Chapter 44: Happiness Means Sacrifice

"Mackenzie?"

I groaned, rolling over.

"Mackenzie, wake up."

I groaned again, pulling a pillow over my head.

Suddenly, I felt a gust of cool air hit me. I shivered, finally sitting up. My eyes opened to reveal Griffin standing there. My entire body went rigid. I hadn't intended to see him so soon. I wasn't planning on facing him anytime soon.

My eyes traveled around the room, trying to find an escape. That's when I noticed that the sun hadn't even come up yet. The sky was still dark. The moon's bright glow flooded into my room through the open window. At last, my gaze returned to Griffin. His face was full of scratches and bruises. Blood was dripping from his lip. Just when I began to panic, I noticed the woman next to him.

I practically felt my heart burst from my chest when I saw my grandma standing next to him. She rushed over to me, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"I-"

"It's not your fault. None of this is your fault. I know you're blaming yourself for everything that happened, but it's not your fault," She glanced around, seemingly in a hurry. "I don't have much time. I love you."

"Grandma-" Before I could finish, she was out the window again. Griffin's body collapsed in front of me.

-*-

My eyes shot open. My heart was racing in my chest. Glancing at my window, I saw the sun was just beginning to rise. I relaxed, lying down again.

It was just a dream. I didn't know whether to classify it as a nightmare or not. It wasn't scary as much as it was sad and confusing. I had no idea why my grandmother was with Griffin. I tried not to dwell too long. Instead, I hopped out of bed and finally took a long, hot shower.

I stood there for a while, enjoying the feeling of hot water. It felt like ages since I got to truly enjoy the feeling of having hot water. It was something I had always taken for granted. After missing it for a couple days, I was reminded of just how many things I didn't pay much attention to before.

I wrapped my towel around me afterward and headed into my room. I froze in my tracks when I saw what was written on my window.

I'd do it again.

I felt a combination of emotions. They all flooded my senses at once. The difference today was that I could pick them apart and identify them now. I knew what I was feeling. After a night to myself and a quiet morning, I had time to clear my mind. The world around me wasn't spinning out of control anymore and I had time for myself. Everything just seemed to be lighter.

The dream started to make some sort of sense. I knew what I had to do. I was neck deep in fear, but I knew I had to fight it. It was time to stop trying to control everything surrounding me. I had to give away the wheel at some point and let someone else drive. I had to trust that Griffin wouldn't drive me off a cliff. The thought itself was almost too much to bear.

Almost.

The small part of me that was willing to hand over control was strong. As much as I tried to fight it, ultimately, it won. It was fighting harder than the rest of me. It was fighting to keep Griffin in my life. It wasn't something I didn't want. Griffin was something I couldn't have.

In a way, I understood why we couldn't be together. He was an impossibility. Too far out of my reach. He existed in a way I couldn't. No matter how many times I tried imagining us together, living a happy life, reality always won in the end. We were like flowers in a garden. I was the sunflower, desperately blooming towards the sky. He's a bluebell flower, growing, but not upwards. We couldn't be more different if we tried.

Yet, I couldn't stay away from him.

I didn't take long to get dressed. I threw on a yellow shirt and jeans. Pulling on a jacket, I headed out. I knew there was a good chance Griffin snuck out of the hospital last night and he was back. Then again, Reapers might have fast healing powers, so he could be released. There was really only one way to find out.

I couldn't get there faster. Not only did I want to fix things between us, but I had to see him. That dream was too realistic for my comfort. He wasn't too scratched up yesterday when I saw him. Even so, I had to make sure he was okay.

I waltzed up to the receptionist, trying to exude confidence. It was clear that some Reapers were stuck up, so I had to prove I wasn't easily intimidated. The woman pointed me in the direction of his room, even though I knew exactly where I was going. There was no way I couldn't.

Well, you did run out of here like an elephant who just saw a mouse.

Will you ever take a vacation?

I'm stacking up on vacation days.

I sighed and continued to Griffin's room. I saw him lying there through the window. His face wasn't bleeding and bruised. It was actually peaceful. The rise and fall of his chest indicated that he was asleep. I was relieved to see he was okay, though I was bummed I wouldn't get to talk to him.

"Hello, Mackenzie," I jumped at the smooth voice. I turned to see Griffin's dad standing there with his eyes furrowed. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine," I replied, short of breath. "Hey, Mr. Ryder."

