NOT THE MONSTER

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"Ava," Isla's soft voice flits into the vision, "breathe Ava, just breathe, you need to remain calm, remember what you're seeing is in the past. Try to see, focus on the truth, not the pain, see the truth."

Struggling to focus, I remove my hand from his head and sob, the loss, the pain. The grief is crippling. Seeing Aisling slaughtered by that deranged woman has ripped a part of my soul. Griffin, my poor Griffin.

"Keep going, Ava," Isla pushes, "you need to see everything..."

I swallow deeply, my eyes closing as tears leak from beneath my lids. I move my hand back on his temple, his skin warm, and inhale through my nose, opening my mind again, and I brace for what's to come. Images flood me again, and I'm horrified. If Viktor was evil while Aisling was alive, what I see now shows his true malevolence. His behavior before her loss was mild in comparison to the psychopath he became.

Feeling my stomach churn, my dinner threatening to reappear, I remind myself that this is all in the past. Still, the abuse Viktor subjects the other women to is just too much to handle. Griffin, my poor Griffin, is made to participate repeatedly; his wolf, no, this version of Griffin's wolf, is not My Wolf. The thing I see is a beast, a mindless creature, forced to take over and... Oh, God...

I watch, horrified, when Griffin loses his virginity against his will. Drugged to feel but not to control. The act shattered what was left of his innocence. Watching what happened is gut-wrenching. No one should have to go through that. Being in his head, experiencing his emotions and the inner turmoil as he battles with the feeling of shame and disgust, only to be replaced with lust and pleasure, makes me want to vomit.

I also watch as they force Griffin, while drugged with some kind of stimulants, to fuck. This causes him to go into a rut and take the woman in beast form. I close my eyes when I see his knot grow inside women not designed to take him. Feeling his emotions, I know this act seems to shatter a part of him. Watching through his eyes, he sees the women beneath him split, their vaginas mutilated as he swells within them. This severs a part of his humanity; as Griffin comes to climax multiple times, the feeling he experiences is euphoric, but the aftermath is horrific.

The scenes keep shifting, my head spinning as I see sex, blood, torture, repeat, over and over again. On most occasions, Viktor joins Griffin, including just him and the poor broken women he is forced to couple with.

His beast is becoming more and more deranged, and Griffin's ability to control his animal side becoming harder to maintain. I hear the beast and Viktor's voice in his head.

The voices? Viktor's voice tells him to hurt his wives, and the beast's voice tells him to kill them and feast on their flesh because they have been 'BAD' and 'BAD girls get punished.'

"Keep going." Isla reiterates when I try to pull my hand away again, placing her small one on mine, holding it firm, unwilling to watch more but unable to let go. "You must see everything."

Scene shifting again. This time it focuses on one of the women Griffin knotted on more than one occasion. She's a short redhead with wild green eyes, her stomach swollen as Viktor proudly declares to his men that Griffin will soon be a father... Oh my God, it's too much. I sob, tears flowing, but Isla won't release me and let me stop.

Shifting again, I see the same woman die from excessive blood loss as she miscarries; her body was never designed to carry a wolf child.

Seeing her lifeless green eyes close, her lips blue, and then experiencing the grief Griffin feels, knowing he's the cause of it, causes me to stumble.

I squeeze my eyes tighter and force myself to continue. I witness similar events occur with multitudes of other women, Griffin's emotions changing each time as he becomes numb to the cruel actions Viktor subjects him to, turning more beast than man. The only time he seems to feel anything remotely human is when I see him with his sisters.

Ciara is older now, maybe 12; her olive skin is smooth, her almond eyes are large with long lashes, and her hair is a long raven black. She's stunning, caring, and loving, but after Aisling died, she became a fierce protector of her siblings, taking on the mother role.

Isla, on the other hand, is a quiet child, always watching, always listening. I see Viktor take her away on multiple occasions, to where and for what I can't see, but I know that it's not for anything good from feeling Griffin's emotions. Each time Viktor returns her, she becomes quieter and more withdrawn. A tiny doll with no voice.

