A/N:

Well... sorry for the delay again, I've been in and out of the hospital this year unfortunately.  Fun fun times we are having. Hope you guys like the update though buuuuuuuuutt I really didn't get a chance to edit this. Please help me out and comment under errors if that's okay?

Thank you for your help

-Helium
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My eyes felt heavy and tired, my feet aching, my finger joints sore. The one thing that kept me awake was the cool pre-dawn breeze. I wasn't used to walking the long many streets from my school to my home in the dark. An odd quietness awaited me when I left the school at 4 am Tuesday morning. The stars were still out but a lightening glow had begun to appear on the far horizon.

I lived about four miles away from the school, in a quiet neighborhood.  Normally the walk passed by quickly enough, but the tiredness of my muscles quickly caught up to me. Pulling an all-nighter was not something I normally did. And, as off as it sounded, painting at great lengths while not being manic was oddly daunting. If I let the demon paint; if I let my journal take hold, hours could bleed by and I wouldn't notice. But this night was painted by something else inside of me... something sane.

I was utterly drained. At 5 am, with the lightening dawn sky, I stepped into my house and headed for my bed. With only an hour set on the clock.... I laid my head on the pillow and fell instantly asleep.

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The alarm was not welcomed. I grimaced at its aching blare. Tenderly I rose, swiping the phones screen, and began getting ready for school.  As I stared into the mirror, I could see the dark circles under my eyes, the slight redness around my iris, light blond hair spiraling about. I sighed and hopped into the shower, trying not to dwell on how long this day was going to be.

Even before I headed down the stairs I knew where my mother was. The news played softly in the background and she was clacking a plate eating her breakfast. As I trotted slowly down the stairs she perked to the noise and looked back at me, the sofa in front of the TV blocking most the view of her by a small table.

"I made extra breakfast if you would like." Her voice was easy, but it tapered off at the end. Her eyes widened in surprise now that I had finally rounded the sofa and was in full view, "Alys, why do you look so-"

"oh... I was out all night." I came around to stand in front of her, "Sorry."

"Not even going to lie?!" she asked incredulously.

"No," I said softly, "I don't want you to think it was a nightmare or something. I'd rather be honest. I was out late but I wasn't doing anything.... I'd regret." I couldn't say bad. I couldn't lie to her like that.

Her shoulders had eased slightly at 'not a nightmare'. How my father's shadow had loomed over us for so many years... even though we were taking our first real steps to leave it behind, there was still some concern other things might be hard to shake off.

"If by 'I wasn't doing anything I'd regret' you mean anything to do with being in Hayden's bed-"

"Which I wasn't." I cut her off, wanting to laugh suddenly but keeping it at bay. "I didn't hang out with Hayden at all. I was on my own entirely, but please..." I hesitated staring at her. I breathed in deep, I kept my eyes away from the perfect room around; the beautiful décor, the immaculate cleanliness, the perfect image.

"Mom, I need to ask something of you." I said tensely. There was a pause after my words, her hands freezing over her plate. She looked back up into my gaze, lowering the silverware uneasily, her eyes dancing back and forth between mine.

"What is it?" she whispered hoarsely. I held her gaze; anticipation, fear, dread starting to creep in. I reached forward, cautiously, before I clasped her hands. She stared in shock at the touch. I felt unsure to even be holding them. Finally though, her own fingers curled around mine. She breathed in deep herself, held that breath for a second, finally exhaling and trying again... calmer.

"What is it, Alys?"

I felt this room no longer reflected my mother. I prayed it didn't. I prayed things really had begun to change. And in these next few words, I would know just how far they had gone.

"I want you to know... I'm okay. Everything's okay." I took a deep breath and held her gaze steadily. "This Friday, at graduation, despite what you are going to see, please just know that."

Her eyes were wide. Her hands tremored slightly. "What did you do?" her rough voice rasped out. But again.... It tapered off at the end. She looked down at our hands clasped tightly together. Two pairs of hands that hadn't held in so long. Two strangers who had finally torn down some of the barriers between them; two souls who were finally seeking out one another.

"We are going to be okay, mom." I said to her instead. "Please trust me. Please believe me."

My mother's gaze found mine again. It went against her grain, her self-made core. We had to be perfect, simple, unseen. She knew this was going to change. She knew I was going to destroy one of the walls we worked so hard to build. My mother could end it all, everything Hayden and I had done, with one phone call. And I was risking it all to tell her. But still.... I wanted to. I needed to.

I pictured crying at the Bureau building. I pictured Tim standing in front of me; of the remembrance I had people around me that could help me... would help me. I wasn't alone. I no longer needed to be the quiet scared child of my past who trusted no one. And I was risking it all... just to trust this one.

"You're my mother" I said helplessly, hanging my head at my own confession, "you are the one I need to be on my side. I don't want to hide things from you anymore. I don't want the wall to remain."

"Does this have to do with our past?" My mother asked. 

"Yes.... and no." I answered honestly, looking into her brown eyes. "What's done is done. I can't change it. But...." I stopped, struggling to find something else to say. Anything that could desperately convince her to trust in me, believe in me, despite what was going to happen. Yet no words came out of my mouth as I could think of nothing else to say.

