....

That voice before me was sharp, calm... dangerous. Hayden always had this way of appearing remarkably calm and distant. Only now did I realize it was a method he taught himself to keep the true anger and trauma of his life at bay.

"Your uncle?" my hoarse voice broke. And there it was, that memory of his hatred, his torment;... the image I had captured in my journal as he sat outside the bureau office building. No wonder he demanded what I knew back in my mom's kitchen. He thought I had figured this out, just like Jason, and was going to use it against him.

Hayden was silent above me, watching me evenly as if he didn't care to say anything more.

"Hayden," I asked unsure. Do I keep prying? No, you shouldn't! a voice inside of me hissed savagely. I knew I shouldn't be doing this. I couldn't. I was desperately fighting to retain the last of my composure and sanity, but I couldn't with him around. My wings began melting at the closeness of his presence, my hands freely trembled as if they held no restraints, and my emotions all seemed to get the better of me.

But on top of all that... I realized I was doing the same to him. The sun wasn't stable, it was on the brink of super nova and I hadn't realized that until now. What would he do if he met my father? What would he do it he knew it was Jackson who had hurt me? What would he do when faced with his own demons again? That threat of darkness inside my head seemed to waver...  but here the threat of his own darkness, his blackhole, eclipsed mine.

"What did you want to ask?" Hayden's sudden voice broke through my thoughts. He could sense my hesitation and he didn't like it. He knew I was closing up to him and he seemed hell bent on keeping it from happening. That pressing gaze bore into me, encouraging, almost pleading me to say what was on my mind.

Finally I relented.

"What happened after that... incident? What happened after you ran away? Did your uncle find out?"

He smiled slightly, a phantom mockery on his lips, but then stopped as he realized I was glaring at that small bit of pretense. Heat flooded my face suddenly as his eyes fell down to my mouth and watched my lips intently. I cursed myself for ever having made him remember.

His smiling had been too much to watch earlier. He was clearly in pain and a dark place, yet he wore that mask with me as a way of covering and avoiding the hurt. I hated it. I couldn't stand it. I wanted him to understand the damage it was doing to him, I wanted to force him to smile; to finally realize that if it hurt, if it was fake, if it was a lie- he shouldn't look at me like that.

But as those words broke through my lips, as my hands loosened and my fingertips trailed slightly against his jawline on accident.... something gave way in his mind.

Please don't hate me.

His lips always felt hot. It took me a long moment to fully realize he was dragging his mouth across mine again. For the second time that day. And instead of pushing him away... all my mind could think was "He doesn't hate me... he really doesn't hate me. Thank god."

The desire to kiss him back was overwhelming.  But only an echo from a breath somewhere deep within was what saved me. You'll destroy yourself. You'll destroy him... And so I shut down that feeling.

Just like then, here I tried to distract him again as he still stared at my lips. "You didn't answer me." I said a little breathlessly, trying to gain his attention again. His eyes finally broke away and met my eyes.

"My uncle didn't find me. I found him." he titled his head slightly, as if stretching his neck, while his gaze skimmed along my face. "Do you want to know why my uncle never filed the paperwork?" he asked softly, like this was something nonchalant, trivial. I shook my head. "Because he thought my father's chemo-racked brain was wrong. There was no legal proof I was his son, and frankly he didn't care. After my father passed away, my uncle inherited the estate and share holds. The thing is, he didn't do it for the money. He was rich on his own, and owned smaller portions of the shares and my grandfather already paid for Harvard and a few investments into Graydon Gates. No. He left me there, because the reality was he just didn't care."

My teeth ground tighter as I watched him. "Then why did you go to that bastard?"

"Because Alys, he made a fatal mistake in his game. See, he is not the legal holder of that estate and the share holds, yet he signed his name. His name, not mine. All those signatures are worthless. Without thinking twice about it, he invested millions of dollars more into Graydon Gates to help it grow, and sold off other share holds to bring in different investments for his business. He used what has always been his family's money- his money. He didn't think twice about it. But legally, the inheritance is mine. And if it ever was revealed that all those sales and investments of that money were null and worthless- it would collapse multiple business empires."

