The engagement to Mr. Henry was announced in the papers and soon many letters of house calls made their way to me, society has opened its arms for me. Except tonight I would be dining with the newlyweds Joseph and Lilly's for their first dinner at home in London, the former place of residence Mr. Howard used to live in when I was hired as his maid years ago.

"You look beautiful milady," Edna was done putting a jeweled necklace around my neck and it reminded there was still something unanswered, the attempt against my life.

"Thank you Edna, I hope you have a pleasant night," I got up to put on the coat.

"Thank you milady."

It was not right for me to go out unaccompanied but I was short of a lady companion and since there was not much I could do about it I was glad it would not please Lady Walker and I was sure at dinner Martha would not deny me her aid in my time of need.

"Oh wait one more thing, I found this at the bottom of your things when I was unpacking what do I do with it?" Edna showed me Mr. Howard's book.

"Oh..." I was caught off guard by the strong memory of his tears when I announced my engagement.

"Milady?"

"Uh here, I will have it please."

"As you wish," she placed the book on my hand and I opened it to take a look at what I had lost.

Dear Alice,
This book is yours and I do not want it if I cannot have you, for it only drives me to the distraction of memories of you that I may never relive.

Yours.

Every word like the audible sounds of Mr. Howard's baritone voice, and I knew the chances that I would hear them again were like passing a camel through the eye of the needle. Still for a lady who had discovered she was nothing but a bag of gold coins in the hands of others these were much needed words to keep a fire near my dying heart.

"What have I done God? I have built my own prison and only you can rescue me..." I shut the book and left to the dinner party.

Joseph and Lilly had arrived from their honeymoon and were happily hosting their first dinner as a married couple to which most of our friends were invited. As I arrived my eyes went to the one whom locked me away with a ring, Mr. Henry smiled the same way as the other times, with the same ease of unguilty conscience.

"I am so happy to see you Lady Alice."

"Mr. Henry please pretend no more about your feelings for me, I know the truth of how sordid you are," I smiled without giving him my hand.

"You mistake me milady I never had to pretend about you, you were without a doubt the best entertainment I have had in so long. It was a well played game, I was beginning to think it was impossible to win you over but at last I won and I can hardly wait to savor what you have to offer." He bowed taking my hand to kiss and my chest rose in anger right then Martha approached us.

"Friends how are you both?" Martha said coming in to distract us seeing I was in need of a companion.

"Oh it is so good to see you again," I tried to think of something other than the nausea of letting Mr. Henry near me again and how there was no escaping it.

"I shall leave you two, it is very nice to see you Miss Campbell" Mr. Henry nodded.

"Same Mr. Henry," Martha nodded back and he walked away.

"Oh I know what it's like to try to get a moment with your fiancee, quite impossible if I say so, I cannot wait to be married." Martha went on about it making me think about all the moments I'd have to spend with Mr. Henry.

"Of course."

"Where is your companion? Did you come alone or is she somewhere here?"

"I am alone, she left, she took on another job and now I'm alone," I told Martha who was scandalized.

"We cannot have that, I will stick by you the entire evening maybe we should be each other's companion until I get married but you could ask Cynthia to be hers until you get married, either way it won't be for very long and I am sure Cynthia would not mind."

"I would beg to differ, she was really upset with me for getting engaged without telling her first and then... Oh she must really hate me now," I thought thinking of how we had talked about my disengagement and how I was to look like a liar now that I was still engaged to Mr. Henry.

"Nonsense you two should talk and get this sorted it out soon as our pending marriages get closer. You are to be married only a month after my wedding, this is so exciting! I will make sure to end my honeymoon on the day before," she put her arm around mine.

"Thank you, I really appreciate that," I did not know I had about four months until my marriage until Martha spoke of it but I guess Lady Walker had already been spreading the news leaving me out of the details of the wedding.

"And you will not believe the news that is about to be discussed by the end of this dinner."

"What is it?"

"Oh I should not tell you it is meant as a surprise for everyone."

"I do hate it when you try to keep a secret," I shook my head and gave a small chuckle to Martha's enthusiasm with gossip.

Mr. Howard appeared at the top of the stairs as we took notice of each other, he was well dressed, a small beard had grown but one thing did not change his posture while coming down.

"Miss Martha, Lady Alice," he bowed politely.

"Mr. Howard how are you?"