"We will be okay..." she finished my broken sentence quietly.... Staring into my helpless gaze.

I nodded. Did she believe me? Did she care? Or would this destroy all the advances we've made so far.

Perhaps those worries were in my eyes. My mother watched me intently before finally squeezing my fingers tight.  She gently raised them to her face and kissed them firmly in her grasp. "I know we will be okay. No matter what. You are strong, Alys. You have always been strong. I just didn't see it until now. Despite my fears all these years, you've always been the bond that has held us together, no matter how broken we were. I am horrified something is happening at graduation. Yours and Hayden's mural, I'm going to assume." She said with strained tears in her eyes. "I am scared... I am angry." She snapped slightly with those tears finally breaking free from her eyes.

"But... I will trust you. I will believe you. No matter what," this mother kissed her daughter's hands tightly; two kindred souls who have finally torn a hole through that last wall. "I'm so angry... but I know we will be okay."

I cried gratefully, tears streaming down my eyes. My mother held me in her grasp and together we wept and found our strength again. It took more minutes than I thought it would to finally catch my breath. She tried asking about what was painted but I told her I couldn't tell, and to please.... play dumb after graduation. She ground her teeth but nodded.

How odd. How astonishing. Years and years of carving depraved images, cursed replicas of those around me. She hated them, she used to hate that part of me. She must be thinking the worst of what was on that wall. She wouldn't be wrong. Yet, even still... she chose to trust me and that we would be okay. She chose to protect my secret when she could end it instead.

"If there was one thing I promised myself I would never do again.... I would never quiet your voice... I would never muffle your screams. Not again. never again"

"You'll be late," my mother tried to collect herself, wiping away her tears and trying to appear composed again.  I nodded with a soft smile and rose to leave. Though I felt a bit more drained and exhausted... I also felt lighter somehow. I knew this Friday would still hurt for her to watch. I knew this mural would still horrify her. But I now knew I wouldn't lose her again. And she wouldn't lose me.

As I turned to leave for school my mother reached back out quickly, grasping my hand like a reflex, saying the words once again the anchored my soul.

"Alys?"

"Yes"

"I love you."

"I love you too" I replied.

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I texted Tim asking for a ride to school. I was dead-tired and the idea of walking the four miles back to school when only two hours before I had returned made me grimace in dread. Tim texted back that he had already gotten in early for soccer practice, apologizing he couldn't come get me.

Biting my lip, I stared at my phone, staring at the text screen for Hayden's number. Hesitantly, I asked Have you left for school already?

No, not yet. I'm talking with a friend. What's up?

Ah, I thought, he's talking with Randal. Probably finalizing any remaining last details before this Friday's debut.

Nothing I texted back, I was just curious, I will see you at school. I wasn't about to end their meeting ahead of time all so I could bum a lift.

Hayden asked again Are you sure nothing's up? Did you need me?

But I just replied all good as I began walking down the streets.

After a mile from my house, finally close to leaving my neighborhood, a jeep idled to a stop next to me. I turned and found Hayden, his hands resting atop his steering wheel, his silver gaze taking in my face. There was a slight eyebrow raise before he leaned to the side and managed to open the Jeep's side door.

"You know, you could have just asked for a ride?"

"I didn't need one." I bristled defiantly, despite the fact I actually had. But he was teasing me like a child so like hell I was going to admit I wanted a ride earlier. Still, secretly grateful, I hopped into the jeep and sank gladly into the seat.

"Ready to go?" I could hear the humor in his voice as I struggled to get the seatbelt clicked in.

"Yes." I beamed content, no longer caring I was showing how happy I was to not be walking. But when I met his smiling grin, my own broke for a second. He was watching me with such a warmth, it caught me off guard. Hayden's smiles, which had always been sharp and cold, were somehow softened and effortless. His silver gaze examined me in amusement, his lips half pulled into a slight grin. Why was he so handsome?

I suddenly felt very self-conscious of myself. Dark circles under my eyes, loosely brushed hair, no makeup. I was always fine to feel this way when I was nothing more than a wallflower; a shadow skirting from corner to corner. But now I felt woefully bare and simple against the shining sun before me.

Maybe when my own smile dropped, he could finally see the strain on my face; evidence I hadn't slept well at all. "Did you have another nightmare?" He asked softly, his hand reaching forward and pushing a lock of disheveled hair back away from my face.

A warmth spread to my cheeks and ears, and I diverted my gaze slightly. "No... I just didn't get to sleep last night. But there was no nightmare. Sorry I look like shit."

I don't know why I was apologizing, again the sudden insecurities taking over. I decided to smile again and laugh it off but when I looked up, Hayden was staring alarmingly intent into my eyes, his fingers weaving through my hair to cup the side of my face. "You don't look like shit, don't apologize for being tired."

He held my gaze for a second more, his eyes roaming my face and expressions. I realized he was waiting for a reply so I breathed, "Okay, I won't do that again."

He seemed content with the reply and finally dropped his hand and put the jeep into gear. We began driving in silence. I watched him from the corner of my vision. He had his right hand on the wheel, the other was rested on the window by his elbow, his knuckles pressed over his mouth as if he were deep in thought.

