"Miss Lydia was a very special kind of girl from what Lady Scott described her."

"Yes she is beautiful."

"Yes... Wait! How would you know?" Martha caught me so I confided in her.

"Well I saw her one night with the Earl in Stanley Hall."

"And you never told me! How dare you keep such a thing from me?" She talked bewildered though not mad or angry in the least with me.

"Well what was I supposed to say, Lady Lydia is alive, beautiful, and in Mr. Howard's company while her son thinks her dead? It was too much even for me to keep as a secret."

"I can imagine, but I really did not imagine she was so close to us, they are taking a great risk of keeping her near."

"Why? I keep hoping Joseph will bump into her or that he will finally find out about his mother because I do not have the courage to tell him but..."

"But nothing! Do not dare to meddle in such family affairs, let them do as they will, they have their reasons and we are not to be the judge of what they do with them."

"My Lord are you alright Miss Campbell? Did you have too much sherry on the way here?"

"I told you I am beginning to be a very sensible person, and I am not sure I like it myself," she teased taking a piece of cake into her mouth before we continued the unraveling of the story of the mad Earl which I anxiously waited to hear every single detail.

"Please continue the tale? What do you know? What have you heard?"

"Oh why the hurry we have all afternoon?"

"Miss Martha Campbell..."

"Alright so Miss Lydia, did not wed the Earl, though she was engaged to him for sure."

"How long ago was this?"

"Oh he was seventeen years young when they met, Lady Scott says the Earl fell in love instantly, I mean can you imagine him barely twenty and in love? Of all the men in England..."

"Right..." I thought of Mr. Howard and his face and there was no way to imagine a young and bright eyed boy in love with a girl.

"I mean Mr. Howard is not the worst grump in the world but he never ventures into a conversation with anyone outside his strict circle of friends," she took another bite and it felt like we would never reach the end of this story.

"A very truthful observation."

"Well Lady Scott described Miss Lydia as happy, young, the perfect muse for the young artist and soon to be Earl. In fact back in the day he was almost as good as marrying a Prince, his family was la crème de la crème... Apparently his father the Earl and his mother used to roam in the circles of royalty!" Martha said still easily impressed by such society accomplishments although I had no interest in this part of the story.

"Yes I heard something of the sort from Mrs. Hall."

"Mrs. Hall?"

"The housekeeper of Stanley Hall?"

"Oh right, you two are quite the old friends."

"Yes my aunt knows her."

"Oh your aunt the one in service right?"

"Yes the very one," I confirmed trying to hurry my friend to finish.

"So yes Miss Lydia was the youngest unmarried daughter of the Bradford family, who were well off but had no title and when she caught the eye of the young to be Earl it was a dream come true for the family."

"Wait, if Miss Lydia is Lady Scott's sister then why is she submitted to a low life? Why is she not in her company? And why have we not once heard of her having a sister at all? Martha are you sure you heard things right when you were eavesdropping?"

"Yes I did and I am sure so do not look at me as if I were crazy for I am surely not."

"Then why?"

"Well this is where it gets dodgy..." Martha sighed gobbling another huge piece of cake while I impatiently waited for her to chew it and drink her tea with the slowness of a snail.

"Oh dear we might take all afternoon."

"Well you know I adore cake you cannot blame me for," she picked up another piece and filled her mouth as I was ready to take the plate away from her.

"I swear Martha I will hide the cake if you do not end this story."

"You have no reason to be so anxious, the story is of little importance to you since you are to have no family ties with them."

"Still, I wish to know, everybody deserves to know the end of a story once it has started."

"Fine..." She put the tea down and wiped her fingers off, "where was I?"

"Why is Miss Lydia destitute and without the company of her sister?"

"Oh right, well Miss Lydia as beautiful as she was attracted quite a number of suitors and appreciative eyes to herself. Lady Scott said she was not proud at how her little sister basked in the attention she received from men ever since she turned fifteen but she thought Lydia had finally fallen in love with the young to be Earl Bridgeston."

"But?"

"Miss Lydia played him along like the rest, she liked him best because of the portraits he made of her, exalting her beauty and in consequence her ego but this did not stop her from delighting in other men's advances on her."

