do not let the things that have hurt you,
turn you into someone you are not

۵

Harry never thought he would want Louis to stop touching him. He always imagined Louis' fingertips against his skin, leaving traces as they ran up and down his body. He imagined himself trying to control his breathing as he melted under his touch. Such intimacy from the simplest form of contact.

However, he found himself exhausted. Exhausted of the hurting and the constant aching he was putting himself through. Occasionally he and Louis would stop, rest for a couple days, then pick back up taking turns distracting each other before they were ready for their skins to meet again.

Nothing sexual, simply a quick tap from Harry or a harder push from Louis. They were far too scared to hold onto each other for longer than a couple seconds though neither would admit it. Even when Louis held Harry's hand for the second time at the carnival, he let go shortly after. Harry counted forty-eight seconds. 

"Let's go on the carousel." Rue shouted over the crowd.

"Fuck no, look at that line." Luke hollered back. His feet already ached from walking and the four had only been there for half an hour.

Louis shoved his hands into the popcorn he carried for them and ate as they stopped in the middle of the walkway to discuss where they were going next. His sleeves were slightly stained from the butter as he now also wore longer shirts to cover his arms.

Harry wore a coffee colored sweatshirt with long sleeves that hid his own inked skin. His jeans were a nice light wash that caught Louis' attention and earned him a compliment. Luke smiled and agreed. He now swore to never take them off as no one had ever complimented his clothing before.

"Please, it'll go by quick." Rue begged. "Harry?" She turned to her friend knowing he'd take her side.

"I'll wait with you." He said making her clap and pull him with her.

Luke groaned as him and Louis followed the pair.

"So you still haven't gotten the rose?" Rue asked as they waited in line. It had already been twenty minutes but they were almost to the front.

"Or the dagger." Louis answered.

"I'm starting to think she might be full of shit." He said, referring to Rosiah.

Rue shook her head. "She knows too much." She disagreed.

Luke had the popcorn in his hands now and worked on finishing it as he listened. They were completely clueless as Harry and Louis discovered their new tattoos but were finally filled in as the two could no longer hide their arms. Especially since Rue and Harry almost always stayed with each other.

"She could have just heard us and simply made it up so we would keep going to her and giving her all our money."

"Louis, still," Rue said. "It weirdly enough makes sense. How else would you explain it?"

Louis shrugged.

"No, I agree." Luke pipped in. "She seems sketchy but she is the only person who knows anything."

He was talking with his mouth full but no one seemed to care.

"Look," Luke mumbled as he eyed the girl walking past them to get in line.

Louis looked up and the two looked behind them once, checking her out together.

Harry and Rue scrunched their faces in response.

"She's a babe."

"Don't say babe." Rue said.

"Harry's a babe." Louis said kicking Harry's foot.

Recently they had discovered that touching each other with items or clothing wasn't their skin touching, so no tattoos.

Harry's eyes closed before he reopened them. He wanted to squeal just as he kicked his foot back. Harry still blushed.

"We're next," Rue sang tugging on Harry's sleeve. Harry grew excited as he couldn't wait any longer.

"I am not getting on." Louis said, eyeing the multiple horses they expected him to ride. It was mostly children on the ride and here they were, grown adults waiting to join them.

"Yes you are." Luke immediately said. "I am not getting on that thing with these two alone."

Louis looked at him. "So don't get on."

"No I want to."

"Oh my god."

"Please get on, don't be lame." Rue begged them.

Louis looked over at the carousel once again. "Please don't make me."

Harry looked at him. "You can sit with me?"

Louis almost melted. Did Harry think he didn't want to get on because he was scared? Louis had to tell himself not to laugh.

"Harry, me sitting alone is not the problem."

"Fine," Harry mumbled as he counted his tickets. "Sit alone."

"No i'm sitting with you." Louis quickly said and he too counted his tickets.

Rue rolled her eyes but smiled, happy to see everyone was getting on. She pulled out her tickets and made sure she had five before handing them over and hopping onto the platform.

"Go to the pink ones," She called out to Luke as they walked in a straight line to pick out their horses.

Rue and Luke were sitting beside each other on the row in front of Louis and Harry who were also sat by one another.

"Kiss on the cheek before we start? I'm scared." Louis pouted.

"Shut up." Harry whined.

"What? I'm terrified what if I fall off?"

Harry rolled his eyes but pecked the inside of his hand nonetheless and blew the kiss to Louis.

Louis pretended to catch it. "Thank you Harry, I was shaking."

"But I think I said on the cheek."

"I wish."

Louis giggled. "What was that Harry?"

"Hm?"

Louis rolled his eyes. "You're lucky these tattoos are holding me back."

"We're getting on the roller coasters next," Rue announced to them as the ride began. This time no one argued.

"Carousels are distracting right?" Louis called over to Harry.

"Very," Harry agreed. "Hold my hand?"

Louis smiled immediately, happy Harry had understood.

He didn't bother wasting any more time before he reached across and grabbed Harry's hand. He intertwined his fingers with Harry's and held them tightly. Harry had to look the other way so Louis wouldn't see the flustered mess he was. He couldn't stop smiling.

Louis' hands were so soft and felt so delicate against his own. They were slightly smaller which made Harry incredibly weak. He was a little angel. The two could feel each other's hearts beating through each other's hand but neither let go until the ride came to a stop.

That one had been the most painful one of them all but Harry did not care. He would go through it one millions times more just to be able to hold Louis' hand again. He would put himself through great pain just to feel what it felt to be loved by him.

And now, as Harry pushed himself to run as fast as he possibly could, he found himself with the same adrenaline. Knowing he was about to go through actual hell but didn't give a single care in the world. He simply laughed and laughed as he ran with Louis a few inches ahead of him. Louis had purposely slowed down his pace so Harry could keep up and yet he remained in the lead.

Harry's stomach ached but he never stopped. Not even as Louis attempted to trip him or run faster to leave him behind.

It shortly led into a game of tag as Louis allowed Harry to finally pass him just to begin chasing him and threatening to touch him if he got close enough. Because Louis very much enjoyed teasing Harry.

۵