"Are you okay? You ran out of here pretty quickly yesterday," He frowned. "Was it Griffin? Sometimes he can be too blunt-"

"No, it's okay. I just had an emergency at home," I lied.

He raised a lazy eyebrow, "Mackenzie, I know what happened yesterday. I know you were supposed to be in his position."

I was left speechless. I had no idea how to react. His face was void of any emotion, leaving me hanging. I didn't know what he knew, so it was better not to speak. A few awkward moments passed before he finally spoke.

"Mackenzie, I don't know what's going on between you and my son, but he's an adult who can make his own choices. It's clear you both care about each other. As a councilman, I cannot approve of this. However, as his father, I can't do anything but support him. You make him happy and that's all I want for him," He smiled. "Now please talk to him because he's a bad actor and has been pretending to sleep since you arrived."

With that, he walked away before disappearing completely. I smiled to myself. His dad cared a lot about him. Even if Griffin couldn't tell, I could. His dad was willing to break the rules for his son's happiness. Griffin was lucky to have such a caring father.

I entered the room, quietly shutting the door behind me. I stood there for a moment, watching him pretend to sleep. As I got closer, I could see his struggle to keep a steady breathing pattern. It was almost laughable. If the situation weren't so serious, I'd mess with him.

"Griff, I know you're awake," I rolled my eyes.

He peered at me through one eye, "How could you tell?"

"Your dad told me. Also, you couldn't keep a normal breathing pattern."

He groaned, sitting up. I could see the dread in his eyes. We both knew what our conversation was going to consist of. It wasn't an easy conversation to have. I didn't know what I was going to say or how he'd react. I just knew I had to say something.

Anything.

Taking a breath, I opted for a humorous start, "Why didn't you tell me I ran out of here like an ostrich on steroids?"

"Mackenzie," His tone lacked humor but was rich with warning.

I sighed, "I'm scared, Griffin. I'm stupid. I'm so many things that I can't bear to face alone."

"I'd be there-"

"No, I know you would. That's the problem. You have an entire life outside of this and I want you to get back to it. I want you to get that seat on the council and live your life the way you had planned," I took a shaky breath. "I don't face my problems because commitment is one of them. I developed commitment issues after my grandmother died. It's so stupid. Everyone dies and in turn, someone is lost. You deserve someone better than me. You deserve someone who can live as long as you and can help you in your endeavors. We both know I'll never be able to be that person because we're from two different worlds. I can't keep lying to myself about it.

"You're going to have to find someone else and I'll have to figure out how to adjust to my life again. It hurts but keeping up this façade hurts more. Griffin, I love you too. I do. But I can't continue to stifle you and your success."

Griffin pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly annoyed. He took a few deep breaths before ripping the tubes from his arms. I felt myself gasp, but it was short-lived because he was in front of me in a flash. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me into a tight hug.

I knew the message he was trying to send. We were friends before anything else. I knew he cared deeply for me, but I couldn't help but feel anxiety creep up on me. I just knew someone was watching. Someone was waiting to hold this against him.

"Griffin-"

He pulled back, holding my gaze, "Mackenzie, I know I said I'd keep reminding you, but frankly, I'm tired of repeating myself. I don't understand how or when it happened, but nothing matters to me as much as you do. I don't belong to that job. I don't belong to that council. I don't even belong to those Reapers. Mackenzie, I don't know how else to tell you I'm yours. "

Once again, I was at a loss for words. There was nothing I could say that would be an appropriate response. He had so much passion in his words, and I knew I couldn't try to match that. For the first time, I finally let myself feel what I wanted for Griffin. I let myself stop caring about everyone else's judgment. He didn't care, so there was no point in me caring.

I cupped his face in my hands and brought his lips down to meet mine. Immediately, he reacted, and it was like a million fireworks were set off in me. He pulled me closer, molding my body against his. I let my passion consume me without a thought of the consequences that could follow. Being with Griffin at that moment was all that I needed.

I had no idea who pulled back, but I was somewhat grateful. I was completely out of breath and slightly lightheaded. Even so, I didn't care. Griffin's gray eyes were closer to black at this point. Seconds later, he attacked me with his lips again. They traveled from my lips to my jaw and to my neck.

I pulled back, raising an eyebrow at him, "Nuh-uh. Not again."

He grinned, "Well, may I at least ask a question?"

"You just did, but go for it."

