The second dinner proceeded as usual, Henry once again escorted me to dinner and Joseph freely chatted with Miss Lilly for the whole of the night. It was starting to become quite clear to mama that Joseph and I would not be the pair she once hoped for and Miss Lilly's mother seemed very attentive to Lord Howard who dismissed her company as much as he could. It was also clear to me by the end of the dinner Mr. Howard and I were long strangers to one another for the only times he looked at me were by accident and his eyes were full of disdain. The second dinner came to a closing, the men stayed behind having brandy and smoking their cigars while the ladies gathered at the piano room.

"Alice I understand now why you did not want to come," mama sat by me while Lady Scott entertained Lady Walker. "I did not think Lord Joseph capable of leading us on only to change in favor of Henry's sister, I am grieved by such careless behavior."

"Mama he is happier with her."

"If you had told me he had broken your heart I would have never put you through this, we never would have come," mama spoke as she knew me but no one knew who had broken my heart.

"We are here and I will get better," I glanced over to Mr. Howard sitting behind her in the background of the room while lighting his pipe, blowing smoke in the air clouding his semblance from sight.

"If you want to retire earlier you may go, I will make sure no one notices," mama said and then Lady Scott waved over for her to join them.

"Thank you mama, I will do that," I gave her a smile without any incentive of staying there anymore when Miss Lilly sat next to me.

"Lady Alice Stewart," Miss Lilly acknowledged me.

"Good evening Miss Lillian," I said noticing how her and Joseph looked alike in features.

"Joseph told me," she called him by his first name without a second thought and I waited for her to tell me what they'd spoken of, "of what you did for him and I extend to you my sincere gratitude."

"Oh Miss Lilly my papa used to say: count it as nothing when it is right," I said the words my father taught me, he said one could never praise oneself for simply doing what one must do, and if it was your duty to look for no reward, for the reward was in keeping a hold of goodness when the whole world was comfortably cruel.

"It is not nothing when it makes the happiness of two people but Lady Alice I have no doubt your reward is on its way. May your kindness and righteousness be paid in full by God," her voice was weak and she beamed with genuineness.

"Thank you, I wish Lord Joseph and yourself much happiness, though it takes no fortune teller to see that you will already have it."

"I have a great idea sister," Mr. Henry said as some of the party began playing the cards and Joseph came along with him.

"My brother and his ideas, what is it now?" Miss Lilly laughed.

"You will play the piano and Lady Alice will sing," Mr. Henry showed me half of his white teeth.

"That is a good idea for a change," Miss Lilly agreed, "my brother has mentioned your singing, he says it's been such a pleasure to all who are privileged to hear you."

"Your brother must have me confused with one of the hundreds of ladies he knows."

"What do you say Lord Joseph? Is my brother a liar or is Lady Alice modest?"

"It is true Lady Alice can dazzle everyone with her voice like you on the piano Lilly," Joseph said.

"Come along then," Miss Lilly blushed from the compliment and led me to the piano.

"Miss Lilly," I protested but she showed me the sheet music.

"If you know it you must sing at least this one with me please? So do you know it?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then sing we shall," Miss Lilly took a seat and I presented the song.

"This is Remember or Forget," I said as Lilly warmed up and Brielle changed the pages for her.

"I sat beside the streamlet, I watched the water flow,

As we together watched it, One little year ago;

The soft rain pattered on the leaves, 

The April grass was wet,

Ah! folly to remember; 'T is wiser to forget..."

It was a rather sad tune unfortunately to sing for the company present nonetheless they seemed moved and the sadness crept up again when I observed Mr. Howard for the last moments of the sweet slow melody.

"I stood among the gold corn, Alas! no more, I knew,

To gather gleaner's measure, Of the love that fell from you.

For me, no gracious harvest— Would God we ne'er had met!'T is hard, Love, to remember, but 'T is harder to forget.The streamlet now is frozen, The nightingales are fled,The cornfields are deserted, And every rose is dead.I sit beside my lonely fire, And pray for wisdom yet—For calmness to remember Or courage to forget..."

Truly it had been one of my best performances thus far for the highest note was executed thoroughly well but while my singing was excellent my heart was in another condition. And I tried to not run off crying when Mr. Howard's face looked drained of all its blood though it had not been my intention to sing something for him; I believed even unconsciously I had done it.

