Ch. 27

You ever get into a relationship & after you realize what you've just done? It all hits you... Oh shit! I'm in a relationship. That means I have to be faithful, honest & loyal to 1 person. No more doing what I want with no one to answer to. No more thinking about just myself, I always have to keep this person in mind. But it also means.. Oh shit! I get to build something amazing with this even more amazing person. Mixed feelings & emotions. Mixed like red & green, which equal yellow. Yellow means joy, but also caution. I'm cautious & I wanna take things slow.
-Z.D.

"You can come in now!" Nubia says from the doorway from one of the bedrooms in her apartment. I post the blog then lock my phone getting up from the couch walking to her along with Sahara. "Our new recording room!" She says enthusiastically waving her arm as we step into the room we would now be shooting our YouTube show from...

Over the week we've been promoting through all our social medias already getting us at a couple thousand subscribers with no videos yet. We all had decent followings on Instagram and Twitter along with knowing everybody there is to know on campus at Howard. People were actually excited and I could see this being big.

I watch as Josiah sets up the cameras. He's been a big help in setting this up since he already had a lot of equipment along with Nubia. When Markel got here, him and Josiah moved the couch to in front of the cameras. "Wait, did we ever settle on a channel name?" I ask randomly.

"Our Noir, remember?" Nubia says making me remember. Noir is French for black. Our channel was going to represent everything black. Black women and men. It'll cover everything about being Black in a world not meant for us to succeed. They say the world is black and white, but it's not. This show would cover everything about Black culture.

"We need to get started because we're recording two videos today," Nubia says looking at the watch on her wrist. I could tell she was about to get serious because this was her element. It was amazing to see her go from her crazy, loud mouth self to serious when it came to production. Me, her and Nubia sit on the couch as Josiah is behind the camera. Markel just sits in the corner watching us. Nubia holds her thumb up and so does Josiah to indicate we're recording now.

"Welcome to our channel. I'm Zipporah-"

"Sahara-"

"Nubia-"

"-And we are Our Noir," we say in unison.

"Aka the Godiva Girls," Nubia has to throw in with a cheery voice. I still hate that damn nickname.

"And the Godiva brev," Josiah chimes in sticking his head into the view of the camera making us laugh. "Look at this chocolate ting," he says walking backwards, so he can be seen more in the camera.

"If you're going to be in front of the camera, camera man, can you at least introduce yourself?" Sahara says.

"Well, I'm Josiah."

"Now get out back behind the camera!" Nubia says, so he does as told.

"For our first video, we're going to do a question and answer so you can get to know us. Although, we'll be the main people of this channel we'll constantly have guests. Think of this as the new heart and hub of Howard. A place to cultivate black culture from relationships, friendships, music, politics, fashion, you name it and we'll address it," I say.

"No mutha fucking filter!" Nubia adds.

"We know you don't have a filter," Sahara says as we chuckle.

We then went on to answer the questions people sent in via Twitter, Snapchat Instagram and Tumblr. After we were done we decide to take a break before the next video. For the next one we're recording, I'll be interviewing Markel. As Josiah set the backdrop and lighting up for the next video I watched a video on YouTube. "We should do this," I say out loud. "We should go around Howard asking people what they're dating preference is. This video they just ask men, black or white women. I wanna ask women as well. It should be interesting to see the answers since we're at an HBCU."

Sahara turns her lip up then nods her head. "That's a good idea."

"Welp, we got our next video," Nubia says snapping her finger.

I'm about to say something in response to that when my phone dings with new message. Its D'Anthony texting me making me smile a little. Who would've thought I would be in a relationship with D'Anthony Carlos. Someone who I disliked because of things I heard about him when I didn't even know him like that. The guy who claimed he wouldn't date dark skin women...

I open the message reading it as my smile fades turning to a straight face..

A part of me wanted to smile because it was cute, but another part was thinking the complete opposite. That phobia of relationships was coming back again.

I look at the text message not replying then turning to Nubia and Sahara who were taking selfies together. "How long did you guys wait to tell us, your friends that you got a boyfriend? When did you tell us you were with Israel, Nubia and when did you tell us when you were with Markel, Sahara?" I ask as they both look at me giving me their attention. They still didn't know I was in a relationship with D'Anthony now. It had only been a week anyway.

Nubia shrugs then says, "Like two days. Only because I didn't know if I would stick it out. Y'all know I'm indecisive."

