"Scared?" I asked. "Of me?"

Cara glanced quickly at me just to gaze back down. "Yeah."

I shook my head incredulously. Is that the reason she wouldn't let me touch her? "Why?"

"It's not-" she frowned. "It's not just you." She spoke softly as she played with her fingers. "I'm afraid of... guys."  She spoke so softly I was afraid I hadn't heard her right.

Cara puckered her lips and glanced up at me. She looked so adorable I couldn't help but laugh. I swear I didn't want to, but I couldn't restrain myself. "Afraid of guys?"

She cocked her head, annoyance all over her expression. "It's not funny."

I kept on laughing. "That's so cute."

"I said it's not funny, Nico." She got up quickly and clenched her fists, eyes closed tightly.

I stopped abruptly and stood up too, bringing my hands forward, in an unconscious way to comfort her. "I'm- I'm sorry, Cara."

She stepped backwards towards the other side of the room.

"I'm sorry, I mean it. I didn't know you were serious." Somehow, she let me grab her forearm and I squeezed it. It was the first time she let me do it.

She glanced up at me. "It's okay. You didn't know."

"Can I ask why?" I slid my hand down her arm and brushed our fingers against one another, hooking our index fingers together.

Cara seemed to relax a little and licked her lips. "I don't want to talk about it."

"There are a lot of things you don't want to talk about." I pointed out. I wanted her to trust me and I didn't know how. I wanted her to know that she could rely on me, she didn't have to keep all those things to herself.

"I don't know lots of things about you either." She said softly. Our fingers were still entwined, but our faces weren't that close. I didn't wanna scare her away.

"You can ask." I cocked my head and offered her a tentative smile as I nudged her with my knee.

She rolled her eyes and tried to fight a smile of her own.

"Nico! Hands where I can see them!" That was definitely Brandon. I let go of Cara's hand and glanced up at the ceiling then at the window scared that he could be seeing me. They all laughed outside.

Cara laughed scrunching up her nose. "What are you doing? We don't have cameras in here."

"Then how-"

"Get back down! We're having cake!" Cara's mom yelled.

"I can't eat it anyway." Cara mumbled amused.

We got back down to the yard, they were all a little drunk now and it was funny seeing them so relaxed and laughing about nothing in particular. I gave Cara two thirds of my piece of cake and her mom didn't even notice. This time I spent more time with her than before we went inside. We laughed, she goofed off with me and the kids and it was nice seeing her without her 'mom' mask. I discovered she had the habit to smell her food before putting it in her mouth, I hadn't realized it before and I thought it was cute.

Ben's girlfriend left and I thought about leaving too but everyone persuaded me to stay a little longer. I don't know how, but Bogdasha ended up sitting down beside me. I was a little unease, I didn't know how could the man react. He kept asking me why I didn't drink and offering me beers, pushing them to my hands, pouring some gin on my cup.

"Just drink a little, he'll go away." Cara whispered beside me amused.

I was feeling anxious, I normally had a lot of self control but this man was pushing me to the limit. "I don't drink."

"It's just a sip." I thought she'd understand, since she didn't drink either, however, she didn't do it 'cause, apart from being an athlete, she had ADHD and was medicated.

"I can't. I'm an addict." I whispered into her ear. She opened her eyes wide and turned her head to me. I licked my lips. "I've been sober for five years now. Since my..."

"Accident." She ended for me.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"See?" I smiled at her. "This is how you start to know a person. You confide in people." I said playfully.

"You're so silly." She laughed.

"You! French boy!" Cara's father beside me approached me a little more. "You need to try this wine." He added something in Russian and I took his glass. I did as if I was taking a sip and he frowned. He had caught me. "Hey! You don't like it?"

"Nico!" Someone called me from the other end of the table. I glanced to my left and saw that it was Ben. He motioned for me to go beside him and I shared a look with Cara. She was as confused as me.

Since Brandon when to put Sandro and Justin to sleep, I sat on his chair.

"I wanted to save you from that lunatic man." Ben chuckled.

"He wants to see me drunk for some reason." I commented.

"Yeah, he hates to be the only one." Ben chuckled once again before taking a sip of his soda. It seemed weird to me that he wanted to talk to me when the other day he menaced me with a black eye. "If he says something weird, don't listen to him, he's sick, you know."

I glanced at him with a frown and he understood that as his cue to continue. "He has brain cancer, that's why he says all that shit. Although he's always been kind of a douche."

"I'm sorry." I pressed my lips together.

Ben ran a hand through his blonde hair and shrugged, tapping his nails against the can. "I don't want to seem like a bad person or anything but we're all just kinda waiting for him to die." I opened my eyes wide. I couldn't believe he had just said that. "Don't look at me like that, dude." He raised a hand apologetically. "He's been nothing but poison for this family. He cheated on my mom more times than you could even count, he's always been an alcoholic, he left us after Justin was born and came back a year ago asking for forgiveness, saying that he was sick and he missed his family, blah, blah, blah. My mom accepted him back at home and Cara's been paying for the hospital bills. I couldn't care less what happened to him, he used to beat me and my older brothers when were were younger. Cara doesn't know that." He frowned looking at the man not too far away from him, his gaze intense and harsh. "So yeah, my family's too nice having him in here, feeding him and putting up with his shit, but I couldn't care less if he died."

