| 8.3 | termination

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❝I need your loving all night
I need your loving all day
Said only you can hear the words I mean to say
Give me all your love please.❞

Chapter Eight:
Termination
(cont'd)

"I'm still finding it hard to believe that you ordered only one main course."

"Shut up Tim," I laughed, hitting his chest with the back of my hand. He was walking me back to my building which was only a small distance away from the Italian place he'd taken me to for dinner. It had been nice to get away from the office but as much as I tried to not think about the events of the evening, it kept haunting me throughout dinner. Hans' apathetic gaze had been etched into my mind and I spent most of my time fake-laughing at Tim's jokes and picking at the food on my plate, something Tim was observant enough to notice.

We neared my building and I stopped at the foot of the steps leading to the entrance, turning sideways with the same fixed smile I had been giving him the whole time.

"Well, this is me."

We stood there, with I a little more on the nervous end at the way Tim was scrutinizing me. His eyes were glued to me, the way they had been the whole night but the way he looked down at me now was a little similar to the way a child would stare at a puzzle, trying to put the pieces together. Tim was a little too intuitive for my good which is why I couldn't stand there and let him decipher me for much longer.

"Dinner was wonderful, we'll do it again sometime," I said, gentle and slow so not to show him that I actually wanted to escape this. "Goodnight Tim."

I turned on my heel and took the first step up when a hand wrapped around my wrist, feather light but enough to stop me.

"Wait."

Hesitant, I bit down on my lip and faced Tim. We were the same height now, with my increased elevation on the first step giving me the advantage of finally matching him. Tim was close enough for me to make out the struggle in his open, leafy-green eyes. He was close enough for me to see that this wasn't easy for him, that whatever it was he was battling around me was crushing him. Yet, the safe distance between us prevented him from acting on it. It was always there, whether literally in the foot's worth of space I managed to maintain between us, or the emotional distance I created to keep him from my heart. I never dared to cross it but Tim's choices were his own. Till now, he followed my lead but the battle that raged inside him was breaking apart whatever resistance he'd put forth.

His fingers skirted over the pulse of my veins, pressing there lightly as if to check that I was real. Tim's green orbs flew up from their sight aimed on our touching hands to my own cocoa eyes. His breath audibly caught in his throat, making me raise a brow at him that caused him to turn a shade of pink.

"Tim?"

It was like encouraging a baby turtle to come out of its' shell. Tim was acting shy, to say the least. His cheeks continued to flare up as he spoke, his voice silvery.

"I've been wanting to ask you something."

I could see where this was heading. I wasn't ready for it. "Y-yeah?"

Tim nodded, staring meaningfully at me. "I know that you have a complicated private life..."

Complicated doesn't even begin to cover it.

"But I think there's something here." He squeezed my hand gently, almost as if I would break if he exerted too much pressure. "I know there's something here. And I know you feel it too. You're just scared to experience it and-"

"Tim, I can't." I held up the hand he was holding, wrenching it free and stopped him. "We've had this discussion before and you know how it's going to go."

"Things have changed since then."

Had he noticed too? The look on his face was answer enough as he jutted his chin out, a little more confident.

"I might not be right about whether or not things between you and Hans have ended but I can tell you there is one thing I'm right about and it's this." He stepped up, onto the little space left on the step and forcing us together. Tim broke the bubble. He looped an arm around my waist gently and held me close, till we were chest to chest.

"I'm right about this," he repeated, words thick with desire; the more gentle, loving kind.

"Tim," I whispered, touching his chest with every intention of rejecting him. He didn't let me. Tim saw it coming. He saw it coming, and for the first time, he stopped me from pushing him away. His hand covered mine on his chest and pressed it there, against the beat of his heart as he bent down and sealed his mouth over mine.

The kiss was different. Tim kissed me with a delicacy coupled with the innocence of first love. He kissed me like he was scared I'd dissipate into thin air, holding me to him as his hand curled around the back of my neck, angling my head ever so slightly in a direction to deepen his affections. He tasted light; like the crumbling touch of chocolate in your mouth leaving the after effect of a lingering desire for more. It was nothing like the roughness and pure masculinity that Hans emanated. Nothing like it and yet definitely...agreeable.

When Tim parted from me, I was left gasping for air. He smiled down at me, not with the smug, satisfied smirk but with the kind of smile that only held promises of greater tenderness and love. How could a kiss as airy as the one he'd given me have me catching my breath? I didn't want to think about it...hell, I couldn't think about it even if I wanted to.

"So," Tim spoke, his voice incredibly hoarse. His thumb stroked the line of my jaw, stopping at my cheek as he playfully asked, "you were going to reject me?"

I blinked away the stars in my vision and cracked a smile, trying not to make it obvious how much of an effect his kiss had had. "I still am going to reject you."