My eyes widened as I listened to Hayden. "That's why your uncle left Graydon Gates and went to work for the State? He realized the empire he helped create was made on paper bricks, and so he left it before it fell."

"Yes." Hayden said evenly, "I ran away from Tucker's body and Mr. Russell and all those cops and found my way right to my uncle. He knew who I was the moment I walked through his doors and was ready to have me thrown back out- a restraining-order already being pulled out to be written up- but when I dropped the paperwork in his lap... he realized what he had done."

I watched those stale eyes... finally it hit me. "Dear god... you knew. You knew all those years since you and Randal found the paperwork that you had the rights to a better life?!"

He didn't react, didn't move, didn't even deny it. "Hayden!" I said strained again, "You knew all along! Why didn't you threaten him sooner? Why didn't you take back what was yours?!"

"Because Alys," he said softly, "I didn't want it. I wanted nothing to do with the name Donovan. And though I bare it now... I didn't take it back from my uncle."

"What do you mean?"

"I let him keep it all." Hayden said staley. "Every last penny. On the day I graduated, I said I'd sign it all over to him. I would make the contracts he made finally legal. I accepted the last name Donavan as my birthright, but I would not be his family. I would use the name to legally transfer the deeds to him and from then on we would lead separate lives. But only on one condition. He had to help me. I wanted him to represent me during the trial and I wanted to show the world what the Russells, the State, had been doing- even if I was sent to prison afterwards.  But- he didn't. Instead he called a friend from the State. The charges against me were magically no longer perused. The Russells were provided a sum of money to "agree" to certain details of exactly what had happened, the local police from the scene commanded to drop the case... and Tucker was buried in the State's cemetery in a quiet ceremony nobody either knew about or cared about."

I could sense how much self-hatred and repulsion were behind those last words. Tucker deserved better. And the Russell family didn't. They had abused Hayden and the others but were not perused by the law, as was Hayden's hope, but given money... bribed and satisfied. The worst thing was, I knew why Mark had done all those things.

"He didn't want you in jail. He didn't want you miserable... He didn't want to risk you going back on your word."

Hayden slowly nodded. "He made it all go away instead. He used his strings and power and wiped clean the blood from my hands. For his own interests, he became my legal guardian, but only in foster name alone. After graduating, freed from the state as I am also 18, I am to be cut from him as well. The irony of it all is I will still have no family at the end of this." 

I looked down at my hands quietly, feeling the torment of those words. Everything finally made sense. He hated the State because they put him in the foster system and let him be abused. He hated the State because they were so easily bribed and allowed to wash away Tucker's death and all the Russells had done... even if Hayden went down with them.

My eyebrows creased together and I finally leaned my head back and looked at him. "It was the Governor," I whispered, "That's who your uncle called. That's who made the charges obsolete."

Hayden smiled slightly, a cold and bitter revelation. "Indeed. He is also the bastard who denied Gabriella's Law where Foster Parents had to meet certain expectations and requirements." The name Gabriella bled into my brain, the images of her burned body on my screen so many years ago- attacked by her own foster siblings because their parents had left them dangerously unsupervised. Hayden continued on without notice of my tightening fists. "He is as corrupt and guilty as anyone. But there's no law to punish him by; everything he did- he did safe behind his own ruling or hidden under his own capital regulations."

"But he approved the funds to our school to make a large stadium," I said, lowering my chin slightly, "One that was more a gift to himself than us. One brought on by funds that shouldn't have been there."

Hayden's bitter grin widened just a bit more. "Shame isn't it?" he whispered softly, "That instead of coincidentally attending our graduation and this stadium's media flocked debut, he's going to witness his greedy sins spread across the stone pane. It's a shame that while he stands there with hopefulness of showing why he should be reelected, we're going to show the world the veracity of our horrific school. I can't charge him with Tucker's death, I can't scream it to the top of my lungs how the State betrayed us; how the abuse was allowed to happen, how they denied the one law that could have saved us, how they funded the drugs that destroyed us. It was all legally done. But I can accuse him of something else..."

