I stayed in the bathroom for a couple for minutes before I went out. My cheeks were burning and my eyes and nose were red. 

Red. 

Blood. 

Period. 

Pads. 

Fuck. 

I ran back to the bathroom, the moment of truth. I looked for any blood on my underwear but I didn't see a thing, I wasn't even on my period. I wasn't on my period this whole time! Ok Mariah, calm down.... take deep breaths...breath in...breath out...in....out...in...out.

When I finally managed to calm down I left the bathroom. I had to see a man dying because I thought I was on my period, how stupid is that?! I went downstairs to ask Jane for a pillow and a blanket, the sofa is where I am going to sleep today. 

I looked for Jane everywhere but I couldn't find her. I decided to go to his office, he was my last hope. I know it will be awkward between us now, but I was tried and I didn't care about awkwardness at that moment, maybe he will also tell me what he found out about Ellie's parents. I went down to his office, second door to my right. 

I knocked couple of times, and when I didn't hear any answer I opened the door. It was 6pm right now, and he was in his office, reading a book.

"Do you know where Jane is?" I asked him.

He didn't respond.

Oh My God, are we going back to that now?

"Kevin, where is Jane?" I asked again, more angry now.

He ignored.

I walked out of his room without looking back. I can't believe he just ignored me. I went to my room and decided to sleep with Ellie, we needed each other.

*********

I couldn't sleep, not surprising. He was controlling my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about him. We had a moment and he ruined it. 

I thought, just for a second that maybe we have a chance, but he ruined that too. 

Does he ignore me because of what I said? 

Was it that bad?

 All I wanted was to have this side of him for a bit longer. He was kind, caring, supportive. ... I needed him to be like that. 

Maybe he ignores me because of something else? 

Did I do something wrong? 

I quietly left the room, leaving Ellie behind.

I was wondering in the hallways for so long, I opened every single door but I couldn't find his room. I remembered following him that night to his room, but it was all dark, I couldn't see anything that day. 

I walked and opened doors for at least 5 minutes, there were so many at the second floor. I opened all of the, but one, at the end of the hall. 

That has to be his room. I opened the door without knocking and I saw him there, laying on his huge black bed with both of his hands behind his head. Everything at his big room was black, his bed, desk, mirror, even the door to his bathroom. He noticed me coming, but he ignored. I walked to his bed and laid there, next to him.

"Why are you ignoring me now?" I asked him and looked straight into his eyes.

He didn't look back, he was just staring at the wall in front of him with tired eyes.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked quietly when the silence became too strong.

But he just added more to it.

"Hey Kevin look at me." I told him and took his face in my hands, making him turn around and face me.

"Is it because of Lucy? Is she the reason why you are always so cold with me? Is it because you love her and I am not the person that you were planning on marrying?" I asked him with pure confusion in my eyes.

He didn't answer.

It means I am right, right? Usually when people ignore a question, their answer is yes.

"It's Lucy isn't it?" I asked again.

He looked deeply in my eyes but still didn't respond. 

He was very close, again. I felt like lifting my head and kissing him, I knew it's wrong to feel that way but his thick red lips made me think otherwise. I was staring at them without noticing, but I couldn't bring myself to look the other way.

I was moving my stare from his lips to his eyes and I found out that he was looking at me, he didn't even break the stare from the begging. I wanted to kiss him so bad right now, the attraction that I felt towards him was insane. 

"I am going to stay here until you talk to me." I said and closed my eyes, looking at the celling now, with my hands to my sides, his stare became too hard, it became too hard to control my mind, to control my lips, closing my eyes was the only option.

After a minute of silence, and me trying to calm myself down and forget about his bright red lips I said:

"Do you think this girl will ever see her mother again?"

Even I could hear the sadness in my voice. He didn't respond, perfect.

"I will go to the police tomorrow, I am sure they will be able to find her." I told myself out loud.

"No one is going to the police." He said.

He said something! I looked to his direction just to make sure that my dear husband finally decided to talk to me, by the way he was looking at me, I am pretty sure he did. I saw fire in his eyes, he was angry. 

Why would he be angry?

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked and tried to find the answer in his eyes.

"Looking at you like what?" He said, rolling his angry eyes.

"Looking at me like you want to kill me." I said and looked at the celling again, not wanting to look into his eyes when he says that obvious answer:

"Because I really do." I flinched.

"No really, why are you suddenly mad?" I asked, trying to sound confident and brave.

"You are not going to do anything without my permission. You were lucky today that I didn't send you to sleep outside, but usually Mariana, I am not that nice. No one is going to the police tomorrow, I will deal with it myself."

And we are back to that...

"How exactly are you going to deal with it yourself?!"

I was furious, so fucking furious. Ellie was a sensitive topic for me, I wanted the best for her, the police is the best for her at that moment, not that asshole!

"It's none of your business Mariana, now get out of my room." He yelled too.

"It was nicer when you didn't talk." I told him and closed my eyes again, facing the celling, too scared to see his reaction.

"It was nicer when my house was quiet." He responded. 

"It was nicer when I didn't have to look at your face every single day." My eyes were still close.

"It was nicer when the women that I had were actually listening to what I was saying, and doing what they were suppose to do." I opened my eyes, that was the last straw.

"I am not one of your whores!" I yelled at him.

"So why did suddenly feel the need to come to my bed exactly?"

With that, I stood up from the bed and walked towards my shopping bags next to the door, I lifted them up from the floor, with my back to him and before I opened the door I said quietly:

"I am going to the police station tomorrow, you can't lock me in here and tell me what to do. Ellie deserves the best, and that's exactly what she will get."

I opened the door and closed it after I was out. 

Disgusting.

 He is a disgusting person. 

What was I thinking? 

Why was I trying to see the good in him when he clearly doesn't have any fucking good in him. I walked back to my bedroom and laid on the bed with Ellie. I am going to find her mother no matter what. If he thinks that I will be one of his whores, then he is wrong. 

If he thinks that I am already one of them, I will prove him wrong.