Chapter 7
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Lost I wander through the burning forest, trying to find my way again. The smoke blurred my vision and I felt as if I was going in circles, my weary body coughed and wheezed through every breathe. I fall to my knees as my legs buckled. But out of the smoke came a crow, chasing a blue butterfly. They landed on a stump in front of me, and just looked at each other. The butterfly landed on the crow's beak, and I swear that bird seemed to smile. But the crow was struck down by a snake. The snake grabbed the butterfly and slithered away into the burning forest with it. The crow lay on the ground, looking at me as it panicked to catch its breath. I reached out to the bird to comfort it, when I felt the sudden burst of a bullet piercing my chest.

I wake up in a cold sweat, grasping at my chest, only to feel my old scars from the past Winter. I sit up in bed to compose myself for a moment, wiping the sweat off my brow and relaxing my beating heart. 'Thank God... just a nightmare.' I thought to myself. A nightmare unlike any other I've had before.

It's been several months since I got my scars from the torture. I'm just grateful they're all healed, and I have Ellie to thank for that.

I throw on my ragged shirt and open the window in my so called 'bedroom'. The lush trees with their fresh leaves blew a refreshing Spring breeze across my face, as the birds conversed through their songs.

"It's definitely my favorite season." Ellie said leaning on the door.

"Why's that?" I stared out the window.

"I dunno, everything just comes back to life after a harsh winter. All the flowers show off their colors, and the butterflies run free." She replied smiling. Honestly she was right, plus perfect weather, you can't beat cool Spring days. But still, just because the season changed doesn't mean my problems went away. It's been almost six months and things have only gotten worse. It's funny how life works isn't it? One decision you made in seconds, can have an impact that'll last days, weeks, months, years, and even lifetimes.

"Hey Ellie, why don't you head into camp? I'll be there soon I just have some things to think about." Maybe a little alone time will do me good. But probably not.

"Alright, I'll see you soon?" She asked optimistically. I nodded in reply. I stand waiting to hear the front door shut. Once I knew she was gone, I went to the living room to grabbed my backpack, and started inspecting some of the old mementos I keep with me. First, I hold the five dog tags of my fallen friends in hand, I tried my best to hold back the tears as the memories flooded in. Next was a letter from my parents. They wrote it before I was even born, all it talked about, really, was how excited they were for me to be born and how excited my four year old brother was to see me. I knew little to nothing about my parents, but I miss them... wherever they are. Anyways, the final thing I found was the voice recorder from Jane. She recorded things during the time of my grieving, during all the times she tried helping me and calming me down. This was my first time listening to this specific one, most of what she talked about was just little notes about me. But the quote from her that stuck out to me was when she said, "Don't let grief make you push away the ones that care most." Anybody could have told me that and I wouldn't bat an eye, but coming from Jane, it truly meant something. After some silent reflection I pack up the mementos, throw on my flannel, and head towards the door. I look over at the dining room table where I was tortured, and find my blood stains still on the floor, and the bandage Ellie used to wrap my wounds was still on the table.

"The ones that care the most..." I whispered to myself, putting my hand over my scars. I shake my head to stop myself from thinking, and head into camp, where I find Ellie chatting with Jase over a bowl of delicious smelling stew.

"Hey Crow!" Ellie said with glee. She's always so happy it seems, like she's not phased by anything, and she some how finds the best in me, really reminds me of... never mind.

"Howdy. Did y'all leave any for me or did Ellie eat it all?" I chuckled, her ravenous appetite was fitting for a grown man, but yet her size was more on the petite side. Picture an average teenage girl eating the same portion meal as a body builder. Yup, that's Ellie.

"I don't judge you, you don't judge me." Ellie jokingly retorted while slurping down the last bit of her stew. "Thanks Jase!" She wiped her mouth with her sleeve. "Hey Crow is it ok if I go play with dog?" I looked to where she was pointing and I see a smiling Labrador sitting and looking at Ellie.

"Oh um- yeah of course." I replied, a little perplexed at the fact that she asked me. Ellie's face lit up as did the dog's. Now what would make my face light up, would be some of that stew in my belly. Lucky for me Jase had already made me a steaming bowl of chicken stew.

"Thanks pal." I sat on the stump next to him and quickly started eating while he poured himself another serving.

"No worries. How you feeling? How's the wounds." Jase seemed concerned in asking as if he was actually worried.

"Oh I'm fine, it healed much better than expected." I replied to that and other questions he had asked about it, and what exactly happened. Now I had begun wondering, what exactly him and Ellie had talked about while I wasn't here. I didn't bother to ask though, that would only make me sound like a middle schooler.

"You know she cares for you, Crow. We were talking about you before you came up."

"Well it's nice to know I was the topic of discussion." I replied, trying not to show any interest.

"Ellie said that she feels safe with you." Jase tried to say tenderly as if to work on my conscience. How could she feel safe with me? We've been in less than ideal situations time and time again, I'm nothing more than a bad luck charm.

Jase glanced at Ellie, who was still busy enjoying herself with the friendly Labrador.
"Do you care about her?" He turned to me.

"No." I emotionlessly respond.