" He'll stand beneath those numbers, the images of our teachers and their lies, the sick admissions of Jackson and his sins, the money he's wrongfully funded through Mrs. Campbell... and he'll finally be held accountable, him and all the faceless sheep whose hands are in it as well,  for at least this crime."

Such a shame.

The wolf-like smile remaining, told me otherwise.

.

.

.

I snuck down to the kitchen to make midnight sandwiches. I bumped more things than I meant to and cringed at every noise that seemed to echo up the stairs. But my mother never awoke. Quietly I crept back up the stairs and entered my room.

Hayden was sitting on the floor against my bed, eyes closed but I knew he wasn't sleeping. I crept forward a bit more and watched him curiously. "You still haven't answered one of my questions." I finally whispered.

His eyes parted slightly before he finally glanced to me. I offered him a sandwich plate. Hayden's fingers grasped it easily but he remained staring at me. "What would you like to know."

My heart beat heavily at that. He so easily gave this information. Did he trust me that much? I shook away those thoughts.

"Why Kinsley? That's what I don't get. I remember him trailing you our junior year. I remember watching as he seemed to find things out about you... but then he retired. I wasn't surprised, at the time I thought you were a psycho who destroyed others' lives... but clearly I've been wrong. So what really happened? Why did he leave and why does he know so much about you?"

He smiled slightly towards me, but this one was out of real humor. "So I'm not a psycho anymore?"

"No..." I frowned uncomfortable before trying my own smile. "But I guess I kind of am, so at least it's balanced."

He glared at me for that. "You know you're not so don't even make a joke about it." he reached out his hand and snagged my empty one, tugging me forward. "Hey!" I yelled balancing my sandwich plate. He grinned faintly at me but let go and offered the spot next to him on the floor.

"Sit, and maybe I'll tell you."

I glared at him for a second before reluctantly sitting beside him. I took a large bite of my sandwich instead of talking; clearly indicating I just wanted him to proceed. His mouth gave small hint of amusement before taking a bite of his own food.

"Mr. Hashimoto," he finally said, "Found out that I needed the State's permission to go to other cities for the Championships during our freshman year. If you remember, it all started when I called him out for unfairly giving his son a lead position on the soccer varsity team when it was in fact me who had the best scores and was supposed to get it. We fought over it since he was abusing his power to unfairly help his son. Mr. Hashimoto tried to find reasons to oust me from the team and found out I was a Ward of the state, thus would need the State's permissions to leave the city, which I never intended to get. He tried to threaten me with that. Randal and I cracked into his computer to see his gambling debt and how he was stealing from the soccer funds. When I confronted Mr. Hashimoto with it, he punched me. It started a school investigation and he was let go. But not before subsequential damage had been done. It became a rumor I had something to hide."

My eyebrows creased slightly. I thought back to his words in the stadium a few weeks earlier. "I remember that our freshman year. You said afterwards, during your sophomore year, when Jason told you he was paying off the referees you got into a fight about that. He thought you wouldn't care but you were angry he was cheating. If he didn't stop, you threatened to reveal what he had been doing. Instead of stopping, Jason found his way to Mr. Hashimoto to get that information to blackmail you? "

"Yes." Hayden nodded his head slightly, "Being the soccer captain he was close to our coach but also close to me at the time. He was there when Mr. Hashimoto threatened me saying he knew I was a Ward of the State. After our own fight our sophomore year- Jason decided to use the very same leverage Mr. Hashimoto wanted to use over me, but unfortunately he learned more than Mr. Hashimoto ever did."

"Through it, Jason found out that not only was I still in the foster system, but I had a record that was so fragile- if anything happened- I would be at the hands of the State again. Once he learned that, he tried to threaten me to stay quiet and do as he bid. He thought he had me." Hayden's cold silver gaze found mine. I knew instantly what a fool Jason had been.

