HYPNOTHERAPY

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The sun's rays, streaming through my window, tickle my face with its gentle heat as I roll over, the sheets crinkling beneath my weight. Stretching, my hand grazes the other side of the bed, which is cooling but still holds a lingering sense of warmth. Liam!

Shit, shit, shit, Liam!

Sitting up, the room tilting as my eyes adjust, I jump out of bed and quickly throw on a robe. Tying the sash in a knot, I head towards the lower level, searching for Liam. Taking the stairs two at a time, I notice that the house is clean. The remaining food is gone, and a note is resting on the dining table.

I snatch up the piece of paper, my eyes devouring every word, a smile forming as I read.

Love,

You looked so beautiful as you slept; I didn't have the heart to wake you. It pains me to say goodbye via a note, but I had to leave and return home. Family emergency.

Thank you for sharing your evening with me. I feel honored that I could be there for you.

I'll call you. Make sure you answer your phone!!!

Yours

Liam.

Dropping the note back on the table, I pick up my phone and send him a quick text.

Thank you for everything. Hope everything is okay. I look forward to hearing from you. A 8:12 AM

Lower stomach cramping, I look down to my swollen belly. By now, my period is in full swing, and I feel a heaviness in my underwear. Rushing back upstairs to the bathroom, I turn on the shower and jump under the warm spray, hearing my phone ping with a message. After I'm thoroughly clean and wrapped in a fluffy towel, I grab it and read:

The pleasure was mine, love. Again, I'm sorry for leaving. I'll call you tomorrow. I'll be in and out of reception for the next 24 hours, but if you need me, give me a call, and I'll try to respond. L 8:14 AM

Smiling at his thoughtfulness, feeling a little giddy, I get dressed and head downstairs for a day of couch surfing and chocolate. Period.

*****************************************

Over the next several days, I meet with Erin, chat with Liam, have my follow-up appointment with Angela, and continue to dream of My Wolf.

My period has been a nightmare, heavy, painful, but thankfully has stopped. Unfortunately, my back aches have intensified. I'm dry, cramping, my throat is swollen, and the only way I can sleep at night is with a bottle of wine and a handful of painkillers. Not ideal!

Liam and I have agreed to catch up next week. He has another business trip in the area, and even though he offered to visit earlier, with the way I feel, the man flu back, the last thing I want to do is have him see me like this. My period was mortifying enough.

Checking my watch and seeing that it's nearly time, I continue to thumb through my social media as I sit in the cream and mahogany waiting room of Angela's office. Bouncing my legs in an attempt to shake off some of the nervous energy, I wait for my appointment with dread. It's HYPNO time.

Typing a quick text to Erin, I let her know to come by in an hour to pick me up. Erin, taking on the mothering role, dropped me off earlier and has insisted on being my EBUR (Erin + UBER) once my session has ended. She knows me well enough to know that I won't be in the right frame of mind to drive.

As soon as I hit the send button, I'm greeted by Angela, dressed in brown slacks and a white blouse, her red glasses sitting on a chain around her neck. "Come in, Ava." She speaks, opening her door and waving me through.

Standing up, back throbbing, I shuffle my way inside and take my standard position on the leather chaise, lying down to ease some of the pressure.

Positioning herself in the grey high back armchair opposite, she sets a notepad and a recording device on the little oak table next to her side. She clears her throat, "Ava, before we begin today, I need to remind you that we can stop at any time if you feel too uncomfortable to continue." Pausing, she smiles gently down at me before she continues. "Also, given our last session and your trouble sleeping, I need to know if you feel up to today's session, and before you reply, it's okay if you aren't. Remember it's all about you and your healing, and not the clock."

Sitting up, I take a sip of the water that's always waiting for me during my session. I swallow the cool liquid, my throat burning. "No, I'm good." I rasp, taking another large gulp then lying back down, my eyes on Angela.

"Okay, then, so lastly, Ava, I need you to consent to my recording of today's session. A copy will be made available to you at the end."

"I consent."

"Excellent," turning on her phone recorder, Angela introduced herself, stating the date and time and myself as the patient. "Now, Ava, before we commence, I want you to choose a safe word. Something that isn't a common word for you, that way, if you say it, I'll know when you've had enough and can bring you back to the present."

Thinking to myself, I choose the word, Unicorn. It's random enough that I don't think I'll come across it in my memories.

"Good, so Ava, when you feel that you can't continue, you just need to say Unicorn, and I'll end the session." She pauses again until I nod in consent. "Good, okay, Ava, I want you to close your eyes and count backward from ten, taking a deep breath and exhaling, in between each number."

Closing my eyes, I begin to count, "Ten," breathe in, breathe out, "nine," breathe in, breathe out, "eight," breath in, breathe out, "seven," breath in, breathe out, "six, five, four, three, two, one" breath in, breathe out.....

