~Dani~

I hadn't expected letting her in to feel the way that it did. I expected the feeling that I had gotten during those first five or so minutes where all I could picture was the accident: the smoke, the shattered glass, my screams when I looked at the body of a woman that had once been so full of life.

But after those first five minutes, I felt free. It was almost as if I'd had a two-hundred pound weight tied to my foot ever since my mom passed, and Beca had reached down and made it disappear in a matter of minutes. It hadn't felt like that when I'd spoken to Adrianna. It had felt like absolute hell, and I had never wanted to relive that.

With Beca, I didn't have to. Simply her presence had made those fives minutes just that: five minutes. The rest of my night, that of which I was awake for anyway, was pleasant. Somehow I'd managed to forget why I had opened up to her in the first place; Brian had completely escaped my mind. And when I woke up with my arms wrapped around her, I smiled.

It was only when I realized that my arms weren't wrapped around her that my smile faded. It was the faint smell of her that she'd left behind that fooled me. But then I realized that if she had been next to me, the scent would have been stronger. My vanilla scented body wash, her perfume.

It was so faint that I could hardly tell it was there.

I opened my eyes and tried not to worry just yet. She was in the kitchen, I told myself. She was with Izzy. She hadn't left.

But I knew I was hopelessly mistaken when I looked over and saw that her duffle bag and shoes were gone.

I forced myself to stay calm as I slid out of bed. I didn't want to leave my bedroom because I knew that the moment I stepped into the other room and Beca wasn't there, it would become real. It would mean that she had really left and was at home with Brian. It would mean that all my efforts to keep her safe for the past two months would be for nothing. It would mean that I had failed to protect her because I knew if she was home, it was inevitable that Brian would drink and hurt her.

The first thing I saw when I exited my bedroom was Izzy and I tried not to let my heart fall. Had Beca even thought about how leaving would affect her? How leaving would affect me? It was one thing to leave for her social worker, but I knew she wasn't coming back. I knew, and it tore my heart in half.

The kitchen was empty. The only thing that struck me as even slightly out of place was the small piece of paper in the middle of the counter. It hadn't been there last night, which meant Beca had put it there before she left. I wanted to look at it, but I almost didn't care what she had to say to me anymore.

I sat down on the stool anyway, reading the two words she'd scribbled across the middle of the paper.

Thank you

Reading those two words, I realized that I was not only worried and upset, but I was angry. It didn't matter to me why she left. She left. That was a fact. It was a fact that I had to come to terms with, but I wasn't sure I could. I needed her to be safe. I didn't know what I would do if she came into school on Monday with sunglasses or the limp she had had a while ago that she tried to cover up.

Izzy's soft voice made me look up. "Aunt Dani?"

I tried to compose myself as she walked towards me, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Of course."

"You look really sad."

I shook my head but couldn't come up with a suitable response. She spoke again instead. "Where's Beca? I want to tell her about the dream I had last night. It was so crazy."

I bit my cheek, eyeing her hard. How was I supposed to tell her that she wouldn't be seeing one of her undoubtedly favorite people anymore? At the very least, I couldn't say that she chose to just up and leave. It would break Izzy. "Her... uh, dad, wanted her to come home. So... she had to go."

Izzy's brow creased. "Wait, what?"

I looked down at Beca's note again, breathing harder. "I'm sorry Iz."

She pulled herself onto the stool next to me. "Well will I see her again?"

I shook my head. "I.. don't think so."

Izzy stayed silent for a while, before I saw her reaching up to wipe her eyes. "Never?"

"I...." My voice caught in my throat. The likelihood of Izzy ever seeing Beca again was ridiculously low. I was extremely pissed off at her and she was dead set on distancing herself from me, so the chances of us seeing each other outside of school after her stupid decision to go back home, well, there really weren't any. I settled with a safer answer than no. "I'm not sure."

My answer didn't help. She pressed her palms to the corners of her eyes to try and stop the tears from coming down. "Oh," she said, trying hard not to make the hiccuping noise that she always made when she cried. "Okay."