"I told him I would break every bone in his body. I would ruin his little sister's life. I would make his family's whole life a living hell. I would do it all. I didn't care what he did; he had crossed me, even if in words only at the moment, I would still destroy him. That's why he left. I gave him two weeks to figure it out, switch schools or homeschool, but if he didn't- I would go after everything he held dear."

"You... weren't serious, were you?" I asked cautiously.  He watched me back for a moment before finally whispering, "Yes. About him, not his family. I was just counting on how close they were to help motivate him."

I thought about it for a quiet moment, "So how does Kinsley come into play?"

Hayden tore off a piece of bread. "Kinsley was Jason's councilor too. He needed approval to switch schools. Something in what he said, perhaps the public fight we had, put me back on Kinsley's radar. I didn't care at first. Unlike the others, I knew Mr. Kinsley was not a sick bastard. I doubted he would threaten or cause an uproar, so I just let him be. But the thing was... something didn't feel right to him. After he found out I was a Ward of the State, he contacted Child Serves for my record. A missing spot intrigued him."

I swallowed dryly, nervous about these next words. "He called me in week after week. After his talk with Child Services, they too were suspicious of the missing gap- they had no idea of what happened. Mrs. Campbell, our principle, caught wind of it too and commanded Kinsley report all information about me to her. She didn't want me on the renowned Soccer Team if I was in fact a scandal that could cost a championship or blemish the name of the school; She didn't care about helping me, she only cared about her image. Also, following with the law, if Mr. Kinsely uncovered anything concerning he was required to report it to the authorities... to Child Services."

My face must have been tensed and full of worry; Hayden looked at me now curiously but also sympathetically. His cool gaze traced my skin, seeming to take my face in as some sort of remedy to it all. "You have Doctor Hathaway." he finally whispered.

"What?" I mouthed unsure.

"You have Doctor Hathaway." he said again. "And I have Kinsley. He saved me. Angered, enraged, and eager to be finally charged with the crime I committed- I told him everything. I told him about my mother, about my uncle, about Tucker, about the Russells. I laughed and cried and yelled and waited for him to report what I said to the Child Services Representatives or to Mrs. Campbell as he was required to do under State Law. But instead he patiently watched me. Without another word he sent me home.  My uncle called me that night and informed me the charges had been uncovered by my Child Services Rep. They couldn't understand why they weren't perused and after talking with Mr. Russell and the local police, they were even more baffled that the testimonies no longer matched up."

"That lack of reliability upset them. They wanted Tucker's death reinvestigated. The charges of Man Slaughter seemed to cause fear on our end as well.  Mrs. Campbell, under the assumption there would be reinvestigation, ordered Mr. Kinsley to trick me for answers and to prepare to testify about everything he spoke with me about in court..." Hayden paused now and titled his head slightly, "To which he informed her that he hadn't discussed much with me, nothing at least of that nature, and wouldn't be pursuing it any further as he was retiring. He was leaving the laws that could force him to tell everyone what I said behind."

My eyebrows creased softly. "He was protecting you. He knew you didn't deserve any of it, and so he quit before they could force him to break the confidentiality act Councilors and patients have. He is just a normal man now, and can claim total ignorance."

"Correct." Hayden said. "And after he left, once again my Uncle worked his magic. More subtle this time, more imperative- but again the charges seemed to have been forgotten about... somehow over time people began to look the other way."

His uncle's words finally made sense then- why he had warned Hayden that I was dangerous. It would put Hayden back on the radar of Child Services. And if Augustine recognized his name.... she would ensure those charges were not forgotten again.

I frowned, gazing into those cold silver eyes. Finally it hit me, those crucial words I had missed until now. If the charges were being forgotten again... then what we were doing would-

"Say it." Hayden whispered evenly. I jolted slightly in surprise. He knew the sudden realization that lay behind my eyes. I held his gaze, unsure. Finally my lips parted. Finally I understood what he was doing...

"When this mural debuts, you're doing to reveal the Governor's true colors- even though he covered for you twice now. When this mural debuts-