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't a very talkative person and the fact he had just confessed all that. I could understand where he was coming from but wishing someone to die was something pretty big.

"It's okay if you don't understand, I just wanted you to know what was going on." He licked his lips as he played with the already empty can in his hands. "When I say Cara is really innocent, she really is. She pays for my dad's bills 'cause she really thinks he can get better. He takes his chemo and then he throws it all away by getting so drunk he forgets who he even is. Sometimes the cops have to bring him here because he forgets where he lives. He spends all day drinking and spending money on bets and she believes him when he says he's been trying to find a job." He looked at me and bit his lips, narrowing his eyes. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... be careful with Cara. She's innocent, she's been through some pretty hard shit for a twenty one year old and if you manage to make her trust you, she'll give you all. Don't hurt her when that happens." He gave me a lopsided grin and pointed at my face. "I wasn't lying when I told you I'd give you a black eye. We might not get along, but she's my sister." He got all serious once again. "And even though that motherfucker over there can sometimes make me believe the opposite," he nodded towards his father, "family sticks together."

I swallowed a lump in my throat and nodded.

"You can go back to your seat now if you want." He nudged me with his knee. I gave him a tight smile and went back beside Cara.

She glanced at me with a confused smile, maybe sensing my expression, how I couldn't help but just feel respect for the girl beside me. How I instantly had a completely different vision of this family. How sad and jealous at the same time I felt of it all. I never had that sense of belonging, never had people behind my back.

"Are you okay?"

I smiled at her. Did I really want to go deep into this? Did I want to be part of her life? Did I want to get to the point where she could give me all? Where I could and might surely hurt her?

I felt scared.

But when I looked at Cara as she ran a hand through that almost white hair, her green eyes studying my face back and forth in worry, her smaller figure engulfed in that big hoodie that matched her eyes, that softness she only showed when she was comfortable... I wanted to know her more. I wanted to know it all.

And yeah, I was scared. But maybe being scared meant feeling something different. Maybe being scared meant something was changing in me. Maybe being scared was what I needed.

"Yes." I smiled at her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When it was time for me to leave, after I helped clean a little bit, I told Cara to come to my car for a moment. We got inside and I turned on the light on the ceiling. I didn't know why but I was nervous, my fingers tracing patterns on the steering wheel.

"Uhm, if you still want to see it, your gift is in the glove box."

Cara smiled and I didn't miss the happy dance she did in her seat. Before she could even touch it, I stopped her, turning my body to hers.

"You have to promise me one thing."

She looked at me and swallowed, her mouth agape as she breathed in an out slowly. "Okay."

"I still don't understand why you're... afraid of me. Maybe I'll never understand, maybe you'll never tell me. I just want you to know that I don't wanna hurt you, I just want to... know you. You have to promise me you'll let me. Promise me we can still see each other, that you'll make time for me. I really want this to... work. I don't know if you feel it too but I feel... a weird connection, something's pulling me towards you and I wanna know why." I furrowed my brow and looked down. "Mhm that was kind of stupid, I'm sorry-"

"I promise." She nodded, her eyes darker than ever before.

I gave her a little smile and nodded towards the glove box. "Okay, you can open it now. It's in that folder."

Cara opened the glove box, grabbed the brown folder that was inside and opened it slowly, as if she could break it if she wasn't careful enough. Her eyes grew wider and she covered her mouth with one hand. "Oh my god, Nico. You did this?"

I scratched the back of my head. "Yeah. I made it the other day when I went to see you practice. It's not perfect," I chuckled, "but to be fair, you moved a lot."

Cara traced her fingers along the black and grey lines of the drawing, brushing the silhouette of her body as she glided on the ice, stopping at her concentrated face. "It's... so detailed, it's beautiful." She glanced at me with a little frown between her brows, her expression indecipherable. "I- I don't know what to say, thank you so much."

"You like it?" I said with a smile.

"I love it. This is so thoughtful."

She then did something that caught me totally off guard, I never thought I'd see the day where Cara could show me a little of affection. However when she approached my face quickly, her lips barely brushing against my cheek in a chaste kiss, I believed everything was possible.

I didn't miss the flush in her cheeks when she mumbled a quick 'goodnight, Nico' and got out of the car.

"Bonne nuit, bébé."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey guys! Here's another chapter for this week. I'll probably regret it next week since I'm still working on the next chapter. You'll have to be patient for that one, sorry people

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I still haven't decide when I'm gonna do the Q&A and if I'm gonna post it on this book or another, so keep the questions coming! You can ask whatever you want from any of the books or even if you're curious about me... not that there's much to tell 😂

Thanks for the people who commented their questions 🥰

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