Chapter 31

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Mayas POV



It wasn't that long I had been at home before someone was ringing on my doorbell. I didn't remember ordering food or anything so I wondered who it could be. When I opened the door to see who it was, I got surprised. James was standing right in front of me. 

He didn't have the same fresh and effortless look on his face though. It seemed like his eyes were heavy and droopy. His whole body seemed more tensed and he looked so tired. Almost like he hadn't slept for days...

I wanted to shut the door right at his face but didn't have the courage to do so. Instead I told him to come inside. I might as well just hear his rejection and then move on.

'Come in'. He observed me, hesitated for a while but then took a step into my home. We walked into my living room and there I waited for him to speak.

'Maya, is it true that you are getting married to some stranger?'

My eyes widened and my heart stopped for a while. How in the world could he know that my parents were looking for a husband for me?

Even though I couldn't gather around my thoughts of how he knew, I didn't want him to hurt me even more. It was better to give him the impression that I wasn't interested in him for a second.

'Um, yeah. I think I'm ready for marriage'

'But with someone, you don't even know? I never thought you were into arranged marriages...' he trailed off sounding a bit too concerned. That was strange.

'Well, you can never really know a person a hundred percent, right James? Anyway, why are you here?'

He looked at me like he was hurt by my words. He really looked like a wounded animal. I wanted to hold him and kiss him, but I knew that he had someone to do all those things with anyway.

'You sent me a text message about not seeing each other anymore. I don't quite understand. If you are angry with me because I haven't been more outreaching these couple of weeks, I can explain Maya'

I turned around so he couldn't see my tears welling up in my eyes. It was too hurtful to let him see me vulnerable like this.

'I don't need you to explain anything James. I just think it's the best for both of us to not see each other again' I struggled to make my sentence as clear as possible. My voice was trembling, and I wanted to cry aloud.

'Maya, I have something that I want to tell you'

I wiped away the tear that had betrayed me by falling down my cheek and then turned toward him again. I held my arms crossed in front of my chest as a way to protect myself.

'It's fine. Don't bother telling me. I already know' I whispered. I was beyond disappointed when my voice failed me. I was supposed to sound stronger and more confident. Instead I just sounded like I was hurt and heartbroken.

He froze at my comment. He had his coat in his hand and then let it go so it dropped on the floor. We both glared at the coat lying on the floor. His lips were parted, and he somehow looked confused.

'You know? But why do you react this way then? Is it wrong of me?'

I shot him a hard and cold glare. How dare he ask me if it was wrong of him to lie to me like that!

My cheeks were heated, and I wanted to tell him to get out. But I didn't have the strength to do it. Somehow, I still wanted him to stay and I wanted to hug him. These mixed feelings towards him were exhausting me though. I sighed.

There was complete silence for a minute. Neither of us said anything for a while. Then he broke the silence by asking me another question.

'Why didn't you tell me what Oliver did to you?'

I felt like I got hit by a truck. How did he know all these things? Had he been talking to Rose? Anger was now evident in my face.

'That... um. Where did you hear that from?'

'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like I stalked you or went behind your back to get information about you. I just went over to your workplace to see if you were there, but the woman behind the counter, who also worked there, told me about the arranged marriage and what Oliver did to you'

Jane, you piece of gum chewing woman! Her mouth was like a waterfall. How unfair of her blabbering about me to strangers like that!

'Maya, I'm so sorry to hear what he did to you. That's not what a man should ever do to their girlfriend...'

I interrupted him with a very hoarse voice.

'James, stop it. If you think that was cheap for Oliver to do, then I don't really have to explain why I don't want to see you anymore'

James looked confused, he started coming closer to me. My heartbeat was not following me anymore. It did its own marathon show right now. I was mad and hurt, all at the same time.

'Hold on, are we even talking about the same thing here?' he came even closer now. I could smell his cologne now. He was only a few inches from me.

'Yeah, I guess you came all the way here to tell me that you found a beautiful girlfriend and that our kiss didn't mean anything' I kept on talking faster now.

'I guess you figured out that it wouldn't mean anything to me, but it did. I thought you felt something towards me, but I was wrong. I should have known that from the beginning...'

He took hold of my arms and squeezed them. I stopped talking. Now I couldn't control my emotions anymore. I started to cry. My eyes were red and wet. My throat began to hurt by holding back the sobs.

'What in the world are you even talking about?'