"Perfectly well, excuse me."

"Yes sir," I nodded gulping the emptiness as he left me wanting for signs of his affections and afraid Martha would notice his bluntness.

"Lady Alice," Lady Walker called me and Martha let go of me.

"Lady Walker," I nodded meeting her.

"How are you this night?"

"In good health," I responded.

"Good, maintain it for healthy heirs."

"Forgive me but when should I expect my mother back now that I have accepted your conditions?"

"On the day of your marriage she will come home to you."

"I must see her sooner, I cannot get married without seeing she is well."

"Lady Alice I do not trust you to do good on your part of the bargain, you will have your mother once you are bonded to my son by the church."

"And why should I trust you to keep your word Lady Walker?"

"Because you have no choice my dear," she chuckled and I bowed to walk away. "Wait you are forgetting something future daughter."

"And what am I forgetting m'am?"

"Your ring, I had it adjusted to your specified fit," she took off the light blue ring from her purse.

"Of course," she put the ring on my hand.

"What are you waiting for? Put it on, people should know you will be the future Lady Walker."

"Right," I put on the ring that fit very snug around my finger exactly like a rope around my neck.

"If you continue like this you might even make a decent wife to my son after all," her sinister voice left a trail of bitterness in the air as she left me.

Where had my dignity gone to? It was miles away from wherever we were together, we were characters moving round about the room with doubtful scruples of our own stories untouched by the superficiality of our societal makeup. Very much like the changes the previous home of Mr. Howard had gone through, every trace of his previous living here had been done away with, the colors on the walls looked brighter, every piece had been organized to a proper place and there was nothing thrown about.

Mr. Howard who watched from afar me looking up and down at the new drawing room signaled with his eyes for me to get out of the room and meet him somewhere but where? Carefully I went out with no one watching and went to the hall where Mr. Howard moved up the stairs like a ghost and I followed anxiously just to be near him again.

"Mr. Howard I..." I tried talking first, to tell him everything that had taken place since our last encounter and enlist his help for saving my mother from Lady Walker's paws but he trampled over my words and talked first.

"Lady Alice please let me talk," he tried not to shout looking down at the floor but his voice was too strong.

"Of course sir."

"Last time we spoke I saw how frightened you were when I asked you to trust me. And trust is something that once broken it is broken forever in my eyes."

"Ah..." I uttered as he told me there was nothing to salvage between us, this was the end.

"Nothing can be built without trust, you chose to believe rumors about me and that was your choice. In the mean time you also became secretly engaged with Joseph and now publicly engaged to his friend whom you will marry in four months."

"Yes," I accepted the accusations of my wrong doings losing hope to reach out for his help for he seemed to want to push me as far as possible from him.

"So you will understand when I tell you that I am engaged and I will never approach you in any informal manner again." Mr. Howard let the knife fall like a guillotine cutting away at my heart a clean brutal cut as I blinked looking at him feeling my nose tingle to bring up the water to my eyes.

"Engaged?" But for him to be engaged was an impossibility because of Lydia, his wife, unless he had never married her then? Every possibility revealed bad news either way.

"Yes."

"Engaged?" I asked again then thinking of who, who was the lady who had managed the impossible? And how? Were we not just in love moments ago before my engagement to Mr. Henry crashed down on us?

"I am engaged."

"I thought we... I... I," I backed up into the sofa lifeless without my heart.

"This is our farewell as friends, enemies or whatever you may categorize us under Lady Alice; and about the incident at Stanley Hall you may rest assured that if I find any clues I shall make it known to the authorities but as of yet there is nothing and since you seem unharmed I can only assume nothing else has come to pass and that there should not be a repeat, so goodbye."

"Hmm, mmm, no," I mumbled excruciating sounds but Mr. Howard departed from my presence as I lost air understanding that without it I would not survive for long.

The love of my life was engaged, and whether he was pure of motives or not no longer mattered, how could I remain standing after the last thing I could have imagined happened? Mr. Howard was to be dead to me yet to remain in the land of the living while I died little by little, every single day just as Charles Dickens said and how could I carry this load on top of everything else?

"No... Ah..." I wept holding one of the pillows of the sofa into my face, "oh God have pity on me!" I begged shivering in pain of pure unadulterated heartbreak of the road life was taking me on, "save me if you can."

April of 1891.

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Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.