Ch. 36

The Lord's Prayer, the prayer Jesus used to instruct his followers how to pray, is well known among Christians. The prayer is recorded in Matthew 6:9-13 & Luke 11:2-4. One portion of the prayer says, "Give us today our daily bread," (Matthew 6:11). The first, and most obvious, meaning of this request is that God would sustain us physically. We also recognize God as our provider and rely on him to meet our daily needs.
-Z.D.

I sit passenger side as D'Anthony drives. It's quiet except for the music playing. We're going to D'Anthony's Dad's house for dinner. I was surprised when D'Anthony asked me to come. It was a whole ass mess the last time when he found out who my Dad is, but D'Anthony says he wants to apologize, so I'm down.

I look over at D'Anthony as we sit at a red light. He says he's not mad at me about the whole Brayden situation, but he's acting like he is. I look at his arm that's rested on the Middle counsel then I grab his hand intertwining our fingers. He turns his head slowly looking at me as I smile at him making him bust out laughing. "You so fucking weird. What you want?"

"Why are you so quiet?" I ask.

"I'm not more or less quiet than I usually am. What's up?" He asks looking forward then hitting the gas once the light turns green.

"What's up with you?" I ask right back.

"I asked you first, but I'm chillin'. You keep asking if I'm still mad about that Brayden shit and I'm not worried about that nigga. He got a black eye, so I'm satisfied. I don't wanna be around him, see him, talk to or talk about him. It's dead. What I do care about is this dinner with my father. That's what I'm worried about right now."

"Why would you be worried? We're just going to eat and you said he wants to apologize." He just shrugs not answering my question with words making me furrow my eyebrows.

When we get to his Dad's house D'Anthony parks in front on the side of the road. We get out of his car then walk up the pathway stopping at the door. He rings the doorbell as I grab ahold of his hand. Soon after the door opens with a woman behind it I've never seen. It wasn't any of the aunts I met at the funeral. She smiles warmly inviting us in. "Zipporah, this is my Dad's girlfriend, Lena. Lena this is my girlfriend, Zi." We shake hands exchanging nice to meet you's as we walk down the corridor. She's pretty..and young, I think to myself.

"Y'all can go wait in the living room dinner will be ready in a minute," she tells us.

"Do you need any help?" I ask to be polite.

"No thank you, sweetie. I'm a bit of a control freak and don't like people in my space while cooking. I don't wanna rub you the wrong way with my OCD," she says making me chuckle and nod my head in understanding. "Thank you for offering though."

"No problem. I completely understand."

"Where's my Dad?" D'Anthony asks her.

"He's upstairs. He doesn't ever come down until the food is ready," Lena says with a chuckle. D'Anthony just nods his head as we go into the living room. We both sit on the couch and he grabs the remote turning the tv on.

"I didn't know your Dad had a girlfriend. She seems nice. You like her?" I ask as D'Anthony lays his head in my lap.

"I didn't know either until recently. I've only been around her a couple of times, but she's nice. This is the first time I'm actually seeing my father with a full blown girlfriend. It's kinda weird," he says scratching his hair that has waves. "First woman I've seen him with seriously since my Mother."

It gets quiet as I think. "Now that I think about it, I haven't seen my Mother even around another man that's not family since my father's–" I pause not knowing if I should say death, suicide, or murder. I still didn't believe he killed himself. That's probably why I still haven't talked to my mother since Christmas. That and she still hasn't apologized. I heard from my younger sisters that she got a job at a small grocery store. At least she realized I was dead serious about her getting a job.

"It's like you know your parents have the right to move on even if you knew your parents weren't meant to be, but it's still weird. It took my Pop's nearly twenty years to find someone he was feeling enough to keep around, so I'm happy for him. It kinda scares me though.."

"Why?" I ask looking down at him in my lap as he twirls one of my twists around his finger.

