Mr. Howard opened my bedchamber door then pushed me inside it and once we were both there he locked it without even looking to see if anyone else might have seen his actions.

"He asked for your hand! Are you telling me you are to be engaged to Henry Walker!" He screamed and this was the first shout from Mr. Howard I enjoyed, he was powerless and it felt wonderful.

"It turns out Mr. Henry's family is an old family friend and my own grandfather blessed our union."

"How?"

"This is none of your concern I believe were the words you used yesterday on me?" I spit out what I had not been able to say yesterday and in my soul Mr. Howard's outrage only fueled my pleasure.

"Alice tell me now before I..." he could breathe fire like a dragon out to destroy a city in this moment.

"Before you what? What will you do? Will you shout louder? Whatever you do, know this, I will scream out Lydia's name and I will ruin you in the eyes of all your friends and of Joseph!" I threatened him like the good villain he turned me into.

"You are not the Alice I knew."

"I am not! For the Alice you knew wanted to believe in you, well no more, you really are just mad and there is nothing else to you but madness."

"I knew this would happen, you would let them get the best of you, you were never strong enough to stand on your own. One turn of fortune and look at you buried in their filth, doing exactly as they want you to, can you not smell your own rottenness?"

"Can you? This was not society as you claim, this was you! It is your fault I almost died of unhappiness! But no more I will live a full life with Mr. Henry."

"A full life?"

"Yes one with respect, peace and love which is something you can never comprehend."

"Do not speak of love for he does not love you! He cannot love you!"

"Be quiet! Enough with your lies!" I smacked his chest many times, "you are the one who knows nothing of love! You are the one without a heart!"

"Maybe I have no heart but Henry cannot love you because he does not know this part of you, that boy cannot begin to fathom your stubbornness to remain unchanged by circumstances. He knows not how you hide your heart so well not even you wish to fully know what is in it. He knows not of your thirst for vengeance for your feelings for me run too deep to be reasoned with by common logic."

"Let me go, I hate you, I hate you sir, with all that I am I hate you." I looked in his eyes with a boldness not afforded previously and I saw we both held our heads high with equal certainty of our reasons for the argument.

"Hate me for the rest of your life then but you will never be rid of me, try as you may I will always be a part of you Alice." Mr. Howard's eyes traced every part of my face and I held still unflinching from his power so when he finally let go of my hand was when I took my next breath.

"Get out," I said it to his face and he paused before deciding it was best to leave the bedchamber and myself with his prophetic words. My skin tingled from the debate, I had never spoken my mind so clearly or with so much audacity without breaking from the inside out. My mind had decided after this that I wished to go on, to be alive once more for life kept on going despite what happened last night.

Hardened by our fight, I could not give Mr. Howard the satisfaction of believing he had me, this only drew me closer to accepting Mr. Henry's proposal for I would not continue to be Mr. Howard's diversion so I opened the door and found my way out into the company of the party.

The men had a lucrative fishing trip and my mother and I walked in the hall where the generations of the Earls of Bridgeston hung on the walls, she was ready for the conversation about Henry and I.

"So that was quite a surprise Lord Joseph gave me when he announced the engagement with Miss Lilly."

"Not at all, I even encouraged him to accept her."

"Why? I thought there was more than friendship between you two, was I wrong?"

"Uh well we were fast friends is all."

"Your generation is very curious about its portrayal of affection there should be more space between friends."

"If you wish it mother."

"Yes and now I hear from Mr. Henry himself you might feel inclined to accept an engagement with him if I give my blessing?" Mother was completely out of her element with every event happening before her eyes.

"Oh I did not know he would ask you about it so soon."

"He has mentioned it to you before talking to me?"

"Yes," it was not right but he did it either way.

"Well that is not very gentleman like of him, your father did everything right when he asked me, I told you the story already."

"Yes forgive his behavior please, I am sure like you said we are all too hasty, but other than that what are your thoughts on it?"

"Yes well... I did not think you had attached yourself to him but if I were to guess why you have been in a better mood his name would come up would it not?"

"Yes mother."

"Do you really wish to be engaged so soon? You must have met so little of him by now," her resistance was strange for when it was Joseph she said something else entirely.

"Do you dislike him?"

"I just do not wish you to hurry into any decision that will be for the rest of your life."

"Okay then I will ask him for time if it will ease your conscience mother."

"Thank you I will be very grateful if you both think this through, and you can look forward to knowing each other with time and appropriate space unlike it was with Joseph."

"Yes mother."

"Now come along we are having dinner then Lord Howard will show his paintings before we leave Stanley Hall in the morning to go back to London to finish the season."

Dinner started and Joseph escorted me into the dining room instead of Henry and since it was the host who picked the partners I knew it was Mr. Howard's doing.

"Did you men fish anything at all?" Lady Walker asked her husband.

"We did my son caught himself a pretty one and our son in law too."

"Ah lovely!"

"The ladies should go to the kitchen to see them," Mr. Henry said looking at me.

"Brother we believe you do not be so pompous" Miss Lilly annoyed her brother.

"I am sorry to interrupt but Mrs. Stewart there is an urgent letter for you," Mr. Bert stormed in with a letter as I saw Mrs. Hall outside waiting to know if she may be of help.

"Excuse me all," my mother said retiring to the next room to read it alone.

"Mr. Bert where did it come from?" I asked Mr. Bert to come over to where I sat.

"London and I would Milady advise you to go to your mother."

"Thank you," I went after my mother and soon I heard a loud shriek followed by silence.

Afraid of what could the letter be I stayed frozen in my place as Mr. Howard rushed by me walking straight in the other room, where something awful awaited me.

"Mm... Mother?" I stepped inside to see my mother was showing every single one of her nerves on her red face drenched by tears.

"Joan, our little girl," she let the letter fall and I bowed down to get it.

"Mrs. Hall come help her!" Mr. Howard yelled for her to come and he stared at me while I read the letter.

The letter said my small sister, Joan, under the care of nanny Nicolette and the family doctor in London had passed away in the middle of the night of a fever which could not be brought down after having several episodes of what looked like epilepsy. They brought our local priest to pray for her in the night but it did not keep her from death and I worried for my mother losing one more person she loved, her family was disappearing, how could anyone handle it?

"Excuse me everyone, excuse me mother," I turned to go get fresh air but so did the world and its foundations under my feet.

"Alice?" I heard the faint voice of Mr. Howard asking as I made it pass the door and fell to my knees in the ultimate surrender we are each required to endure some day for life is sovereign and makes no deals with anyone.

"Alice!" Mr. Howard hurried to pick me up as I slammed like a corpse into the ground.

April of 1890.

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No part, character, names, plot, setting, conflict or resolution, point of view, theme or symbolism of this story may be replicated.

Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.