Pain, something that no one actually wants to feel. 

There are two categories of pain, physical and emotional. Physical pain is an unpleasant feeling associated with potential or actual tissue damage. I have felt physical pain before, like when I broke my leg for the first time while playing soccer with my friends. Or when I fell on my chin while trying to reach my favourite dark chocolate on the top shelf.

Damn that was painful. 

But physical pain can be treated. You just have to make someone drive you to the hospital and 

BOOM! 

There is no pain anymore. Sometimes you can even wait until the pain passes by itself. 

But what about emotional pain? Have you ever felt it before? Have you ever felt like someone is stabbing your heart without stopping, even for one single second, until you find a way to get rid of this pain? Have you ever felt like your whole body is just empty because of that particular pain?

I have felt this kind of pain for years now. But the problem was that, I couldn't find a way to get rid of it, and the feeling of someone walking in front of me and stabbing my heart just kept on bothering me. The feeling of the emptiness that was filling my body was driving me crazy. And I couldn't go to the hospital, and I couldn't tell anyone, and I couldn't just wait for the pain to pass because I knew that it wouldn't. What exactly was causing this emotional pain you may ask, well I came up with one answer:

Myself. 

Mike and I started dating in High School, we were the perfect couple. Every girl was jealous of our loving relationship. Every guy was tired to see us in the hallways every day. Talking, hugging, kissing. Every couple made it his goal to become like us.

I did love him at first.

I did find his brown eyes beautiful. I saw my home inside them. I saw my everything inside them. 

But, as time passed and we were getting close towards the end of high school, only darkness was left inside those evil eyes. The problem was that the darkness blinded me. Not him. 

I was so in love with Mike that every single awful word that he had told me while we dated broke my heart a little by a little. My dream since I remember myself was to attend a good university to study law. Instead of doing exactly that, I was letting his words get to me.

What happened to my skinny babe?

I can't even hug you Mariah, my arms are not long enough for that. 

You are ugly. 

But, I was so focused on changing the things that he hated about me that I didn't notice the real damage that it caused. Physically and mentally. 

And it stayed that way for years.

And I was letting it stay that way for years.

I was the person to blame for my own pain. 

"How is my love doing?" The Russian satan himself- Vladimir asked while entering my dark room. 

Was his name really Vladimir? Well, I didn't fucking know. I just had to give him a name before I completely lost my mind and it was the first name that I could think of. It sounded evil...

and Russian.... and no, I am not racist. 

And was the dark room really mine? Hell no. But after three freaking days in that horrible room I had the right to make it mine. 

"You know what is really funny? You broke our record, three days without eating a thing! How do you fucking do it?" I drank his angry words like pure water. I was trying so bad to hold back my proud smile. 

I did eat. 

He just didn't know it.

Fucking idiot. 

Every time he brought in food, I made sure to eat some but leave more than half so he would panic. I knew he needed me alive for his revenge, and I didn't want to make things easy for him. 

The meals grew bigger and bigger from time to time as a result from his concern. So at the end of the day, I did kind of eat more than I expected. 

"Fucking eat already!" Vladimir bent down to take the huge plate of food from the floor. A brilliant idea was all I needed before I kicked his ass using my long legs. 

Vladimir immediately fell on the cold floor facing the food. In such a terrifying time, it was the best thing ever. 

"You fucking disgust me!" I added. I knew I would soon regret the whole situation but I couldn't care less. I was so weak mentally that I couldn't think straight. I was so weak physically that the leg that I just used to kick him was giving me a hard time. He slowly started to get up. His stare burned my whole body. In a bad way. 

"You will fucking hate yourself for doing that." I heard the rage in his voice and I knew that his words were true. But how can you keep your shit together while you are watching the scariest man ever covered in food?

It was just too funny. 

So I laughed. 

Then he slapped me hard. Then he punched me hard. But hey, after three days you get used to it. My real problem was my appearance:

How do I look after all these slaps and punches? It's hard not to look at yourself for so long, trust me on that one. 

My second real problem was Kevin. I didn't want him seeing me looking like that- probably more than awful. But he should except me the way I am, right?

"I want to kill you so bad already." I tried to ignore the creepy feeling he was giving me for the past three days now, but each time I found it literally impossible. 

"The feeling is mutual." I confidently stated. Suddenly, the heavy door flew open and I saw the Russian who welcomed me at day one- Viktor, standing there looking worried. 

Again-was it his real name-chances are high. 

Am I racist-maybe a little. 

"Boss, we are another an attack." 

My brain screamed Kevin. My body screamed Kevin. I knew he would look for me, I just knew it! 

"Well, we will see who kills each other first." 

******

Hey guys! How is it to survive without a new chapter of this amazing book?

Don't kill me, I am just kidding😊

Just wanted to make sure that I didn't offend anyone in this chapter(with the Russian names). If I did, please let me know and we will see how to change it. 

Love you all❤️