She turned away from me, hopping off the stool and running into my bedroom. I would have followed her but I was in no condition to be consoling someone else. I needed consoling. On the outside, I was fine. I had to be. On the inside, it felt as if there was nothing left. It felt as if Beca had stripped me of everything that I had refused to let anyone else see, but when she left, she took it all with her. I felt pain again, like the pain I'd tried so hard to shut out after my mom's death, only it was a different pain this time.

I hated this kind of pain.

I looked down at the note on the counter, tightening my fists. Maybe she'd been trying to do the right thing. Maybe, just maybe, leaving me in the middle of the night right after I'd opened up to her seemed okay in her mind. But it wasn't okay. Brian and her social worker didn't matter. It just wasn't okay.

I tore the note in half and threw the pieces in the trash, wondering what I could possibly do to get rid of the terrible feeling of hurt that existed inside of my chest. That Saturday was slow. I sat on the couch and stared at the wall, only able to think about what Beca was doing. Was Brian home? Was she okay?

Each time I asked myself a question pertaining to the brunette that had etched herself a place in my heart, I got mad at myself. She left. She willingly went home to Brian. I told her to stay and I'd meant it; she knew that.

But telling myself these things didn't make it better. I was honestly afraid that I'd drown in my worry until the doorbell rang, breaking my gaze from a tv that wasn't even turned on. I mindlessly got up from the couch and opened the door to see Adrianna with her phone pressed to her ear. She looked up. "Hey Dani. Thanks for watching her but where is she? I can't hang around, Jake's in the car and he's..." she sighed. "Impatient today to say the least."

I was about to speak, but Izzy dashed passed both of us and down the stairs. My sister put her hand in her hair and turned back to me, confusion written all over her face. She hung up the phone. "Uh, what the hell was that?"

I formed a line with my lips. "She's upset."

"Why?"

I shook my head, looking down. "Beca left."

Adrianna stayed silent for a while, before her features softened. "Oh, shit." She stepped forward. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Dani--"

"I'm fine," I snapped. "You should go. Jake's impatient, remember? And trust me, you should probably go give Izzy a hug. She's crushed."

"You look crushed. Dani, please talk to me. What happened?"

"She. Left. That's what happened and I don't want to talk about it Adrianna."

"Don't do that Dani," she sighed, placing her hands on my arms. "Don't close down just because of one person, okay? I'm trying to be here for you. What happened?"

I shook her off of me, pushing away her arms and stepping back. "I'm not closing down and even if I was, I certainly wouldn't be doing it because of Beca. I just don't need that fucking look of pity that you're giving me right now."

"What do you take me for?" she said, shaking her head. "Dani, this is the exact same thing you did after mom passed. You're acting so similar that it's actually scaring me because you were making so much progress with Beca around. Please talk to me, because I know you and you don't handle pain well on your own."

"I am not in pain and this is no where near the same thing as mom's death. No where near it. You're starting to make me angry, Dri. You need to leave."

"I do need to leave but I can't until I make sure that you're okay. You've already lost mom and I don't know what's going on right now, but I need to make sure that losing Beca too isn't going to send you over the edge."

"You're making too big of a deal out of this. I am fine, and I'm no longer asking you to leave, I'm telling you. I need to be alone."

A string of emotions flickered through her eyes. "Dani, please--"

I shut the door, cutting her off. I couldn't listen to a word that she was saying right now. I pressed my back against the door and sunk to the floor, putting my head in my hands.The problem was, she was right. I was doing the same thing that I had done when my mom died. I couldn't help it, and the only person that I could talk to and feel better afterwards was Beca.

So I had a problem, a huge problem, and I didn't know how to get rid of it

****
Beca

The first couple of days in Brian's house weren't the hell that I remembered. I remembered a tolerable but irritating sober man during the day and a raging alcoholic at night.

During those first few days, he was neither of those things.

