Thirty-five

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My evening goes smoothly after an hour of walking at the beach. I'm about to hop in the car when a buzz of my cell phone stops me halfway. I slam the door sharply before rummaging inside my bag. A hard scowl appears on my face as I find a new number.

Hesitantly, I tap on the screen to accept the call.

"Hello?" I croak.

"Where are you? We need to talk." It's Liam's voice.

"Liam," I breathe softly, a bit surprised.

"It's good that you know my voice. Where are you, Kira?" he exhorts impatiently.

"Liam, please, not again." I sigh, running a hand through my curls. I'm tired and the last thing I want is to argue with anyone. "I'm leaving this place. You told me to choose and my choice is leaving because I don't want any more heartache."

"Will you stop being stubborn, Kira? I know you don't mean that! If you do, then face me and tell me that we have means nothing to you! Tell it to my face and we'll end it!"

Damn it! He's driving me crazy.

"What for, Liam?" I yell at him. "Let's just stop this, shall we? I don't think any of this is real and you know that! Why are you so determined to make me stay, huh? Yeah, you claim that you love me, but do you really? Are you sure what you're feeling is real? From what I heard you just broke up with your girlfriend of six years, and it happened only recently! How can you say that you love me when we have known each other for . . . ten days? Fuck, we barely know each other, Liam, so I think we are both insane if we think this is love."

And do I even know what love is? Fuck!

A long silence prevails until he says, "Does it really matter how long a person has known someone to love them? Do you think time is important in love? Well, perhaps what you're saying is true. I agree. But here we are, knowing so little about each other. We still have time for things to change, right? What do you want to know about me, Kira? I want to answer any question you may have, and clear any doubt. What do you want to know about me?"

Tiredly, I lean against the car and suck in a deep breath. Orange-yellow sun rays pierces through the evening clouds and disturbs my sight momentarily. I close my eyes and breathe again.

"I want to know all of you, Liam. The young you, the current you, and even the future you. It's crazy, right?" I reply with a small smile. "I think it may take years to really know a person. I can ask you so many questions right now but I don't think they'll be enough to know you."

"So then, do we have to sit by and wait for years to pass until we decide that we know each other well enough to fall in love?" Liam remarks, making me laugh this time.

Tears well up in my eyes as I puff a breath.

"No. I don't think waiting is an option, or else we may grow old trying to figure out what we truly feel inside." I mop a hand on my face and laugh again.

Smoothly, Liam laughs along.

"I broke up with her after a long time of trying too hard to convince myself that we still had time to fix things between us. But that time never came, and when I realized that, it was already too late for my feelings to stay the same," he says gently. I sniff, but I say nothing. "You may be right that I'm possibly infatuated by you; that it may not be love, as I stubbornly want to believe. But what I see when I look deeply into your enchanting brown eyes is something I've imagined so many times in my mind. I see the future—the future I do not want to alter."

My heart rate increases and soft sobs escape my mouth.

"Now tell me, Kira Jones," he utters with a pause. I hold my breath, pulling in the last thread of composure left in me. "What do you feel when you look me in the eyes? What comes to your mind when we're together? What do you desire when we kiss? How do you feel when we're apart?"

My lips curve into a faint smile, tears streaming off my cheeks at the thought of his blue eyes glowing gently whenever I face him. I see so many inexplicable things.

"I feel . . . I feel like my dream has come true whenever I look you in the eyes," I reply thoughtfully, my gaze lost into space. "And when we're together, I feel like I can't live the next day if you're not part of my tomorrow. When we kiss, I feel like you're everything I've been waiting for, and I never want to let you go."

Is that love?

"Then I want to be a part of your every new day, starting from today, Kira. I don't give a damn whether it's love or not, because you're what I need. Let's fix this, please," Liam says gruffly.

I stand straight. "You mean . . ."

"I mean it's time to face the truth," Liam replies. "I had no idea that your friend had other intentions coming to Montana, so I'll tell her about my clear intention now. I'm going to tell her everything and there's nothing you can do to stop me because my feelings are mine."

My heart booms but I don't argue.

