Chapter Fourteen: Graye

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I sat in front of the mirror in my room, just looking at myself. At the bruises on my wrists, at my stretch marks, at every single flaw about me. Graye was on the phone, but saying nothing. I could hear miscellaneous clicks as they scrolled around the internet. I looked at myself again. 

    My thighs were huge and girly. They made my hourglass-figure pop. They made my boxers roll up at unnecessary times and were just...fat. Fat and gross. Just like me.

    My arms were weak and covered in scratches from me itching my arms of the disgusting feeling left behind from him. They were slim and feminine. I hated them with a burning passion.

    My legs were also feminine, although covered in thick hairs because of months of never shaving which made them look vaguely a=masculine, the shape of the calves gave it all away.

    My stomach was covered in fat rolls. My chest protruded even though I was wearing my binder. My shoulders were small and my face was too round. I didn't like myself at all. I was a disgusting human.

    "Hey, you there?" Graye asked.

    "Yeah. Can you come over? I need someone here."

    Graye paused for a second, which I assumed was them putting the phone on mute and talking to their mom. Then they talked again. "Give me about ten minutes."

    "Alright."

    I sat and waited. Staring at my reflection until I heard my bedroom door open and close. I turned towards Graye. They looked at me then walked over.

    They sat behind me, wrapping their arms around my middle and resting their chin on my shoulder. We sat in silence, just like that.

    Eventually, they spoke. "What's bothering you?"

    "Everything," I replied.

    "Everything? Can I get some specifics?"

    "Noah. Myself. My life."

    Graye shifted a bit. "Alright. Let's break this down. About Noah--he's an asshole who has no life. Because you reported it, he's being investigated for Hunter's death and what happened to you. He may go to jail. You won't have to worry about him ever again." They kissed my shoulder. "Secondly, yourself. What about yourself has you bothered?"

    I leaned into their touch. "Everything, really. I just...I just hate myself. I feel disgusting."

    "Declan, you're not disgusting. You're my best friend. My favorite person on this Earth. And if you want to be, my boyfriend," They stopped and smiled for a second. "No part of you is disgusting. It's not your fault, what happened to you. It's all Noah's fault. You're beautiful, handsome, cute, whatever you want to be. Just not disgusting." They kissed my shoulder again. "And finally, your life. Your life is beautiful, Declan. It brings so many people happiness. Think about Tori. Your mom. Chelsea. Rebecca. Me. Your life brings us all so much good, and it's because you are the way you are. You may make mistakes, but that just makes you human. You're otherwise an imperfectly perfect person, and I love you."

    I looked at them through the mirror. "I love you too. Nobody has ever said stuff like that to me."

    "Well, I'm glad to be the first." The kissed my cheek.

    I still feel disgusting, but a little less so. I still think it's my fault, but not as much. But what I do know is that I'm loved by the best person in the world.

    Graye.

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