"I look up to my Pop's. Thankful for and appreciate everything he's done basically as a single father, but I never wanted to be like him. Never wanted to be a criminal going to jail even if it was a necessity. Never wanted to have kids with a woman I didn't feel like would be a good mother. Never wanted to be entertaining a whole bunch of women when I'm grown as hell. It took him in his forties just to find a settled girlfriend. By then I would hope to be married for at least ten to fifteen years with kids in their teens. I'm not tryna be like that...lonely and old. I know after you've been married once it's different, but how do you go without love for so long."

"I mean, as long as you know all of this you won't be. If you know you want to marry a good woman, have a family, and stay married, all you have to do is make sure that happens."

"You're saying this like you're not the one who's gonna be my wife," he says making me giggle like a little girl with a wide smile on my face. "How would you look giving me advice for the next woman?" I nod my head. True. "We're still young and got a long way to go–"

"A lonnngggg way," I throw in making him look at me sideways.

"Damn, I didn't say that long. I'm 21. I'm tryna at least be engaged by 25."

"Alright, and that's four years from now. We don't know what could happen in four years. And what I mean by that is adult life happens. We have to graduate school first then get into our careers. Then once we're financially stable that's when we take the next step."

"I guess," he says in a whatever tone. You know what's crazy? It feels like we've been together a long ass time. Years, but it's only been a couple of months. We've been through so much shit, it feels like it. We literally just started being in each other's space whether as enemies or friends since August, which is only close to 5 months.

"Food is ready," we hear making us look up. Lena is peaking into the living room, so we both get up. We go to the dining room where the table is set full of food.

"You cooked all of this?" D'Anthony asks.

"Yup, you two have a seat. I'm going to go get this Dad of yours." She leaves the room as we both sit down at the table.

"She lyin'. That pie is store bought, I can tell," he says pointing at the either pumpkin or sweet potatoe pie on the table.

I laugh a little saying, "Leave her alone. At least she tried. One store bought thing out of a whole meal. Quit complaining,"

"I'm just saying. I hope this shit is good cause I'm not tryna be rude by not eating it. I'm not about to fake like it's good to save her feelings either. If it's nasty, it's nasty and it's going in the trash," D'Anthony comments making me chuckle.

Not too long later Lena is coming back to the dining room this time with D'Anthony's Dad, Manny. He says hi to both me and D'Anthony sitting at the head of the table. I don't know why I was feeling awkward. "Before we start eating, I do have some things I would like to say to Zipporah." As he says that everyone looks at me. "I want to apologize for how I treated you last time I saw you, the first time I met you. I was taking my anger out on the wrong person. You shouldn't have to pay for the actions of your father. You had nothing to do with that. At the end of the day we were all living a life we knew came with consequences. Consequences we have to live with."

"I accept your apology," I say genuinely.

He sighs then says, "There's more though...D'Anthony was telling me about the situation with your Mother and her saying your father committed suicide. I never do shit like this. For the record this ain't snitchin', aiight!" He looks around the table as D'Anthony laughs a little. I was still lost as to what he was going to say. "Your father didn't commit suicide, he was murdered like you were originally told. A guy who was locked up with your Dad and knew me and my brother found out who your father was. He decided to take things into his own hands and kill your father. I didn't tell him to do this or my brother, he did it on his own. He made it look like a suicide. He had some guys help him jump your father then he hung him up. Of course nobody really cared to look into it to find out the truth because he was in jail. After talking to my son, I felt like I should tell you the REAL truth because I know it's hurting you."

I just look at him blankly as everyone looks at me waiting for me to say something. I had nothing to say. It felt like my heart even stopped beating. Tears had already been falling as soon as I heard the first sentence. I knew I was right. "I don't want you crying now," Manny says pushing his chair back getting up from the table. He comes around grabbing me in his big arms hugging me as I start crying even harder. "The food getting cold. I guess I should've told you this after we ate."

"Thank you," I finally push out once I catch my breath. It's all I could say.