"Are you sure?" He asked again immediately. I hesitated and sat silently, watching her laugh with the dog. Ellie's bright eyes caught mine, and she smiled at me...

"No." I replied somberly. Maybe I did? Maybe it's what I've been combatting these past few months. There are two opposite things I want, and they're constantly fighting each other.

Jase nodded his head and patted me on the back. "I'll catch you around Crow." He got up and left, now I sit alone with me, myself, and I.

Later that day I decided to go for a walk. There was an old hiking trail behind the camp that led deeper into the woods. I even let Ellie tag along, I've gotten use to having her around I suppose.

I shoved my hands in my pockets as the start of our walk was accompanied by silence. Ellie next to me, was busy taking in the scenery. Birds chirping all around, creeks flowing, deer grazing, and so many other beautiful distractions of the woods. But she started to pick up on my quietness.

"Hey, is everything alright?" She asked with concern.

I pondered whether to say anything or not. "Yeah I'm fine." I replied.

"You can tell me you know." She read me like a book, my poker face has gotten weak I suppose.

I stopped in the middle of the trail and faced her. "Ellie what is it you want? What are you hoping for, out of all of this? Out of me?" I asked in a tone of someone that was out of options.

Ellie looked down at the ground for a moment, before looking back at me. "To be safe? To have a place to call home? I dunno, I guess- just- you probably think I'd be safer with somebody else but the fact is I wouldn't, I'd just be more scared and- I just feel safe with you, even when things aren't going our way." I could tell by her voice she was sincere, she really meant everything she was saying, which was starting to take an affect on me. Maybe, just maybe, I'm finally tired of running. Finally tired of a lonely life.

"Ok..." I somberly reply. 'Ok' was all I could think to say, if you haven't notice by now, I don't connect too well.

Ellie gives a slight smile, then we continue on our way. As we walk I notice in the trees a crow sitting on its perch, and a butterfly sitting on a flower pedal. The crow was fixated on the gorgeous blue of the butterfly's wings, but the crow made no moves, he just sat there, fascinated by it. Funny actually, they looked just like the crow and butterfly that was in my dream last night... strange.

"Say cheese!" Ellie came from behind with an old Polaroid camera, and took a photo of us together. I even cracked a smile, while Ellie was already extremely photogenic.

"Is that my camera?" I asked seeing as it was familiar, it looked just like the one me and my boys used back at our hideout in Virginia.

"Umm. Maybe?" She replied biting her bottom lip, guilty. I cross my arms like a parent waiting for a confession. "Ok yes it's your and I kinda sorta stole it. But hey you weren't ever gonna use it again! Can I keep it?" Her charisma in asking was shining through, she must really want that camera.

"Yeah sure, whatever." I sighed, not like I really had much use for it anymore.

"This is a keeper!" She smiled, putting the photo and the camera back in her bag.

Later that evening, the sky opened up and began to pour. Whenever I saw the rain I always wondered if that saying in the Bible was true. The one about God counting my sorrows, and keeping my tears in a bottle? If it is true, He could start another flood with only mine. I've always hoped it to be true...

Ellie and I sat under a tent small talking, until we were interrupted by one of Jase's trucks hurrying into the camp with great haste.

"Jase what's going on?" I say walking towards the truck as water droplets meet my worried face.

"Crow just stay calm ok?" Jase began, "Jane's sick and we're doing our best but-" He didn't get to finish his sentence, because when I saw Jane being unloaded from the truck, I screamed to her. Jase tried holding me back but I pushed through him to where Jane was being taken. She was wheeled into one of the tents and hooked up to the last bit of working medical equipment.

"Jane what's wrong? What happened?" I said out of breath.

Her pale face looked up at me, tired and weary.
"I'm sick." Jane tried smiling through the tears.

"How long have you been-?" I tried asking.

"For a while now, Crow, I didn't want to tell you." She replied while wiping a tear from my cheek. Still I was confused why she wouldn't tell me sooner, what did she expect, for me to never notice?

"Why? Why didn't you tell me?" My trembling voice asked.

"Because you've been through too much." She was trying to protect me? By hiding it until now? I always knew she was strong, but everyone has a breaking point. It seems even in an already afflicted world, cancer and sickness still are on their cruel hunt.

I started scrambling, making sure the doctors were doing everything they could to keep her alive. Ellie came in and tried to calm me down, but I acted as if she wasn't even there, I was so tunneled visioned... that's when Jane grabbed my arm. "Crow, it's time for me to go home." She said in her weak but reassuring voice. I froze in my tracks, tears flowing down my cheeks.

"Don't- don't leave me behind." I held her hand.

"Go with Ellie to Arthur's." Jane began, only for me to refuse. I wasn't going anywhere, and nothing would change my mind. "Please. Do this for me." Well nothing would change my mind except for that. I nodded my head and squeezed her hand. I whimpered like a child that just fell off his bike.

"I don't want to leave you." I pleaded.

"I'll be fine. Whatever happens, happens." Jane then waved Ellie over to her and said "Ellie while I'm gone be sure to take care of Crow, keep him in check for me."

"I will." Ellie said with a slight chuckle, tears starting to fill her eyes.

