfectly manicured finger down his chest. "Best night I've ever had. I won't mind having a repeat sometime." It was like she hadn't even seen me there or that we were holding hands.

I watched as Chance smirked down at her. It was the same smirk I saw back in high school, meaning trouble was right around the corner. "Then you will have to keep hoping because I am a taken man now." he told her, turning his head to look down at me giving me a real smile. I couldn't understand what it was I was feeling, but it warmed my heart to hear him turn down this woman. "The only woman I will be clawing in between the sheets with is my Lilly."

"Lilly?" I heard her voice break making me look back over at her. She had an unpleased look about her face as she eyed me up closely with disgusted. "This is the girl who broke your heart, though."

Even though I was already aware of that, it still hurt to hear a total stranger, say it, "Yes, but we're working things out now. Right Milly?" He asked, letting go of my hand wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me to him and kiss my temple.

I didn't break my eye contact from this lady who was starting to send off a bad vibe. "Yes, we are." I confirmed.

She left one of her eyebrows up will bring her lip up slightly. "Whatever, when you get tired of this little Vixen you know where to find Me." was all she said before walking off, making me laugh that the best insult she could come up with.

"I'm sorry about that Milly. You have to know that I had been blackout drunk when I sleep with that girl." Chance immediately started to explain.

"Chance calm down, it's ok. We're not even together, so I have no right to be mad." I replied, pulling him to the elevator so we could get going to the lawyer's office.

Once inside Chance pushed me against one of the walls looking me in the eyes, "So about these working things out."

"Let's just see how things play out, Chance. I still don't trust you, but I'm tired of fighting with you. I don't what to push anything right now that will hurt Ayanna in the end, so we will just go one day at a time." I reasoned with him has he ran his fingers along my waist to my back.

"One day at a time, is better than not having any." He agreed, leaning down till his lips were against my ear, "But I can promise that one day I will break down those walls and you finally be all mine, heart, body, and soul."

He left back upright as the door opens entangling our fingers to walk us back into the hall to the lawyer's office where my mother was waiting for us, plus a few other business partners of my father. The lawyer said we were waiting for one more person while Chance and I took a seat by my mother.

That was when she walked in and Chance clenched my hand tighter. "Sorry, I'm late." She said. That when the lawyer asked who she was, which was the same question going through my head. "I'm Rose Dunn one of Aaron Dunn's daughter." Then she looked over at Chance and me giving us a big smirk.

All I could think was how I could have a sister that I knew nothing about. 

revised 11/10/2015

copyright © 2014 Letty Scott/Embrace_Passion (All Rights Revered)