Chapter 47: Buttercream

GRIFFIN'S POV

I stared at the picture from two years ago. There wasn't a single drop of life in his eyes. His face was pale. It looked like he had never smiled in his entire life. He looked nothing like me. I glanced up at the mirror, observing what as being reflected back.

The man in the mirror was more familiar. He didn't have to smile to look happy. Smile lines were forming around the corners of his mouth. His eyes had seen so much. They saw a life worth living.

Same face, different people.

I pulled on my jacket, buttoning the front. I decided to take Mackenzie out on a date. A rather fancy date. For the first time since prom, I was in a suit. I didn't like suits usually. They were too stuffy and projected an image of wealth. They were stuck up in that way. However, I'd bear it for Mackenzie. She was more than worth it.

I sent her a text, rolling my eyes all the while.

Me: Dinner at Crowley's. 20 minutes?

Minutes later, she responded.

Kenzie Ken: Griffin Isaac Ryder, I love you more than I could possibly say (or type in this case). You don't give yourself enough credit for anything. You're funny, extremely smart (sometimes too smart for me), talented beyond measure (10/10 dood), and the most kind-hearted person I've ever met. Thank you for being the most amazing boyfriend anyone could ever wish for, the best friend in the world, my personal (unpaid) bodyguard, and loving me unconditionally (I know it's not easy).

I frowned. She usually didn't send me long messages like that. If she wanted to say something sentimental, she'd say it in person. Mackenzie didn't like sending heartfelt text messages because she said it isn't as personal. I slid on my shoes and decided to check on her. I had to make sure she was okay.

Mackenzie had been acting strange lately. She's been spending more time with me than usual. She spent the morning of Christmas with her family and the rest of the day with Dad and me. Not only that, she's been weird about the future. She changed the subject whenever it came up.

When I arrived, Lindsay said she had just left. As I opened my mouth to ask where she went, I felt it. Something was wrong with her. It wasn't just a tinge of warning. It felt like a siren and warning lights were going off in my head. Without hesitation, I left to find her.

I found myself standing on the sidewalk of a busy area. I frantically looked around, desperate to find her. The second I did, my heart dropped. Our eyes met for a brief moment and time slowed.

"Mom? Can I go with you this time?" I begged.

She shook her head, "Not today, baby. I will be back very soon, okay? "

I nodded, "Okay." She hugged me tightly before turning and giving my dad a hug and a kiss.

"Take care of your old man while I'm gone, okay?" She said to me.

I smiled, "Okay mom!"

She smiled at me before turning and leaving. I could tell her smile wasn't normal. It seemed weird. I shook it off and followed Dad into the living room and finished my cartoon.

That was the last time I ever saw my mom alive.

That same smile was on Mackenzie's face.

I pumped my legs as quickly as I possibly could to get to her. Before I could reach her, she flew through the air and traffic stopped. Time finally caught up and I was by her side, cradling her. She was unconscious, hardly breathing at all. Her skin was becoming increasingly pale.

Internal bleeding.

I noticed the crowd of people forming around us. Swallowing my rage, I turned to the only woman on the phone calling for help. I pointed to her and gestured for her to come closer. The guy who hit Mackenzie followed closely behind.

"Ma'am, I need you to tell them to hurry. Her pulse is faint and she's only getting paler, which means she's bleeding internally. Tell them to start prepping for surgery."

She relayed the message and turned to me again, "They're saying you can't give-"

"For fuck's sake! Tell them it's Griffin Ryder," I snapped. I made eye contact with one of the people in the crowd. "This does not concern any of you. Leave before you are forced."

They quickly disbanded, leaving the four of us. The man who hit Mackenzie was just as pale as she was and sweating profusely. In any other situation, I might feel bad for him. This entire thing had nothing to do with him. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, I had no time to feel remorse. Mackenzie's body was only getting colder.

My gaze fell on her again. She was slipping away. I held her close to me, feeling the tears pouring from my eyes. I wasn't feeling fear. It was much more than that. My body was trembling. I couldn't bear to see her in the same place as my mother. Mackenzie wasn't ready for a casket.

