[Chapter twenty-three]

--Noah--

I hear whimpers as I walk up the stairs.

At first I think it's Danny but then I realise they're coming from my room.

I walk in and see Carter thrashing around as whimpers come out of her mouth.

I flick my bedside lamp on and find that her cheeks are wet with tears.

Is she having a nightmare?

All of a sudden she shoots into a sitting position, a scream leaving her mouth followed by sobs.

"Carter! Carter, shh, calm down. It's me." I pull her into my arms, pushing her face into my chest as she grips my torso tightly.

--Nevaeh--

"Carter! Carter, shh, calm down. It's me." Noah pulls me into his arms, pushing my face into his chest, making me wrap my arms around his torso as sobs leave my mouth.

"Nevaeh! What's wrong?!" Tanya and Danny rush into the room.

I just bury my face deeper in Noah's chest as I keep crying uncontrollably.

"Mum, Danny, it's alright." Noah whispers. "I've got her."

"Are you sure?" Tanya questions.

"Yeah." Noah nods. "Go back to sleep."

A few minutes later, I can hear footsteps leaving the room and the soft click of the door as it closes.

Noah doesn't say anything, nor does he move. He just wraps his arms tighter around me. One hand on my lower back and the other hand on the back of my head.

We sit there for what seems like hours, but in reality was probably only twenty minutes until my sobs turn to sniffles.

Noah pulls away, his usually cold eyes soften as looks at me.

He slips his hands under my hood and uses his thumbs to wipe away the tears from my cheeks.

"Talk to me."

"What?" I look up at him.

"Remember what I told you when we first met?" He asks. "I'm always here if you need someone to listen."

I stay silent.

"Sometimes..." I swallow. "Sometimes I feel like I should have been the one to die."

Noah doesn't say anything, but his face hardens.

I keep going. "Heaven and Lucy shouldn't have been the ones to get cancer. They didn't deserve it. They didn't deserve to die. If they didn't die, my parents would still be together and my mum wouldn't be going out to get drunk and high every night. If I was the one that died, nobody would have cared. I was always the one that got left out. The one that no one bothered to ask if she was okay. Everyone always payed attention to Lucy because she was the baby of the family. Everyone always paid attention to Heaven because she was the oldest, even though I was only younger by five minutes, she was still older. She was always the smart one. The one that our parents liked to brag about. And me? I can throw a ball through a hoop and do some dance moves. Big deal. No one noticed the small things about me like they did about Heaven and Lucy. No one cared. It was always 'Heaven this' and 'Lucy that'. It wouldn't have made a difference if I died. I probably deserve to die. No one cares about me."

When Noah sees I'm done, he immediately starts speaking, his tone hard.

"That's not true."

I open my mouth to say something but he keeps speaking.

"You do not deserve to die. If you had been the one to die, you would have never come to America and I would have never met you. I notice the little things. I notice that you always throw your head back when you laugh. I notice that you bite your lip when you think. I notice that you zone out a lot. I notice that you just need someone to tell you that they care because you've convinced yourself that nobody does."

"Noah—"

He cuts me off and stands up. I stand up also.

"And guess what, Carter? I care! Okay? I don't like caring about people. The less people I care about, the less people I lose, the less it hurts!"

"Noah—"

He doesn't let me speak.

"I care about you! You're annoying. You're weird. You're blunt. And it pisses me off that you think it's okay to walk around the streets by yourself at two in the morning when you could be kidnapped or worse! It pisses me off that all it takes is for you to laugh at something I do to make me smile! It pisses me off that I feel like I need to protect you and look after you! It pisses me off, that I'm here, trying to convince myself that I don't care about you, when in reality, I'm falling for you!"

He finishes his rant, his chest rising and falling as he calms himself down while staring at the floor.

I stand there, gaping.

He finally looks up. "I--"

This time I cut him off.

I take step forward and lean up, pressing my lips against his.

He freezes for a few seconds before wrapping one arm around my waist and putting he other hand on the back of my neck, pushing me closer to him.

I place my hands on his bare chest as he leans down.

My eyes shoot open.

What the hell am I doing?!

I promised myself I wouldn't catch feelings.

I push Noah away from me, making his eyes spring open as he stares at me in confusion.

"Carter, what the hell?" He takes a step closer to me, but I take a step back.

He freezes, his eyes pooling with hurt.

"I-I can't." I stutter. "I'm sorry."

I push past him, opening his bedroom door and running downstairs.

"Carter, stop!" Noah runs after me.

Just as I'm about to open the front door, a hand grabs the back of my hand and spins me around, making my hood fly off.

Noah and I both freeze.

He stares at me in amazement and I stare at him in horror.

He shakes his head, snapping out of whatever trance he was in, looking horrified when he realises what he'd just done.

"Carter, I didn't mean to--"

He doesn't just to finish his sentence because I throw my fist out and punch him right in the face.

He curses, gripping his nose as I throw the door open and run out.

"Carter!" He yells after me but I ignore him and keep running.