"Bravo! Perfect as always," Mr. Henry and Joseph got up to clap and so did the room.

"Thank you," I bowed before walking over to the sherry which was needed to get me through tonight.

"What a gift it must be to live with the owner of such a heavenly voice," Mr. Henry hinted his interest and took the bottle and poured it for me. 

"You are a flatterer by nature Mr. Henry I shall never take you seriously."

"I hope in the future you will take me very seriously as I do with you," he brushed his hand against mine and a sudden feeling came over me or maybe it was too much sherry.

"Thank you, I must retire to my room, goodnight Mr. Henry," I took my hand away and left the sherry behind ready to go to bed and forget the array of emotions Mr. Howard pained me with whether near of far and it did not weaken.

'Twas the second night at the Stanley Hall I waited for all to go to slumber deeply as I ventured to do one thing I had set in my mind to do; return Mr. Howard's book. With a candle on hand and a good knowledge of the house I walked towards the library alone to safely return the Duchess of Malfi. Then the memories accompanied by a longing for the moments where I was naive about the wickedness of Mr. Howard and only knew his simple kisses.

"What are you doing in Stanley Hall?" I heard Mr. Howard's voice asking from inside the library.

"I came to see you dear," it was a woman I had never heard before so I blew out my candle to listen to them.

"When will you understand I do not wish to see you?" He was tired I knew that tone well and also angered so I looked and saw her reaching out for his face.

"Come Sebastian, you know I love you, you know I only come here to offer you what you want," she kissed his hand like some stray dog licking it and he took his hand away.

"Quit this house tonight, I do not want you anywhere near Joseph or anyone that is staying here, no one must see you do you understand me?"

"But I long to see my son, he is so tall, so handsome, he looks like me does he not? Does that ever bother you? Does it make you miss me? I miss you during the long nights, I miss it how you begged me to stay still while you drew me and I miss being in this house, playing hide and seek with you my love."

The woman was Joseph's mother and she described the same type of relationship Mr. Howard offered me, or the one he offered every woman, any woman, no we were nothing special at the end of it all.

"Lydia go back to wherever you came from you demon," he asked but she was already kissing him.

Lydia wore clothes like the ones I used to wear when I was maid, her face lines were angled perfectly; she was fearsomely made like Mr. Howard, with a Greek figure of the gods how could any man resist? As her fingers slid inside his shirt to lift it up I stumbled on my night gown through the door with a bitter cry that I had been even more foolish than I was prepared to be proven.

"Alice?" Mr. Howard was startled though never bothered.

"Oh God," I fell on the floor letting go of his book by the door watching the fair haired Lydia.

"Who is this child? Is this your new muse Sebastian?" She called him by his first name their intimacy had my stomach turning. "Oh right the maid? Poor child, did we just break her heart?" She laughed at my face and Mr. Howard grabbed her by the hand.

"Enough Lydia, let's go, you are going to go now, and do not come back! And you Alice stay there!"

"Goodbye Alice, goodbye, do not forget to say your prayers tonight!" Mr. Howard hauled Lydia away as her laughs were heard everywhere and they stuck to my mind while I cried aimlessly on the floor.

Before Mr. Howard found me at the library crying I stumbled back tears on the way to my temporary bedchamber, what a blow to the heart it was to see them together. Lydia was still alive, she knew me well, and she was still under Mr. Howard's watchful eye, I wonder how many nights had she showed up just to meet him. How many times along the years had they kissed while he gave everyone the impression of being a poor widower? How far did this lie extend?

In other ways the story they told in town about Stanley Hall was not just a story she really did come here often to haunt this house. The dreams I might have had were probably not all dreams for in dreams how could I have guessed her features so precisely? Or her voice, her laughing at me like I was crazy and maybe I had been demented to ever want Mr. Howard for myself. He was in too deep with his darkness and his secrets and I wanted no more of either, these things broke my heart, broke my spirit into unimaginable pieces which at one point would never get back together again.

*************************
No part, character, names, plot, setting, conflict or resolution, point of view, theme or symbolism of this story may be replicated.

Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.