I carried her to the ambulance once it arrived. We got to the hospital in no time and she was being torn away from me. I was forced to sit in the waiting room, still shaking like a wet dog. Her family didn't take long to get there. Her mother's face was soaked with tears while her dad's face was void of color. Lindsay and Tanner were crying as well.

Lindsay spotted me and took a seat next to me, "Griffin?"

I turned to her, trying to stop my shaking. It was a fruitless task, yet I kept trying to compose myself. I had to be strong for their family. If they couldn't do it themselves, I had to do it for them. It was bad enough that I didn't save their daughter.

"I love you, Griffin," She smiled.

"I'll be back tomorrow," I kissed her forehead. "So, I'll-"

"You didn't say it back," Her eyes met mine.

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Huh?"

"I said I love you. Say it back."

I didn't know why she was so adamant I say it back, but I didn't argue. Besides, I didn't have a problem saying it every day, "I love you too, Mackenzie."

She hugged me tightly, burying her face in my chest.

"Griffin-"

I tried to listen to Lindsay, but it was like the world around me went silent. When the sound did return, it wasn't coming from her.

"I regret to inform you-"

I shook my head in horror, tears returning to my eyes.

"-did not survive surgery-"

The rustle and bustle of the waiting room returned to me at once. Lindsay's face was laced with concern. She wasn't crying anymore, but her face was stained with the tears. She pulled into a hug. I sat there, stunned.

"I can't lose her."

"We won't, Griffin. We won't."

-*-

The hours seemed to drag on as we waited for any updates on Mackenzie's status. Finally, a doctor came out and said the surgery went well. They stopped the internal bleeding and repaired the broken rib she had, which would take a few weeks to heal. She also had a minor fracture in her right leg that would also take some time to heal. The only problem was that they had no idea when she'd wake up. It was a waiting game at this point.

She led us to her room and allowed us a moment alone with her. They had given her one of the rooms reserved for Reapers. I hated the power my name had, but it had it perks at times. It got Mackenzie onto the operating table quickly and her a nice, large room.

Her mom and dad had a moment with her. Her dad was now the one silently crying. Lindsay and Tanner stood silently. The second I saw her face, I felt a mix of emotions. There was a bit more color in her face, which brought a small sense of relief. However, there were scratches all over her face and a few bandages to cover up the worst of it.

I'm sorry, Mackenzie. I'm so sorry.

-*-

Thirteen days.

Mackenzie had spent thirteen days unconscious in a hospital bed.

Her family visited almost every day since. I, however, rarely left. The only reason I left was to shower and eat. Other than that, I stayed in the room with her. She twitched a few times, but she didn't wake up. The nurse kept trying to restore hope, but it never did much for me.

Seeing Mackenzie like this was difficult. I sat and watched her breathe. There wasn't much else I could do. It was just like always. There was nothing I could ever do. She threw herself in front of that car and I just watched. If not for the steady rise and fall of her chest, anyone would think she was gone.

For once, she was the less lively one of the two of us.

"You know, you've never been this quiet," I sighed. "I miss your loud voice. Mackenzie, please wake up. I've been waiting for almost two weeks now. I'll wait a lifetime, just please wake up."

A few moments of silence passed before I sat back in my seat. The silence was interrupted by a knock on the door. Dad came in, offering me a small smile. He saw Mackenzie and his smile fell. He sighed deeply, still standing over her.

"She's alive," He spoke loudly, almost like he was trying to convince more than his son. "She's living and breathing. She's just asleep. She'll be okay, Griffin. I know how you feel and I want you to know that she'll be okay. She's a fighter."

"Why do you care? She's a human," I scowled.

He frowned, facing me, "Griffin, I know you grew up knowing the rulebook front to back. I'm to blame for that. However, I need you to understand that your happiness comes before anything else. You're my son and that's more important than the council. If Mackenzie makes you happy, then I'm fine with her. You know what they say, 'if you like it, I love it.'"

I let out a sigh, "I'm sorry, I'm tired. I've gotten about eight hours of sleep over the past two weeks."