"Mackenzie Oliver," He took my hand in his. "If I've learned anything in my life, it's that you have to live while you can. Also, I would like you to be my- what is it you kids say? Girlfriend! That's it. Will you be my girlfriend?"

My heart stopped for a split second before pounding out of my chest. There was so much sincerity in his eyes, it was almost threatening. I couldn't help but hug him. I was afraid of being too attached. I was holding him too close to my heart. At any time, he could be gone, and I'd be broken all over again.

Knowing this, I still couldn't deny my feelings. He was right. Life was entirely too short for me to continue to live in fear. The fear wouldn't just go away because I wanted it to. It was something I had to work to get over. I knew this. I also knew I wanted Griffin to be there with me. I looked at him, searching his eyes. I found many different things, but I found the one thing I was looking for.

A promise.

I smiled at him, "Yes."

-*-

A while later, I headed home. He was being released later on today, so I allowed him time to get settled in back at his home. I couldn't help but walk around with the dumbest grin on my face. I could walk around with the title "Griffin's girlfriend" and no one could say anything about it. Even his father secretly approved, so there was nothing in my way.

When I got home, I found Andrew sitting in the kitchen alone. I furrowed my eyebrows, still unable to wipe the stupid smile off my face. It didn't take long for him to notice my presence. The frown that was resting on his face relaxed into a smug grin.

"If it isn't the great escaper of death, Mackenzie Oliver," He crossed his arms. "I've gotta say, I'm impressed. This never happens. When it does, it's usually an error on our part, but not this time. You stared death right in its face and walked away unscathed. I wish I had a medal or something to commemorate this moment! Especially considering it doesn't last long."

I couldn't tell whether he was serious or not, but my smile was gone, "Andrew, what are you talking about?"

"Your hubby didn't tell you? Death follows you. It's not something you escape and then you're done with it. If not today, soon," He shrugged. "I guess he was protecting you long before yesterday. Then again, who am I to talk?"

I frowned, "Is that all you're here for? To throw death in my face? Is that all you were here for this entire time?!"

He briefly lost his composure, knowing I was referring to my sister. I saw denial flash across his face before he cleared it of all emotion. I knew he cared for Lindsay. I had just hit a soft spot, but he had to know he wasn't the only person who could throw punches.

"Mackenzie, Griffin doesn't want me to tell you this, but I think it was all a setup," He was suddenly serious, immediately grabbing my attention. "You two seem like too good of a match for this to be some simple assignment for Griffin. The man takes care of old people for crying out loud! Your file back at the office is basically empty. Don't even get me started on Griffin's weakness with emotion. The point is, someone, set him up to fall for you and destroy his reputation.

"I've been trying to figure out ways to fix this or find the culprit, but it's almost impossible. They're clean. And the council won't listen to Griffin once they find out about you two. It's the perfect plan. The only flaw is that you aren't dead. You and Griffin being together would've destroyed his reputation. You dying would destroy him."

I stood silently, considering his words. He was definitely right when it came to the short of answers. I couldn't think of anything that would end in Griffin and I having a happy ending. There was only one solution I could come up with and Griffin wouldn't be happy about it.

Maybe not now, at least.

You're seriously considering this?!

Do you have any bright ideas?

Maybe if you wait a bit longer-

Forget it.

I cleared my throat, meeting Andrew's eyes, "What if- what if I died?"

His eyes widened, "Don't even think about it. Griffin may not be too fond of me, but I still care about him. Not to mention how hurt Lindsay will be."

"Hear me out! If I'm gone, no one knows about us and he moves on with his life-"

"Mackenzie, forget it. I'll come up with something, just give me time," Andrew's tone was final, but I had already made my mind up.

Sometimes happiness means sacrifice.

//

Alright, you may be thinking "Why is Mackenzie constantly going back and forth? SHE'S GETTING ON MY NERVES." Honestly, me too. However, think about it from her perspective. What would you do? ANYWHO, thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed and I love you all so much!

Tatty bye <3

EDIT: I just want to apologize for missing last Monday. It totally slipped my mind and I had nothing prepared AND I couldn't write since I was in Chicago. Therefore, I'm sorry. Besides not uploading, I saw Hamilton on Tuesday! So that was fun. Even more importantly...

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 2K READS! I was having such a stressful morning and seeing that just brightened my day more than you guys could imagine. So from the bottom to the very tippy-top of my heart, thank you so much. I love you all so very much <3