Chapter XV

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The post was a small little place filled with newspapers and advertisements and when I walked in my unfamiliar face made people look and speculate.

"Good morning," I said walking up the lady at the balcony.

"Good morning miss," she smiled.

"Um I would like to post a letter to London on Stanley Hall's account please," I took the letter from my purse and placed it on her hand.

"Oh so you are one of the maids at Stanley Hall?"

"Yes," I smiled.

"I'm Mrs. Justine, it's quite something huh? Seeing someone from Stanley Hall out and about here for once."

"Right the master does not stay here often."

"No he does not, and the staff comes and goes every spring like ghosts in the night."

"Ghosts," I chuckled dismissing the talk.

"Right ya' wouldn't know about that."

"About what? Ghosts?"

"Yes but it's just an old town story for the kids, nothing to it."

"What old town story?" I went against my willing conscience to remain an outsider to silly stories but the torment was too real and I had to make some clear connection to that locked room.

"Well they just say Mr. Howard don't stay here because the ghost of a woman chases him away and he's only the keeper of the Hall for her, so she can live there peacefully while he's away."

"A woman?"

"Yes a woman, a jealous secret ghostly wife just like in Jane Eyre," and when she mentioned the comparison I all but laughed, the post lady probably read too many novels.

"Right."

"What do you say to that? True or false?" Though I wanted to contradict her there were no certainties, and the circumstances pointed to her story being truer than my logic wanted it to be.

"I would like to know if you know anyone willing to train a girl to be a lady's maid?"

"Well Mrs. Hall for one, she was a lady's maid once upon a time, isn't she still the housekeeper of Stanley Hall?"

"She is yes but anyone else?"

"Uh I can look around for ya' what is yer name?"

"Alice Stewart."

"Alright well next Sunday I should have some news and now I got to close the post I only opened for two customers who asked me back in church, I do not really work on Sundays, it's the Lord's day after all."

"Right and thank you Mrs. Justine, I will look in on Sunday then," I left a little something on the balcony.

"See you then Miss Alice Stewart," she pocketed it.

Nervously I began to walk back to Stanley Hall, my feelings of it were ever changed, it seemed lovely and dreadful, a place to stay and to run from, and I could not make my mind which one was it for me only what it must be. The clean air unlike London's garbage smell with its rolling hills here replaced the cramped slums and the small woods by the lake was much happier than London's local sewage or cemetery.

Then galloping on the road back Mr. Howard appeared on horseback with some of the color back to his cheeks, "you arrived just in time!"

"Sir what are you doing here?"

God why had the master shown up when I least needed him to, I needed to breathe in the fresh air, get my head on straight with talks and nightmares of this woman who perturbed my evenings and mornings.

"Accompany me for some fresh air, a friend recommended it earlier and now I see they were right." He stopped the horse by the reins, "come let me help you up."

"Uh thank you sir but I have never been on a horse and I enjoy the walk."

"I know but I still insist on it and if you absolutely hate it then I will never ask you to ride again."

"Sir I..."

"Will do as I ask of you will you not?" He said directly with a smile on his face as if twisting my own character into his wishes.

"Yes sir," I said and he helped me up to a seat in front of him with both my legs to one side of the horse. Then the master got back up on it behind me and I maintained my distance as to not touch a single centimeter of his body.

"You must lean on me and hold on if you do not wish to fall," he said and I reluctantly wrapped my arms around him, the first man I ever did touch, and it made me question if I was doing it wrong.

"Ready?" His mouth said near my face and I nodded closing my eyes as the reins ordered the horse to go.

The black horse powered through the woods and into the hills faster and faster my hat looked to be flying off. In a glimpse of delusion a hope to be carried off somewhere with Mr. Howard galloped through my mind and I blushed as my fingers grappled his shirt between my fingers around his thick torso. My head was on his chest and it beat hard and fast like the horse's shoes on the ground and he laughed at my frightened posture wanting to hide in him.

"Look up Alice, feel the wind for a moment, or else there is no point of being on a horse." Mr. Howard instructed and I opened my eyes letting go one of my hands I raised my head to face the speed putting one hand up in the air. "What do you see Alice?"

"Freedom sir! As if we could enter at any moment a different reality and leave this one behind." I saw him and he was indeed smiling, a closed mouth smile yet a smile nonetheless and it was at me he looked at when he smiled.

"Yes you could Alice, you could do anything you wanted to," those words in my ear made their way straight to my heart and in a matter of minutes we were back at the house stables.

"How was that?" Mr. Howard asked helping me off the horse while my hands burned with elation from the unforgettable experience he had just given me.

"You should ride everyday if you can sir," the master held my waist to get me down and his hands lingered there while mine stayed on his well angled shoulders.

"So I was right to insist on you coming?"

"Yes sir."

"And the book what did you think of it?"

"I am not sure if you will like what I have to say."

"Even so say it."

"Well the story was pure evil, their actions led to so much unhappiness, I could not bear to do the things they did or live with its consequences," he put the horse back in the stable while I talked.

"I am happy you share my views."

"I do?"

"Yes and neither could I, which is why I have retired myself from society and live the way I do, do you see?" He had given me the books with hopes I would better understand him and I did not see it until he said it.

"I do sir."

"You see society is always tinged with an evil that kills our humanity, it destroys the fairest of souls and I want nothing of it. Society is but a pack of vampires ready to drain the blood of their victims, the only difference is some are aware yet do it anyways and others are overpowered by the majority. And I could not stand in another social call, another ball, another dinner filled with obvious intentions reading the same book over and over as if there was no library waiting for me to read another story."

"I understand you sir but..."

"What?"

"I am not quite as brave as you."

"But you can be you must only ask what is there in society that you cannot have right here and now? And that was when I found everything I wished for was right under my nose," he placed his impassioned eyes on me but the words seemed all too selfish or the philosophy too out of my depth.

"We should go inside sir," I moved my gaze from him and then a log from the stable roof fell right behind me and Mr. Howard pulled me towards him saving me from almost death as the big wooden log broke in half when it hit the ground. It was that demon of a woman, it had to be her L.H., whoever she was she wanted me gone, everyone walked about fine with the ghosts of this house but not I, I would not endure it for longer.

"Alice are you all right?" He asked and I immediately pushed the master back to show there was nothing between us and yelled at him.

"Do not come near me sir!"

"Alice!" He shouted but I ran up to my room and took off my hat, my gloves and coat angered by these odd sentiments weighing on me.

Mr. Howard had to been playing with my plain sentiments because he could not be seriously fond of me. My mother's warning about men resounded in my head, do not be fooled by men my dear, and Mr. Howard could do the job very well. I found myself wide awake focused on my mother's sensible advice; never let your heart speak louder than reason or surely you will go down the path of destruction and I will not be able to save you from it. Mr. Howard how could it be? He was the first man and the owner of a name I gravely knew in the deepness of my soul could take me down with a look and a couple of words; knowing this afflicted me.



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Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.


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