"I get it," His eyes clouded. "Griffin, I know it's hard to keep hoping and staying strong, but she'll pull through. I promise you she will."

He glanced at Mackenzie, a heavy silence settling between us. We were both thinking about my mother. Being in a hospital this long made it hard not to. The difference was Mackenzie was still alive. She was just unconscious. I continued to repeat that to myself every day. I couldn't lose hope. It was hard, but I made sure not to give up.

Especially since she did.

Two days after she was admitted, her family found letters she wrote to all of us. She talked about how much she'd miss us. My personal letter talked about why she felt like she had to do it. She told Lindsay about me being her Reaper and how Andrew tried to stop her. It was all just a mess of letters she sent to all of us.

You'll be able to move on now, so go out there and live your life. You're free to succeed.

Mackenzie constantly went on about me living to be the best Reaper I could be. She raved about how much I could do without her. She never understood how much I'd actually be able to do. I could be on the council and become like the other man on the council. It wouldn't be hard to do that, but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be happy and Mackenzie did that for me. She brought so much happiness into my life, but she didn't see it.

And now she's on the verge of death.

Dad left after exchanging a few more words with me. I was back to silently watching Mackenzie in her bed. The drip of the IV was the only sound accompanying me at this point. It was therapeutic in a way. My eyes were getting heavier by the second. Eventually, they shut, and I drifted off.

It could've been hours or even seconds before I was awake again. All I knew was that I heard the sound of multiple voices. My eyes cracked open to reveal a doctor and a nurse standing over Mackenzie. My heart stopped the second I saw her sitting up. Her eyes were wide open, and she was talking with them.

"-soon. For now, there's someone who's been waiting here for two weeks for you to wake up."

The doctor and nurse left us in the room alone. I shot out of my sleep, needing to see her. I needed to see that I wasn't dreaming. Seeing her alive awakened emotions that had been dormant. I felt relief, but the anger bubbling up was overpowering that quickly.

MACKENZIE'S POV

I silently prayed for someone to walk back into the room. Seeing Micah would be better than confronting Griffin. He was far beyond pissed. He was trying to hide it, but his hands were shaking. His face was slowly becoming red, which was somehow scarier than the shaking hands.

I bit my lip, turning away from him. I knew he read my letter. If that wasn't already bad enough, he saw the entire thing go down. He saw me get hit. Before, I chose death for Griffin's sake. The look on his face made the death option more appealing. The worst part was I didn't have my phone as an excuse not to talk. It was shattered.

"Why?" His voice was surprisingly weaker than I thought it would be.

"Griffin, I had to do this. You may not think so, but it was all for you."

"Mackenzie, there's not a fucking snowflake's chance in hell you did this for me!" He snapped. "Why is it so hard for you to believe someone actually cares about you more than something as trivial as a job?! That someone genuinely loves you?"

"Griffin, I-"

He shook his head and turned to the door, "I... I'll see you later, okay?"

Without waiting for a response, he left. I realized what I had done. The betrayal he felt was clear in his voice. Even when he was yelling at me, I could hear the pain. He hadn't made eye contact with me once. That itself spoke volumes to me. I had really messed up this time.

You think?! It's about time you realize how much of an idiot you are!

I shook my head, feeling the guilt rush over me. Once my family arrived, I couldn't help but reflect on how it would've affected them. They would be destroyed. If Tanner's insomnia was bad before, it only would've gotten worse. Lindsay was still in college. That could've been ruined for her because of me. Indie and Kira would be in the same boat as her.

Griffin would've been just as heartbroken as my parents. If I had actually died, nothing would be okay. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself it would be.

I was convincing myself I was doing this for Griffin. I wanted to sacrifice myself for him. But that wasn't the truth.

I wanted to punish myself.

My grandmother stopped taking her pills and I knew it. She said it was temporary, but I knew better. Every day, she was getting weaker and I stood by and let it happen. Eventually, she passed away. I had spent the past few years blaming myself. I finally got the opportunity to punish myself and I took it.

I wasn't considering Griffin. I was covering up the truth and hiding it from everyone. Including myself.

As Mom smothered me with kisses, I decided to speak up, "Mom?"

