Mayas POV

(Two months later)

"Are you kidding me!" I shouted at Rose. She was standing quite close to me so she was closing her eyes and scrunching her face in discomfort at my aggressive outburst. 

"How can you not have told me way before that he is coming to the wedding! I pulled my hair in pure frustration and looked frantically everywhere but at her. Rose looked a bit overwhelmed and took a step back, just in case. 

"Well, I thought you might have been aware that he would show up at the wedding. He is, after all, Connors really good friend". She trailed off with a nervous look on her pretty face. At that moment I could really have punched something. I was beyond baffled to even realize that I had to see that guy again. 

Okay, so he's coming to the wedding. Sure, sure. That's fine. As long as I don't need to engage with him right? He's just another wedding guest on that day.

I said it out loud as well as I was thinking it to ease my heartbeat. 

Roses pretty face slowly turned into the same color as white marble. She looked so pale as all her color went away. 
"Right Rose? He is just a regular guest, right....?" I could sense that maybe I had another surprise coming on my way. 

Oh dear heavens!

"He is Connor's best man. So he will be planning the bachelor party for the guys and he will have to plan other things as well.... with my maid of honor... Which is you". She closed her eyes in fear after saying it all really quickly. 

To my surprise I had precisely no words at all. I stood there completely numb and had to comprehend that the very same guy who didn't want to date me because I wasn't white, was the same guy who was the best man at Rose and Connors wedding next month. 

I felt dizzy and had to sit down. Rose observed me with a frown on her forehead. I scanned my eyes in the park to see where there might have been a place to sit. I half jogged over to the free bench and took a seat down. Rose followed after me and sat right beside me. She didn't say anything and I bet that was the best thing to do. This was humiliating! How could I possibly see James again at the wedding without feeling so uncomfortable and wrong? I mean, his rejecting words still echoed in my head. 

I looked up and watched a couple walk past us. They were holding hands and talking very lively. Then I saw another older couple walk across the street. Suddenly I felt all alone in the world. I just couldn't comprehend the thought of acting like I was content with my life right now. And how was I supposed to act in front of James at the wedding? Should I ignore him or scold him for what he did? But, why would I even bother to talk to him? 

Besides, if I confronted James about the date it would just come off as a sign to him that I was hurt and still thinking about it. I didn't want him to think that I felt that way, right? 

"Maya, are you there?", my stream of chaotic and insecure thoughts got interrupted by my dear friend, Rose. I turned to her and gave her a smile. Never mind. This was either Roses nor Connors problem. I just had to deal with it as a young adult and face him. 

"Hey, don't worry. It's fine. You know what? It's been several months since the date with James. I bet he has already forgotten me and I'm here to celebrate you guys...The most important thing is that you are getting married to your dream man!" I hugged her and assured her that everything was fine. 

I had to pull myself together for her sake. This was not about me. It was about Connor and her. And I would do my best to make her day perfect. 

We both jogged back to our apartment. Rose and I always went for a jog once a week, just to do something else than sitting at home or get caught up in work. As we entered the apartment we quickly separated into our bedrooms and take a shower after each other. I turned the shower on and as soon as the water hit my head I closed my eyes. 

Oh, this is so nice... 

Then suddenly James appeared in my mind. He was indeed charming and we just clicked. I felt like the universe was pranking me with the unfortunate guys in my life who only wanted me to be someone else. How bad could I be? Was it that bad that I had roots from a foreign country, or was I really not that attracted? I wondered, why James didn't like brown or black girls. What caused him to be so distant and reserved against people like me? 

I looked down at my body and suddenly felt like my whole body began itching. A wave of discomfort and shame bubbled. I was small but slim. People from Sri Lanka was not that gifted with the height. But I never felt bad about being a small woman. I actually felt like a woman and being small was just another feminine thing for me. I liked that men were taller than me, stronger than me, and more masculine. But somehow, maybe that was it? 

Oh, my poor mind kept whirling around thousands of possible answers to, why James didn't like me or why he didn't want to date me. Before I knew it, my fingers turned into raisins because of the long shower I had going on. I stopped myself and turned off the water. 

Tomorrow I would meet up with Roses bridesmaids and plan out the bachelorette party. Rose was not the type of girl who partied a lot. She wanted a nice and cozy girls night out. 
I was planning to get her an amazing start on the day with brunch and then a shopping trip with all the girls to buy her some lingerie for her big wedding night. 

The rest of the day I just had to think and plan a bit more about. First, I had to meet up with the other girls.