But I wasn't an idiot. I knew why he was acting like the typical caring father. He was getting in his zone for when my social worker showed up. He knew he couldn't touch me because he didn't know when she'd show and I couldn't be marked up when she did visit.

I hadn't gone straight back to Brian's house when I left Dani's apartment. I had made my way to Damon's because not only was it closer, but I was an absolute reck at that point and I needed him. He didn't ask what was wrong and I didn't tell him, but he was there and I was more than grateful.

Monday was the worst day that I had had in a while. I spent the first two periods dreading third, I spent third trying to find ways to become invisible, and I spent the rest of the day trying to avoid the people that were all too persistent in maintaining a friendship with me. I ran into Lucy and I could tell that she was upset and confused about what I'd asked Andy to talk to her about. When I went home, I ran into Sara, who was more than upset at me for spending two months elsewhere without regularly texting her.

I didn't see what the hell she had to be hurt about, let alone angry, but it was safe to say that almost everyone in my life was upset with me.

I could only think about one of them.

I had no idea what Dani was feeling. She had rebuilt her wall and it was impossible to get a good sense of her emotions. I knew I had hurt her, and I could only imagine what Izzy thought of me now, but I didn't know the extent. I couldn't tell if she was angry, sad, worried, or none of the above and my leaving hadn't affected her all that much. I didn't really believe that, but I almost wanted to because I didn't want her to hurt like I was hurting.

Time passed ten times slower now that I was alone again. Damon was a good friend but he was wrapped up in a lot of shit that I did not want to get involved in, so I had to stay away. That left me spending most of my time at the grocery store again, and if I wasn't there, I was staring at the walls of my depressing bedroom in Brian's depressing house. His charade went on for about two weeks or so before my social worker finally decided to show up. I usually didn't want to spend much of my time talking to her but I had a feeling it would be bad when she left the house, so I tried to keep her around for as long as possible.

"So how are you doing Beca? You don't look so good."

I leaned against the back of my chair, waving her off. "I'm fine. It's just been a hard couple of weeks in school, is all."

"And how's it like coming home to Brian and Sara?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed, as if there was no question whether or not Brian's house was safe for me. "We're still doing this? It's just like it was the last fifty times you asked me that."

"That's good to hear, though you could maybe lose the attitude with me. This is my job, you know."

"Yeah, I know Dawn. Thanks for doing a great job with me." I hardly spoke the truth. The house I was in couldn't possibly have been worse for my safety, which was exactly what Dawn had been trying to prevent. But in her defense, there was absolutely no sign of trouble. I could reluctantly admit that I was a hell of a good liar, to everyone except for Dani, at least, and Brian was smart enough to keep away when Dawn was supposed to be around.

"Sure thing. Are you sure you're alright though?"

"I'm okay, Dawn. Though I have to admit, I miss the system a little bit."

She stared at me blankly before smiling slightly. "That was a terrible joke."

I forced a laugh. It seemed impossible to do now that Dani wasn't around. She had made making me laugh seem so easy. "I know."

We spent most of that afternoon talking. I was miserable but I hid it well until she finally left and I sunk back into my chair, exhaustion overwhelming me. I had to admit, I was nervous. Dawn wouldn't be back for a while, if at all. It was pretty clear to her that my home and my new family were both safe and loving. That meant that Brian now had no reason to hold back. I was sure that he had been dying to punish me for leaving. Thankfully, it was afternoon and he had a business to run. I would've loved to see him drive his business into the ground, but sadly, he was a much better businessman than adoptive father.

Brian might've gone to work a little after my social worker arrived but Sara had stayed, and after sending Dawn on her way, she turned back to me. "Can we talk?"

"What? You're not mad at me anymore for choosing to live in a non-abusive household?"

She ran a hand over her face. "I'm not mad at you for looking out for yourself. Someone has to. I'm upset because you know I care about you and you left me in the dark for more than two months. That wasn't cool, Beca."

"You knew where I was going. I told you I was staying at a friend's. You should be more worried now that I'm back."

