Chapter 1

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Thanks for taking the time to check out my story! Just as a disclaimer, I do not own Star Wars, I'm simply borrowing the characters. Also, I am not a Star Wars expert or anything so please forgive any lore/world errors! Comment, critiques and reviews always welcome!

It wasn't until over two hours into the flight away from Crait that Rey was able to get away and grab a quiet moment for herself. The few survivors of the rebellion needed attention, reassurances and medical help. Time went by quickly and it wasn't until she finally paused and looked around that she realized how exhausted she was. She hadn't had a second to just stop and let everything that had happen sink in.

She spared one last glance at Finn before she slipped away, bent over the unconscious body of a small dark haired girl, her hand clasped tightly between his own. Rose. Rey knew there was a story there between them but she hadn't had the energy to go over and ask.

The cockpit of the Millennium Falcon was empty except for Chewie sitting in the pilot seat. He made a concerned noise when she entered, taking a deep breath for the first time since they left Crait behind.

Rey smiled at Chewie weakly, knowing she looked rough. He made another soft noise, looking at her with his dark eyes.

"Could I- do you mind if I have a minute to myself?" Rey asked and he stood without a word, ruffling her hair as he brushed by to leave. He hadn't asked what had happened aboard the Supremacy, just gave her an understanding look and took everything in stride. He seemed unshakable but she knew that he had been hopeful enough to let her go after Ben, to try to turn him to the light. She forgot that Chewie was one of the few still alive that knew Ben well, had loved him as a child.

Ben.

Rey waited for Chewie to fully leave before slumping down in the co-pilot seat, staring into the endless space without taking it in. Her body was aching fiercely from the battle in the throne room and the explosion that threw her and Ben apart. It was pure luck that she had come to first and managed to get away in all the confusion.

She relived the moment that she had stood over Ben's unconscious body, staring down at him. His face peaceful despite the chaos around them, the bodies and embers raining down around them. For just a brief second, she considered-

Rey shook her head fiercely. There was no point in going down that path, he made his decision. But she had seen him in those brief seconds before the Falcon's door closed. The pain, the anger, the hopelessness. Ben Solo was a swirling storm of emotion, one that wanted to pull her in. The look in his eyes after he killed Snoke and helped her to her feet, the heat, the desire- but for what? For power? For freedom? For... her?

A shiver raced down the length of her body before she could stop it.

She felt the bond between them going tight, like a string being pulled taut. The connection to Ben was still there, a constant awareness in the back of her mind. The Force seemed to swell around her, electric yet soothing at the same time.

She could feel him the second he appeared. It was a feeling, an aura he radiated that pushed against her own, commanding her to turn and look.

She just kept staring at the stars.

The tension swelled between them, threatening to snap Rey with every silent second that passed.

She finally sighed. "What do you want, Ben?" she murmured, not turning around, not wanting to see the emotion she knew would be on his face, in his dark eyes.

"I don't want anything from you," he said, the words falling weakly between them. They both knew it wasn't true.

"I thought this was supposed to be done. This- thing between us." Bond was the word that had been first on her lips but she hadn't wanted to say it, such an intimate sounding word.

"Snoke lied," he said simply. There was a rustle of fabric behind her and she resisted the urge to turn around. "Did you truly ever think otherwise? I know you felt it between us when we first met, the power, the... connection." The way he said that, like a caress, made her want to deny it, to tell him he was a sad child with delusions.

But the memory rose in her mind, of the surprise when Ben took off his mask on Starkiller Base. When the man beneath was revealed and been nothing like what she had expected. The emotion and vulnerability in his eyes had surprised her even then, even when she had been afraid. Not what she had expected from a creature in a mask.

And when he picked through her mind, revealing her deepest dreams, the bond that had snapped into place between them. It shook her to her core.

"Don't be afraid, I feel it too."

"Yes," Ben said from behind her and there was another rustle. "We have been connected from the start. The Force- the Force wants us together. And yet, you rejected me."

He said it coldly, uncaring. But Rey felt a pulse of pain, of hurt and loneliness surge through their bond. It was so intense that she gasped, hand flying to her chest reflexively.

Ben let out a low curse and then he was right behind her. She could feel his hot breath against side of her neck where her hair was swept aside.