"I told y'all the day it happened because I was just so happy," Sahara says with a smile. "I'm not saying Nubia wasn't happy, but if you're truly happy and really like this person you'll be so excited to tell people, especially your closest friends. That's just what I think."

"Okay, how long do you wait to post your significant other on social media?" I question next.

"I was posting Markel when we were talking. That's only because I didn't really care what people thought. People could think we were friends or more. Of course I was constantly sent eyeball emojis, but I ignored it because it was no ones business. People are just nosy, but I say let them wonder."

"See, I'm a a little different. I'll post everything, but his face because I didn't think it would become anything. Once we were officially in a relationship I kind of just eased him out there to let people know I'm taken. You know, posting pictures with heart eyes and cute captions, but not explicitly saying that's my man. The man is fine, so I'ma claim him. I think people in our generation place too much importance on social media. If you don't post someone you're dating on social media all of a sudden you're hiding something."

"Exactly," I reply.

"True. The minute you post someone things could all change. Someone could come out the woodwork trying to come to you as a woman, a baby mama might pop up, his wife. You just never know. Then you look stupid because as soon as you post it, you have to take it down. Social media tells the truth though. You know a nigga is really yours when no one comments or DM's you something crazy," Sahara says.

"Why are you asking this though?" Nubia says looking at me suspiciously.

"Okay, well, I asked D'Anthony to be my boyfriend," I say immediately thinking to myself why I worded it like that.

"Wait, what?!" They both say in unison. "You asked him?" Sahara asks as if confused.

"Yeah," I say shrugging. "I fucked up and I wanted to make it right, so I asked him. What's wrong with that? And please don't bring up how the man is supposed to ask. Who cares about gender roles."

"You clearly don't care about gender roles. You're the one always fucking up tryna get forgiveness like a fuck boy. You're a fuck girl, Zipporah. Now you're asking when it's best to go public and I have the feeling you don't want to go public. Am I right?" Nubia asks.

I scratch my neck with my long nail then say, "Okay, maybe not. I really just don't need shirt from my soror's. But it's not even that, he's asking if he can tell his boys."

"Aww," Nubia and Sahara say in unisons touching their chest. "That is so cute," Nubia says smiling.

"What's the problem? I'm sure he's just going to tell Israel and Gideon. What's two people going to hurt?" Sahara says.

"So, we're just gonna act like Gideon doesn't have a big ass mouth? He'll tell everyone for the simple fact he doesn't like me and he likes to run his mouth like a female."

"And? Who cares," is all Sahara says.

"Well, you better think of something fast. I think Israel is about to find out when he gets here unless you pretend you don't know D'Anthony," Nubia says making me furrow my eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"Israel is coming and he asked if he can bring D'Anthony with him. I said yes before you saying all this information. My bad. At least I get to question my new cousin-in-law."

I roll my eyes. "You and this whole cousin thing. Who said anybody's getting married?"

"Gotta speak it into existence. My Israel is an engineer major getting his Master's degree. I see a nice house and Mercedes in my future with two kids once we get married. I'm tryna erase my hoeness in the words of the notorious Draya. She was a hoe and she's with an NFL player, had his baby and has a successful business. That's the come back story of the century."

I couldn't help, but laugh shaking my head. "It's gonna take more than dating Israel to erase that wrap sheet of hoedom. You're gonna have to marry a preacher and become a First Lady." Nubia's mouth falls open when her phone starts ringing. She flicks me off in response to my comment then answers it.

After only a second she hangs up saying, "My boo is here and yours too," she says looking at me.

"Oh, lord," I say taking a deep sigh leaning my head back.

Nubia rushes out of the room then Josiah says, "Zi, come take some pictures with the yellow backdrop. This would look bare tough." I say alright then get up from the couch going to where he's at. Knowing that in less then a minute D'Anthony would be in here made my heart beat fast and hard...

"Hi cousin-in-law!" Nubia says enthusiastically as I step into her apartment. She hugs me as I hug back awkwardly looking at Israel. He just shrugs.

"Cousin-in-law?" I ask as she pulls away from me.

"Yeah. I'm dating Israel, your cousin. One day we'll be all one big happy family when we get married. Me and Israel, you and Zipporah."

"Wait–" I was about to ask her if Zipporah told her, but she walks off. She waves for us to follow, so we do. I lean into Israel asking, "Is your girl always this happy?"

"Pretty much unless she wants to kill me. Then that crazy side comes out and she's ready to stab a nigga. She's kind of a lunatic," Israel says shrugging.