He must have finally sensed my gaze though. Without acknowledging it, he switched hands and took the wheel with his left. Quietly he held out his right hand over the center console. It took me a moment to realize what he was doing but finally, unsure but entranced, I slipped my own hand against his palm and intertwined my fingers with his. We drove the rest of the way in silence like that.

Silence...

Except the roaring of my heartbeat.

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Tuesday finished in a flash. I thought it would drag on as I was so exhausted but to my delight it paced along quickly until I found myself getting another ride home again. We didn't enter the mural room this day, which I was thankful for. Hayden always examined my art with a fine-tooth comb. I hoped the more time that passed between when he last saw the mural to when he saw it next would help erase any in-depth memory of the details. I didn't want his suspicions I had repainted it again. And though I was sure no one else would notice a slight shift to the outer mural, I wasn't so sure Hayden would. My only hope was as more time passed; he would just assume he had remembered something wrong. And with leaving at the end of the day Tuesday with no intentions of entering that room, I felt overwhelmingly relieved.

Tomorrow was another issue. At just two days before our graduation. we would give a private unveiling to the school, our principal, and other persons, those I assumed belonged to the State. Instead of over thinking tomorrow, I simply looked forward to my bed.

"I talked with Randal." Hayden interrupted my thoughts as we drove through my neighborhood.

"He confirmed that all hacking he did to get Principal Campbell's emails, and any he got from the governor were done with a burner laptop with anonymous IP address and WIFI use. He will use the laptop once more on the day of graduation and then he will burn it. We already have the cover plan for when we are investigated. I will admit I received paperwork in locker of the emails and the damming material. This unknown Hacker even sent out a few emails to my account that can't be traced, but explaining he did this of his own accord for own personal gain and wanted me to publish it. This Hacker has somehow uncovered my past and my relationship with the governor, something not that hard to find out about if you have the right tools, and the hacker used that motive to recruit me. I, in return, coerced you to help me paint this, but I am the one responsible. The way I am setting this up, you will only be charged for publishing and passing along the information, not for obtaining it."

I nodded as he spoke, still angry and unsure at the way he was planning this to go. His words from two nights ago reverberated through my thoughts.

"When this mural debuts, I am going to take the fall for this Alys. I am going to be the one who pressured you into painting this"

Hayden seemed content I wasn't fighting him on this anymore. But that was only because I knew what the mural looked like; I knew the real truth of what was underneath. I looked out the window and breathed in deep. I wondered how Hayden was going to take it when he finally saw the truth?

But I couldn't back out now, what was done was done.

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I think to both mine and Hayden's surprise my mother invited him in for dinner. It was hardly cordial, she practically sneered as she assumed loudly he was going to impose again to stay and eat. He, of course, accepted and smiled brightly to her walking by. It was entirely done to piss her off, he had no real care to put up any pretense with her anymore. But despite his best efforts my mother was hardly affected by the glamor and gave me small smile as I entered.

I wondered more if she would grill Hayden about the mural, perhaps this was why she had invited him in. But instead, we all ate in relative peace, my mother letting Hayden and I discus the itinerary for graduation. He offered to give me a ride, he seemed to be slowly offering all the rides I needed, but I shook my head no.

"My mom's going to help me get ready and drive me in for graduation. Last big milestone."

He shrugged lightly, his eyes quickly flashing to my mother, before he went back to his meal

Sore loser, I thought with a smile, but still I felt a heat warming my ears and cheeks. I wanted to be with him or near him too. I felt a sense of excitement when he met me at my locker to take me home. Today we had hardly talked to each other except about graduation or private mural concerns. He held my hand on the way home as well but during the day we kept going our separate ways.  You would think I'd be more scared and anxious about what would happen in just two days. But instead, I found myself thinking about him.

My eyes rose for just the briefest moment and met his gaze. I looked away as casually as I could but yet I was more than aware of his closeness. After dinner Hayden helped with the dishes and putting the leftovers away. When we were done though he said his goodnights to us both and began to leave.

I followed him to the door, awkwardly tucking a blonde hair behind my ear, trying to not show my disappointment.

"Actually," my mother interrupted, "I'm going to the back office to work. You guys can watch TV on the sofa if Hayden would like to stay."

We both looked at her in surprised, but she just shrugged and walked away. I was confused and skeptical, why was she doing this? She hated Hayden? Well maybe not hate anymore but she most definitely didn't like him. Why was she going out of her way to let him stay? Her eyes met mine for just a quick moment as she rounded the corner to the back hall. She looked... happy.

Somewhere deep inside of me, it clicked. I already had the answer. Doctor Augustine's very own words when she had seen Hayden and I have our fight.

It's been ten years since I've seen you show any true emotion. Since the last time you even acted alive.

I breathed in deep, every day feeling like a new layer of rust was crumbling off. I looked instantly at Hayden as he stared unsure into my mother's decision. Those silver eyes glanced back down to me warily before he asked "Is that fine? You are exhausted and barely awake."

"I don't mind," I said back