The scene shifts again. This time Griffin is maybe 19, a man. Ciara is maybe 13, and Isla is 7.

"Don't let them take me, brother!" Ciara cries, her face buried in my chest, arm wrapped tight.

"Let her go мой волк," I know that means my wolf in Russian, but it still makes my skin crawl. "It's her time to join her new family," Viktor sneers, his face red, a vein pulsing at his forehead, clearly angry at my obstinance as he tries to drag Ciara away, her eyes red and puffy, tears streaming down her wet cheeks.

"Why отец? Why does she need to leave?" I plead, not wanting to lose my only friend, my sister.

"Stupid boy, have I not taught you anything? Your sister's been purchased to be trained. She will bond with a powerful man who has paid very well for the privilege to fuck his seed into her tight cunt." Viktor glowers, attempting and failing to pull Ciara from my arms.

"No отец," she begs, looking to her father, pain and fear lacing her large eyes, "please let me stay, I'll be good, I promise."

Kneeling so that he is at eye level with his daughter, Viktor runs a calloused hand over her face, the gesture looks almost paternal, but I know it means something different. "And what would you do for me?" He smirks, the words causing my wolf to growl within my head.

"Mой маленький огонь," he continues, his voice lowering, fingers gently tracing patterns on her skin, "would you spread your legs like my other wives and let your brother fill you with his children?"

I cringe and know without hesitation that he's serious. Viktor has told me that all his children have a purpose. Mine and Ciara are to breed, and Isla, I don't know what her purpose is yet, but I know it's not good.

"Son, let her go. The handlers will take good care of Ciara until her family is ready to collect her." Then sighing, he reaches out to me, his arm squeezing my shoulder, his expression almost tender. "I promise you, my boy, that Ciara will not be touched unless she chooses. She is free from the terms of the contract until she is 25. It's in the contract, which can't be broken. Her new family will raise her like their own, train her to be what she's supposed to be, and once she leaves this room, she won't remember her life from before."

Viktor, no matter how bad he is, has never lied. Knowing that a future away from this hell is better than a future staying here, I nod, kiss her head, and release my arms from her, stepping back. My sister, who cries and begs for me to save her, destroys the last traces of humanity I have left. I'm broken and numb. My only friend is gone, and I have nothing, no one.

Seeing Ciara be taken away, kicking and screaming, betrayal in her eyes, I crumble, my legs giving way, and I cry, sobbing for the first time since Ma died. I'm empty, a shell. Lying down on the floor, curling in on myself, I stay there long after Viktor exits. I don't want to go on. I close my eyes and shut out the world.

Hours later, I feel little hands on my face. Ciara! Opening my eyes, I stare into Isla's blank ones, her hair in ringlets, clothed in one of her many princess dresses, this one white and cream. Viktor's perfect little doll.

"Brother," she murmurs before lying down next to me, "Sister has gone. I will be sister now." Wrapping her tiny arms around me, she curls her petite frame into mine and falls asleep.

Ciara, what happened to her? I sob as Isla wipes my tears away, "Keep looking."

Over the following several memories, I see the boy inside die, and the beast takes over, with red eyes and blood lust as he kills over and over again. Griffin has become Viktor's perfect weapon, a killing machine driven by the need to destroy.

Stopping again on another memory, this one, in a moment of clarity, when Griffin has control over his beast, makes my heart stop when I know that he has decided to end it all.

Pain, excruciating pain, ripples through me as Viktor beats me. Blood, so much blood, all my own, soaking my shirt as he punches and kicks me, electricity pulsing from his fingers, burning my skin. Punishment for refusing to fuck his wives today. Since Ma, he has been unsuccessful in breeding any of them, and I've concluded that ordinary women can't carry a wolf child, my child, I've lost too many to count. I can't go through that again. But it doesn't stop him from trying.

