I can't sleep.

I am nocturnal. I just can't sleep at night. It may have something to do with my father leaving our family at night. He tried to sneak out , but I caught him and then everyone woke up and had to watch my father leave his family. 

So because I can't sleep, I am baking. 

Pitiful, i know.

I am baking cookies in a thrasher shirt Issac gave me....that I stole one night when I was at his house for the night. I am baking while wearing the shirt of my best friend who kissed me two nights ago. This is beyond pitiful.

I wipe some flour off my nose and continue making the cookies. I pop the cookies into the oven and then go to the table and pour myself a glass of red wine. I look at the blood red liquid and I sip on the wine trying rid thoughts of Issac Evans out my mind. I haven't talked to him in 2 days. Ever since the Victoria thing yesterday, I haven't left my room unless I was taking a shower and right now, baking. A stressed sigh passes through my lips and I run my hands through my curly hair.

"Tough night?" a voice says and I look up to see Armani in a white robe that has his initials on the sleeves of it and on the chest part. He walks over to me and slides into the seat across from me.

"You could say that." I say and finish off my glass of wine. 

"I'm sorry about what happened yesterday. What..Victoria did was uncalled for and just unfair to you. Sienna is just still angry you slapped her still."

"Thanks Armani."

"BUT...the real reason you are sitting out here stressed and drinking away your sorrows is because of one Issac Evans, isn't it?" he asks and looks into my hazel eyes.

I shrug my shoulders and pour myself another glass of wine.

"I don't know what magic you did on Issac, but I have never seen him more happier, lighter, and i guess...fulfilled maybe since he met you. The day he bumped into you in that hallway was the day his eyes lit up. He is a naturally happy dude, but you just added to it. I don't know what happened when you guys kissed, but you should talk to him. He has been beating himself up about not knowing what he did wrong and a whole other stuff."

"Armani, its like 2 am and I am up baking. He is probably sleeping."

"Issac hasn't slept in 2 days. And since yesterday all he has done is argue with Victoria because of what she did to you. He really likes you Bay." He says and gets up and takes the bottle.

"Finish your glass of liquid courage and then go and talk to Issac."

"Can I at least get the bottle?" I plead.

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"Lets just say, I will be using the wine for.... good use. Yeah, that's an innocent answer." he says with a smirk on his face and walks away. I down the glass of wine and then I get up and check on my cookies. They look like they are done, so I take them out and leave them on the counter so they can cool. I slowly walk to Issac's room and stop in front of his door. I form my hand into a fist and I raise it to knock on the door, but I stop.

What if he doesn't want to talk to me?

What if he hates me? I can't handle Issac hating me.

But I will never know until I knock on this door and find out. I knock on the door 3 times and then wait. I hope I didn't wake him. I hear some ruffling behind the door and then footsteps approaching the door. My heart is beating so fast every time the step gets closer. The door swings open revealing Issac with nothing but boxers on.

I try to keep my focus on his face and not the 6 pack in front of me. His eyes widen when he sees me and a lump grows in my throat and I feel like crying, but for what reason, I don't even know.

"Bay? What are you doing here?"

"Uh- can we talk?" I ask. He opens the door wider and I walk into his room and I sit on his bed waiting for him to come over. 

Ok so the objective is to not let my words get caught up in my throat and actually speak and tell him how I feel. Not simple.

He sits down next to me and then there is silence. 

"Can you-um put on a shirt?" I ask feeling very shy for some reason.

His lips tug upward and he gets up and puts on a shirt. He returns back to the bed and sits down.

"I'm sorry" I blurt out.

"For what?"he asks bewildered.

"I-I ignored you for 2 days and when you..kissed me, I didn't say anything. I was just...there"

"Why didn't you tell me that was your first kiss?" He asks. "If I had known, I wouldn't have-"

"Don't even finish that sentence Issac, please....don't. I didn't tell you because it was embarrassing. What 17 year old hasn't been kissed before? And I didn't want you to back out of it or something or feel bad if I let you kiss me."

"Did you regret it, was that it?" he asks and I can tell that he is racking his brain to figure out why I have been acting the way I did.

"No" I answer honestly. "I don't regret a second." I look into his grey eyes that are trained on me and I feel the sudden urge to want to kiss him again, but I know this is not the time.

"Then what happened?"

"I- I have never done this before Issac. I read romance novels and usually the characters know exactly what to say afterwards, but I didn't. It's not like I hated the kiss. The opposite actually. I didn't know what to say. I guess. I don't know what people say after they have their first kiss."

Issac sighs and his shoulders sag. "Of course. I should've thought of that. I am so sorry Bay if I made you feel-"

"Shh" I cut him off and place my index finger on his lips. They are so soft it should be a sin. 

"Did you regret it?" I ask and I remove my finger and begin twiddling with my thumbs to distract myself from my worst thoughts.

"No. How could I ever regret kissing an angel?" he asks.

"OK. That's just corny." I say and chuckle and look at him.

"Where does this leave us?" he asks.

Where does this really leave us?

I can't just go back to just being best friends with Issac and act like none of this happened, but I don't want to possibly ruin our friendship.

"I- I don't know."

I feel like I have stepped into foreign territory. I don't know where I am or what to do. I feel vulnerable. I hate this feeling of not being able to control things to keep my mind at ease. I have never had feelings like these. Feelings as strong as the ones I feel now and I don't know what to do with it.

"Do you want cookies?" I ask needing to change the subject and get back to something I can control: baking.

His eyebrows crease together in confusion and he looks at me with confusion. "What?"

"I made cookies. I stress-bake sometimes. It makes me feel in control of things when I feel like I am vulnerable and spiraling and stuff so I made a tray of cookies. You can dip it into wine." 

"OK I guess" he says and I get up from the bed and walk back to the kitchen.

"When did you get time to steal my shirt?" Issac asks behind me and I stop in my tracks and slowly turn around.

"You see...it was there and I always wanted one and I said why not?" 

"You should steal more of my clothes. You look good in them." 

3...2.....1

My cheeks begin to feel hot and a smirk forms on Issac's face. I turn back around and walk into the kitchen. I pick up my frosting pastry bag and begin frosting the cookies and making final touches. When I am done, I bring the cookies over to the table Issac is sitting at. He looks down at the cookies and his eyes widen.

I made 8 cookies and on each cookie I wrote out a letter to a phrase.

"How long did it take you to plan this?"

"5 minutes." I answer honestly and he chuckles. He take his phone out his pocket and takes a picture.

I used royal icing to write out 'I Miss You' on the cookies.

He picks up a cookie and takes a bite of it and chews it with his eyes closed.

"This is the best thing I have ever tasted."

"You are just saying that."

"Am not. If you becoming a doctor doesn't work out then you could be a professional cookie maker." He says and finishes off the cookie.

"You remembered that I wanted to be a doctor?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yeah. Of course i did. You want to be a pediatrician." he says and bites into a another cookie. I am literally staring at Issac with my mouth wide open. How could he remember this stuff? 

"How could you remember these little things. Simple things?"

"They aren't simple things Bay. These are your hopes and dreams, why would I not want to remember this? You come to my lacrosse games and you witness something important in my life and I am not supposed to know your dream?"

"I'm just shocked."

"Bay, you are important to me. Of course, I will remember things as small as your favorite color or if you prefer to wear your hair up or down, stuff like that. Small or big. They are still things that define you." he says with determined grey eyes.

I don't know what to say. 

So much for not letting my words get caught up in my throat.