"Hmm," he hummed, the sound vibrating through my chest where he held me. "Well at least now, I've given you something to think about."

With that, Tim stepped back and fell back to the side walk with a dorky grin on his lips. I let out my breath and watched him, somewhat in fascination as he spoke with a strength in his voice he'd never had before.

"I know you need time Tris. I understand that, and I'll give you your space again but," his grin widened, "I honestly don't think you'll be wanting me to after that kiss."

Were all men so cocky once they got what they wanted?

Wordless, I sputtered about for something to say before flipping him off and whirling around in a huff to march up my steps. I could still hear Tim's deep, bellows of laughter echoing behind me, even when I was far enough away to be safe from his advances in my building's elevator. My hand unconsciously sauntered up to my lips that continued to buzz with the after effects of Tim's touch. I knew that I harbored feelings for Tim to a certain extent but I refused to acknowledge them, simply because they would make things more complicated. I hated complications, but after this kiss, there was no going back to pretending he was only 'just a friend' to me.

Letting out a long, drawn out sigh, I took a step out of the elevator when it arrived at my floor. My head was down as I walked down the hall slowly, searching through my cluttered hand bag for the keys. When I finally found them beneath a half eaten chocolate bar, I looked up to check for my door and my spirits plummeted at once. Because there, leaning sideways on the wall, watching me like a hawk, was none other than Hans. I stopped walking at once, my heels pressing into the ground as I stared at him with big eyes.

What was he doing here? He hadn't texted or emailed me telling me he was coming, like he normally would. In fact, given the way he'd walked over me (literally) at the office, I had resorted to thinking that Hans wouldn't be contacting me for a long time and yet, there he stood. But the look in his eyes told me that this was far from a friendly visit. Had he perhaps caught me kissing Tim? That couldn't be why he was here, right?

Taking in a shaky breath, I continued forward, holding my gaze until we were but a few inches from each other and there was nothing left to do but break the ice.

"What was up with you today?"

Okay, not the best way to go about it but it was a start. The hurt reflected in my question was something Hans definitely picked up on because in just one, fleeting second, his steely resolve faded to somewhat of regret. A blink, and it was gone, replaced by the distant and guarded expression from before. He didn't say anything for a while, just watched me glare at him with equal parts anger and sadness. After a good minute of pure silence, Hans straightened his posture and dropped his hand to his side, moving away from me.

"I'm not here to entertain you tonight, Ms. Henderson."

I flinched at the tone. It was too official...too impersonal. The way he looked down at me, almost with disgust, as if the very thought of me inviting him in would be the worst thing on the planet.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm here to tell you that this," he thrust his arm between us back and forth before dropping it back, every bit as hostile as ever, "is over. We're done."

"What?"

I hadn't heard him right. Surely, Hans was joking. But the look on his face, of spitefulness told me he was far from it. He started to walk away, past me, and down the hall. I stared after him, unable to accept what he'd just said before it hit me that he wasn't just walking out of my building. Hans was walking out of my life. The frightening thought prompted me to call out to him loudly, but he chose to ignore me.
"Hans! What the hell?" I muttered under my breath, and ran after him before he reached the elevator. Just as he was about to press the button, I got in the way, preventing him from even trying to leave.

"Move, Henderson."

"Explain, and I will," I panted. I was out of breath for someone who had just raced down the hall but it wasn't that which got my heart pounding in my chest. It was the way Hans looked down at me, as if I was unwanted. He had never looked at me like that before.

"Get out of my fucking way," Hans grunted and shoved me aside. Hard. It didn't help that my feet were still sore from my collapse earlier today as I went tumbling against the wall, hitting it with a loud bang that made me sore. I saw through the pain, and up at the man who had just pushed me away like I was nothing.

"What's going on?" I squeaked, desperate for an answer. I would have thrown myself at him shamelessly, forcing him to tell me why the fuck he was doing this but I was scared of rejection, scared of getting any closer to seeing the hatred in his eyes. "Why are you breaking this?"

Why are you breaking us?

Hans didn't say a word as he practically punched the elevator button. It opened with a loud swoosh and he stepped in. My eyes trailed after him helplessly. Then, finally, Hans spoke. His voice cut through me like a dagger.

"It would do you best to stay away from me. And that's an order."

The elevator door shut and I was left, standing there staring blankly at the golden colored metal, numbing inside. I didn't know what was going on, and I certainly didn't know why he was pushing me away. None of my questions had been answered but one. Hans hadn't contacted me since the day after our trip to Cincinatti, since the night I had told him everything. He didn't want to deal with the mess that I was, with the leftovers of the woman that Jacob had left behind.

Hans didn't want me.

_____

Ouch. 
A show of hands of all those who hate Hans' guts right now? :P 

Song: Curtain Call by Aiden Grimshaw
(his vocals are maaad)

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