19: Lots of spitting and truths

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I walk Miles to the door and wait until he drives off so I can close the front door. We just kissed. He just kissed me. I kissed him again. What? Did we really just kiss? Was that like a tiny peck or just- God, I can't think about it right now. I can't think about the fact that I had Miles's lips on my own. That his skin touched mine in the most intimate way. I can't explain the way his kiss made me feel. Like I was going to explode. Every atom, every cell in my body ignited and I burst.

I can't explain how good it feels knowing that he wants to kiss me. That the feeling is mutual. My baby butterflies have now grown into big beautiful ones. They all have different colors. Blue, red, green, pink. It's just like a pretty sunset with different colors as time moves by.

"Diana, I can't believe you're still dating that boy. Where is your self-respect?" Mother tells me as she meets me by the door.

"What do you mean?"

"Diana he comes from a poor family. Look around you, you can't associate with them." I look at her in shock. From all the horrible qualities y mom has I didn't expect her to think she's better than others. To degrade others based on their 'income'.

"And with whom should I associate? Jason?"

She smiles. Mother actually smiles and nods. I see it happen. How her lips stretch out and curve. How her cheeks flush with pride. "Yes, dear."

"You know, the day Miles and I made our relationship public Jason grabbed my hands so hard he left marks for a few days? I'm glad he went with Alyssa instead." That was the day everything started happening. I love that day. I wonder if Miles and I would have crossed paths if I were still with Jason.

Fake boyfriend... every time I say it, it sounds less true. He and I are anything but fake. It's taken me so long to realize it.

"That's too bad Diana, besides he probably didn't mean it. Go change into something elegant, I invited him and Nia for dinner."

"Mot-" I can't believe her

"Go change." She cuts me off mid-sentence. I do as I'm told and head to my room. I take a quick shower a few minutes after Nia tells me she's coming over. The door to my bathroom leads to my room and as I open it, Nia sits on my bed reading over a magazine.

"Hey, pretty girl." I admire her. Her curls looking extra vibrant today. The dark green dress goes perfectly with her skin tone. The dress holds a cut in the middle almost exposing her breast. One wrong move and they'll pop from their hiding space. "Girl, you look so cute." I tell her.

"Right? I feel extra hot today." She whips her hair back and grins at me, pearly teeth and all.

"As you should." I head over to my closet to try and pick something out. I hold my towel close to my body as I rummage through my clothes.

"Pick that one." Nia points to a purple sundress with white flowers. "So how's Miles?" Nia winks at me. I pause for a moment and hold the tension.

"Good." I finally say. "Uh- He kissed me. Well, I kissed him. We kissed twice. It's not a big deal. It happened so fast I barely noticed it." I say as I put the dress over my head. Nia's mouth is wide open, her eyes about to pop.

"What the hell? Finally. If I would have made a bet with someone, I would have totally lost. I thought Miles would man up after prom."

"Ha! After prom, our arrangement will be over." I tell her and it's always like a reminder to myself. Our agreement is over after prom.

"Come on. We both know that you and Miles haven't been fake for a long time." She wiggles her eyebrows at me.

"We literally just kissed today. After what? Two months?" I tell her as I grab my hairbrush. The spikes massage my hair as we continue to talk.

"You guys are shy."

"I don't know. This is a fake relationship. It always has been. Sometimes I am positive he wants more, like today. But other times I'm not sure."

"It doesn't matter what he wants Diana." She takes a deep breath as she thinks. "Well, maybe a little. But the question is what do you want? Is this really all fake to you?"

"We based this off something fake Nia. So it's fake." Now it's my turn to take a pause. "Until one of us mans up and admits we want something more. I want more. I want something real." I end up whispering the last part to myself, not sure if Nia caught on.

"Atta girl." We both laugh as a beeping sound pulls our attention. "What was that?"

"I don't know." I walk to my door and open it. What? "Jason?"

"Hey, beautiful." Beautiful, hermosa... what Miles calls me. It doesn't sound right from Jason. It doesn't send my butterflies flying.

"What are you doing here?"

"Dinner. Your mom called."

"I know, but guests are supposed to wait downstairs." I push him back a bit.

"Nia's up here."

"She's my best friend. You're trash. Downstairs now." I feel Nia behind me.

"Let's all go downstairs." I agree. I walk down after Nia and feel Jason's eyes drawing holes in the back of my head. I turn around in the bottom step. "What do you want?"

"A second chance Diana. Please." He begs.

"I'm in a happy relationship and you have the audacity to ask for a second chance? My mother may still want you to be with me, but I"m sure I don't. Go have fun with Alyssa."

"I only broke up with you because I thought Alyssa was pregnant." He blurts out. I stop dead in my tracks. Alyssa? Pregnant?

"Excuse me?"

"Remember, four weeks before we actually broke we decided to take a break? You told me we had to have some time apart, a week at most. I was so mad that day I went to Alyssa's house. We drove around and hooked up. I'm so sorry." He apologizes. This is too much information. He went with Alyssa because I said I wanted a break?

