Chapter 19 - Grace

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Cainan realises his mistake, and he runs over to her on the ground, panting and whimpering from regret. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he says, with tears welling up in his eyes.

The cameramen don’t stop taking pictures of everything and photographs “Stop doing this, stop taking pictures!” He growls with pure rage, his eyes turning red and all the veins visible on his face.

They don’t stop still, but he deals with them later, so he tries to lift her into his hand, but she hit off his hand and as he looks at her she says, “Don’t carry me,” she says.

“I swear, I’ll make them pay, all of them. I’ll sue them for everything they’ve got!” He vows through gritted teeth.

She smiles amidst her pain, “You can’t use anger to dissolve anger, help me up.”

Without question, he does as she says and brings her to her feet. She turns to the cameramen and presses her lips together before looking at every one of the twelve cameramen and reporters and she places her hand on Cainan’s before speaking.

“I see you all are ready to get news and answers, but none of you offered a hand of help to me when I fell and it is a shame that you all would rather have it recorded on camera than stop it from happening. But I do not need your pity. I just hope we can be a little less like animals. The rumours you speak about aren’t true, we are not lovers, nor are we dating.” She looks over at Cainan, who is too worried about her well-being to hear what she’s saying. “There are no feelings whatsoever, we are good friends and I guess good friends leave such an impression.”

This makes Cainan look at her, and she figured he must have heard the last few sentences. His eyes locked on hers and hers in his. She can see that he sees her as more than a friend, and she looks away before the guilt takes her completely.

“If he cheated on his ex, then that’s their problem, but I know he didn’t cheat on her with me. You asked if I’ve got only one month to live, I say maybe. When cancer came back, I knew the possibility of beating it this time was one over a hundred and so yes, I have a brief time to live it and I hope to live it in peace. Thank you for your time,” she says, before tapping Cainan's hand and they wrap around her and lead them both away from the reporters, left rather speechless with her words.

Once in the car, Cainan wastes no time driving off to the road. They both stay quiet for the first twenty minutes that pass. Cainan fixes his eyes on the road as he drives on and Neriah’s eyes are looking out of the window, staring at the cars passing by and the trees planted at the side of the road and the building. They didn’t serve their purpose, which was to distract her, because although her eyes fixate on the road, her mind was fixed on Cainan and everything she had learnt today.

“I’m sorry,” Cainan speaks up, surprising both Neriah and himself. He has been pondering how to begin his long apology and explanation for the way things went and knowing there will not be a better way to phrase it, he starts with the one he’s got.

She doesn’t turn to look at him, but she asks, “For what?”

He heaves a deep breath and presses his lips together, “Everything. I did not know they were going to be here...” He trails off when something ticked in my head and suddenly he drives the car to the side of the road and stops it. What happened today feels like deja vu and it feels so because it has happened before. A few things that the reporters asked were things no one else, but he knew about and there can be only one reason for that. And He puts his hands into his pocket and brings out the little chip the size of a button.

This has Samantha’s hands all over it. When they were together, she’d do this and know things he didn’t tell her and that made him very careful around her later on. She had instigated all this to put Neriah in a terrible view to everyone. Her appearance this morning was nothing more than to cause havoc, and he should have known. She had been listening in on his conversation with everyone he’s come across since morning. She is the most manipulative person he ever came across.

There are so many questions Neriah wants to ask about his sudden decision to stop as she turns to look at him, but when she sees a small, black, button-like object in his hand she asks, “What’s that?”

“A voice recording chip. Samantha planted it into my pocket this morning.”

“How?”

“I guess she put it in when she distracted me with a kiss,” he slowly reveals. “She used to do it when we were together,” he says before tossing it out onto the road and it’s immediately crushed by the car that passes.

“Yet she didn’t know it was Clara you cheated on her with and not me.” Anger is visible in her eyes and frustration in her voice.

“I always made sure I was clean when with Clara.” He stops talking and sighs, “I’m sorry, I really am. I got you into this pile of mess. You were accused when nothing was your fault.”

“And the other things they accused me of, like dying? And owning your heart?”

His eyes drop to his hands, clenching and unclenching on his laps. “They were saying the truth, and I was going to tell you the whole truth after we sat.” His apologetic eyes raise to meet her. “I love you, Neriah. I fell in love with you weeks ago and I’ve been trying to hide and keep it secretive. The truth is, I didn’t know how long I was going to control myself around you.”

“That was what caused the fight between you and Shawn. That was the reason you left and didn’t come back a week ago. He wouldn’t tell me the reason because he believed you were in the right place to tell me, but I never thought—”

“I’m sorry, Neriah,” he apologises again, and if apologising is what he has to keep doing to get it right, he will do it.

“Why?” she asks and Cainan knows she’s not asking the reason for the fight, but the reason for his affection towards her.

“I keep asking myself the same question, but I still don’t have the answers. Things about you appear complicated, but what can I say? I’m a complicated man, a hopeless warrior. Last week when I left, I turned off my phone and contacts. I didn’t go to work, and I already told you that. The hospital tried to reach me but they couldn’t and today when I came they told me your body has rejected the treatment, which gives you only a month to live. The news devastated me, despite that. I wanted you to fight, and I was going to tell you, believe me, I was.”

“I believe you,” is her response, her hand reaching for his on his lap and entwining hers with it. “You’ve got to let go, I will not be here forever, Cainan and I don’t want you bringing your life to an end because of mine I might not be in love with you, but I care about you enough to want the best for you.” This hurt her as she knows it hurts him and it with the look on his face.

His eyes are glassy as he pulls closer and kisses her forehead, murmuring, “I’ll try,” before pulling away.

Neriah wipes off the tears on her face and Cainan does the same before starting the car and driving off.


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