He pulls away from me saying, "You're welcome. You deserve the truth. I know it won't bring him back, but I hope this helps you come to terms with it better. Your father did what he thought would bring him home to his family faster, you can't fault a man for that. Now that I'm older and I had to raise two kids alone, I see that. The whole no snitching thing is stupid. It's a shame your father was killed because of it." I nod my head then he wipes my tears saying, "Ya makeup all messed up now."

I chuckle then he moves back as I see Lena is extending a napkin to me. I take it then pat my face. "I'll be back. I'm just going to go to the bathroom really quickly. You guys can start eating if you want." I get up from the table going to the bathroom down the hall. I shut the door behind me going up to the vanity. I look at myself in the mirror seeing my makeup is now streaky from crying. I go into my purse deciding to get a makeup wipe and just wipe off all my face makeup only leaving my eyeshadow, lashes, and red lipstick. My skin is clear anyway. I didn't need it. I just like a full, beat face.

I turn the faucet on letting the water run then decide to wash my hands. When there's a knock at the door I say, "Who is it?"

"D," I hear back.

"Come in." I turn the water off as D'Anthony steps in closing the door behind him.

"You good?" He asks with concern in his voice.

"I'm fine. Those were tears of joy. I feel relieved. I'm going to feel even better when I tell my sisters, my aunts, and even my mother. As crazy as it sounds, I rather know someone killed him then he killed himself. I'm not even trying to say all people who commit suicide are weak, but I know my father. I know my father wouldn't kill himself knowing he has a wife and 7 kids he will eventually make it home to. My father wasn't selfish nor was he weak. He would've rode those years out no matter if it was one year or twenty. And my mother–" I say shaking my head.

"For her to lie all those years saying he got killed when she was told it was a suicide, only for it to be the truth. For him to actually be killed. That's gonna fuck her up because she was telling a lie when it was the actual truth. She threw this in my face to lower my father's pedestal in my eyes, to put him on her level..Just the fact she told me what she thought was the truth as a way to get me upset. They killed my father having my mother think he killed himself and abandoned her with 7 kids. All the bitterness my mother had for my father all these years was for nothing."

I never thought I would see the day I would feel sorry for my mother. For the longest my mother was jealous of the fact my father could "abandon" us and still look like the hero. Still be the favorite parent while she was looked at as pathetic. She was mad he committed suicide and left her to raise us kids alone when in reality he didn't kill himself. He didn't abandon her, he was taken from her by someone else. Maybe the truth will take the bitterness out of her soul.

"What made you tell your father about what I told you?" I ask D'Anthony.

He shrugs. "I wasn't trying to tell your family business. I just saw how hurt you were about it and I knew you didn't believe it. I decided to just ask my Dad to see what he would say and he knew something. I was just glad he was willing to tell you himself. He's right, you deserved the truth in order to settle your spirit."

"Well, thank you," I say smiling. I hug him tightly finding solitude in his arms. Sometimes I mess up, but I know that D'Anthony has my best interest at heart and I know he's for me. Everyday I realize how much I love him and why.

We leave the bathroom going back to the dining room. We both sit at the table and I realize they haven't started eating because they were waiting on me. "Let's say grace," Manny says. "You can say it, D'Anthony."

"Just volunteer me then," D says, but he does it anyway. We all bow our heads reaching across the table to join hands as D'Anthony says the prayer. Half way through it I just open my eyes discreetly looking at him. It's safe to say I'm in love...

. . .

Once we leave D'Anthony's Dad's house, I decide to go to Nubia's. I hadn't talked to or seen her since the surprise kickback we threw for Sahara. I had a couple of things I need to talk to her about.

I knock on Nubia's apartment door and after a minute she opens it. "We need to talk," I say coming into her apartment quickly.

"About?" She asks closing and locking the door behind her.