Martha talked and the more she talked the clearer it was, everything Mr. Howard and I had ever fought about stemmed from Lydia. He thought I was another Lydia and my behavior had confirmed it, everything he ever said to me had been formed by this one defining woman in his life. While I struggled with seeing him so did he, he was unfair, at times brutal, but I had never stopped to think he might have had a reason no I was consumed by my righteousness, though it was no excuse only an explanation.

"Oh..."

"And well he was too young to notice such things but Lady Scott who was already married then for some years tried to coax Miss Lydia into a better behavior when she saw the way her sister behaved herself in the midst of other men even after Miss Lydia was engaged."

"And what broke off their engagement? Was it the pregnancy?"

"Yes, it was the pregnancy, what a terrible story this is you must promise to not interfere or tell Lord Stanley please, promise me."

"Yes I promise, I do, but what is so frightening?"

"It was Miss Lydia, she did the unimaginable, Lady Scott could barely put the words together to tell my mother the story, she cried so much oh it was horrendous to see her in that state," Martha reminisced.

"What happened between them?"

"Well it all took place on the day they were to wed, the Earl's parents were trying to dissuade him from the marriage to Miss Lydia saying he should not, that there were better suited ladies with titles for him but the young Earl wouldn't have it."

"And..."

"Everyone was lodged in Stanley Hall for the big day, her parents, Lady Scott and her husband, and a bunch of other people, the church was decorated. They said her room was every bride's dream, filled with jewels, brand new clothes and everything she wanted to make her happiness abundant."

"I can imagine," I said thinking back to the dusty old room Mr. Howard kept under lock and key.

"But on the same day, hours before she was to wear her wedding dress, they found her!"

"Found her where?"

"The where is not important as much as the who and the what, Miss Lydia was caught in the act with another man! That little demon was found being unfaithful on the day of her wedding! And guess who caught her?"

"I really have no guesses at this point..." I was dizzy from the revelation.

"The young to be Earl himself! He caught Miss Lydia, his muse, his bride in bed with another!"

"Oh God."

A pain came from the bottom of my stomach then went up to my heart, I could not feel anything but pity on poor Mr. Howard, but a sympathetic pain that urged me to his side, it was a need to embrace him, to be of comfort but could he even find that in me still? No, I was nothing, he loathed me from the stories he had from Cynthia, if I tried to go near him he would only push me away but regret had never tasted this bitter or empty?

"Alice?" Martha snapped her fingers, "I know you are in shock so was I but you must not tell anyone you hear me?"

"Yes, yes... But why did Lady Scott tell this story?"

"Because Miss Lydia was asking her for money and my mother unlike me knows how to keep secrets."

"Yes, your mother is a saint, but I forgot I uh have an errand to run..."

"Like what?"

"Like a tea with a lady which Mr. Henry's mother wants to introduce me to."

"How well acquainted with society you have become since your engagement."

"Have I? Right."

"Yes then I will go, may I call you some other time this week."

"Yes please do call on me any time," Martha and I hugged each other and as soon as she left I sat back down and stayed there until dinner time was announced to which I dismissed the dinner and went upstairs to my chambers.

My God, how could I have insisted in the silliness of mine when Mr. Howard had been treated so unfairly and was waiting for me to show myself different from Lydia? All he needed was for me to be the girl I had always been while I insisted on an eye for an eye, for as it was it fit the situation perfectly by leaving us both blind. Blind! Oh how blind I had been and was, and how stubborn of him to keep such a secret when we could have found an easier solution but we kept on ripping what was ripped to begin with. And this I knew, I would never forgive myself for putting this distance with my ridiculous childishness, I would never let go of every little wrong thing I had done to push him into Cynthia's arm, and I would never know the happiness of another love. For every drop of affection had been wasted on him and he would never know about my love for him or the extent of it and there was only one option left to silently take it to the grave with me for I would not ruin his happiness now that he had found it once more after all he had survived.

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No part, character, names, plot, setting, conflict or resolution, point of view, theme or symbolism of this story may be replicated.

Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.