Chapter 23: Warm

Angelo had disappeared.

After the argument that we had, he made it his duty to steer clear of me, to the point that he was suddenly nowhere to be found in his own apartment.

So I made it my duty to return to mine.

It didn't take long for me to fall back into my old routines. I went back into the tedious cycle of being, well, me. That included going to work even though my job had slowly grown to become loathsome. The only upside there was to it now was the company of Claire. Despite her questionable actions from our last encounter, she was a good person. I would listen to her rant about the hypocrisy in the working world, imagining how contrastingly different Genie would have expressed herself.

I really didn't mean to, but god I missed her.

And that's when I came to the realization that having only one close friend was foolish of me.

It made me begin to doubt if that was due to my poor social skills or had Angelo taken precautions to have my circle as small as possible? That wouldn't have been such an abstract thought with how much he had already interfered with my life.

It's for your own benefit, that was what he would claim I bet.

But how would I know if I wasn't aware of the alternatives to his protection?

If I couldn't remember them?

The only time it was truly warranted was back at that dreadful club where we had first met when that thing had attacked me.

And even that was his fault.

He didn't know better than to not have his holier than thou stench to rub off on me.

I took a sip of my coffee and looked back up, seeing Claire's soft eyes on me. I didn't notice she had stopped talking until now.

"I'm sorry-"

"It's fine," she interrupted with a light chuckle but it seemed forced.

Her face was a canvas for disappointment.

This time, I actually felt bad.

"I didn't mean to zone out. It's just that I have a lot on my plate right now. It's hard to keep focus. Trust me, your rant isn't boring me into oblivion. If anything it's doing me a favor." It keeps me distracted, I added mentally because if I had said it out loud I'd be more of the bad guy I didn't mean to be.

"Are you sure?" She asked, her expression skeptic.

I was pretty sure she saw the hesitation in my face before I nodded.

If so, she chose to ignore it for whatever reason and continued with her one-sided conversation about global warming.

This time I made the effort to at least nod along.

The most outstanding thing swimming around my mind being:

Where could he have run off to?

***

I had clocked out right at seven and made my way home.

The weather was cold now and I didn't have the time to grab a jacket so when I stood outside I was freezing. I shivered so badly I had to bite down onto my lips. It didn't make matters better that they were already cracked from a lack of moisture.

I was startled by the feeling of a scarf wrapping itself around my neck and I looked up to see Claire.

The blonde smiled down at me gently and when I saw something more than that of a friendly emotion, I couldn't help but actually freeze.

"You should've been more careful. It's not safe to go out without proper clothing. You'll get sick." Her hands ruffled with the cloth and secured it around my skin.

The warmth of it was much appreciated but remembering how there was a possibility that all of this was for a bigger reason...

A reason that was so invasive of me to even have suspected because of Angelo, I couldn't accept it.

Especially seeing her own neck lacking a scarf itself.

She had given me her own, I realized.

Something inside me was crushed by that.

That also could apply to Claire when I removed the item and handed it back to her.

"Thanks, but I'm used to this type of weather. It makes me...feel alive."

The reason was stupid but partially true.

Being cold ignited feelings one could never experience before such as pain and despair.

One could only physically feel those things in these times.

When your fingers and toes grow numb to the point that you'd forgotten why you were even alive.

Call me a sadist but today, I felt like I needed to cope with that sensation.

Even more so if it were to put a stop to any feelings this beautiful woman had for me because I knew deep down it would never be reciprocated.

Claire, looking like she got the hidden meaning behind my words, smiled sadly. "Ok."

She didn't look me in the eyes and I felt like such a bitch but I knew it was better to turn her down as quickly as possible. That way she could move on faster.

I didn't even know why she liked me.

She was so much better than me in every aspect; well put together, intelligent and conventionally pretty.

Why was she interested in someone who lived without a purpose?

Feeling like I owed her at least the common courtesy, I took the scarf and stood on my toes as I placed it around her neck this time. I felt her body panic at the proximity between us and I pulled away once I had done the same thing she had.

Her pupils were still in shock.

"You need it more than I do." I said and gave her a small pat on the shoulder.

You're warm, I thought while turning away to walk in the cold air and on my way home. You should remain that way.

And I knew I meant it in every figurative way possible.

When I got home, it was another quiet night and I didn't have anyone around me once again. I contemplated going out but I knew that would only make the hole in my heart worse, so I decided to call my therapist. It took a lot of mental prepping before I made the decision to. My mind tore me apart for becoming so weak but I just needed some sound advice.

Regardless of everything, it was always nice having someone listen to you.

"Isabelle, what a pleasure to have you call."