'James, stop pretending. I saw you two together at the restaurant. You told me you were at work, but then I saw you at the restaurant when I was on my way to the studio... And I guess that's why you chose to ignore me these past weeks'

James let go of me at that moment and took a step back. He lifted my chin with his fingers but I resisted to meet his eyes.

'Maya, look at me please'

'I'd rather not right now' my tears didn't stop flowing down.

'Maya, that woman you saw... Well, she is my co-worker. She has been with me throughout this case that I have been working on together with Brian'

'Please, just stop it James, will you? I don't care who you sleep with or who you date'

He let out a tired breath out of his mouth.

'First of all, it doesn't sound like you don't care... and second of all, that's just it! I don't sleep with her. Christel is only a co-worker to me. But yeah, I can imagine that it may have looked different from your point of view that evening. She got really drunk and she wasn't quite herself that night. I wouldn't deny that she became a little flirty, but it was all because of the alcohol.

He paused and ran a hand through his hair.

'I told you I still were at work that night because technically it felt like that for me. We won the case and Brian and Christel wanted to celebrate it with dinner. The reason why you didn't see Brian was probably because he went to the bathroom at that exact time'

Now I was flustered. Did he try to cover up by telling me lies like Oliver did the first time I confronted him about Nikki?

If he was telling the truth, then it didn't make sense as I still couldn't understand why he didn't contact me in these two weeks. When I was about to ask him, he was already ahead of me.

'And the reason why I haven't talked to you these weeks is because I realized something. And it freaked me out okay? I- I have never truly been in love before and when I kissed you the day before meeting your parents, I got surprised. And after meeting your family it only became clearer to me that you, Maya, you make me feel things I've never felt before'

Wait, what? Was this happening for real? Was James confessing his feelings towards me?

Holy moly!

I could feel his hands in mine. He held my hands tightly and continued; 'I love you Maya. I'm sorry for hurting you. But I needed to figure out how I really felt about you and I distanced myself from you because I got scared. Scared to love someone so deeply that it makes me vulnerable'

I honestly didn't know what to say to him now. I was baffled to be in this situation. What in the world was happening right now?

My whole body felt like it was on fire. I was truly embarrassed to hear all these things while I had thought all the worst things about him these days.

'Maya, can you forgive me? I know I hurt you but I really tried not to do that. I thought I was doing the right thing by clearing out my thoughts before giving you any false hopes'

I stopped him before he could go on. I still remembered the words Oliver said to me. He couldn't wait for me in the end. How would it feel like to relive that again with James?

'James, I don't think I can give you what you need in the long run. You see, Oliver...'

'Will you please stop it, Maya? Oliver is an idiot for not waiting on you. I'm not here for your body. I'm here because I am in love with you. I've never met anyone like you. If you want to wait, then that's fine with me. I just want to be with you'

I was completely shaken by his raw and honest answer. I could feel all the butterflies flying around wildly in my stomach. He sure knew how to weaken my knees. 

'So you are not bothered about me being different and that I have another culture?'

He chuckled a bit and caressed my hands. 

'Maya, I think the reason why I ended up falling for you, is because you are different. Your culture makes you a warm person. You are filled with compassion, love and you make people feel like they belong. The way you embrace people and your big passion for things in life is something that I've been looking for in a woman. I love that you are the way you are. I'm embarrassed to say that I once was rejecting and cold before'.

His hands were now entwined with mine and he closed the distance between us. I could feel his breath on me. I didn't dare to look up.

He cleared his throat. 'Do you feel the same way?'

I met his eyes now. Did he really need to ask me? I gulped and nodded.

'Ever since our blind date you made my heart race, James'.

He gave me a smile. He hugged me and we just stood there, right in the middle of my living room in each other's arms. When he pulled away after a while, I could sense that he was hesitating about something. I was too shy to ask him why.

'I missed you'

'I missed you too James. A lot'.

Our foreheads were butting against each other and I really wanted to kiss him. I think he felt the same way, because he now lifted me up, so my legs were entwined around his waist. I was surprised by his sudden move but relaxed immediately when I felt his soft lips on mine. First his lips brushed me soft as a feather, then he kissed me harder and he started walking towards the couch. He sat down while I was sitting on top of him. My hands were snaked around his neck while he was holding around my waist.

I was feeling all warm when he kept kissing me. I loved the taste of his lips and we sat there for a while just molding our lips together. After a while I could feel his tongue try to make a way into my mouth. I melted at his mere soft touch and opened my mouth slightly to welcome him.

In between our kisses he muttered some words. I listened carefully.

'I love you Maya'

I kissed him back. 'I love you too James'.

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