*flashback*

"Today we will drink; we will make love, but remember. It's a farewell," I say to Ross, looking straight into his blue eyes.

I feel disappointed with him. He made the mistake and pressed the 'Trust button '. I can't trust him as I did before. I just can't. Even if I'm with him again, I'll always be scared.

You can't keep a relationship that way. Not long ago, Ross made the mistake of hitting on a woman I've known for years. That was Marinell.

Ross snuck my phone and found her number. That same day Marinell called me and told me about it. She asked me how Ross got her number. She told me that he called her and asked her for a snog with him. Of course, she refused.

You know what happened to me, right?

I almost dropped my earpiece from my hand. After two years of my relationship with him, I felt fall apart before my eyes. I mean, was I ready to forgive him? Was it something I could walk past and carry on with as if it didn't happen?

Honestly, listening to Marinell on the phone, at that moment I lost the earth under my feet. The thing was, I couldn't pretend. I mean, wait to see Ross's reaction and all that.

I went at once up to the room that was waiting for me and told him what had happened. He denied everything at first, having first turned white from the shock of the information.

After that, we stayed together for another year. I tried to forgive him, but I was always afraid to trust him again.

I tried...

Really, I tried.

But inside of me, I was done with him and I knew it.

After we had enough drinks, I started kissing Ross passionately. Maybe I'd never kissed him like that in our three years of relationship. The dizziness from the drink acted quickly and I found myself making love to him. He filled my body, but not my soul.

I quickly realized what I was doing and why I was doing it.

What the fuck did I do it for?

I was still in Ross's arms and nonstop tears were streaming from my eyes. I was shaking in his arms, and he felt embarrassed. He saw my frustration as clearly as he saw my naked body.

He caught me by the arms and shook me.

"We can't be apart! Can't you see that?" he told me shaking my body to realize what he was saying.

"No," I said, sobbing. "No. It was a farewell," I insisted.

*End of flashback*

"It's all past now, Ross. It's our past. We have both moved on with our lives," I say in a steady voice, and I take us both out of the absorption of memories.

You know what the feeling is, right?

Now that it's all gone and there's no pain, you can tell it without sinking into depression. I love the feeling because it gives you confidence from the experience you got and from the 'victim' you became the 'teacher.'

"Reva, I know this is gonna sound kind of weird, but if I asked you to be together again, what would you say?" Ross asks me in surprise.

Not that I didn't expect him to want something like that from me. Besides, his visit at this hour to my house proves it. The faint and warm smile in his eyes also proves it.

I can't wait for Dorian's knife to get out of my breath.

Yes, my mind is there, you got it right.

"No, Ross," I answer him with straightness and frankness. "No, I would not go back to you," I affirm my word.

"Why?" he asks me awkwardly and smiles.

It's the dumbest question he could ask. Already his face has taken a foolish form because of my negative answer.

"Because what's done is done, Ross. Time doesn't turn back," I refrain kindly.

"You are right. It would be like a reheated soup," he confirms what I said.

"Besides, I'm with someone right now," I tell him in a downcast mood.

Actually, I had something, and it's probably over. In my mind, it's always Dorian.

How did I let my breath depend on him?

"Do you mean Dorian Green?" he asks with irony.

I get angry with him. It's like he gave me a big slap in the face.

"It doesn't matter, Ross," I grow abruptly serious.

"You still don't understand what I told you before? The girl I was with works for him. She fucked him recently. He is the one who recently bought King's the well-known club in downtown Denver," he goes on to give information.

I'm putting the puzzle pieces together. He means Claudine, doesn't he? How small is the world after all?

"Look, Ross, I understand what you're saying, but I don't want to talk about it. It's my business," I shun him.

Dorian's knife hacks through my heart and cuts through the air. I feel almost sick...

"He's not good for you," Ross continues, and I get even angrier.

"Were you better?" I'm aggressive now.

He lowered his head and pursed his lips. He knows he didn't act any better, so his attempt to blame Dorian collapsed within seconds.

"When you hit on Marinell, I nearly lost the earth under my feet. Put yourself in my place. Or rather, you came. Claudine did this to you without a second thought," I say in a strong tone.

"Yes, but Marinell isn't exactly the model of a friend, either!" he's talking back.

"You won't judge that! She was my friend, and I would decide what to do. Whatever Marinell was, you were the one who took the step to annoy her. So don't try now to blame everyone else to make you feel better," I say with less intensity this time. "From what I hear you see Marinell," I say with slight irony.

There is no point for us in fretting about this, it's over.

"What do you mean when you say I see her?" he asks.

"What didn't you understand?"

"I happened to see her a few times by accident," he says in an attitude of apology and looks embarrassed anywhere in the living room as if looking for something resembling a lifeline to atone for.

"You and Marinell have long wanted to talk to me. It was for Dorian, wasn't it?" I ask sure.

"Yes, and-"

"You needn't," I interrupt him. "I'm a big girl, I know what I'm doing," I continue irritated.

Ross lowers his gaze. He lights a cigarette and thinks about it for a while. I feel he understands that what we had each other it's over for good, and there's no chance of a reunion. He finishes the rest of his coffee and takes a breath.

"Well, I think I'll go. Good to see you, Reva. And..." he stops and thinks about it for a few seconds. Then he goes on, "I want to tell you something," he says finally.

"Say it, Ross."

"If I hadn't met you, I'd say no woman's worth," he says in a hushed voice.

He throws out his last card, trying to gain impressions. He always did that when he felt he was losing ground in situations.

"Thank you, Ross, but don't be disappointed. You'll find a girlfriend," it's fun to comfort your ex.

"Since it wasn't you, I don't believe anyone else will," he says, looking for pity.

"Life moves on, Ross."

"You are right. Well, good night. I'll see you around," he says.

"Good night."

We'll never see each other again! You and I have nothing to talk about! My inner voice screams as I close the door to Ross.

And now, back to the feeling without sense.

Blank...