"I'm not sure I can say I'm in the happiest state to return such a chirpy greeting, Dr. Samuels."

The woman laughed on the other line.

"How did it go with..." I could hear the hesitation in her voice before she settled with, "that man?"

I sighed.

I was supposed to see her for a follow-up session after my meltdown about Angelo in her office but I never had time to.

"I take it he took you to see the magician, how was that?"

"I don't know if you're making fun of me or if you're genuinely serious."

"I'm always serious when it comes to my clients," she spoke clearly and with sound intent.

And there was some truth to those words as she asked, "So how have you been doing? Not that great I assume if you've willingly called me."

"You make it sound like I hate you or something."

"Or something." She hummed the other option.

I couldn't help but laugh.

Gosh, I haven't done that in what felt like forever.

Who knew the source of it would be my insufferable therapist?

"If you must know, yes, he did take me to see the magician and no, I'm not doing so well."

"Because of what you saw or..."

"Because of him," then I reconsidered what I had said. "Because of myself." I admitted.

She didn't say anything, only the rustling of changing positions were heard, letting me know she was still connected.

I found myself walking towards the broad window in my bedroom.

I sat by the edge of the pane, half slipping, half holding on.

The sky was a gloomy shade, very much like my state of being. I stared at it for a minute, longer than what most people would tolerate, but not Dr. Samuels. She allowed me the freedom to speak when I wanted to and when I didn't.

"These days I don't know what to do with myself. I know we've discussed my isolation with the world but these days it's become more severe."

"Why is that?" Dr. Samuels asked.

She had always tried to sound unaffected, accepting of all that she heard, not being surprised or judgmental but this time she failed miserably.

"I was given..." I swallowed as a lump began to form in my throat. "I was given hope that I have another purpose, yet I can't seem to remember it. Why can't I remember it? I know it's because he wanted it that way or apparently I did but why can't something else be done to regain those times?"

It's not like the idea of fucking Angelo was the worst one in the world. It was quite appealing actually. I burned with a fervor of desire as I thought about those veiny, muscular hands exploring my body like they had the world.

However, I didn't want it to be done that way.

Why did it have to be done that way?

Couldn't we have just remembered each other the moment our eyes met?

Like a memory lock opening upon being reunited with a long-lost key?

Why did he have to explore my treasure box instead?

I genuinely feared the repercussions of bedding with him.

Especially after hearing how many people were against us to begin with.

Before I had thought he was just someone special. He was solely just a unique creature in my eyes but after discovering his true identity, an angel, and a commander to add to that I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen after he got between my legs.

Would someone show up afterwards to rip them off?

For...staining their pure, holy one.

"Truth be told, Isabelle, I lost you there."

I blinked, eyes refocusing from their blurry state caused by deep thinking.

"I think I lost myself too." I admitted.

Dr. Samuels didn't seem to like those words as she said firmly, "You should just focus on what's best for you and go with your gut feeling. I know you feel like your hope has been taken from you somehow but it's there. It will always be there once you're alive and breathing. You just have to acknowledge it more."

I folded my lips in thought.

Maybe she was right.

I needed to acknowledge it more.

"Also, if remembering whatever you forgot is that source of hope from this grim world you feel like you're trapped in you should be doing whatever it takes to get back."

My skin pricked with goosebumps at the insinuation.

Whatever it took?

Even if it meant sleeping with someone who feels like a loved one and a stranger all at once?

I didn't get to ask my question as the window pane was scraped with a claw.

My eyes snapped down to see the stray cat that has been visiting my apartment every night.

The little thing was actually owned by my neighbor upstairs. I found that out after seeing her leave me, having me feel as used as a one night stand when she climbed up the ledge after eating my sardines.

I wondered why she kept coming back though.

It was common knowledge that the guy upstairs made enough to keep her satisfied.

As if she could see me contemplating her odd company, she slashed her claws against the window again.

This time with a human-like irritation in those dark eyes of hers.

"I-" My brows furrowed at how inclined I was to let her in.

"I'm gonna think about it. Thanks for the advice." I told the therapist quickly and hung up before the cat could throw a tantrum against my window.

When I let her in, she jumped down onto the carpeted floor and rolled into a ball of black fur as if this were her home.

"Make yourself comfortable I guess."

"Meow," it said.

I froze.

Looking down at the midnight cat, I couldn't help but get the feeling it came here for a purpose.

My eyes could express their suspicion for the feline for only so long before they softened as soon as she did an adorable stretch.

I guess until then I was gonna have to get used to this little one's company.

***

You know what they say about black cats. 🐈‍⬛