"Rey," he whispered, his scent filling her nose. Something masculine, like cold snow and the bitter tang of metal.

And in that second, Rey felt a surge of rage. Rage at him, at his humanity despite being a monster, at his constant contradictions. At their inexplicable connection. At her own weakness when it came to him. Rage that they were on opposite sides of this war and she couldn't give in to the wordless things she felt.

She whipped her head around to find his face on a few inches from her own. His dark hair messy, darker eyes widening with something she didn't know.

"Get away from me," she nearly snarled, clinging desperately to the rage, to the anger, afraid of what might take it's place if she let it slip away.

"You're angry." He sounded surprised and it just made her madder.

"You think you're the only one allowed to be mad, Ben? I've been threatened, tortured, nearly killed countless times, betrayed, and lost people who were important to me! But of course, you only think about yourself," she scoffed, bitterness seeping through her voice.

"I only think of myself? Was I thinking about myself when I killed Snoke, when murdered my master to save you?" His eyes sparked in defiance.

"Yes." The word flew from her mouth before she could stop it and she had no idea if she believed it or not. Had he done it for her? Or simply for himself? Again, she remembered the desire in his eyes and her uncertainty as to what for.

He flinched backwards before he controlled himself, face pale. He looked so real, like he was in the room with her and Rey knew that if she reached for him, he'd be solid beneath her. This connection blurred the lines between what was real and wasn't, between right and wrong.

"I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that you feel that way. Considering how you left me to die." Ben sneered at her, hiding under his anger, his contempt that he wore like armor.

Rey felt her spine go stiff and she rose from her seat to face him, invading his space like he had hers. "I did no such thing. I fled because you were going to cut me down with my own lightsaber. You used me for your own good then you were going to kill me."

"You know nothing," he spat, his hand curling into a fist, the leather of his glove creaking. His rage crackled in the air and she could taste it on her tongue. Good. She knew how to deal with Kylo Ren, was certain of her hatred for him. It was Ben Solo that brought out all sorts of things in her she didn't want to face. Couldn't face.

His anger rose like a storm between them and Rey found her fingers subconsciously twitching to where her lightsaber normally hung from her side.

Then suddenly, it snuffed out, the air going still. His hand that had been curled into a fist came to rest at his side. The hair between them was suddenly empty, waiting to be filled with something.

"I- I would not have killed you," he said softly, head lowered to meet her eyes. "Rey... you must believe me."

He sounded tired, weary. The rebellion has told Rey of his rage on Crait, how he tried to shoot her down the Falcon, tried to kill his mother in the base. How he faced Luke down and had been a monster made of darkness, of pain.

Whatever he had tapped into on Crait seemed to have left him now. He looked like he didn't have the energy to be angry anymore, dark circles under his eyes, skin paler than usual. He looked done.

He must have picked up that thought from her, heard what she was thinking.

"No." He shook his head, curls falling in his eyes and he ignored them. "Not done. There is no end, no being done for me. Not now."

The way he said it made Rey's stomach sink. There was such resignation in his voice, no hope to be found. Ben Solo probably hadn't felt hope in years, since he was a young boy.

The urge to comfort him rose like a wave in Rey and she reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder.

They both stared at her hand where it rested solidly against him. Rey wasn't necessarily surprised, they'd touched before in the hut and he was so real right now, the heat of his body warming her own, his scent permeating the room, his dark pressing against her light.

Her hand rested against him for only a few beats of her heart then he tore himself away from her, stumbling back.

"Don't." He swallowed heavily, the scar down his face standing out against his pale skin. "Don't- don't touch me like that."

And then he was gone, the Force taking him away just as quickly as it had thrown them together. Rey stared at her outstretched hand for a second before lowering it to her side.

Ben Solo was gone, she tried to tell herself firmly. She was a fool to waste her time and compassion on him. He had done nothing but prove time and time again that there was no light left in him.

Lies, her heart whispered.

Them fighting back to back, in perfect sync, the bond between them stronger than ever. Him telling her she wasn't nothing, not to him. The slide of their palms together. The feeling of not being alone for the first time she could remember, of having someone who understood.

Rey threw herself back into the co-pilot chair, rubbing her eyes roughly to combat the sting of tears.

Why couldn't she just give up on him?

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