"About why the hell you invited Brayden. That was a whole ass mess. Then Brayden texted me talking about he should press charges, but he's not. Didn't I tell you to keep me away from him? Then on top of that, I'm chilling with D'Anthony and Gideon comes in talking about how you told him Sahara left the kickback with Markel. Are you tryna fuck everyone's shit up?"

I look at her and she's just standing there still holding up the peace sign like a mannequin...

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask looking at her like she's stupid.

"You can still see me? I thought I disappeared like in those LeanSquad videos. Guess that shit don't really work," she says making me crack and end up laughing at her stupidity.

"You so fucking stupid. This shit ain't a joking matter. This is serious. I still want answers to my questions."

"Girl, I'm sorry. I just want everybody to be friends and coo. You told me D'Anthony wasn't coming. So Brayden showed up and I thought it would all be copacetic as long as you stayed away from him. Now, Zi, you grown as hell. You have to make your own decisions when it comes to Brayden. Practice some will power and restraint if you really love D'Anthony. Now that whole Sahara, Gideon thing..I don't remember saying that. Then again my ass was stupid, silly drunk that night. If I did, my bad. Gideon ain't her boyfriend anyway, so what is he mad for?"

"Shit, you're telling me. Sahara stay having Gideon tripping. I wish he would just move on and leave her alone. I wish they would both leave each other alone," I say sighing as I walk to the living room.

"They're clearly drawn to each other," Nubia says sitting on the other chair. "Girl, don't trip on that little fight between D'Anthony and Brayden. And if Brayden is smart he won't show up to the actual party tomorrow unless he wants to get his ass beat again."

"I hope so," I say exhaling long and hard.

"I don't know why you're getting so comfortable and becoming one with the couch. You're supposed to be helping me make this wig. I don't know what to do with myself without my inches." She gets up from the couch grabbing the bundles shaking them as the hair moves around. "34 inches, bitch! This is going to be sickening, you hear me?"

"No, I don't hear you. You know how to make your own wigs. Why you need my help? And your real hair is cute. You should wear it out more," I say looking at her finger waves.

"That's all fine and dandy, but I need to be looking right for Sahara's party tomorrow night. I done cut all my hair off on some Waiting to Exhale shit and I regret it now. The cold breeze was all on my neck and ears when I went outside. I'ma need it to start start getting hot. I'm from Cali, I'm not used to this."

"Wear one of your old wigs," I suggest just so I don't have to help. "I still have to take down these twists," I say running my hand over a couple.

"We can help each other. You help make my wig, I help take down your braids. Two hands are better than one." I furrow my eyebrows. Shouldn't it be 4 hands are better than 2?

"Than you use your two hands to make your wig." She smacks her lips as I chuckle. "Girl, I don't have time to help you. I have to take down these twists then wash my hair then braid it, so I can wear a wig tomorrow. We don't have time for both. You do yours, I do mine. Turn on Netflix so we can watch Scandal," I say getting up from the couch.

"I should kick yo ass out, but I'm not because I want some company since my baby daddy is at work," she says in reference to Israel. "I just wave her off going to the kitchen to grab some scissors and a Walmart sack. I put those on the coffee table then I go to her bathroom grabbing her vanity mirror that's sitting on the counter and a comb to use while taking my hair down. Once I'm done, I go back to the living room sitting on the couch where she now has Netflix playing.

"Girl, yo wig head has been through it," I say looking at it with a whole bunch of marks all on it.

"I know. Me and Shaquita been through it all. Long, straight, short, curly, cheap weave, expensive bundles. My ride or die." I just laugh. "Hey, have you talked to Josiah? I sent him the flyer for Sahara's birthday party to invite him, but no response. He hasn't come around in a while either. He used to always be over here hanging out in the recording room."

"I haven't seen or talked to him since that New Years party. He won't respond to my calls or texts either. I fucked up by kissing him to make D'Anthony mad. That was my fault. I ruined the friendship. He probably thinks it'll be awkward for him to come around. Did you know he actually liked