I have seen too much death in my life; I feel I'm no longer human. I'm a beast.

Isla is the only thing that has kept me from ending it all, her big eyes, her delicate features, her silence. She's intelligent and brilliant. She reads several languages and can pull apart gadgets, putting them back together as if they're brand new.

But I'm tired, so tired of hurting and being a part of this existence.

Lying on the ground, Viktor yelling at me, his eyes crazed and spittle flying, I tune him out, trying to control my beast that's begging to be released.

"Oтец, play?" Isla asks, her voice sweet as honey, so much like Mother's, the wordplay sending chills down my spine.

Kicking me, hearing bone break, he turns to my sister, a look of such unadulterated lust forming everything goes dark.

********************************************

Waking, the first thing I smell is blood, so much blood and not just my own. Opening my eyes, I jolt. Isla is sitting next to me, a serene look on her face. Her pristine white dress is now red, her hair is red, and her face is also red. The only thing white is the sclera of her eyes. Sitting up, I, too, am covered from head to toe, looking around in a panic. I can't see who it came from, but I can smell him. Viktor.

"Mонстр," Isla speaks, rocking back and forth, her eyes vacant, "монстр, монстр, монстр."

Monster, she says repeatedly. What did I do? I can't remember...FUCK, the beast won...

Scene shifting, I watch them leave the underground compound, which is surprisingly quiet, with no life in sight, but there's blood everywhere. The guilt Griffin feels is overwhelming. The beast must have destroyed more than just Viktor. Bodies, or the remains of bodies, are piled everywhere as they walk away, leaving two broken people.

I continue to watch as Griffin and Isla are discovered by an elderly couple, neither of them speaking and only handing over a crumpled letter containing the details of the Ranch. I then see them being collected by a younger version of Patrick, who must have paid off the couple before taking them to the Ranch and given to their grandmother for care.

Both of them are free of the physical hell of their captivity but now live the emotional hell of their past, tormented and considered outsiders to their own clan. Sneered at by some of their supposed family and rejected at every turn. Frustrated with the clan's behavior, their grandmother, Alma, takes them away to be raised in a small cabin, still on pack land but away from the cruel and hateful glares.

I watch as Griffin and Isla grow, but they do not flourish. They heal externally but break further inside. Unloved by the world except for Alma and rejected by all. My heart, unable to bear any more pain, begs me to let go, but Isla holds me firm, "Keep seeing."

********************************************

"Freak, no one wants you here." Some clan males yell at me as I hide in the shadows and watch the annual sˠəuɪnʲ festival. I know I shouldn't be here, but it's my right, I'm their future Alpha by birth, and they have to include me. Creeping in the shadows, I feel like an outcast. The others won't talk to me and only tolerate me because of my father. There are a few that are good, like the new Alpha and his wife, but I'm still alone.

Turning away, I refuse to break and head to the large Ash Tree, the crann fuinseoige. My Da would take me when I was little, a special place, riding high on his shoulders.

Entering the small clearing, I take in the fresh smell of pine and ash, and I'm home. Closing my eyes and sitting on the ground in front of the massive tree, I take in the scents around me, and I'm met by the most mouth-watering smell I have ever experienced. Vanilla, honey, and pure femininity. Afraid of turning and losing the scent, I stay completely still.

"Hello," an angelic voice comes from behind me, and I can't resist turning around. The vision before me is perfect, pure, and a gift from heaven (if I still believed in heaven) sent to bring light into my dark soul. Just seeing her makes the voices quiet.

"Why are you alone?" she asks, walking closer to me, then tilts her head, her long hair falling over her shoulder. "Why are you sad?" Her massive brown eyes are looking at me, a smile on her young face. She seems to be 13, maybe, wearing a pink and white dress, but I know at that moment that she's the one, she's my Maité Fíor like Ma was to Da, and she is the most precious thing in the world.

"I'm not sad anymore, not now that you're here." My wolf purrs in agreement as she smiles wider, her dark blond hair in ringlets swaying around her cherub-like face as she giggles.

