I spoke with Det. Sinclair, but it doesn't seem Lisa's case is his top priority at the moment.  It's been a week now, and they've still not received the autopsy.  That's when I learned it could take up to six months to hear anything back.  I do know they released her body to the funeral home, and I should receive her ashes soon.  I was actually surprised they allowed not only her body to be released, but to release her ashes when they won't release anything else.  I want to look through the house for clues, but it seems they won't allow it.

I decided to check out the yearbooks at the surrounding schools, but I had no luck.  It's starting to feel like Lisa was just a ghost that I created in my own mind.  There's no sign of her ever living on this earth, other than the mystery her death left me. 

I contacted an attorney and met with him yesterday.  He suggested a private investigator, but it sounds expensive.  I decided to suck it up and just hire the woman. 

Kathy Sanders Cole is her name, and she has looked over what very little information I have on Lisa.  She will also be staying in contact with the detectives in Seattle while she researches the families in the area, to see if there are any missing persons that fit Lisa's description.  I suggested we put flyers out and post things online, but she said we have no idea the circumstances behind Lisa's false identity, and we need to try to find out whatever we can before we go that route.  She said we could be asking for trouble if we don't do some footwork first and any kind of press releases should be handled by the authorities. 

It's been a week now, and I still can't move past any of this with Lisa.  I feel stuck and completely alone.  Nobody knew her the way I did, so I have nobody to grieve with, while nobody else I know has suffered a loss under these circumstances. 

I was folding my laundry, when my mom came into my room.  "We need to talk."

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"I'm worried about you.  We have no idea what kind of past Lisa had, and, for several reasons, I think you need to step back and let the authorities do their job."

She is sitting on the bed while I am on my floor folding laundry and my laptop is still sitting open.  Izzy keeps trying to lay down on my clean clothes.

"So what I'm supposed to do, just sit back while the police do almost nothing?  I was closer to her than anyone, and her family deserves to know what happened to her. As far as I know, I wasn't the only one deceived by her, Mom." I said.

"You've not even taken a moment away from work, and when you're not working, you're trying to solve a mystery that could put you in danger.  You need to step back and take care of yourself first and foremost.  If you don't think we haven't noticed how sick you're making yourself, you're wrong, and Lisa wouldn't want this for you."

"That's the problem, Mom. How do I know what she would have wanted when I highly doubt I really even knew her, she lied to me." I said.

She took a deep breath. "I don't have the answers you seek about Lisa, but I am your mother, and I know my baby girl.  You have always been sensitive and caring for other people, but right now, you have to take care of yourself. You rarely eat, and when you do, you get sick. When you get exhausted enough to sleep, you're having nightmares.  It's time to see a doctor." She said.

"So he can do what?  Prescribe me medicine so I walk around like a zombie?"

"I don't know what he will do, but you have to do something.  You need to eat better and take care of yourself.  Will you just please make me happy and go?" She asked, and looked down at me with concern.

I sighed.  "Fine, as long as it's after work."

"Thank you, I'll make an appointment." She stood up and kissed the top of my head before walking out of my room.

I got a call the next day from Kathy saying there was no match found for Lisa's fingerprints after a second check.  She said it just means she's never been arrested or bonded.  She poked around the real Lisa Simmons's life and found no connection to the Lisa I know.  We keep hitting one dead end after another.  I even looked through all the yearbooks in the surrounding town and found nothing. 

Giving up should be easy because of her deception, but I just can't let it go.  I spent six years of my life living with a complete stranger, and I need answers.  It's not just her identity, but it's also her death.  How does a young healthy person just die of natural causes? Especially, when she planned and paid for her own cremation only a week earlier. Everything about this blows my mind. 

When I got off work, I decided to expand my search and go through the photos of every single missing person in the country.  It may take most of my time, but it just might be my only hope. 

I stayed up late looking at one photo after another until I couldn't stay awake much longer.  I was plagued by one nightmare after another, and the one of her laying on that table comes every single night.  She turns her head and looks straight at me, then I wake up in a sweat and get sick.  Right now, my whole damn life feels like a nightmare.