"Okay, fine!" I wipe my face and pull myself together. "Let's do it. Let's tell Sam everything tonight—you and me. No, let me do it alone," I say desperately. She has to hear it from me, and only me. "I should be the one to tell her, Liam, and I'm going to do it."

I mean it.

"Really, Kira? Can you really do that?" he asks dubiously.

I suck in a deep breath and answer, "Yes. I know she'll hate me but at least I won't have to stab her in the back as I've been doing so far."

"Okay," Liam breathes. "Tonight. All of this will be over, right?"

I think so. But how will it turn out to be? Only God knows.

"I'll see you at home then," I murmur.

"Okay. Be careful on the road," he replies coolly. "And Kira . . . I love you. Believe it or not," he adds.

"Me, too, I guess. We'll have to find out in time," I reply and we laugh briefly before ending the call.

I've never felt this nervous in my life, and determined at the same time. I brace myself and slip inside the car, ready to face my fate that I've been dodging for over a week now.

***

I reach home around seven and slowly pull the car into the lot, my heart pounding rapidly against my chest. The lights inside the house are on, but the party is long dead and gone. After a minute of hesitation, I finally gather my strengths and find an exit.

It's almost dark outside, the air a bit crispy and cold. When I get inside, it's Malik's voice that regards me. He's pacing around the living room, seeming on an important call, his tablet in hand as though he's talking about the contents on its screen.

He looks at me as I approach, and I do the same with a tight smile. I slowly put his car keys on top of the coffee table, right beside the ashtray with a piece of burning cigar. He walks over and grinds until the smoke dies, and I wither under his intense scrutiny.

"Professor, wait," Malik stops me just as I'm about to move. "Hey, I'll call you in an hour," he now tells the person on the phone and hangs up. "What happened?" he asks me gently.

"I don't understand," I reply.

Malik beckons me to sit down, his big gray eyes so earnest than I've ever seen them before. Am I in trouble again? Mutely, we both get seated.

"What do you think you're doing, huh?" he finally snaps out, his voice unfriendly.

"Malik, will you just go straight to the point?" I feel too exhausted to make a guess.

"You're being so unfair with Liam, and I don't think I agree with the games you're playing, either," he deadpans. "If you love him as you say, then why are you pushing him away?" His gaze is defensive, protective of his best friend.

I guess they haven't talked recently, or else he wouldn't be this judgmental after the agreement I had with Liam over the phone. Sighing, I toy with my fingers on my lap while staring intently at them, as though I've had an expensive French manicure from the famous nail shop in Paris.

I finally raise my gaze up at Malik, curious to hear his point of view.

"What if you and Liam were to fall for the same girl?" I ask him, and his eyes falter as if I've caught him utterly off-guard.

He looks uncomfortable.

"What are you saying now?" he mutters softly, something unexpected on my part considering how lashing he was a moment ago. "Why are you asking me that?" His face looks guarded.

"Just a simple question, Malik," I return with a weak smile. "What would you do if you find yourself in that situation?" I ask again, but unfortunately our conversation gets cut off by another phone call that seems to be important, judging from the sorry look he gives me.

"I need to take this," Malik says.

"Sure. I need to shower so I'll be in my room." I get up to leave, and I'm glad he no longer stops me.

He only says, "This conversation isn't over, Professor." He moves on with his call, our eyes locked fleetingly.

"I guess so," I breathe, fully aware that he won't let it slide.

And as for me, I have a bigger pending issue to sort.

Reaching at my door, I frown to find it slightly open. I halt a bit, refreshing my memory on whether I left it closed or not. Well, it doesn't matter. I simply push it and draw myself in. After flicking the switch on, my gaze falls on Sam who's sitting motionless on the couch at the corner.

"Jesus! You scared me, Sam! Was it so hard to turn the lights on?" I nearly yell while holding my chest.

"Sorry," Sam deadpans.

"What are you doing in the dark, anyway?" I ask while closing the door behind me.

This is very creepy.

Sam gets up slowly while glaring at me, and when she's up, I stumble back at the sight of my diary in her hand.

"What the—" I freeze.




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