"So you cheated on me?" My voice shakes and I feel it vibrate against the walls.

"We weren't together at that time."

"We got back together a week after that fight. You could have told me. You could have not had gotten back together with me."

"I was mad. I- I wasn't thinking Diana."

"Being mad is no excuse. You hooked up with her because you wanted to. I don't want excuses. I don't care what you did. We were on a break, you're right. But being mad at me is no excuse to hook up with someone. Don't pin your mistakes on me." I turn around but stop for a second. "Is she pregnant still or did she?"

"It was a pregnancy scare. She told me two weeks after we had broken up."

"I hate you. I hate you so fucking much." My throat burns. My eyes sting. They feel glassy almost about to shatter. I feel nothing and everything. But I hold my head up high and walk into the kitchen.

It hurts.

The kitchen table is all set when we both enter. All heads snap towards us.

"What took you guys so long?" Mother asks.

"Jason was telling me about how he almost got Alyssa pregnant." I say casually as I sit down and Nia spits out her water.

"Holy crap," Nia says.

"Nia. Manners please." My mother scolds. "Can you repeat that?"

"Jason almost got Alyssa pregnant. You know mom. When a guy and a girl love each other very much, they like to get intimate. And by intimate I mean rip each other's clothes off and fuck their brains out." Nia chokes on a piece of sirloin.

"Holy crap." She mumbles as my mother speaks.

"Diana Lewis don't be such a prude."

"Maybe I should go?" Jason offers. He's bright red. His eyebrows are raised. I see his hands shaking, his eyes darting against the whole room.

"I'm so sorry Diana is acting like this. That boy she hangs out with must be putting things in her head. I'm truly sorry Jason. Tell Maggy to fix you some leftovers for you and your family." I'm shocked as my mother speaks to Jason. Father has not mentioned anything. He's just eating. He doesn't care for much. Nia is speechless as well, but I feel her eyes on me.

"I can't believe you did that during dinner."

"You told me never to lie mother. I only spoke the truth."

"Was this when you guys were together?" She asks.

"We were on a break when they fucked and he broke up with me because of it."

"Then he didn't cheat. Why are you making such a big deal about it Diana?"

"I'm going to go, you know." Nia's chair scrapes the floor. "Thank you, Mrs. Lewis, for the lovely dinner. Diana, babe, call me later okay?"

"Mjm." She walks out with my father. "Where were we? Ah yes. Well you see, when I guy I've been dating for almost four years randomly breaks up with me only for me to see him kissing my so call best friend a week later it makes you wonder." I pause. "Am I not good enough. Am I boring? What does Alyssa have that I don't?"

"She doesn't have a poor boyfriend." Mother comments.

"Excuse yourself, mother. Miles isn't poor. His mom works really hard. He has a job and two younger siblings. Jason doesn't do anything for his family except act pretty. He makes me feel bad about myself. He insults Miles any chance he gets. Fuck, he almost got a girl pregnant! While he was dating me." I scream. Everything hurts.

"Diana calm down. Jason is good for you. He made a mistake darling. You guys are young and Miles is just your rebound. You want someone that can provide for you. Go to your room. Sleep. You'll come to your senses soon."

"I can't believe the person who should give me the most love inflicts the most pain onto me." I feel the tears sting my eyes. I feel the tear drop and slide down my face. I feel the wetness start to cover my cheeks as I throw myself onto my bed. And I feel my pillows soaking up my tears as well.

All I can think about is Jason and Alyssa and a baby and mother not caring about me or what I Want. She only cares about status and her stupid fashion job. Father lives here, but it's like he's never here. He never talks to me. Everything is falling apart and I'm afraid no one will be there to catch me once everything crumbles down.

I grab my phone and open my messages.

Me:

We need to talk tomorrow.

Flower:

is everything okay?

Me:

yeah. i'll tell you tomorrow. Just pretty bumped out. Tired, yk?

Flower:

Are you a light switch because I'm sure I can turn you on any time I want.

Hope the brightens up your day.

Get it cause of the light switch and brighten.

God, he's an idiot. My idiot. My pretty idiot. My pretty Latino idiot.

Me:

Hilarious. Comedy right there.

Flower:

I hate you.

Me:

so dramatic. i'll kiss your broken ego better tomorrow.

I'm shocked when I press send and throw the phone to the other side of my bed. Gosh, I just did that. Has he responded? I'm too scared to check.

Flower:

Fake kiss or real one?

Me:

We'll see tomorrow flower <3

Flower:

Sounds like a plan hermosa. I hope it's real.

God, I love him I think to myself as I throw my body back onto my bed. The cold feel of the blanket transfers to my body. My tears have dried up by now. Miles has that effect on me; he makes me happy. He makes me feel safe. He's like the eye of the storm. Calm and quiet and safe. I really do love him.

My feelings for him really were like sunsets. Transforming from bright blue to a mix of colors finally accepting reality... that the night was to come. That at the end I Would fall in love with him.

Nia at the dinner table when everything goes down... 

I bet you didn't expect that. Thoughts? 

The next chapter... get hyped up. 

Love you guys <3

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