"Yes, baby?"

I pulled her into the tightest hug I could, "I'm so sorry. For everything. This was stupid. I'm stupid. I'm so so sorry."

She pulled back, wiping away the tears spilling down my face, "What matters is you're alive and with us."

Dad smiled, "She's right. You're here and that's all we could ask for."

"Speak for yourself! I want a new car!" Tanner chimed it, a wide smile on his face.

I reached behind me and chucked a pillow at him, "Jerk!"

The room erupted into laughter. It was nice. Despite it all, we were a family. They loved me. I loved them. Nothing else mattered beyond that. I was happy to be alive and with them. It had been so long since I focused on the present. It was always about my future and my past. I had missed out on so much because I never truly stopped to smell the roses.

Now that I had smelled them, I never wanted to lose them.

Could I get that on paper? You won't believe the toll almost dying did on my sanity.

That's hard to believe.

Oh, you'll believe it in a few days when my energy's back.

I rolled my eyes, returning to reality. My family spent the entire day with me. They even called my grandparents, so I could talk to them. It was a relief to know how welcoming they were. I thought for sure I'd be met with anger for doing something so stupid, but I wasn't. They continued to love me all the same.

-*-

Lindsay was the last to walk out of the door, leaving me alone in my room again. This time, it wasn't lonely. I was at peace with myself. The only problem was that I was still in a hospital bed for another few days.

And Griffin probably hated me.

I had never seen him so angry. He was so angry, he started swearing. It was a side of Griffin I had a feeling no one got to see. He was pretty good about keeping his composure. He must've been bottling it all up over the past few days.

I sighed, realizing just what I had done to him. Griffin only loved one other woman and that was his mother. He reminded me of that all the time. I knew how hurt he had been in the past. I never wanted him to hurt that much again.

Yet, here I was.

I wanted so desperately to reach out to him. I wanted to hold him and apologize a million and a half times for being stupid. Even a text would suffice. The problem was that he left and my phone was shattered. I was stuck in the bed with my broken rib and leg.

"Where'd Prince Charming go?" The nurse walked in, checking up on me.

"He probably hates me now. I don't really blame him either. He has a lot going on without me adding to it by being stupid," I frowned.

"Griffin's not like that," She turned to me. "He takes after his mom. She cared a lot about people. Sometimes she cared too much, but that never stopped her. He's the same. When he falls, he falls hard. Besides that, you're a human, Mackenzie. He knew he was breaking the rules, yet he still showed you off. He may be angry, but trust me, he couldn't hate you if he wanted."

I hadn't noticed she was a Reaper before. Her eyes didn't glow quite as brightly as everyone else's. They had an almost unnoticeable glow. I could only see it because we were so close.

"You're half human," I blurted.

She frowned, "How do you know?"

"Reapers have glowing eyes. Your eyes don't glow quite as bright as Griffin's. Either you were half human or dying, which I doubt considering... you know."

She raised an eyebrow, "Glowing eyes? Our eyes don't glow."

"Yes, they do!" I exclaimed. "You don't see it, but I do!"

"That's strange," She crossed her arms. "Is that how you see all Reapers?"

I nodded, "You all have glowing eyes. No one notices but me."

She shrugged, walking away. I sank back into my bed, still wide awake. There was nothing to do but stare at the mint green walls. They were smart for painting the walls that color. It actually does exude a tranquil feeling.

But that didn't make it any less boring.

Nothing was good on the tv, so I tried to fall asleep again. Just like my right leg, it didn't work. I was wide awake, mind racing with thoughts.

Call him.

You saw him earlier. He doesn't want to talk to me.

And you heard what the nurse said.

I sighed. I knew I had to talk to Griffin. He deserved an actual reason as to why this happened. He deserved an apology. I owed him that much.

I took a deep breath before calling out, "Griffin?"

My voice was soft, almost silent. However, I knew he heard it. Or sensed it. I never truly understood how it worked. He said he could sense when something was wrong, but that didn't explain me calling his name.

I waited a few minutes, silent. I was willing to wait for him to be ready. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long for that. He