"I am worried Beca, I'm always worried." She paused. "Wait, you're not leaving again?"

"No, I'm not leaving. Do you want to know why, Sara? Because your husband, who you refuse to get help, took it upon himself to wrap his hands around the neck of a woman that I care way too much about to let him hurt." I took in the look on her face and nodded. "Yes, Sara. It's not just you and me anymore."

She stood there, staying silent and seemingly lost in another world. I sighed, trudging into the kitchen and starting to make myself a coffee. I wasn't sleeping again and even though I'd only been back for two weeks, it had felt like an eternity. I was convinced that this time around, after experiencing what it was like to live with someone like Dani, I would go crazy in Brian's house.

Sara sat down beside the kitchen counter, seeming far away. She whispered, "He's a good guy...."

I turned back to her and the pure fire in my eyes made her gulp and change her wording. "I mean, deep down, he is. I've seen him be that guy. He helped me when no one else would, and he was loving... and amazing.. and he could be a great father to you. He just needs to stay sober, Beca."

"What the hell are you telling me for? I know that!"

"I'm telling you because I need you to understand that I can't do anything. I've tried so damn hard to be the mom your dad wanted me to be for you. I love you, I do, and I can't stand seeing you this way, but Brian can not and will not get sober until he wants to. And there's nothing I can do now to make him not your adoptive father."

I pressed my palms to my temples and closed my eyes, letting out a long breath. I knew that every time she spoke, a lot of what she said was true. But I also knew that she protected Brian because she loved him, and I hated how often she sided with him. "What do you mean by 'the mom my dad wanted you to be for me'? It's not like he knew that this and... the fire..... were going to happen."

"Of course he didn't. Nobody could've ever predicted everything that you've been through. But when he called me that night, it was like he knew he wasn't coming back out of that house. He told me three things that... I guess I've never told you. Do you want to know what they are?"

I just nodded slowly and she sighed. "He told me to get there as fast as I could. He told me that he was sorry for cheating. And... he told me... that if I loved him at all, I would get sober and be the mom you would need to help you grow up into an amazing woman."

I looked at her with confusion. "What's that supposed to mean? Was my mom already.. gone.. when he called you?"

She shook her head. "I don't know Beca. Maybe. He didn't say anything about the fire. I didn't even know what was happening until I got to your house."

I stayed silent. It was as if my dad had wanted Sara to replace my mom. She couldn't do that. No one would ever be able to do that. "You're not my mom," I said, looking down.

"I know. And I know what you're thinking. I could never replace your mother. Denise was a wonderful woman and she will always be your mom. I think he just meant.." She sighed. "He wanted me to be that one person you could always count on. I've not done a very good job of being that person, and for that I am sorry, but I don't know what to do about Brian."

I sat down next to her, letting myself soften. "I'm sorry."

"Stop Beca, you have nothing to be sorry for--"

"No, I do, I'm a bitch with you and you don't deserve it. It's just, you always defend Brian. But I can believe that he seemed like a good person once. You're still holding onto that. You can do that if you want to, but I don't think that person is there anymore."

"He is," she said, "I just need to get the alcohol away from him."

"Good luck with that," I sighed. "How do you seem so okay with being married to a person like him? He was strangling her, Sara. He..." I turned my head away from her, swallowing my words. I couldn't speak because the picture in my head of Brian and Dani was making my throat close up.

"I'm not okay with it. I'm going to talk to him when he's sober, okay? I still love him and I need him to get better. For us. We can still be a family."

I looked at her, and I knew that wasn't true. I would never consider Brian to be anything even close to a father. But there was hope in her eyes, and I could tell that she had a duty to fulfill because of what my dad had asked of her, so I stayed quiet.

Besides, was it wrong of me to hope that maybe one day I could have a family again?

****

It was less than twenty four hours later that any of the non-existent hope I'd had while talking to Sara disappeared. I opened the door to Brian's house and threw my bag on the floor, beginning to head towards the kitchen for