"I heard that!" Nubia says from in front of us making me chuckle. She goes into some room, so we do too. I walk in after Nubia and Gideon seeing a setup for filming. When Zipporah told me about the YouTube show, I didn't think it would be all this. "Sit wherever you want. If y'all need anything from the kitchen help yourselves cause I'm not really into waiting on people hand and foot."

"Except me," Israel pipes up. Nubia just says Hmph walking away making me laugh. I look around the room seeing Sahara and Markel sitting on the couch next to each other. All I could think about was Gideon's irritating ass voice whining about her like he has for the past week. I was tired of it actually. I've never seen this man, so effected by a chick in my life. He just needs to face the facts that she's with someone else and seemingly happy.

I look further back seeing Zipporah who was getting her pictures taken by some guy I've never seen before. Her eyes connect with mine then she waves me over. I just wanted to know why she didn't reply to my text because she has her read receipts on and I saw she read it. I walk over there standing back watching as this guy takes another picture of her as she poses. I gotta be one lucky ass nigga..

When he's done she turns to me smiling saying, "Hey!" She steps up to me hugging me then kissing me. I was surprised on that because since we became official she's been against PDA. If we're walking together around campus, she doesn't hold hands and she doesn't kiss. The most I'll get is a hug. I guess it different because it's her friends, who knows.

I pull away looking at the guy who was taking the pictures because he was looking at us. Zipporah looks over her shoulder then says, "Oh, D'Anthony this is my friend, Josiah. Josiah, this is my boyfriend, D'Anthony." Well at least she actually introduced me as her boyfriend, is my first thought.

Me and this Josiah dude shake hands as I say, "Nice to meet you, bruh. I've never seen you around before. You go to Howard?" I ask as we release hands.

"Naw, Georgetown," he says in an English accent catching me off guard.

"International student?" I ask next.

"Yeah, first year of Uni out here."

I nod my head then say, "I'm sure you're making friends and meeting people. If you ever wanna hang out with me and my crew, you're welcome to."

"Alright, I'll keep that in mind. Thanks. You guys should let me take a picture of the two of you."

I look down at Zipporah who's looking at me. "Sure," she says stepping in front of the background as I do the same.

Josiah hold the camera up saying, "Look at this black love. Beautiful." Zipporah chuckles as the camera shutter goes off indicating he took it. He looks at his camera then says, "One more." He takes another then looks at that one saying, "Yeah, this one's nice innit. I'll upload it to the computer and edit it then send it to you," he says to Zi who nods her head.

Zipporah and I walk away from him then Zipporah says to Nubia, "We're gonna go get something to eat. We'll be back."

"I thought we were gonna do another video today?" Nubia responds back to her.

"We will later. We have plenty of time. I'm hungry and you don't have shit in your refrigerator. We'll be back." Zipporah grabs her purse as Nubia just groans probably not wanting to argue. I just follow behind Zi minding my business.

When we get on the elevator I ask, "You get my text?"

"Yup," is all she says popping the p.

"So?"

She shrugs then says, "I don't really care. You can tell Israel, but I'm sure he knows now. I just don't think you should tell Gideon or anyone else." Before I can reply the elevator is stopping then the door is opening. A white woman with a puppy gets on the elevator giving us the same smile every white person gives a black person. I don't even smile back because I know it's fake.

...

Instead of us going to get food like we said we ended up parked in a parking lot. First it started off as us having a discussion about going public with our relationship. You would've thought we were Jay-Z and Beyoncé how big of a deal Zipporah was making this. My argument was who cares, I want to show you off. Her argument was I don't need anyone in our business trying to ruin what we're trying to build.

After awhile I just stopped the conversation because I didn't want to argue. I'm tired of arguing with her. We smoked a blunt in the backseat listening to smooth jazz and somehow that turned into her straddling my lap and us making out. When she reached to unzip my pants, I pull away from her. "Why are we making out in the car like teenagers who never get alone time? We've done this about three times this week."

"You know my sister's staying at my apartment."

"We're literally yards away from the Kappa house where I have a room with a bed, but you never wanna come over there. What's up with that?"

"Nothing. I mean, it's just kinda weird having sex in a house full of a bunch of other men. Kinda awkwardd," she sings.

"Not really. We're grown as hell. There's nobody listening by the door or to the wall. There's no one waiting for you to walk out, so they can whisper. You really care too much about what people think because if you're my girl, nobody's gonna say shit about