"Okay, Ava, now that you're relaxed, mind clear, I want you to imagine that you're in your parent's car. Can you see it?" I nod, "Good, they're driving; you're in the back seat," she says a few more words, snaps her fingers, and then I'm in the car. I'm 18 again, and the memory comes to life.

"Jamie, you need to slow down, I know you're upset, but driving like this will only scare her." My mother's voice cuts in over the sound of music coming through my iPod.

Turning the music down, I listen to my father's low voice, deep and rough. His tone, though, is different, there's anger there and something else, fear maybe? "They lied to us, Lia. If I had known that she was to be claimed by him, then I would never have returned."

Lia. My father's pet name for my mother Ameilia; she sighs, her long curly hair blowing in the wind of our silver Jeep.

I watch as she reaches for my dad's hand, "I know, but it's tradition, Jamie, we can't escape what we are," her honeyed voice lowering to a whisper, "what she is."

Shaking my mom's hand away and banging his fist into the steering wheel, he growls, "I won't let them have her, I don't care what tradition says, I won't let that beast have our little girl."

What? Beast?

Before I can ask what they're talking about, I hear my mother cry, "Jamie, look out!" Facing forward, I see it. A massive pine tree has fallen over the road, blocking it entirely, with no room for us to get around it without going over the cliff face.

I hear the car wheels squeal as my dad attempts to avoid the collision, but with the combined speed and the moisture on the road, we lose traction, tires' squealing, and rubber burning as the car spins out of control, then impact.

It happens so quickly, my mother screaming my name, my dad reaching for me as we become airborne, the car flipping, and then I'm flying through the glass, no seatbelt, then darkness.

I'm cold, so, so cold, lying here in the cold. How did I get here? My mind is struggling to make out where I am. I can't move my legs; I can't feel them anymore.

I'm so tired, so, so tired. It hurts to breathe, even if the pain in my body is fading. Maybe if I just stop, just stop fighting, just close my eyes and let go, the pain will go away.

I hear a whine, wetness on my face. Go away, let me sleep.

Behind my eyelids, I see the light. The light is warm. It's calling to me, "Let go."

The whining is getting louder. There's nudging on my shoulder. Go away. The light, it's so pretty, I think, I think I can see Mom, she's walking towards it.

Whining, why can't you be quiet? Let me sleep. I'll just open my eyes for a second, make the noise stop, then I can see the light.

Cracking my heavy lids open a fraction. I see yellow eyes, large sorrowful yellow eyes. A pink tongue lolling from a furry black muzzle. Beautiful, so, so beautiful.

I close my eyes again. The light is shining brighter. The pain is almost gone.

I begin to move; I can walk now; I can see my parents. They're waiting for me; I'm coming.

Pain, sharp, fresh agonizing pain, fills me, at my neck, I can't escape it, I can't, where did the light go? Opening my eyes, I see a muzzle. I can feel teeth, the wolf, the wolf bit me!

*****************************************

"Ava, when I count to 3, you'll be back in my office, 1, 2, 3!" Screaming, where is the screaming coming from?

"Ava, Ava, can you hear me? Ava, you're okay, you're safe," Angela's gentle yet stern voice breaks through, and I realize that the screaming is coming from me.

Warm hands on my shoulder, I open my eyes to see Angela's concerned face peering back at me. Breathe, just breathe, just. Wolf, bite! I sit up, the blood rushing to my head, causing the room to spin, "Oh my God, My Wolf, Angela, I remember!"

"Ava, you need to calm down, you have had a massive breakthrough, but you need to take a moment to process this. Just breathe for me, in and out, in and out."

Following her instructions, I inhale and exhale, my heart rate starting to slow, returning to normal, my head clearing. My Wolf!

"Good, Ava, you did well. How do you feel?"

How do I feel?

"Well, we now know how I got my scars," I joke, trying to lighten the mood, standing up and stretching, knowing that my time is nearly up.

"Yes, it seems we finally have an answer to that question. However, I still think there's more that we haven't explored. Would you consider doing another session?" Angela queries as I start to pace, "We don't have to schedule it straight away, I think we have more than enough to discuss and unpack based on this session, but it's something to think about."

Sighing, I nod, moving back to the chaise and grab my bag. I'm becoming impatient and just want to leave. Checking my watch, I tap my foot and wait for her to continue, knowing that Erin will be outside waiting for me.

"Excellent, we can discuss it more on Thursday in your next session," Angela smiles as I grab my things.

"Can do, thanks, Ange," I reply, heading towards the door with my back to her.

"You did really well today, Ava," her voice comes from behind, "I know it's difficult, but with this type of breakthrough, I feel we can get somewhere and figure out why the wolf has become so significant to you."

My Wolf bit me!

Nodding again, I open the door and head to Stephanie to fix my bill. 


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