"Oh and you remember my dog Maddie? Well she really loves you, so you should pay her a visit sometime." Jane smiled and moved a strand of hair behind Ellie's ear. Ellie nodded and the two hugged for a moment.

I said my final goodbyes and left as she requested, which in case you were wondering was against my will. Two of Jase's soldiers escorted me out of the tent as it was hard for me to leave on my own. I went quiet. Not a word was said as Ellie and I walk through the rain to the house.

I sat on the floor in front of the fireplace, poking at the flame. Ellie was upstairs changing, our clothes were pretty soaked from the angel's tears, so I hung them to dry by the warmth of the fire. I felt emotionless, like I didn't have any tears left to cry. I can't stay here, not knowing she's dying so close to me and there's nothing I can do.

As the flame danced in front of my eyes I started recalling all my good memories. From being with my friends, to the day I met Jane, back when everything was perfect. My recollections were interrupted by the creaking sounds of the steps.

"Hey uh- I hope you don't mind if I borrow your hoodie, I got cold and my jacket was wet so..." She said in my ragged gray hoodie with the Blow Up skate shop logo on it. It was of course just a tad bit big on her.

"That's fine." I faintly say while turning back to the fire. I heard her footstep approach, she sits cross legged next to me.

"You ok?" She softly asked. I stare into the fire with a glaze over my face, no words came to my lips. Ellie seemed distress, because of the sadness that hung over me. Either that or she was distressed that I've hardly spoken and hates the silence. The only sound to be heard was the gentle rain pelting on the window, and the fire cracking.

"I grew up with Jane." I finally break my silence, "Ever since we were kids, I've always trusted her, always loved when she was around, always hated it when she was gone." I paused and sighed heavily, all my memories with her are starting to flood in. "I've lost so much, and she was there with me through it all... now I've lost her too." I finish, feeling my voice growing weak. My red eyes water, but I hold back from crying. Ellie looked at me with genuine care in her eyes, which comforted me.

"I'm sorry Crow. I really am, she seemed like she was amazing."

"Don't be. She deserves a better home than this hell hole."

"Hey, can I ask, who's Arthur? I heard Jane mention that name..." She asked. I was really hoping she didn't catch that name.

I take a deep inhale, "He's my older brother."

"You have a brother?!" Ellie exclaimed with either shock or excitement. It's hard to tell which is which with her at times, but most often times it's both.

"Yeah we uh- we haven't talked in years. Last time I heard from Arthur was when our parents high tailed it to Canada." I chuckled slightly. My parents left me in my older brother's care, while they left for Canada because they thought it was safer there, because up there they have more organized military. I was 8 years old and my brother Arthur was 14 years old at the time. Only reason our parents didn't drag us to Canada too was because we were in a 'safe' military school here and Arthur didn't want to leave. He lives far out west in his little so called 'sanctuary'.

"Why don't you go see him!" Ellie shook my shoulders, smiling from ear to ear.

"Now you sound like Jane." I reply rubbing my brow. "I'll think about it." I only said that to appease her, or else she'd pester me till I said yes.

"Man, I wish I had siblings." She added with a slight frown.

"No you don't." I said light heartedly, this for some reason made her crack up laughing. I couldn't help myself either, her laugh was too contagious.

Later that night, after we both went to sleep, I woke up crying several times over Jane... and several times Ellie woke up to comfort me. I can't really recall a time I let myself cry like this, especially in front of somebody. I'm beginning to wonder what I'd do without her.

Chapter 8
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Today was our last day at Jase's camp, by my own decision of course. I'll admit our stay here wasn't as miserable as I would have imagined it. If I had to leave a review it be something like, 'Four out of five stars, guest were disruptive.' referring to the people who tortured me. Haha I'm hilarious aren't I?

Just before I pack up all my things, Ellie calls out to me. "Hey Crow! Come outside real quick!" I wonder what she's up to now.

"What is it Ellie?"

"I got you a surprise." She grinned mischievously.

"A surprise?" I repeat, raising my eyebrow. Seeing as an old blanket covered this 'surprise' of hers, it peeked my interest.

"Ta-dah!" She pulled back the blanket to unveiled a brand new backpack and a new pair boots.

"I noticed how beat up your backpack is and your old boots are barely holding it together, so I got you these!" She smiles. I was actually extremely happy... but wait where did she get them from and how?

"Wow these are- great Ellie, but where'd you get them?" I asked optimistically.

"Well," she dragged out, "they were handing out new bags and boots to some of Jase's soldiers, so I found the nicest pair and when the lady turned her back I uh, took them." Ellie said with a smug face, I couldn't help but chuckle slightly.

I throw on the bag slip on the new boots, which fit like a dream. "Thank you Ellie, these are amazing." I smiled with glee.

"No problem, partner." She winked.

Well with this new bag, I have even more space so packing didn't make me want to shoot myself, so that was a big relief. Clothes, food, guns, ammo, my mementos, quite literally everything got stuff in there. I zip up my bag and shut the windows for the last time, it felt a little sad to leave. Ellie and I stood outside the house for a moment and looked at it. What I'll miss the most is finally feeling like I have somewhere