Moving closer, she holds out her hand to me, and when our skin touches, electricity thrums between us. I know at that moment that there is no one, no one else for me, but her.

"That tickles," she laughs, her eyes filled with joy as she looks down at our hands, still entwined. "I'm Ava Louise Hughes, but my dad calls me Doe Eyes because my eyes are so big and brown," she declares, widening her eyes comically and making me laugh, "what's your name?"

Smiling at her, for what feels like the first time in forever, I reach out and touch her face, "I, Ava Louise Hughes, or should I call you Doe Eyes? I. Am. Yours."

"You're funny," she giggles again, then sits next to me, her tiny body so close, the voices silencing themselves entirely for the first time since... forever.

We sit like that, huddled together, the warmth between us electric as she tells me all about her life and her dreams. My Mate!

After what feels like only a second but is well over an hour, we hear the voice of her family calling out to her. Turning her head towards me and climbing to her knees, she leans in, her breath, the sweet smell of apple mingling with mine. I'm mesmerized by her pink lips as they move closer and gently touch mine, giving me my first real kiss.

Pulling away, she blushes, "That's my dad, I better go, but I promise I will see you again, I. Am. Yours."

******************************

Choking back more tears, I try to break our connection, but the memories keep coming.

**Flash**

Doe, Doe, please, baby, wake up. My wolf cries as I lick her still body, now that of a woman but still young, her heartbeat slowing, her life slipping away.

Don't leave me, my light. I need you... I see her skin turn white, her lips turning blue, just like Ma's.

Can't be without you, must save you. Crawling closer and driven by instinct, my muzzle opens, and I bite, my life force becoming hers.

**Flash**

"Brother, what's wrong?" Isla's panicked eyes look up at me as I try to pick myself up from the ground, the pain excruciating.

Doe...

Mind racing, I see her, feel her as another takes her, as another man moves inside her, my heart breaks.

**Flash**

Headlights, tires skidding. Pain.

Warm hands, big eyes, My light, Doe.

"Oh my God, fuck, are you okay?" Her voice, an angel speaking, I must be dead.


**Flash**

Holding her close, needing her, can't, can't force her, will leave and come back, give her gifts, so she knows we care. Make her remember us.

**Flash**

She's with Liam on the Spur, kissing. My heart stops. Hurts so much, Doe. Remember me. Please, I can't live without you.

**Flash**

He's hurting her, taking what's not his. Must stop, must protect her. "Leave now, DO NOT LOOK back!"

Russell will never hurt you or anyone again.


**Flash**

She's in pain and in heat, I need to help her before it gets worse and she breaks like Isla.

I'm inside her; we're one, and her heat is intense. I LOVE HER!

**Flash**

She's running, leaving us, can't lose her, can't stop, car tires skidding, an explosion. I LOVE HER!

**Flash**

She's hurting herself. She's not breathing, too many pills. I need to save her, glass shattering. I LOVE HER!

**Flash**

She looks at me with hate. She thinks I'm evil. I have only ever tried to love her. Stay with me, Doe. Don't leave me. I LOVE YOU!

**Flash**

Gone, she's left me... I can't do this anymore. I'll do what's needed to break the bond. I just need to talk to her, tell her I LOVE HER!

I'm sobbing so loud that I can no longer control myself as I drop to the floor beside Griffin, warm arms wrapping around me as I collapse, rocking me back and forth. "See Ava, see?" I look at Isla's steel eyes, so similar to her brother's, but the color I realize is her fathers, no longer vacant like before, but raging like a storm ready to break. "Now you see, now you know. He is NOT the monster."

*******************************************************

Translation:

мой волк My wolf
Отец Father
мой маленький огонь My little fire
монстр Monster

I don't know about you, but that should answer some of your questions (I know, not all)... The sad reality to some monsters is that they aren't monsters at all, just misunderstood, broken people.

More to come...

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