Chapter Eighteen

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There are moments in your life where someone will tell you something and it feels so surreal that it will float over your head that it feels like it is part of your imagination. The first time I felt like this was when Liza told me she was pregnant with twins. My relationship with her was never something stable but the moment she told me I was going to be a father, I didn't want to believe her. It doesn't mean that I regret my children or didn't want them, it was just I never expected to be the father to Liza's children. At the time, I couldn't believe that she was going to be a mother. I mean later on, she proved that she couldn't handle the responsibilities of being a mother but that's a story for another time. 

The second time I felt like this was when I found out Liza cheated. It was the first time I caught her. I was meant to be away for the weekend training but I caught an injury training and couldn't compete in the game, so I decided to head home and spend time with my family. I remember the apartment was lightly lit, there were two wine glasses on the coffee table. I remember checking on the boys first and both were asleep in their crib. It was then that I made my way to our bedroom and it was then that I caught her riding a man on our bed. She had no idea I was stood there. It was like I was watching porn on my laptop when I was a teenager. I don't know how many minutes passed before words escaped my lips and broke her rhythm of riding a rodeo. She didn't even care that she was caught, she didn't cover herself or look ashamed. The only person who was shocked was the boy who worked in our building on the concierge service desk. Let's just say he had the decency to cover himself and run out of the building. 

The third time I felt like this was when my mother died. I remember my father's choked sob on the other end of the phone. He was distraught and heartbroken, it took him ten minutes to finish the sentence. When he told me that my mother had died, my heart snapped in two. It hurt much more than Liza cheating on me. My mother was my rock, she was a moral compass for me. She helped me so much, she was a source of comfort for my boys. She was the main woman in their lives, she offered my James and Joseph the maternal love that they were deprived from their mother. 

I still remember the last conversation with her. Renee had collected the boys from soccer practice and dropped them at my parents house because I was busy with recruiting a new footballer for our charity. I remember feeling guilty that I couldn't watch them or cheer them on. It was then that she revealed that the boys didn't miss me too much because Renee was shouting on the sidelines. She told me how much the boys loved her and that she was an angel. I remember her telling me to find someone like Renee because they are one in a million. I didn't reply to her words because everything she said was true. It was the first time that my thoughts towards Renee wondered in a different direction other than friendship. I started to think what it would have been like if I met Renee years ago. 

I couldn't help but shake my head along with the thoughts that appeared to continuously enter my mind. I didn't even realise that Renee had disappeared. All I could do was look at Jack, whose face was riddled with guilt. 

"Jack, you can't be serious...." I whispered out with a fist clenched under the table. 

"I'm sorry but it's true. I've seen the photos, I've seen the recordings that daddy has got from his friends. They all indicate that this has been going on for over six months. I didn't want to give Renee the full picture because I knew she wouldn't be able to handle it yet. The photos aren't exactly PG." Jack huffs out. 

"What do you mean that they are not PG?" I angrily retorted. 

"Well, it's not just photo's." Jack murmurs not wanting to look at me, knowing that I was getting anger. 

"Jack, just tell me what you are talking about without the riddles." 

"Fine. We are talking, Kim Kardashian sex-tape type of evidence. We are talking about mutual friends of Louise and Lewis knowing about the affair and hiding the truth about the affair." Jack explained. 

"You are kidding me right? It doesn't go that deep? Who knew?" I questioned. 

Jack rubbed a hand down his face as he closed his eyes. "Renee's best friend, Leona knew." 

"WOAH, wait Leona knew and she didn't tell her? Why?" I furiously responded. 

"She's dating Lewis' best friend Jordan. She found out when they met him at one of his gigs and he introduced her to them. They were also with them on the trip to Amsterdam. They were both in the pictures with Lewis and Liza." Jack clarified. 

"You have got to be kidding me. When was that trip? How long have they known?" 

There is a pin-drop silence. I can see that Jack is reluctant into telling me more but I can't help but feel angry at the betrayal that Renee will feel when she finds out that her best girlfriend not only knew but somehow went on a couples holiday with them. That wasn't just 'accidentally' bumping into them but it was planned. I knew that Renee would take it really hard. 

"The trip was two months ago. Leona has known for about four months. Both of them have met for lunch on separate occasions. Occasions when both Lewis and Jordan weren't present." 

It's then that I loose my composure and smash my fist on the table. "Fuck!" I shout out. 

I push my chair back and stand up, making my way towards the hushed sobs that are echoing out of the downstairs bathroom. I try to pull on the door handle but it's locked. I want to call out Renee's name but all I can do is slide down the door onto the floor and listen to her gut-wrenching sobs. A part of me wishes that I could push through the door and stretch out my hand for Renee to grab but there's this guilt that lingers, stopping me from doing so. 

Guilt that is building inside my chest, feeling responsible for the state that Renee is. Responsible for bringing the she-devil ex-wife Liza into her life. It feels like the happiness that she has brought into mine and my children's life was at the cost of her smile. Renee selflessly took on my ex-wife, helping me get full custody of my children and away from Liza's manipulative ways. I just didn't expect that she would go this far to hurt her. I knew Liza was not interested in Lewis. He was not rich enough to suffice her lifestyle. Liza having an affair with Lewis was her way of hurting and getting back at Liza for losing her child support. It was Liza's way of getting back at me, knowing how much I cared for my best friend. 

"Renee?" I croak out as a small tear rolls down my cheek. 



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